~Headcanon of the Week~

Reimu is voiced by Emma Watson and/or Yui Ishikawa. Marisa is voiced by Veronica Taylor and/or Rica Matsumoto.

~Chapter One: The Midnight Feast~

One fine Spring day, Reimu Hakurei came sauntering into town with a large, dark wooden box on her head and a huge smile on her face. The townsfolk stared in amazement as she leapt into the air, screaming for joy, and cartwheeled down the high street with her box held firmly in place. They knew it was nothing to worry about. After many years laden with Incidents, the people of the Human Village knew better than to doubt their beloved guardian; besides, there were coins falling out of her pockets.

"Ms Hakurei? Excuse me, do you have a moment?"

Reimu stopped mid-cartwheel. The box wobbled a little as she flipped over onto her legs, but remained planted on her head. Turning to face the excuse-me-er, she found herself looking upon a shortish blond man. "Oh, good evening, Mr Kirisame. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I was, ahum..." the man cleared his throat, "I was wondering about Marisa. Is she all right?"

"She's fine. She told me to say she's perfectly happy with your relationship as it is now, and she doesn't urgently want anything to change."

Mr Kirisame's face fell. "As it is? With us never seeing each other?"

"I suppose so."

Mr Kirisame breathed a deep, heartfelt sigh. "I forgive her, you know. For running off with Mima, blasting me through the wall and... y'know. All of that. I just want to see her again! Can you at least tell her that?!"

"I will."

"Okay. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I, uh, wouldn't want to give you any false hope, though. I don't think Marisa really likes you."

"I suppose not," Mr Kirisame sighed. "What brings you to the village, anyway?"

"Sustenance. I did a job for Remilia Scarlet, for five thousand mon. Five thousand! I'm minted!" Reimu squeaked. "For the next few months at least, I'm going to eat well. I've gotta go, Mr Kirisame. My stomach won't forgive me if I wait another minute. 'Bye!"

"Tell Marisa I'm mildly fond of her!" Mr Kirisame shouted.

Reimu eventually came to a halt outside Tadashi's inn, Marisa's family issues already forgotten in her excitement. She dusted her box, straightened her skirt out a little and stepped over the threshold. She was greeted by the laughter of a dozen friendly conversations as the warm, golden glow of the fire washed over her, bringing with it the warm, golden smell of all the food she'd been dreaming of for years. Tonight was going to be the greatest night of her life.

Tadashi, fair play to him, spared neither Reimu nor her box a glance as she strode purposefully to the counter. A few of the other patrons were staring at her, whispering "Isn't that Reimu Hakurei?! But... but she's the...!" and stuff like that, but old Tadashi was as warm and businesslike as ever.

The landlord bowed low. Reimu returned the gesture, bowing as low as he did, which served to redouble the hubbub.

"She's so humble...!"

"How's she keeping the box up there?!"

"Glue? Magnets?"

"What if it's just some girl in a costume?"

"Either way, she sure can balance..."

"What can I do for you, Madam Hakurei?" asked Tadashi, ignoring the hubbub magnificently.

Reimu took a deep breath. "I'd like some pork dumplings, celery tempura, teriyaki chicken, lots of cabbage pancakes, a handful of gyoza, a few bits of deep-fried octopus, a gallon of rice and a big bowl of shabu-shabu to go, please. Oh, and an even bigger bowl of pork and potato stew to eat in, with a bread roll and plenty of natto. If there's any room left in the box, stuff it with biscuits and dried beans, please."

Tadashi blinked. "That... I, um... Uh, well, of course. I'll take the crate, if you don't mind. Please take a seat."

Reimu handed over her box and made for the sturdiest-looking table. She could feel herself beginning to salivate; as daintily as she could, she wiped her mouth on her sleeve. She'd been looking forward to this.

After an agonising wait of less than five minutes, a hot, steaming bowl of stew was placed before Reimu. Her first decent meal in weeks. She was going to enjoy this. Reimu dived in, pouring the warm broth down her throat as if it could disappear any second; it was only halfway through the bowl that she remembered her manners.

"You're welcome," the innkeeper said faintly.

"Ahhh! That was wonderful!" Reimu gushed as she staggered out of the inn, her stomach pressing hard against her belt and the food-box weighing heavily on her head. She was much too full to fly home, but it was a pleasant enough evening, and a nice leisurely stroll sounded perfect. It wasn't as if any youkai would trouble her.

