A/N: This story is based off a prompt I received a while back on tumblr from flowerfan2, who requested a camping story with some hijanks, maybe a canoe overturning. Well, that's how it started. xD The chapters are going to be relatively short, and there will be a timestamp on the top of each to give an impression of when everything happens and how long it takes (inspired by the show 24). Warning for angst, anxiety, suspense, horror, supernatural elements, illness, hallucinations, action/adventure, and sexual content.
3:00 p.m. – 3:59 p.m.
Kurt cards shivering hands through his soaking wet mop of hair, shaking out as much of the ice cold river water as he can to keep random drops from pouring down his face, carrying product into his already burning eyes. He squeegees excess water down his cheeks and off his neck, but it doesn't seem to make him any drier, especially with swells repeatedly rising up to splash him in the face. He blows an exasperated breath through quivering, nearly blue lips - a loud and obnoxious exclamation of his seething anger.
"I c-can't believe you t-tipped the f-f-fucking canoe!" he sputters when his groans and harrumphs get no response. Sebastian raises the overturned canoe higher above his head, shouldering the burden that Kurt has made quite clear he has no intention of helping with. Sebastian plants his feet into the shifting sediment of the river bed, step after step, to keep from being swept up by the current.
"Well, princess," Sebastian growls as water slaps him on the neck below his chin, "if you had been a bigger help rowing than just sitting on your ass and bitching, I wouldn't have hit the rock and the canoe wouldn't have flipped over."
"You don't even care that I'm soaked to the bone," Kurt grumps on, ignoring Sebastian's grunts of protest as the current picks up out of nowhere and gets stronger. "This water is probably teeming with all sorts of bacteria and parasites." A wave smacks Kurt on the cheek, filling his mouth with water, and he spits it out frantically, scraping the flat of his tongue over the ridge of his top front teeth and spitting again for good measure.
"There are no parasites in this river," Sebastian tosses back, rolling his eyes. "And bacteria exists everywhere, sweetheart. They live in your eyelashes. You can't escape that."
"I have twenty-two bottles of Purell in my suitcase," Kurt mumbles. "Watch me."
"You're going to have to bathe in it then," Sebastian says, chuckling for the first time since they've been tossed into the river because he can finally see the shore, coming closer, becoming clearer through the film of water blurring his vision. Not just the shore, though – the shore where they constructed their campsite. Relief at the sight of their tent, their food secured in a bear bag hung up in a tree, and their portable picnic table adds power to his steps, endurance to his shaking limbs.
Sebastian feels like they've been fighting the river for hours, his legs gelatinous with his attempt at bracing himself against the surge, and his arms and shoulders screaming in spasms of white heat with the weight of the canoe he's holding aloft above his head. They actually tipped over much farther up river, but for every foot perpendicular they've traveled, they've gone a foot parallel. He was afraid they'd have to walk for miles to make it back to their site, considering his stubborn boyfriend refused to get back into the Goddamned canoe. Seeing their campsite, Sebastian feels lightheaded, and finally at liberty to poke fun at his boyfriend now that he knows they're not going to die in a watery grave. This is definitely a good sign – the kind of sign that points all arrows toward every other decision he has to make. Yup, everything after this is going to be cake. He can't wait to get to their campsite, get dry, and continue with the plan he had when he first coerced Kurt into getting in the canoe.
A plan he's been waiting weeks to see to fruition.
The plan that was rudely interrupted by hitting the rapids unexpectedly.
Sebastian had been sure he'd kept them far enough down river to avoid them. He can only guess that his navigation skills have gotten a little rusty over the years. The last time he'd officially gone camping out in the woods was over ten years ago, and that was with his father.
"My vintage Marc Jacobs shirt is ruined, Seb. Absolutely ruined," Kurt mutters, sounding like a spoiled toddler. Sebastian imagines that Kurt has been complaining for a while, but he's been too caught up in his own thoughts to pay any attention.
