Thanks to Mr Dusk, wr3h and Lolz, for proofreading, encouragement, and being awesome, and thanks to daftmarvin for giving it a go when the above three was offline.
"Curse those inaccurate forecasts."
Edd was quickly marching through the forest. Since the moment he left his house, the weather managed to change from "cloudy" to "intensifying rain". At that point, turning around would be more risky than getting to his destination, so he kept marching forward. Assuming he didn't get lost, it wasn't that far from where he wanted to be.
He spotted the marked tree, with an arrow carved on it, pointing east, and glanced in the other direction. There was a shack a few hundred yards away, barely visible in the distance due to precipitation. He trotted towards it, the perspective of a roof over his head motivating him to speed up.
The walls of the shack were made of wood from a few cut trees and covered with a coat of protective varnish. The best thing that could be said about the windows is that they were letting some light in, with no two panes having the same size, frame, or drapes behind them. The sloped roof was covered with a layer of shingles, with a steel cable on it, isolated from the wood below it, just above the roof's spine and going down the wall and into the ground. Edd smiled – it wasn't the prettiest or the greatest shelter, but it was designed and built from the ground up by him and his friends, and that made him proud.
The boy got to the front door and tried to lean against it, only for it to give way and for him to stumble into the antechamber.
"Oh dear." he muttered to himself. He clearly remembered locking the door when leaving the last time he visited. He silently closed it, hung his jacket on a hook, and pulled out a small can of pepper spray from his pocket. Without a sound, he crept through the corridor and peeked through the doorframe.
The next thing he registered was a fire iron being swung at him. He barely got out of the way, but his weapon got knocked out of his hand, leaving him defenseless.
"I surrender!" he shouted, raising his hands above his head, his back firmly pressed against the wall.
The attacker froze, still keeping their weapon raised. He glanced at her, she glanced at him, and, at the same moment, they recognized each other.
"Oven Mitt?"
"M-Marie?!"
The two spent the next few seconds staring at each other. For some reason, instead of being scared, the boy felt annoyed. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"The trailer was getting too crowded, so I went for a walk in the forest." She grinned, resting her impromptu club on the shoulder. "Found this crib, picked the lock, and now I'm in. And what are you doing here, cutie pie?"
"Inspecting my summerhouse." the boy replied.
"Yours?" the girl repeated, amused.
"I designed and built it. I consider it mine."
"Just like that old clubhouse?"
The casual reference of the boy's earlier project ruined by the girl and her sisters made the boy angry. "Pretty much." he muttered, trying to conceal his feelings. "It was designed as a hideout for when a scam goes wrong, but now we use it for recreational purposes."
"It's mine now." She put aside the fire iron and moved a bit closer. "Well, it can be ours, if you want to." She slid her hands underneath his shirt, making him shiver in disgust. "Our little love shack, far from the outside world…"
Again.
Once again, his effort, months of effort went down the drain, with that reprehensible trailer girl seemingly effortlessly taking away all he ever cared for, and he was about to endure yet another forced make-out session because she couldn't be bothered to restrain her bloody estrogen-
He had enough of this.
"Away!" he pushed her, in his best attempt to sound threatening.
Taken by surprise, she stumbled a few steps back. "…what was that about?" she asked, more puzzled than angry.
"I will not tolerate your behavior any longer, Marie." He picked up his pepper spray from the floor. "I demand respect, for both me and my property."
After a second needed to process that sentence, the girl let out a creepy giggle. "Would you look at that?" she said, smirking, as if she just heard a good joke. "The buttercup's standing up for himself. What're you gonna do, spray me with your deodorant?" she taunted.
"No." he replied, even though applying fifty milliliters of capsicum to her face would probably bring him satisfaction at that point. "I refuse to lower myself to your level." He spun around and grabbed his moist rain jacket from the hook. "But I also refuse to remain in the same building as you. I'm leaving. Au revoir." he spat, disgusted, then walked out of the cabin, slamming the door behind himself.
A thunderclap rolled outside. The girl smiled to herself – her boyfriend wasn't an idiot. In a few seconds, he would surely realize that it was a stupid thing to do, and meekly come back, the rain outside having cooled him down enough to accept her without a word.
Any second now.
Aaaaaany second now.
