Calvin's Journal
DAY ONE
Well, last summer Mom got me this dumb little notebook and told me to write stuff in it. What am I supposed to write? I'm just a kid! So I hid it under my bed at night, and hoped that the monsters would eat it, and I'd never see it again. Unfortunately, the monsters don't like books, and they threw it back. Mom found it and made me write in it, so here I am. I'm writing in this stupid little notebook. Great. Yeah, thanks a lot mom.
DAY TWO
Earlier today I tried to sneak this dumb book to the garbage, but mom found out and busted me. She said that when she was a little girl, her diary was her best friend. How can a book be your best friend? I mean, you can't play sports with it. You can't roll in the dirt with it. I need something that can play with me. Something wild with killer instincts. I know, I'll get a tiger! Then I can ditch this dumb book. Yahoo! Why am I still writing in this book? I need to go catch a tiger!
DAY THREE
I did it! I caught a tiger! I tried to tell dad and asked him what to do, but he seemed like a real grouch. I tried to tell mom I don't need this thing since I have a tiger, but Nooo. I still have to keep it. Phooey. Oh yeah, I called him Hobbes. He likes tuna sandwiches!
DAY FOUR
Oy. Last night, we got busted. Hobbes was jumping on the bed and I got blamed for it! Of course, I was playing the cymbals… but that doesn't matter! The point is that I got in trouble for what Hobbes did! I brought Hobbes in for Show-and-Tell today and he stayed with me all the way through class. Hobbes is really good at math too. Who knew that 7 + 3 was 73?
DAY FIVE
I got stuck at the dinner table today because I wouldn't eat Mom's dinner. I saw what she put in it. There was a live octopus and deviled ham and other stuff that's too gross to mention. I also don't know the names of them either. Plus, at bedtime, Hobbes tried to get a smooch from Dad! Yeah, Hobbes. I'm sure that dad would love to kiss your furry lips. Oh well, time to snooze now.
DAY SIX
A monster took siege of my room today. My dad wouldn't check for monsters in the dresser, and that's where they were. Hobbes honked the horn to irritate them and I took them out. Suddenly, the king monster stormed my bedroom. I nailed him with all the darts I had and then almost finished it off with a bat. Mom came up and actually took sides with the monster. My mom is secretly and alien, so now I know that aliens and monsters have teamed up to take over the world. I just know it.
DAY SEVEN
Monsters are really dumb.
DAY EIGHT
Monsters are really gullible too.
DAY NINE
I tried to get mom to let me work the car today, but no! She thinks I'm too irresponsible I bet. Or worse. Maybe the car is really an alien transportation device, and she's afraid I'll press the button to make it turn into a flying saucer. Next time she's away in the store, I'm going to check out the car for no alien technology.
DAY TEN
I destroyed a village today by pouring water on it. I built a huge sandcastle and boom! The Hoover Dam submerged it underwater. Unfortunately, Hobbes got me with a water balloon and I had to change clothes. Maybe I could make the Hoover Dam submerge him.