"Serves you right. Who wears designer clothes on a camping trip anyway?" Sebastian grinds the unsympathetic words from between clattering teeth, clenched together painfully hard due to the cold racking his aching muscles, pulling them taut. He makes his way onto the shore and flips the canoe right side up, walking it backward up the sandy embankment and sliding it to the safety of a grassy patch. Kurt trudges out of the river behind him, running his hands down his torso in a rapidly failing attempt to wring the water from his wrecked shirt without taking it off and exposing his wet skin to the chill in the air.
"Okay," Kurt says, not willing to concede the point, "but who goes camping when there's a perfectly good five-star hotel and outlet shopping not ten miles from here?" Kurt gives up on his shirt with a pathetic sigh and crosses his arms over his chest, trying to trap what's left of his escaping heat. "I mean, you've known me for how many years, Sebastian? What about me screams outdoor explorer?"
"Forgive me if I thought camping out alone together in the gorgeous outdoors would be romantic," Sebastian argues, rummaging through his pack for a towel.
"A candlelit bubble bath is romantic," Kurt counters, hugging himself tight, unable to move in his frozen state. "A king-sized bed covered in satin sheets and sprinkled with rose petals is romantic. Strawberries and champagne are romantic. Spooky ass woods are not romantic."
Sebastian scoffs, pulling out his towel and rubbing his hair with it while Kurt looks on, scowling that Sebastian didn't offer him one when he knows very well there are two in Sebastian's pack.
"I've been coming up here since I was a kid. Families camp up here all the time. These woods aren't spooky."
"Oh yeah? Even the ranger thought you were insane for dragging me up here."
"The ranger didn't think I was insane for taking you camping up here, sweetheart," Sebastian laughs with a heavy layer of condescension. "He was warning us about mountain lions, bobcats, and bears, the same way they do with every camper that comes up here."
"I didn't hear a word about mountain lions or bobcats or bears," Kurt grouses, gazing down at the soaked socks peeking out of his shoes and whimpering. "He said, and I quote, 'people have been seeing a lot of strange things in these woods recently. I'd be careful if I were you.'"
A strong wind blows off the river, traveling through the underbrush and swirling up to the branches of the trees. It rustles the leaves above their heads, sending down a shower of the changing yellow and red ones. Kurt stops talking and freezes, eyes darting around, searching for the source of the disturbance while Sebastian watches, shaking his head.
"He was just teasing you, babe," Sebastian assures him. "Trying to scare you. You're pretty damn green around the gills. He knew it would be easy."
"All the more reason for me not to be here." Kurt leans against a tree, staring solemnly at the shoes he'll need to replace.
"Babe," Sebastian whines, tossing his towel over his shoulder and stalking up to Kurt, "it's my birthday. You said we could do whatever I wanted on my birthday."
Sebastian puts a hand on each side of Kurt, caging him against the tree. Kurt shoves the smile threatening to spread on his face as far away as he can, not wanting Sebastian to know how easily he affects him…even though he already knows. That's why he pulls stupid stunts like these. He knows he can get away with them.
"That's because I thought you were going to, you know, choose adult dress-up or an all-night blow job." Kurt pulls his lower lip down in a pout, batting his eyelashes.
"Oh, babe," Sebastian coos in response to Kurt's demure gaze and his playful pout, closing in on his mouth and that pulled-down lower lip, "we can still do that."
Sebastian's mouth presses against Kurt's, but with a huff, Kurt turns his face away and Sebastian's kiss lands on his cheek.
"Yeah, right," Kurt says. "You wish. I'm not rolling around in the dirt like an animal."
"You are an animal," Sebastian says, kissing Kurt's cheek, "and we have a tent, you know."
Sebastian's kisses travel lower, trying to entice Kurt into turning back around, but Kurt tilts his head away snobbishly. Sebastian grumbles but he backs off, hoping that Kurt isn't really too pissed to fuck and that this diva act is all part of the game.