Half a minute after his exit, another lightning lit up the dim interiors, followed by more thunder and raindrops drumming on the glass pane even harder than before. Marie realized that Double D was definitely not coming back. He was mad enough to actually walk over a mile back to Peach Creek on foot. Through a forest. During a thunderstorm.
He was an idiot.
She ran out of the cabin. "For the love of… Oven Mitt!" she shouted. "Double D! You've made your point, now come back here, you dolt!"
Another thunder echoed in the distance. Cussing to herself, she ran forward, following the footprints in the mud. The rainfall was now reminding the girl of an actual shower, severely limiting the visibility, and the ground was slippery, making her lose balance every few steps. In spite of that, catching up with the boy wasn't much of a challenge, as he didn't bother to move faster than a confident march. She ran up to him and strongly pulled his sleeve to get his attention.
"The freak are you doin'?"
"Going home." He replied, without bothering to face her, or stopping for that matter.
"Is that sock of yours too tight?" she snapped. "It's dangerous!"
"Considering that the alternative is being a personal toy of a psychopathic working-class harlot, I am willing to take the risk." he spat.
"Oh would you look at that?" She grabbed him by the shoulder and forcefully spun him towards her. "A right hand man of a crap con artist tries to teach me morality!"
Judging by the boy's expression, she hit a nerve. "You have no idea what you're talking about."
"Really? Look at me, I'm Double D!" she started speaking in a high pitched voice. "I will complain that this idea is immoral and half-baked and stupid and thenI'll fucking do it anyway!"
"I refuse to be reprimanded by a delinquent of your caliber!" The boy poked her chest, his voice becoming louder.
She grinned. "Oh, can't defend yourself, so you're gonna bring up my fuck-ups, aren't ya?"
He stared her in the eyes. "Do not act like our misdeeds are in any way comparable!"
A snicker. "Stop deluding yourself, you hypocritical piece of sh-"
Both of them recoiled, startled by a sudden loud noise. Lightning struck a tree ten feet away from them, leaving behind charred wood pieces, dried by the thousands of volts going through it in a fraction of a second. Marie could've sworn that, in spite of the distance, she felt some electricity going through her body.
Suddenly the dispute between the duo stopped being relevant to either of them. As if on cue, both took off and ran towards the cabin, deeming it the best option available. Yet another thunderclap in the distance and the continuous rain provided enough encouragement.
Not even a minute later, the skinny boy ran into the antechamber of the cabin, and the girl followed in a few seconds later, slamming the door behind herself. Both leaned against the wall, trying to catch their breaths.
After a long period, the girl broke the silence: "That was the dumbest thing you've ever done."
The boy didn't reply, wordlessly taking off his raincoat.
"Like what, am I seriously worse than getting fried by lightning in the middle of a forest?"
He silently glanced at her, and that was all she needed, though not exactly the answer she wanted. "Whatever." She inspected her drenched clothes. "You've got any spare threads?"
"Let me check." he said, and they both marched to the main room.
It was relatively well-furnished, given its purpose and the boys' limited resources. A chipboard table stood by the east wall, with three mismatched chairs next to it. Behind the table, on a jury-rigged nightstand stood a small jury-rigged TV, with a duct-taped VHS player and a few cassettes on it. On the far side of the room, there was a small furnace, with a metal kettle on it, some firewood on the side, and a few strings hung above it, for the purpose of drying clothes, if need be. Opposite the TV, there was a faded-out blue couch, covered with a thick brown blanket. Next to it stood a wooden cupboard, with some canned foodstuffs in it, and a chest of drawers, filled with spare clothes. The boy walked to it and pulled out a wife-beater and a tracksuit that seemed just right for the girl to wear, and a towel.
"I found so- what on earth?!" he attempted to pass those to the bluenette, only to notice she had already took off everything sans her underwear.
"My clothes are soaked." she commented. "I ain't gonna stay in them any second longer. Turn around if you're bothered."
The boy pulled his trademark hat down to cover his eyes. "You can hang your wet garments on the strings above the furnace." he said, inching away.
"Uh huh. How safe this thing is, by the way?" the girl asked, drying her hair.
"Well, it's impossible to ensure complete safety in such conditions," he explained, stumbling into the cupboard, "but I have installed a lightning protection system and made necessary precautions when designing the wiring. It is definitely safer than staying outside."
