Tiny the Nazgul

A/N: Poor Nazgul. You know the scene from RotK (at least, I think it's RotK) where the Witch King is getting his armor put on? Well, did he have the chance to choose his Nazgul? Or did Harry choose it for him? I think not!

A little note to all those who reviewed 'Morry', Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Maybe you'll enjoy this also. Oh, also Slayer3, I went to your favourites list, and I'm on there! I'm so honored! -bows ungracefully-
I know this is no excuse, but I still don't have spellcheck, therefore some things may be spelled wrong. Feel free to point those out. And be sure to read the additional notes at the bottom of this page.

Disclaimer: I own zip. I do own that six-hundred page document though...

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"So. You can have this Nazgul, this Nazgul, or this Nazgul. There's even this Naz..."

"Harry. Shut up."

"Yessir."

The Witch King, (also known as Gary) loooked through the thick iron cages that housed the Nazgul. The first three looked lazy and fat. Not to mention ill. (Don't they always?) But the fourth one! He looked strong and brave, not to mention healthy... if a Nazgul can look healthy. Ah, this one, Gary thought, was his Nazgul.

The only reason he was there in the first place was because the Boss (also known as Sauron) had told him to get a Nazgul.

"I'll take this one." Gary said, pointing at the creature.

Harry looked a little wary."Are you sure, sir? He's the disobidient one."

Gary stood there, trying to glare at Harry. But that task failed, as he did not have a face. "Just get me the beast, you stupid scum."

"Yessir," sighed Harry. Once I am done with...him, I need to go check the classifieds. Maybe I can find a job in Mirkwood. I DID used to be a spider exterminator. With an irritated huff, Harry swiftly walked over to his rather 'ornate' desk. It was ornate in the way of a sheild talble-top with a few sticks supporting it. Harry gathered up a six-hundred page document entitled 'Caring for your Nazgul and Other Import Things' and thrust it at Gary. "Here at the Nazgul Facility we cannot give you a Nazgul without the new owner filling out this document. I will help you out with this first page because I have to keep a copy. So, take a seat."

Gary grumbled as he sat on the uncomfortable chair in front of Harry's 'desk'.

"After the Nazgul is taken out of the cage we cannot be responsible for any injuries sustained. Sign here." Harry pointed at a dotted line. Gary signed it, obviously annoyed. He hated signing things, especially his wedding certificate. That was the worst mistake he ever made (when he was still living, obviously).

Harry continued on. "If it suddenly dies in mid-air, we cannot be responsible for it. Sign here." Gary signed, really irritated now.

The Nazgul Facility keeper read off of the page. "I agree to take full responsibility for my Nazgul once it is out of its cage. I agree to take it to get its shots once a year. I agree that my arm could be taken off by this Nazgul. I agree my ear drums could pop. I agree that I could have gotten a defective one, and I agree that it was entirely my fault. I agree that it could be a vegitarian, thus useless for my task. I agree that it could have skin allergies to my armor and I agree that it is my responsibility to treat it." Harry paused to take a breath as Gary growled. "So, sign here, here, here, here, and here!" Harry pointed so rapidly at five different places that Gary had trouble remembering what lines to sign.

"And lastly, Mr. Witch King sir, I need you to read this whole entire document and sign the day's date, which is March first, 3019."

"I KNOW the date."

"Well, just in case..."

Gary hissed at the Nazgul keeper and started reading the 'useless' document.

How to clean your Nazgul's scales: Nazgul scales should be scrubbed weekly with warm, soapy water. Cold water will lessen the shine of your Nazgul's scales. Be sure to sharpen claws and teeth after every attack.

And then there was this one, which Gary thought was completly useless.

How to paint your Nazgul's nails: Some Nazgul like to have to have their nails painted bright red. Experts claim it warns the victims before the ear piercing screams split through the air...

The Witch King could read no more on the follies of painting a Nazgul's claws."That's what the ear piercing screams are for!" Gary shook his head. Was it the Orcs that wrote this? Because obviously they were idiots.

Six and a half hours later...

Gary was exauhsted. Not only had he read a six-hundred page document in only six hours, but he had just gotten his Nazgul!

"Aww, my wittle Nazy-wazy!" He said in a voice that mothers use towards their young, "What will I call you? I know! How about 'Tiny', my wittle Nazy?"

Harry stood a few meters away, watching the scene with a mouth wide open. "T-Tiny?" He whispered, "That's the Witch King's Nazgul, and he names it TINY? Things sure have been odd around here lately,"

The Witch King cooed his 'little baby' affectionately. Even if it did take six hours, he was happy he got his 'baby Nazy-Wazy'.

And that is the tale of the Witch King, and how he aquired his rather stunning Nazgul, which in fact, was named Tiny.

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Additional Notes: I haven't abandoned Misadventures of a Teenaged took. But I DID just update that, so paitence grasshoppers. There and Never Going Back Again doesn't have a bright future, meaning, I am probably going to delete it.

To clear things up so die-hard Tolkien fans don't bombard me with accusations, look at the genere. -points at the word PARODY- I have read the books, therefore I know that a Ringwraith is called a Nazgul, and then his winged mount a fell beast. Well the name 'fell beast' did not work for this story. I couldn't call it 'Tiny the Fell Beast' now could I? I know that it is messed up with, but it's a parody. So my apolgies if that upsets you.

I can't help getting all these one-shots up. If I don't post them immeaditly, I loose them in a maze of files, and then the inspiration has fled from me.

Have a great day, erm, night, everyone!

-Nolitari