"Reimu! Fancy seeing you here!" cried Yukari, stepping firmly in front of the shrine maiden.

Reimu was in such a good mood that not even Yukari could spoil it for her. "I'm stocking up on food, both internally and externally. What are you doing here?"

"Me? Nothing much. I was planning to pay you a visit, actually. I have some important news."

"Oh, right. You can tell me on the way home," said Reimu, skirting around Yukari and heading off to her shrine.

Reimu had been walking for a few seconds when the fabric of reality was rent asunder in front of her. Unblinking red eyes stared out from the gap alongside long, slender, grasping hands reaching hungrily out into the air. Ignoring the eyes and hands, Yukari stepped daintily out of the gap and shut it off behind her. "This isn't really the sort of thing I can tell you while walking at the same time, Reimu. Gensokyo is in terrible danger."

"Danger? What sort of danger?" asked Reimu, raising an eyebrow.

"The kind," Yukari replied, "which threatens to undermine its very existence."

Reimu's other eyebrow rose to meet the first. "Okay, I'm interested. What's the problem?"

"I'll show you," Yukari smiled, opening another gap. Hitching up her frilly purple dress, she stepped into the gap and offered Reimu her hand. Resigning herself to an evening of fun and games with the fearsome gap demon, Reimu thrust her food-box into Yukari's arms and stepped through after her.

"Yukari... this is a cave."

As Reimu stepped out into the dank, cold cavern, all she could think to do was state the obvious. A still pool of murky water covered the floor of the cave, disturbed by the occasional drip of water from the clustering stalactites above. A thin shaft of sunlight cast eerie shadows on the rough grey-brown walls. An unpleasant, musty smell filled Reimu's nose: kind of mineralish, kind of like the changing rooms at the Youkai Mountain rugby club. What caught her attention, though, was the faint tingle of magic on the air.

"Yep, this is a cave, all right," Reimu decided. "Very cavey. The epitome of cavitude. Now, what's the big deal?"

"Well, the issue is not precisely what is in the cave, but what is not. Or rather, what has been removed," said Yukari. "Once, there were three women here, friends from school I remained quite close with until my early two hundreds. Now, there are none."

"Okay...?"

"Do you see that shaft of light?" asked Yukari, gesturing to the hole in the side of the cave.

"I guess..." said Reimu, examining the hole. Or rather, tunnel, stretching up through what looked like miles of solid rock.

"That tunnel was not here last week," Yukari whispered.

"Why are you whispering?"

Yukari leaned uncomfortably close to Reimu's ear. "Because it's... mysteeeeeeriousss," she hissed, taking a long sniff of Reimu's hair before leaning back.

Reimu rolled her eyes. "Okay, so there's three women who tunneled out of this cave, and they're going to destroy Gensokyo. Is that it?"

"Potentially," Yukari hedged.

"Just brilliant. How do I fight them?"

"Stop bathing, for starters."

Reimu blinked.

"You must stop bathing," Yukari repeated. "Judging by your hair, your last bath was three days ago, which should be just long enough. As long as you are dirty and foul-smelling, you will be protected from these people's greatest weapons."

"...What?"

"Surely you heard me."

"I did, it just strikes me as rather weird. Are you quite sure?"

"I am always sure."

"Are you sure you're always sure?"

Yukari blinked.

"I'll take that as a no," said Reimu, a small smile of satisfaction spreading across her features.

"Let's go. Your food'll get cold in here," sighed Yukari, spreading her arms wide to call a gap.

Nothing happened.

Yukari cleared her throat. "Let's go! Your food will get cold in here!"

The gap demon screwed her eyes shut. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she tore at the fabric of reality with all her strength, but to no avail. The gap would not come.

"Well, this is awkward," said Yukari, with a nervous laugh. "No gap. How strange."

Shutting her eyes, Reimu reached out with her mind to get a feel for the enchantments on the cave. There were some ancient, powerful spells there, more powerful than three of Yukari put together. Four of them might just be able to break through, and five definitely could, but still.

"I'm afraid it's not strange at all. This whole cave is enchanted against gaps," said Reimu grimly. "And any other kind of magic except anti-magic wards."

"What?! But- but I gapped us in here!" cried Yukari.

"Which I can only presume is what triggered the wards," said Reimu.

"Oh, fiddlesticks." Yukari shut her eyes, breathing heavily. After a few seconds of what Reimu knew was barely-suppressed panic, she opened them again. "Well, at least there's the tunnel out of the cave."