"Alright," Sebastian says, pushing away. He keeps his eyes on Kurt's face, watching Kurt's eyes widen an inch in response to his relenting. "If that's the way you feel about it." Sebastian walks back toward his pack, throwing his towel down and grabbing the hem of his t-shirt. "Never let it be said that I forced myself on you." Sebastian strips off his shirt, peeling it from his body, taking longer than necessary in the hopes that Kurt is watching. He drops the sopping shirt aside and shakes out his wet hair, the same way he does when he comes out of the shower, the way he knows Kurt thinks is super sexy.
With Sebastian's back turned to him, all Kurt can see is the chiseled muscles that line his boyfriend's spine and broad shoulders, but that's fine, since this view happens to be one of Kurt's favorites. Suddenly, Kurt's ruined shirt is the last thing on his mind as he watches water drip down Sebastian's lightly tanned skin, his muscles pulling as he moves, his jeans drenched and clinging to his well-developed legs. Sebastian stops undressing and turns, dark eyes focused on Kurt's face, cheeks flushing a deep red. Sebastian prepares to continue their fight – Kurt isn't known for rolling over easily - but Kurt fidgets beneath Sebastian's gaze, hungry eyes scanning his wet body.
Sebastian smirks, knowing this fight is over, and he's won.
"So, are you rethinking that blow job at all?"
"Maybe," Kurt admits, leaning his body into Sebastian's as Sebastian crowds him back against the tree.
"Maybe?" Sebastian whispers. Kurt nods. "Well, how can I completely change your mind?"
Kurt opens his mouth to answer but Sebastian doesn't give him the chance, locking his mouth over Kurt's and kissing him, pressing him hard into the bark behind him. Kurt runs his hands up Sebastian's back, fingertips tracing the cut of his muscles. He moans as he reaches Sebastian's shoulders, caressing those rock-hard muscles that he likes to latch on to, and pulls Sebastian closer, making their kiss deeper. His hands continue their journey as Sebastian fits his lower body against Kurt's, rutting slowly between his legs. Kurt's fingers run down Sebastian's arms, the fingertips of his left hand hitting something unexpected.
"Mmm, Seb?" Kurt mumbles into Sebastian's mouth – a mouth insistent on not being interrupted. "What is this?"
"This?" Sebastian asks with a smile, rutting against Kurt again, harder. "Oh, is this how we're playing it? You're the blushing virgin and I'm…"
"No, you egomaniac – this." Kurt brings Sebastian's right arm up until he can see his own forearm.
Sebastian squints his eyes at the jagged red mark he hadn't noticed with his skin numb from the frigid water.
"This?" Sebastian asks, pulling his arm away and getting back to his kiss. "It's just a scratch." Sebastian's lips claim Kurt's again, but Kurt wrenches away, and Sebastian drops his forehead into the tree trunk with a loud thunk. "Kurt, if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to make moves on you."
"It looks inflamed," Kurt comments with concern, ignoring Sebastian's third attempt at a kiss and bending to look at the scratch.
"Calm down darling," Sebastian says, changing tactics by putting a hand to Kurt's head, trying to push his boyfriend toward his crotch. "It's no big deal."
"You should get your EpiPen," Kurt suggests, shaking Sebastian's hand off and standing up straight. "Did you even remember to bring it with you?"
Kurt starts patting down Sebastian's pants and Sebastian jerks away quickly. Kurt raises an eyebrow in confusion, but Sebastian starts checking the pockets for him.
"Yes," he says, "I brought it with me…" He shoves his hand into his left front pocket, then his right, looking startled for a second before checking his back pockets for the second time. No EpiPen, but thankfully, something else. Something even more important. Something he had intended on breaking out before they went for their unscheduled swim. "Huh…it must have washed down the river." He shrugs. "It's alright. I'll just slap some hydrocortisone on it." The grin springs back to Sebastian's face and he returns to his stance around Kurt's body. "So, where were we? I think you were just about to give me that b.j."
"Sebastian," Kurt complains, bracing his hands against Sebastian's chest and keeping his boyfriend from kissing him again, "my Navigator is, like, five miles from here. If anything happens, if you have an allergic reaction and I have to take you to the ranger's station…"
Sebastian drops his head back on his neck, stares up at the blue sky above, and groans dramatically.