"Uplifting." she muttered, putting on the tank top.
"I will try and radio Ed and Eddy to inform them about my predicament. Are you fine with that?"
"Yeah, sure, why not?" she said, pulling up her pants. "You can look now, all the fun bits are covered."
Edd removed the hat from his eyes, and pulled out a small walkie-talkie from his trousers' pocket. He put it to his mouth and pressed a small button on the side. "Double D to Eddy, I repeat, Double D to Eddy, over."
After a moment, the radio crackled, and a slightly distorted voice came from the speaker, overlaid with some barely audible white noise. "Yeah, what's up, over."
"I am stuck in our summerhouse due to horrible weather conditions." the slender boy said, loudly and clearly. "Please notify my parents about that, over."
"Yeah, sure."
"Hi, Double D!" a third voice joined the conversation. "Are you safe? This weather is scary."
After a few seconds of silence, Edd replied "Ed, you're supposed to end your message with 'over', so that I know you stopped. Sadly I have yet to modify our transmitters to allow full-duplex. But yes, I am safe. Over."
"Good to hear that." Eddy muttered. "The hideout's holding up well?"
"Yes." He smiled. "The roof isn't leaking and the walls are sturdy enough."
"Awesome. I'm gonna call your old ones now, give us a shout if something goes wrong. Over and out."
The boy hid his walkie-talkie, content that his friends and family won't be concerned about his well-being.
"Mind doing me a favor?" Marie suddenly piped up.
"If it's reasonable." he replied, trying to be civil. "What do you want?"
"Radio him again and tell him to call my mom." she asked. "You don't want my sisters wrecking up the street trying to find me, now, do you?"
Edd hesitated a bit. On one hand, the memories of a ship-inna-bottle situation were still fresh in his mind, but on the other, he was about to tell his friends that his stuck with Marie, and ask them to willingly contact the Kanker family. Either of those was not something they'd take very well.
"So?" she insisted.
Reluctantly, he raised the device to his face and pressed the PTT button. "Again, Double D to Eddy, over."
After a moment, his tall friend responded. "Ed here! Eddy's on the phone with your parents, telling them that you're safe." After a moment, he added "Rover."
"About that…" the boy scratched his head. "Ed, listen, I am going to tell you something, and it's absolutely vital that you remain calm and do not panic. Do you understand? Over."
"Yes, sir!" The boy saluted, not caring that his friend wasn't able to see that.
The hatted boy took a deep breath. "Ed… could you please notify Marie's family that she is here, with me, and that she is safe? Over."
The boy needed a few seconds to process that statement. "I need confirmation:" he finally responded, "did you just say there's a Kanker next to you? Over."
In response, Marie leaned towards the microphone. „Do not adjust your set, bozo, this is precisely what he said. Over."
"Excuse me," he replied, in a tone reminiscent of an answering machine, "I need to go somewhere to not panic. Please wait."
He put down his radio, and, judging by the uninterrupted transmission, the push-to-talk button got stuck, so he was able to hear a single pair of feet slowly walking off to a different room, then a period of silence, then two people rushing back to the device. The slender boy moved the speaker away from his ear, knowing full well how loudly his stout friend will react to the news.
"Double D, are you there?!" Eddy screamed, not bothering with proper radio etiquette anymore.
"Yes, I am, over." Edd replied.
"Run, Sockhead! Get the fuck away from that psycho!"
Before he could complain about his language and inform about his last escape attempt, Marie snatched the device from him. "How about you stay outta this, shorty?!" she shouted, matching Eddy's volume. "All I want from you is to call my mother and tell her I'm fine!"
"Well, excuuuuuuse me." he replied, his voice dripping with contempt, "I'm sorry that I'm bothered by my best friend being stuck in a cabin with a sociopathic white trash whore!"
She clutched the radio tightly, the plastic cracking in her hand. "Yes, I'm stuck with him!" she screamed. "And I'm gonna do whatever I want to him, and there's nothing you can do about that, you midget fuck!" She threw the device downwards, smashing it into pieces. After taking a few deep breaths, she glanced at the boy, who was now staring at her, with a clumsily raised guard and pepper spray in his hand.