"The steep, narrow, slippery tunnel through miles and miles of rock," Reimu deadpanned. "What a fun little excursion you've managed to arrange for us. I'll be sure to tell all my friends about this amazing package deal."

"Meaning you'll be sure to tell Marisa," said Yukari, smirking.

Ignoring her, Reimu shunted her box into the tunnel. It was about a metre wide, its floor knee-high and its roof at her neck, so she'd have to crawl. Reimu slid herself carefully in after the box, bracing her arms against the rough, moist walls and her head against the box. Her legs, however, were going to be quite a challenge. "Yukari, can you give me a hand?"

"I'll give you both," said Yukari generously. Taking Reimu's ankles in a firm grip, she shoved the shrine maiden bodily into the hole. Reimu's head connected with the box, sending it bumping and rattling along as her nose was smushed against every bit of rock available. Muttering a plethora of swear words, Reimu braced her feet against what seemed to be the grippiest bits of rock and lifted herself up on one hand, the other ready to push the box ahead of her. With a final unprintable oath, Reimu began the slow, painful climb to freedom.

As soon as she got home, Reimu lit the fire, put a pot of water on to boil and flopped down on her bed, the scrawny mattress creaking in protest. Her legs, knees, elbows, hands, knuckles and forehead were so bruised and bloody she could hardly recognise them, her clothes were dirty and shredded, and all she wanted to do was curl up in a little ball and dream about frolicking kittens. Her coins clashed in her pockets as she flopped, a fair bit lighter now but still comfortingly heavy; that at least was one thing Yukari couldn't take away from her.

After a few minutes lying down, Reimu realised she was shivering. With just bare wood and flimsy plaster for walls, Reimu's house was nearly as cold as it was outside. The warm glow in her stomach had died out after the first mile or so of tunnel, and now that she was lying down, the heat from her aching muscles was fading. There was nothing else for it. She'd have to stand up.

Letting out a mighty groan, Reimu stood up. Gods almighty, she felt terrible. Why had she even bothered? Lying down was the way to go, preferably for weeks at a time. Who needed uprightness?

...Well, she did, all things considered.

Wrapping the least-flimsy blanket around her shoulders, Reimu poured herself a nice, hot bowl of green tea. Wisps of steam warmed the freezing air as she squeezed her box of food into the pantry, wedging it between half a loaf of stale bread and a mouldy yam. She'd been rationing the bread while she waited for the yam to grow some tastier mould; no point in that now, though. She could have toast for supper.

Reimu took a sip of her tea, savouring its hot, slightly bitter herbal deliciousness as the warmth soaked into her stomach. She knew she ought to sweep out the shrine, polish it a little, maybe empty all the money and presents out of the donation box. Yeah, some chance. It was late, though, and she had a heated table inside. She'd remembered to sweep up each night for three days running; why push herself? Satisfied that she'd carried out her duties to the highest standard, Reimu chugged down her tea and sank into bed. If she was lucky, she'd hurt less tomorrow.

There was a knock on the door. Startled, Reimu leapt to her feet, banging her head into the ceiling. Plaster showered down around her, filling her hair with dust and making her cough and splutter. What time was it now? It had to be past midnight.

"Ughhh... Who is it?!" Reimu called, a little more sharply than she'd meant to. She so badly wished she'd been able to sweep out the shrine.

"A visitor," came the reply. It was a woman's voice, deeper than average, with a faint but noticeable lisp. Not anyone Reimu knew.

"You'd better come in, then," the shrine maiden decided, quickly straightening out her skirt. She walked briskly to the door and opened it, only to find herself face-to-face with the most incredible pair of teeth she'd seen in her life. Even in the moonlight they glittered, jutting down past her lower lip like razor-sharp ivory icicles.

"I don't believe I've had the pleasure," said Reimu. "My name's-"

"Reimu Hakurei, right?" the woman smiled, proudly displaying all her shiny, unnervingly large teeth.

Reimu nodded meekly.

"I'm Hakiba Agohaka. Pleasure to eat you," the visitor introduced herself. "Oops, did I say "eat"? Sorry. I meant "meet"," she giggled. "Anyway, do you have any food? I'm starving!"

"I... um..." Reimu cleared her throat. She was the greatest youkai hunter in all the land. She could handle this. "I don't have much. I'm not in the best financial situation right now, so..."

