Outsider
Note, Everything in italics is what Severus is dreaming, or seeing in his mind, in his fevered state.
He had been an outsider all his life, unwanted, unloved, despised. The blows his Father rained down upon him told him this, as did the loathing and disappointment in the dark eyes. Only his Mother had looked at him with any hint of love. She was the one who tried to prevent the beatings his Father inflicted on him from a young age. Untill he broke her, and she crumbled apart into a woman with blank eyes who stared at nothing for hours on end, while her small son sobbed in the corner.
Nothing that had happened to Severus Snape in his thirty odd years of life, had changed his opinion that he was an outsider, and would always be alone. He knew that people couldn't be trusted, and that if they seemed to care, then they were only pretending. And as he grew from a small boy into a teenager, he learned to endure his Father's abuse, telling no one of it. For he had learned the value of silence at a young age, silence, not crying, would lessen the beatings a little. Tears would only enrage his Father, encourage him to seek new instruments to thrash his only child with, new ways to torment him.
Though attending Hogwarts had been a welcome respite from the beatings, it did nothing to change his opinion that he was an outsider. After all he was just the strange skinny boy with greasy dark hair, and his nose always buried in a book, that no one wanted to know. Even now as a Professor, he was still in essence an outsider, the other staff members might be civil enough, but still he held to his conviction that he was alone in this world.
Severus tossed and turned feverishly, the sheets of his hospital bed damp with sweat, as Poppy bustled around preparing yet more potions to try and lessen his delirium. Albus and Minerva hovered anxiously by the Potions Master's bed, their faces taut with worry.
"Why would he do this to himself?" Albus whispered, as he reached out and straightened the sheets once more. "Shutting himself away in his dungeon, not telling anyone he was ill ... why would he do this?"
It was several hours since Severus had been found collapsed in his dungeons and rushed to the hospital wing.
No one had thought anything of it when they hadn't seen Severus for the entire weekend, he had a habit of shutting himself away in his dungeons once lessons were over. When he had failed to appear for his Potions class on Monday concern had grown, and a worried Albus had used magic to gain entrance to Severus' chambers.
Once inside Albus had been horrified to discover Severus unconscious, with his robes soaked in sweat, and shivering violently. At once the Headmaster had conjured a stretcher, and transported Severus to the hospital wing, his face grave, and lined with worry.
The small boy cowered in the corner of the garden, between the rough stone wall and the thorn bushes. Thin lines of blood trickled down his hands where the thorns had cut him, his lank black hair flopped over his eyes as he whimpered softly, the day old bruises on his face still sore. He knew his Father was coming for him, he always did.
He could hear his Father crashing drunkenly through the shrubs, cursing as branches tore at his robes. "You'll pay for this boy!" The leather belt swished visciously in the air, making Severus tremble in terror. "Think you can hide from me do you!"
The heavy footsteps grew closer and closer, as Severus huddled against the wall, drawing himself into the tightest ball possible. If only he could just turn invisible. He hardly dared to breath as his Father drew ever closer. "Please don't let him find me, please don't let him find me this time," He whispered silently to himself, but his pleas were no help, as his Father towered over him, belt raised in his hand.
Severus writhed frantically in his hospital bed, moaning in what sounded like terror, as the sweat cascaded down his burning forehead. "Poppy!" Albus called softly, as he reached out a long quivering finger and brushed the sodden black hair from Severus' face.
"Nearly ready Albus," Poppy replied brusquely, "His fever is no longer at the dangerous levels it was before. Try to keep him calm while I finish preparing this potion."
Albus' long fingers drifted through Severus' hair, trying desperately to soothe him, "There... there... m'boy, try to lie still Severus, there's a good boy..."
"No Daddy please don't! I'm sorry, Daddy please!" Severus moaned, as he twisted and turned in the confining sheets, as though desperate to escape.
A concerned glance shot between Albus and Minerva at this. Then as though one, they turned their attention back to Severus. Whilst Minerva wiped his burning head with a damp cloth, and then went to help Poppy with the potion, Albus' hand continued it's soothing motion on Severus' dark head, his voice low and calming, as he murmured, "You're safe now Severus, lie still, you'll be better soon..."
Severus groaned fitfully, then was silent, as Albus continued to murmur in a gentle sing song hum. Albus' hand rested softly against the flushed cheek of the Potions Master, one long finger moving back and forth against the burning skin, as his other hand alternated between bathing Severus' forehead with a cool cloth, and stroking his hair.
The little boy cringed under the bed clothes, he was coming for him, he could hear the footstpes on the stairs. He should never have fallen asleep, then he would have had time to hide, now there was nowhere to run to. Thud thud thud, up the footsteps came, as the child began to tremble. At the last moment he flung himself from the bed and, in desperation, across to the large dark wood wardrobe in the corner. He was sure there were monsters in there, but monsters were far less frightening than his Father, with his drunken bellows of rage and disappointment, and the blows that fell time and time again.
He could hear the door knob turning, and flung himself into the dark cupboard, drawing the door shut just in time. Severus shrank back against the musty smelling wood and the hanging mothballs. Silent, he had to stay silent. Dare he even breath?