"Oh." she realized what the words that came out of her mouth meant. "That thing… was…" she stammered, before regaining composure, "I just said that to piss him off. Put away the spray."
"Considering the situation, I would rather not." he replied, confidently.
"I said put it away." she demanded.
"Or else what?" he taunted.
"Or I'll make you."
"Make one step and I'll empty that can in your face." the boy threatened.
The two of them attempted to stare each other down. A few seconds in, their annoyance and frustration with each other began to slowly subside, and, bit by bit, the realization about how grotesque this whole stand-off was began to creep in. Neither wanted to back down though, in fear of the other considering that a sign of weakness.
After a minute or so, Edd muttered sarcastically. "Aren't we both mature and grown-up."
Marie faintly smiled. "We've got more in common than either of us would want to admit." After a moment of twirling her thumbs, she added "Do you really need that mace to feel better?"
The boy bit his lip, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't offend her. "Well… it is probable."
"Could you put it down though?" she politely demanded. "I don't really feel safe with this around, you're enough of a jumpy bastard to overreact and spray me for moving my elbow." After a moment, she sighed. "Please? I promise to not hurt you or anything."
After a moment of hesitation, he hid the can back. "You made a valid point, I suppose." he mumbled. They stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before he asked "Well, what now?"
She scratched her head. "We try to not claw each other's eyes out?"
"I think that goes without saying." After a second, he added "You are doing good so far."
"Yeah, lovely." she frowned. "I'm gonna lie on the couch and stare at the ceiling or something."
"And I will attempt to fix the radio and appease my friends."
"Whatevs." she muttered, falling face first on the couch.
Edd glanced around the room, searching for the scattered bits of his walkie-talkie. Having found everything, he put the pieces on the table, ready to inspect them and assess the damage. Somehow, the circuit board inside remained undamaged; he only had to glue all the chunks of the casing together. A few moments and a few drops of cyanoacrylate later, the device was as good as new, with the most difficult part of the repair being getting the batteries from under the furnace. Not wanting to risk semi-permanently attaching the radio to his hand, he decided to let the adhesive dry for a minute.
He peeked aside, and noticed that the girl was where he left her, lying on her back with her eyes closed. She seemed resigned, listening to the thunderstorm outside and waiting for the entire situation to end. There was something, for lack of a better word, unusual about her being so peaceful and non-threatening. It was like watching a sleeping lioness.
He moved his chair so that he was now facing her. "Do you want to talk?"
She ostentatiously turned her back to him. "No. Fuck off."
"Are you bothered by something?" Edd pressed on.
Marie clenched her teeth. "Listen, sweetie." she said, loud, to make sure the boy can hear her. "I'm a lil' bit pissed at everything. You, the weather, this shack, everything. Don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't breathe in my direction."
After a pause, the boy responded. "That's fair. I'll try to avoid you. Regardless, approach me if you require something." Then, he picked up his device and left the room, leaving the girl alone with her thoughts.
Marie started thinking about their argument in the forest. Yes, he was a 'right hand man of a crap con artist' – but what was wrong about that? They weren't selling bleach as cure for autism, they were selling self-made assorted shit, to the same group of kids, all the time. How stupid you've gotta be to fall for that all the time like they did? And at the end of the day, the scams at least taught him something practical, hell, even leaving the scene and hiding from the mob could come in handy at some point in life.
Who designed this shack? Oven Mitt. Who outfitted it with all the things needed to survive a thunderstorm like that? Oven Mitt. Who got himself a radio and carried it on himself to make sure he can inform his friends when shit goes wrong? She could've go on for a while like that. And what did she have to her name? There was some attempts at art and she read a book on Python 'cause she mistook it for an erotic novel at first, but nothing really came out of that. Other than that, she watched TV all day and harassed weaker kids. Hardly something worth putting in a resume.
The door to the antechamber opened and the boy marched back in, with a look of disappointment on his face.
"Does the thing work now?" she glanced at him.
"It appears so." Edd replied. "The problem is, nobody answers. Eddy must have misplaced or turned off his device."
"Woo." she said, with all the enthusiasm of a death row inmate. "Glad I didn't fuck shit up that much."
She went back to staring at her own eyelids. The boy stared at her for a moment, before walking to the couch and sitting down next to her.
"Allow me to apologize."
Her eyes shot wide open. "What."