"You're not? What about that job you did for Remilia Scarlet?"

Cursing Hakiba for knowing so much, Reimu backpedalled. "Well, I am now, I suppose, but I haven't been for a long time. Today, I had my first decent meal for weeks. I can afford food for the next month or so, but I don't have much at this precise moment."

Hakiba nodded in sympathy. "I get it. My sisters and I haven't had a proper meal for over a thousand years."

"A... a thousand...?"

"We were sealed in a cave until a couple of days ago."

"A... a cave...?!"

"I don't wanna talk about it. It was as boring as being sealed for a hundred years, except ten times as long," Hakiba explained. She spoke in the most nonchalant tone, as if she was just making small talk about her batting average or a new hairdressers. "Now, about that food?"

"Would you like a bowl of tea?"

Hakiba nodded. The fire was still going, keeping the water nice and hot, so Reimu set about pouring another bowl of tea. She let her hands take care of the tea, turning her mind to her sabre-toothed visitor. Let's see, now, Hakiba had sabre teeth. She was tall and brawny. She had sisters. They'd been sealed in a cave for more than a thousand years. A cave. That was bad news. There was no reason it had to be that cave, but a sinking feeling in Reimu's heart told her Yukari had been right on the money. Hakiba hadn't done anything threatening so far, though, so Reimu had to be nice.

"Do you know Yukari at all?" asked Reimu, trying to make it sound as casual as possible, just a random question to take her mind off brewing the tea.

"Yukari, eh? The name rings a bell. I think she was the disembodied head who did nothing but hop around telling me to "take it easy"," said Hakiba vaguely. "She ate all my food, that's for sure."

"...No, no, I'm talking about Yukari Yakumo, the ancient gap youkai who can manipulate the fabric of reality. She's blonde, extremely fit, quite a sharp tongue, mysterious, fond of calamari. You, um, might have been to school with her? Or so I... don't hear? Um."

Hakiba blinked. "I don't know. All I really remember is helping my sister in Physics."

"Ah." That put a damper on things. Still, Reimu's mental autopilot had done a good job of the tea. She handed Hakiba the bowl, watching closely as the sabre-toothed woman chugged it down in a single almighty gulp. She'd have to feed her sooner or later; what was the tastiest thing she could offer?

"I've got enough bread for two. Would you care for some toast?" said Reimu hopefully.

"Honey toast?"

"...No, just standard toast."

"Oh. What've you got to put on it?"

"Nothing."

"But your house reeks of pancakes and fried octopus..."

Damn. "Well, uh, technically, I have some deep-fried octopus. Octopus karaage, I believe is the technical term. It was going to be my breakfast tomorrow. Not really a proper toast topping, though, is it?"

"True. How about you have the toast and I have the octopus?"

"NO! No, you, uh..." Reimu took a steadying breath. "Okay, we'll both have it on toast."

"I don't want toast."

"...Fine." There was a hard edge to Reimu's voice now, an edge her friends knew all too well and her enemies knew even better. "Well, I'm having toast. And fried octopus. You're welcome to just have fried octopus, but if you find yourself jealous of my toast-"

"Can I smell shabu-shabu?" asked Hakiba, sniffing the air.

Reimu groaned. "Okay, what would you most like to eat right now?"

"Gensokyo."

"No, no, I don't think you understand. What would be your ideal meal at this moment in time? What do you most want on your plate?"

"Gensokyo."

"You... want to eat... Gensokyo?"

"Yep. I wanna eat Gensokyo," said Hakiba matter-of-factly.

"...Okay. Fine." Reimu giggled. She didn't know why, but this whole line of conversation seemed so surreal. "Well, you can't eat Gensokyo. I'm sorry, but there are loads of people who depend on Gensokyo for their livelihoods. You can't just eat it."

Hakiba scoffed. "I don't care about all those people. I'll just eat them too."

"You... you'll eat them?"

"Yeah. Like this," Hakiba demonstrated, taking a bite out of her tea bowl. The pottery crunched and ground between her teeth, offering about as much resistance as a spoonful of rice, until at last she swallowed and licked her lips.

"You're... you're eating my bowl..." said Reimu faintly.

"Yeah. Sho?" said Hakiba obstinately, through a mouthful of china clay.

"I don't want you to eat my bowl! I like my bowl!"

Hakiba shrugged. "Not my problem."