"Sweetheart, if I was having a severe allergic reaction, I wouldn't be breathing right now. But, I'm fine. It's just a scratch, and your nagging is really killing my boner."
Sebastian grabs Kurt's wrists and yanks his hands away, holding them down to his side.
"Well, excuse me if I…"
Sebastian ups his game, kissing Kurt harder, tugging at his shirt, undoing the buttons, fumbling to get his hands on Kurt's skin, inside his pants.
"Come on, Kurt," he mutters between kisses, even during kisses, biting Kurt's lower lip in the process, "we've been here five hours already and we still haven't had sex. I love you, babe. I want you so bad. I really need to…can you help me get this wet shit off?"
Kurt laughs out suddenly, nearly spitting in Sebastian's mouth.
"Jesus Christ, Seb," Kurt says, snickering too much to kiss Sebastian back. "You're like a fucking cat in heat. Can't you go a day without sex?"
"No," Sebastian snaps, following the word with a feline-like hiss. "No, I can't. Not where you're concerned. I need you – I need to be in you - all the time."
"Wow…" Kurt giggles when Sebastian starts licking a spot on his neck that Sebastian knows is ticklish, "I don't know whether to feel flattered by that or frightened."
"How about horny?" Sebastian asks, dislodging Kurt from the tree to another shower of leaves, picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder. "Let's go with horny." Kurt struggles with the awkward position and Sebastian swats him on the ass to stop him. He smiles when Kurt yelps, and smacks him again.
"Sebastian Smythe!" Kurt groans, smacking his Neanderthal boyfriend on the back with the palm of his hand to get Sebastian to put him down. "You put me down this instant or…ouch!" Kurt screams out when Sebastian keeps spanking him.
"I'm sorry," Sebastian yells. "I can't hear you over the sound of me smackin' yo' ass!"
Kurt chuckles as the spanking continues, kicking his legs in a show of disapproval. But the more Sebastian does it, the less Kurt cares; he's not struggling that hard anyway. Spanking is kind of a kink for Kurt…and Sebastian knows that, too.
Sebastian races Kurt to their tent and carries him inside. Dropping Kurt down on their air mattress, Sebastian starts tearing off the rest of his and Kurt's soaked clothes.
"Wait, wait, wait," Kurt says, stopping Sebastian short of yanking off his jeans. "Grab me a towel?"
"Why?" Sebastian asks, slapping at Kurt's hands to get him to let go.
"Because I'm still carrying the weight of the Colorado River on my skin, and I don't want to catch pneumonia. Somebody has to look after their health."
"Urrrrgh! Fine." Sebastian climbs off Kurt's body and sprints from the tent wearing only his boxer-briefs, hurrying his way back to his pack in search of his towel. He sees the blue blob that was once his retro Doors Live at the Matrix t-shirt lying where he left it, which he swears was next to his towel, but the towel seems to have gone. He lifts up his pack to look underneath, then spins in a circle, scanning around to see if it somehow blew off his bag, but he can't find the winter white towel anywhere.
"Babe?" Sebastian calls out, double-checking the same spots. "Are you sure you didn't grab it?"
Kurt pokes his head out of the tent flap.
"And when would I have done that? When you were carrying me over your shoulder, or when you were spanking me?"
"Ugh, never mind," Sebastian grumbles, reaching into his pack and grabbing another towel. "I must have dropped it somewhere…"
The clouds drift in front of the sun, darkening the sky and casting the entire campsite in a grey shadow as Sebastian rushes back to the tent, idly itching the scratch on his arm along the way. A rustle of leaves follows on his heels, nearly wrapping around his ankles, but Sebastian ducks into the tent and zips up the flap. The tiny typhoon of leaves eddies at the entrance, batting against the outer walls, but the two men giggling inside pay it no mind. Zippered up safely inside, there are no more thoughts of rivers or canoes or bears or spooky woods…or the persistent wind that taps endlessly on the wall of their tent.