Severus could hear his Father moving in the room. At once he wrapped himself into the smallest shape possible, head buried under his arms, legs drawn up tightly, and held his breath for as long as he could. Perhaps tonight his Father wouldn't find him, perhaps tonight he would be safe.
The door of the wardrobe creaked softly open, and Severus tried so hard not to cry, Daddy was always angrier if he cried. For a moment the dark shape stood there looking down at him silently, as Severus wished with all his heart that he didn't exist.
"What are you doing hiding in here little one?" The voice was softer and gentler than anything Severus had ever known before. This wasn't his Father.
Severus remained hunched in a tight ball, this was bound to be another one of his Father's cruel tricks, if he dared to move he would be punished even worse.
Warm breath huffed over him like a summer breeze, as the man bent down to his level. Severus slithered backwards as a hand reached out to him. "Don't be afraid little one, I won't hurt you my child," The man's voice was so soothing, so different to the way everyone else spoke to him.
Cautiously Severus dared to raise his eyes a little. Squatting before him, eyeing him through kind bright blue eyes, was a very old man with a long silver beard and flowing white hair beneath a high pointed hat. A single boney finger reached out slowly, and brushed the lank hair from Severus' face, revealing telltale bruises and scars. "I'm taking you away from here my child, you shall come home with me, and no one will hurt you again, I promise you that."
Gentle arms reached out to lift him up, and Severus froze in terror, then relaxed as the old man cradled him against his shoulder, and murmured soothing words in his ear, as one hand stroked his hair tenderly.
Poppy strode briskly along the ward, a dark glass vial ready in her hand. "The potion is ready, this should reduce his fever. He should wake soon, but I warn you when he does he will be very confused indeed. Delirium does strange things to the mind, and people need time to adjust."
As Albus whispered calming words to Severus, and Minerva lifted his head gently from the pillows, Poppy poured the contents of the vial into his mouth. "Now we watch and wait, this should be quite fast acting," She said, as she settled herself stiffly in the hard wooden chair on the other side of the bed.
The minutes ticked slowly by, as the three of them watched Severus anxiously.
"Are you sure this is the right potion?" Albus asked worriedly.
"Yes Albus I am sure, it just needs time to work," Poppy answered patiently, despite the fact that Albus had asked her the same thing at least three times already.
An hour passed and at last Poppy had good news, as she took Severus' temperature again. "His fever's breaking, he should wake soon."
For the first time since he had found Severus, the twinkle returned to Albus' eyes, and he gripped Minerva's hand in relief, as she wiped a tear from her face.
There was a sharp intake of breath from Albus, as Severus' dark eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks, and slowly his eyes opened. Dark orbs, still muddy with confusion and fever blinked up at them. "Where am I?" Severus whispered.
"You've been sick Severus, very sick indeed, you're in the hospital wing." Albus answered gently, light blue eyes intently on Severus, as though there was much more he would like to say.
The dark eyes locked with his. "You saved me..." Severus whispered.
"I think it was more Poppy's work m'boy," Albus answered gently.
"No it was you." Severus stated firmly.
A cool hand drifted lightly across his forehead. "You're still a little feverish my boy, a little confused." Albus said softly.
"You came and stopped Daddy from hitting me any more. You rescued me." Severus insisted, with all the strength he could muster.
Severus didn't understand the sudden sadness in the old man's eyes, unless it was because the old man was disappointed in him, perhaps he didn't want him anymore. Perhaps he was angry with him for getting sick, and would send him back to his Father. "I'm sorry for getting sick, please don't send me back to him," He pleaded.
"Oh Severus, my boy, I will never send you away. You are safe here," The old man said softly, as a gentle hand clasped on his, the grip warm and firm. Silver hair tickled his face, as the man leant forward and kissed him briefly and tenderly on his throbbing forehead. "Sleep now, my son, you are safe here little one, no one will hurt you again," The old man commanded gently.
Albus permitted himself a brief smile, as Severus' dark lashes fluttered shut and he fell into a peaceful sleep. Albus settled himself on the chair by the bed, Severus' hand still grasped in his. "How could I have failed him so?" Albus whispered brokenly, "I should have seen the signs, should have known, should have reached out to him more. How could I have failed him so terribly?"
"We all failed him Albus, not just you," Minerva said firmly, "You are not to blame for this, you hear me."
"No Minerva you are wrong, the fault is very much mine," Albus said sadly. A quivering hand reached up to rub his eyes tiredly. "If only I had known..."
"Enough of this," Poppy interrupted briskly. "Trying to decide who is to blame will not help Severus. The fault is as much mine for heavens sake! I was school nurse when he was a student and i didn't notice anything either, but what matters now is helping Severus."
Albus' grip on Severus' hand tightened, "I will make this up to you Severus, I will make sure you never feel so alone again." He vowed.
With a brief smile Poppy nudged Minerva in the ribs, and whispered, "Looks like you two might have adopted a new son."
"I wonder how Severus will feel about that once he's more his normal self..." Minerva murmured wryly, but the glance she shot at the thin dark haired figure sleeping in the bed before her was decidedly motherly.
Author's Notes
This was written for camp nanowrimo last year, and I forgot all about it untill now. I hope it wasn't too confusing? All feedback welcomed. I really was unsure how to portray the things that Severus remembered or dreamed of in his fever, so I hope the italics were okay?