"Of course it's your problem! You're eating the bloody thing!"

"The fact that you like your bowl is not my problem," said Hakiba patiently.

Reimu screamed. "I've had it! Put down the bowl, you terracottavore! Get out of my house!"

"Shan't."

""Shan't"?! You have ten seconds, demon."

That got a reaction. Hakiba rose slowly to her feet, the cheerful, breezy look on her face giving way to a mask of righteous fury. "Nobody calls me a demon."

Reimu reached for her gohei, her gaze not once dropping from Hakiba's eyes. Her orbs would come when she called them, and she had enough magic to hold out if they were tardy about it. Energy coursed through Reimu's body. Her heart beat red-hot against her chest. A thousand paper charms waited to be hurled at her enemies. What did this sabre-toothed terracottavore have on her? Nothing!

Hakiba bit Reimu's arm.

Reimu screamed, struggling to wrench her stricken arm free of the terracottavore's jaws. She'd been spared the sabre teeth, but Hakiba's other teeth were no pushovers themselves, and Reimu's arm was as good as chomped. Desparately, she kicked at Hakiba's shins, succeeding only in stubbing her toes.

Hakiba released Reimu's arm, letting her fall to the ground. "Never kick a youkai, girl. Unless you're also a youkai, and even then you need strong feet. Whatever. I think I'll eat you first."

"Orbs, to me!" Reimu yelled, fighting through the pain to summon her yin-yang orbs. She'd used up a lot of her orbs' power yesterday, but there was enough left to put up a fight.

"Orbs? What-"

Whirling like a tornado and blazing with rainbow fire, a yin-yang orb smashed into Hakiba's head, sending her flying into the wall. And through the wall. In a shower of plaster and splintered wood, Hakiba tumbled to a halt by the donation box, a ferocious scowl on her face.

Before the ragged-edgd hole stood Reimu, grimmacing at the rows of bleeding punctures in her arm. This was going to smart in the morning. Her four orbs slowly circled her waist, glowing more faintly now that the immediate danger was over. "You're not getting so much as a nibble, demon. I am the guardian and chief incident resolver of Gensokyo, and if you don't give up your foolhardy country-devouring quest, I will destroy you."

Still scowling, Hakiba reached down and pulled up a clod of grass and mud. She tossed it into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully, giving Reimu a surly glare as she savoured Gensokyo's soil. "Mmm. Nice and peaty."

"Aaaaugh!" Reimu plucked a spellcard and a handful of paper charms from her pocket. "Dream Sign: Evil-Sealing Circle!"

An impenetrable ring of magic formed around Reimu. Barrages of charms lanced out in all directions, catching Hakiba unawares. The look of fear on the terracottavore's face almost had Reimu in a fit of laughter. Evil-Sealing Circle wasn't too hard to dodge if you knew what you were doing, but for someone who'd been sealed away in a cave for a thousand years it was terrifying. Hakiba ran straight into the charms. Most of them just grazed her, peppering her with static shocks as they slapped harmlessly against her skin and clothes, but a couple smashed into her chest. Hakiba fell to her knees, one hand over her heart and the other just about keeping her upright.

"Do you understand who you're dealing with now?" Reimu asked, her voice cold and menacing. She called all the surviving charms back with a wave of her hand.

"Yeah, whatever," Hakiba growled. "Most of those bullets didn't even do anything. I doubt you've been in a real fight for years. This, on the other hand, is a proper spell!"

Glowing white bullets swirled out from Hakiba's hand, forming a whirling shield around her. Small, pointy and strangely tooth-like, they whistled through the air as fast as lightning. Steeling herself, Reimu leapt into the crisp midnight air, her enemy pursuing her as fast as she could without losing all her bullets.

A handful of the glowing teeth broke off from the shield, arranging themselves into a disc of razor-sharp death. A smirk passed over Hakiba's face as she launched the fanged Frisbee. Reimu swerved to the right, wincing as the disc whistled by and sailed off into the night, a few bullets tearing through her sleeve. The disc looped around and came for a second charge, aiming straight for Reimu's heart. She dove, her hair standing on end as the bullets whistled overhead. Giving herself barely a moment to aim, Reimu hurled a blast of magic at the disc, sending the bullets flying in all directions. Deprived of their pattern, the teeth began to fade out of existence.