"I am sorry." he went on. "For all it's worth my behavior was reprehensible. Expecting you to act civil without returning the same would be inconsiderate and hypocritical."
Her mind failed to process that sentence. Eddward, Oven Mitt, her 'personal toy', someone who she had harassed, bullied and molested for years,since the very first day she moved into the neighborhood, said sorry to her.
There. It was the peak. This couldn't get any more ridiculous.
"Are you- are you taking the piss?" she blurted out.
"No, I am one hundred percent honest. Both of us did some regrettable things, and there's no two ways around it."
"The chick spent years making my life hell, and I called her a trollop. " she replied, doing a bad impression. "Clearly I'm the real monster here."
"This isn't about quantifying or comparing our misdeeds." Edd responded. "This is about becoming a better person and moving on."
"And whaddaya expect?" she spat, sitting up. "That I'm gonna say sorry and cry and say something about my harsh life and then we're gonna be BFFs?"
"No." he replied. "But I am confident an acceptance of an apology is within the realm of plausibility."
Marie needed a moment to think about that sentence, not only because of the long words. Initially, she was one hundred percent sure it was a trap, but then she realized it would have to be a trap set up by a guy with no resources and very little preparation. And for all it was worth, he wasn't the type of guy to come up with ploys to humiliate people.
He was honest and respectful this time. She might as well respond in kind.
"Y'know," she scratched her head, "I've been thinking about you an' me, what we both did, what we both represent… And, honestly, the more I think about it,… the less I want to be your enemy, I guess. I mean, worst case scenario, you'll get fed up with my bullshit and mace me till I go blind."
"I would rather avoid that."
"But seriously though," she went on, "let's assume that I'm gonna say sorry to you, here and now. Are you gonna be like 'yeah, sure, you totes changed in the last five minutes, let's make out', or are you gonna be like 'you think I'm dumb enough to fall for it?'?"
"That's false dichotomy." Edd replied. "There is a middle ground between treating me like garbage and an idealized romance from a badly written story."
"What is that middle ground then?"
The boy rubbed his chin. "I think… our current conversation would qualify."
The girl didn't follow. "What?"
"We are having a conversation right now." the boy elaborated. "We are both polite, civil, and considerate. And neither of us is thinking about anything remotely romantic, aren't we?"
"Well, I think you'd look hot without a shirt, but that doesn't count. I think that all the time."
Edd scowled with disgust.
"It was a joke!" she defended herself. "I'm a trailer trash psycho, don't expect me to start quoting Decameron all of a sudden."
The boy stared at her. "Frankly, I am impressed by you knowing such book exists."
"Well, I've read a few books once, just to look smarter and impress you." After a moment, she added. "That's pathetic, innit?"
Before the boy could respond to that, the door to the room was kicked open and two teenagers burst in. Half a second later, the girl was being held at knifepoint.
Both were wearing rain jackets, and, considering the dampness of their hair, hadn't bothered to put on their hoods. The shorter boy was pointing a knife in the girl's general direction, while the taller one was holding her by the wrists. Marie tried to yank herself free, to no avail.
"Eddy! Ed!" Edd shouted.
"Don't… worry… Sockhead." Eddy muttered between breaths. "We… won't… let her… harm you."
"I'm not harming him, alright?" Marie piped in. "Let me go."
"In fact, you could say we're having a bit of an… unspoken ceasefire." the hatted boy added.
"Unspoken ceasefire?" the stout boy repeated, not taking his eyes off the bluenette, on the off-chance she tried anything funny.
"Well, we apologized to each other, and were in the middle of a relatively normal conversation when you… interrupted us." His slender friend put the hand on the blunt side of the blade and pushed it down, away from the girl. "There's no need for hostility."
"Just let me go and let's not talk about this again, alright?"
After a moment of pause, Eddy ordered "Ed, let her go."
He released the girl, and she instantly recoiled from them, her guard raised. "What the fuck, you two?!" she shrieked.
"You've said you can do anything to Sockhead, and then the radio gets cut off!" the short boy shouted back. "What was I supposed to do, sit in my room and wait for what happens?!"
His redheaded friend's fists balled up. "If you dared to hurt Double D, I would've ripped reality apart and you with it." he growled.
"Jeez, did you expect me to strangle him with his own underwear or what?"