Hakiba clearly didn't know about modern spellcard rules, which made her all the more dangerous. Reimu was determined to defeat her by the book; she was the one who wrote the spellcard rules, after all. If she let herself ignore them, what would that say to everyone else?

Four more discs of teeth were assembling at Hakiba's sides. All the colour drained from Reimu's face. To have this much control over so many bullets, Hakiba had to be a real master of danmaku. As Reimu watched in amazement, Hakiba hurled the the homing discs. They were coming at her from all sides. She knew she couldn't dodge them all, but she didn't necessarily have to.

Reimu launched her orbs. Shining like comets in the moonless night, the ancestral weapons of the Hakurei clan charged into the whirling bullets, shattering all but a few stray teeth. Now, forwards! Pummel the demon! Reimu urged the orbs, absentmindedly ducking below the surviving bullets. Her orbs surged towards their target.

Then Hakiba gave her shield some new orders.

A thousand razor-sharp fangs surged towards Reimu. They had no formation, no real trick, but they had numbers. Countless numbers. Reimu dove desparately to the right. Bullets bounced off her skin, leaving her bruised and bloody, but if she could just get out of the way before-

A bullet thwacked into Reimu's heart. She let out a yelp of pain, falling a few feet just in time for Hakiba to throw her next homing disc. Three more bullets pierced Reimu's chest. Pain exploded inside her core as her heart struggled desparately to keep beating. This was the price all danmaku fighters had to pay. Her one weak spot was right over her most important organ.

I'm not out for the count yet, though, Reimu reflected, plummeting. My orbs will have given her pause for thought. If I don't get hit in the heart again, I can still-

Reimu met the ground with a resounding thud.

Owwww...

Focusing through the stars swirling past her vision, Reimu could just about see Hakiba fleeing from her orbs. Now was the perfect time to attack.

Drawing on as much power as she could spare, Reimu threw herself at Hakiba, sending her orbs an order to break off and cover her. Hakiba breathed a sigh of relief, which soon gave way to an oh-so-satisfying look of amazement at the incoming shrine maiden.

"Scattered Spirit: Fantasy Seal!"

Reimu's power exploded outwards, hundreds of shining red bullets and spell tags flying in all directions. There was no way Hakiba could escape. The bullets peppered her skin, one spell tag catching her heart a withering blow. The terracottavore fell limply to the ground, flattening a small tree in the process. After a few seconds, Reimu broke off her attack and glided slowly down to her enemy.

Alighting on the grassy slope, Reimu wasted no time in giving Hakiba a nudge with her boot. (Had she really been sleeping in her boots? Well, they were warm, so no harm done...) "Wake up, Hakiba."

The sabre-toothed youkai groaned softly.

"The battle's over. I won. I'm afraid your making a snack of Gensokyo will have to wait," said Reimu matter-of-factly, offering Hakiba a hand. The terracottavore accepted the hand, pulling herself into the most upright position she could manage. "If it's any consolation, I know some good restaurants."

"R-restaurants? I tried to kill you, and you're going to tell me where all the best restaurants are?!"

"Well, yes. A foot massage wouldn't hurt, though, if you know how."

"Good grief." Hakiba took a steadying breath. "Well, Reimu, I think I can safely say I've had enough danmaku for one night. As for the foot massage, you probbaly don't want to do it out in the cold, but I'd be happy to massage your shoulders for you."

"What, really?!"

"Sure!"

"Wow! You must be the first masseuse I've ever fought!" said Reimu admiringly, turning on her heel to provide access to her shoulders. "Nice and slow, please. But strong."

"I think I can do that," said Hakiba calmly, and she whacked Reimu over the head with the small tree, knocking her out cold. "Once I'm through with Gensokyo, you're going to serve as an after-eight mint."

A new day dawned in Gensokyo. The Sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Reimu was lying in a heap. She could feel a sharp stone or three pressing into her back, cold grass beneath just about every other part. Her head hurt as if one of Sakuya's finest knives was thrust clean through her brain. Her legs were at awkward angles and the light was hurting her eyes. And Sakuya seemed to have left a couple more daggers in her right arm.

I guess I should just open my eyes. I mean, it's not going to get darker for another twelve hours or so, Reimu reasoned. Okay, then, that's decided. I'm going to open my eyes.

Reimu let out a long, loud groan, her eyes screwed firmly shut. No, I'll just lie here in agony for a few more hours. Good grief, what was in that drink Marisa brought me?! And why do I so vividly remember Yukari biting my leg?!

Wait. I haven't seen Marisa since last week. I wouldn't have a headache for that long. So... what...? Suddenly, it all came flooding back. Yukari. The cave. Kicking Yukari in the face one time too many on the climb to safety. Tea. Shabu-shabu. Eating Gensokyo. The terracottavore. Getting her arm bitten. The fight. A massage. A thwack on the head. And what then? She didn't seem to have been eaten, so...

Groaning magnificently, Reimu forced her eyes open. It was a lovely, sunny morning; under most other circumstances, she'd be out having a picnic or merrily thrashing a few wild youkai. Her mountain was just as big as always, its rugged grey slopes rising into the clouds; definitely not eaten yet. How fast could Hakiba and her sisters eat Gensokyo? That was a question Reimu never would've believed she'd have to think about. It would surely take them a few years, even with no resistance at all; that wasn't too much of a worry. But she still had to find them and stop them.

First things first, though, she needed a decent breakfast. Some teriyaki chicken sounded nice. Emboldened by thoughts of all the delicious food she could eat (and ignoring any hypocrisy that might come with that line of thought), Reimu rose to her feet and tramped over to what remained of her house. Which, as it turned out, was much less than she'd left.

Reimu stared in horror at the damp, dusty pile of splintered wood, broken plaster and a half-chewed hot water bottle that lay where her house had been. A short way away, the ruins of the shrine sat forlornly in a small, muddy courtyard, peppered with crumbs of flagstone. Only the foundations, the outside loo and the donation box were still in one piece. Everything was gone. Her bed, her food, her wardrobe, the shrine, Genjii's pool, the back garden, all her rare teas and all her food. Gone. Numbly, Reimu trudged over to the donation box and peeked inside. Nothing but dust.

Hakiba had eaten everything. She'd lied, playing on Reimu's sympathies and yearnings for a massage. She was only alive now because the terracottavore wanted to torture her a little, or maybe just save her for later.

Wh... What am I going to do now?

Curl up in a little ball and cry?

No, that would be unseemly. If I must cry, I should fall to my knees, howl with rage and beat my misery into the ground like a proper lady.

Why had this happened to her? The moment she finally got a break, some all-devouring monster just had to come along at eat Hakurei Shrine. It just wasn't fair. Did the whole world have it out for her?

Now, stop it, Reimu chided herself. Self-pity won't stop Hakiba. Besides, this isn't just about you. It's about Gensokyo and the devourage thereof. I can't let her eat Gensokyo. If everyone's home gets eaten, if all our possessions are melted down inside unusually powerful stomachs, the injustice of life will be the least of my worries. I am the protector of Gensokyo. Am I powerless to fight back against this vile hunger?!

Reimu had her orbs, although one was still moist with saliva. Her gohei, while a little bit chewed in places, had also prevailed; its power could burn anyone who tried to take a bite out of it. And she had her friends.

Wait. Friends? Had- had she-?!

"Genjii? Genjii! Are you there?!" Reimu called. "Oh, please don't be in Hakiba's stomach. Genjii! GENJII!"

Something shifted amid the forlorn rubble of Hakurei Shrine. A scaly, bearded head poked out. "I'm here."

"Oh, thank heavens!" Reimu ran over to her beloved flying turtle and dug him out of the ruins. "Did- did she try to eat you?"

"A little. She soon gave up, though, thanks to my shell."

"Oh, Genjii...!" Reimu felt like weeping with joy. She didn't, though, because she knew Genjii would tease her endlessly about it. "Are you well enough to travel?"

"I think so. There's no hurry, is there?"

"I'll hurry, but you don't have to."

Reimu knew there was one person she could always trust. A friendly, cheerful, daring young woman who lived in the Forest of Magic, always up for an adventure (except when she had a cold), always happy to see you (except when you had a cold). There was no-one else she'd rather have by her side. Alice was on holiday, though, so... "All right, Genjii, we're going to Marisa's house. Last one there's a-"

Genjii launched himself into the air, careening away down the mountain. A sonic boom came shortly afterwards.

"-an incredibly talented shrine maiden."

~Health Warning~

Under no circumstances should you eat a mouldy yam, no matter what delicious fungi it may be carrying. Chances are, you don't have Reimu's incredible resistance to food-borne infections, so eating a mouldy yam could cause you some serious health problems.

If, on the other hand, a mouldy yam is the only thing you have to eat, I'm truly sorry.