"Yeah, something like that." the stout boy replied.
"Nevertheless," the slim boy piped in, "it turned out she was innocent, and you threatened her with a weapon. I think an apology should be in order."
Eddy took a deep breath. He thought his actions were justified, especially considering he was dealing with a Kanker, but he didn't want this whole mess to escalate any further. He outstretched his hand. "Yeah, he's right. Sorry about that."
"Meh, you had a point." The girl admitted, shaking it. "Let's just forget this whole thing happened."
"Already forgotten."
"I have no recollection of this event."
"What are we talking about, guys?"
Having settled on erasing the last few minutes out of their memories, the quartet found themselves out of conversation topics. The next while was spent on awkwardly staring at each other.
"So, what now?" Edd asked, breaking the silence.
"It's still raining." Eddy took off his soaked raincoat. "I don't feel like going home in this weather."
"Who wants to watch something?" Ed did the same. "I've got all three seasons of It Crawled out of The Fridge over here."
"Great idea, Lumpy. " his friend reacted. "Pass me your jacket, I'm gonna hang it in the antechamber."
"Actually, can you two wait there for a moment?" Marie spoke up. "I'd want to talk to Double Din private."
The two boys glared at her, distrustful. Eddy allowed himself to glance at his hatted friend. "Are you fine with that?"
"I… think so." the boy replied, unsure.
"If he's fine with that, then I've got nothing. Ed, leave 'em alone."
The two marched out of the room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Marie slumped down on the couch. "Thanks for stepping in. Didn't knew those two could be that scary."
"Allow me to apologize for their behavior." He placed himself next to her. "We tend to get… defensive when there is a serious threat to a member of our trio."
"We?" She raised an eyebrow. „You wanna tell me you tried to shank somebody?"
"No blades were involved, but… let's just say Eddy's brother got introduced to an improvised stun gun once." the boy admitted. "Purely for self-defense reasons, obviously."
"You think I can do better than that bastard?" the girl asked. "Not be the gal someone uses as an example of the biggest shithead this side of the state?"
"Well, it is possible." He replied. "The neighborhood's attitude towards you won't change overnight, but if you try and appear civil they will gradually warm up to you." He twiddled his thumbs. "And I am willing to vouch for you, if you promise to behave."
She looked him in the eyes. "Really?"
"Yes." he nodded.
An awkward pause followed, and then the girl asked "…can I give you a hug?"
He hesitated for a moment. "If that will make you feel better, sure."
Edd braced himself for impact, expecting to get tackled to the ground. Not that it would be much of an issue for him – knowing a guy like Ed for three-fourths of his life made him indifferent towards such displays of affection. Alas, the impact never came. Instead, the girl wrapped her hands around his torso, and rested his head on his chest.
It was, for lack of a better description, not unpleasant.
"Am I doing this right?" she asked. "I don't wanna mess this all up."
There was no way in hell Marie would say that out loud, but she enjoyed this. She enjoyed him being patient with her, him trying to be supportive, him not freaking out when being hugged. If all she had to do to keep that was to be less of a bitch, she might as well give it a go.
"Ahem."
The two turned to notice Ed and Eddy sticking their heads out of the door to the antechamber.
"You done?"
"Just one more thing." Marie let the hatted boy go and turned to his friends. "Double D kinda lied to you. He said he's sorry, I didn't." She let out a sigh, about to begin the next part of her life. "So, I'm sorry for being a bitch. To him and to you."
"Apology accepted." Edd smiled.
"So, we're all buddies now." the stout boy muttered, entering.
"YAY FOR FRIENDSHIP!" the redhead cheered, missing the sarcasm.
"So," the girl glanced at him, "are we watching that movie or not?"
"I'll make some popcorn."
OH MY FUCKING GOD I spent too much time and effort on this. Given the intended audience, it went to waste, but oh well. Being your own worst critic sucks when you're a downer killjoy with overblown standards.
Anyways, considering the length and the quality of this, this'll probably top Self-Defense as my magnum opus for now. Do you agree, disagree, think my ego is overgrown, that I don't write enough? Leave a review! Preferably constructive, if you may.
"Um, guys."
"What?"
"You did call my sisters, didn't you?"
"Nope, we didn't."
"…shit."