Many of you might have guessed already, but I'm a big Vocaloid fan. And a few months ago, I clicked on the link to a Vocaloid music video. I didn't know of the huge wave of angst, feels, and times of crying and screaming into my pillow to come. Yet.
To put it shortly, I discovered Datsugoku and I fell into hell.
Oh, feels and angst cannot describe it all. I remember the shocked expression that was left on my face for a whole minute after finishing the music video, and then I screamed in anguish.
NERU. YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE US LIKE THIS WITH THIS.
After madly searching for fanart on pixiv and tumblr, crying over the GODDAMN STORY, fangirling over Kuina, and trying to fill that vortex that now resides in my soul, I wrote my own endings to this song. Because NERU YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE US LIKE THIS WITH THIS. I wrote a happy ending and a sad ending (this is the happy end, which you might have figured out already), and I'll be posting the sad end soon. I think the Vocaloid category is the right place to post this? I know there are many of you out there like me so here. I present you with this.
Kawasemi awoke to the sight of an unfamiliar ceiling.
It was white in color; in fact, his surroundings were all rather white. That was different from the prison (or "birdcages", as everyone liked to call them) he had lived in for his whole life. He was lying down, his head propped up nicely by a soft pillow. That was weird; he could never afford something like that. Comfort was for the wealthy. The poor only had the leftovers the rich spat out.
He slowly sat up, clutching his head. He noticed that there were bandages covering his hands and around his head. He turned his hands around and inspected them. His head was fine aside from feeling a bit dizzy.
"So you've finally woken up." said a voice that couldn't be more familiar to Kawasemi's ears. He turned to his left, and his eyes widened.
It was him.
Leaning against the white wall of this room with a bored expression on his face, was Kawasemi's childhood friend, Kuina.
He still wore his officer uniform (no matter what, he still couldn't and wouldn't throw away this title, thought Kawasemi bitterly) and he had his arms folded across his chest. His blindfold was gone, a peculiar detail which Kawasemi noted with interest, showing his true face and emotions.
Although he had grown up and changed, he was still Kuina. The same Kuina that was thrown into the same "birdcage" as him for his rebellious acts a long, long time ago. The same Kuina that grew up with him, that became his best friend and the one that he could tell his dreams to. The same Kuina that had come up with a design plan of that airplane that day, wanting to run away with him. He was still Kuina.
But at the same time, he was a betrayer. He was the one who betrayed his own wish of running away. He was the one who threw their dreams of looking down at the garbage-like city from the top of their birdcage into the trash. He was the one who stomped on their dreams of finding warmth and love outside of their cage. He was the one who went and joined the officers, leaving Kawasemi all alone in that horrible, horrible prison.
Kuina.
"You..." Kawasemi growled, reaching for his daggers. His fingers did not feel the handle of the blade that he had planned to hurl at Kuina. Kuina raised an eyebrow.
"The first thing you do after reuniting with your best friend is plan to assassinate him? You've changed, Kawasemi." he said, standing upright. Kawasemi laughed coldly.
"You were my friend." he spat out. Kuina widened his eyes. "And you're one to talk. You've changed too. You've changed." Kuina laughed bitterly.
"Yeah, I've changed." he only said simply, looking out the window, his eyes fixating on something in the distance.
"Why are you here? Why am I here?" asked Kawasemi, still holding his guard up. This was no longer the Kuina he knew, so he didn't know what he would do next. For all he knew, Kuina could kill him right here, on the spot.
"What, you don't remember anything?" asked Kuina. "About that stupid airplane and your stupid actions?" Something in Kawasemi's mind clicked. He remembered.
"I flew out in the airplane yesterday... And it blew up, didn't it?" he said. He looked at his bandaged hands. "I can't believe I survived an explosion like that."
"Your luck's too good." Kuina scoffed. "Nobody could have survived a fall like that. I was ready to bring out the white flowers already."
"Then why am I here?" asked Kawasemi, ignoring Kuina's previous comment. "I could never afford to be in a hospital. Besides, I'm one of the birdcage prisoners. I would never be allowed here, not to say receive treatment." Seeing that Kuina turned away and didn't answer him, Kawasemi's eyes widened.
"You..." he said.
"...You're annoying!" Kuina finally burst out. "Yeah, I paid for your hospital bills! I talked to the officers and pleaded them desperately to allow you to get treatment! Show some respect to your savior, you idiot!" Kawasemi was surprised. That was the most emotion he had seen Kuina show since a long time ago. He couldn't help but laugh slightly.
"Well, thanks, I guess..." said Kawasemi.
"Hmph." said Kuina grudgingly.
"But, why? I thought you hated me." asked Kawasemi.
"You're asking your savior why he saved you? I guess I should have just left you there and not cared about you at all!" said Kuina. Seeing Kawasemi's serious expression, he sighed. "...I don't hate you. You're annoying, stupid, and you still hold onto those childish dreams no matter what. But at the same time, I envy you. You didn't give up anything you treasured, and no matter how harsh the reality was, you still pushed on forward. You're my only friend, no matter it be those times of our stupid childhood or now."
Kawasemi was surprised. He had thought Kuina hated him, and all these years he spent the time hating him back. He thought their friendship had broken off the day Kuina left to join the officers, but now, it was mending.
"And you?" asked Kuina, turning to Kawasemi. "You must hate me a lot. You threw a dagger simply at the sight of me."
"That was because you were holding a gun aimed at me! That was self-defense!" Kawasemi couldn't help but say. The two of them looked at each other, and couldn't help but laugh.
"I... Hated how you left me all alone and joined the officers, the people that had been your enemies. I couldn't believe it. I thought you hated me, so I did the same to you. But, to be honest, I don't hate the you standing in front of me now." said Kawasemi. Kuina's eyes widened, and he smiled ever so slightly.
"...Why did you become an officer?" asked Kawasemi. Kuina's fists clenched.
"Back then, it was me who brought up the idea of running away. I was the one who came up with the design plan of that airplane. We tried day after day to build an airplane that worked, but we kept failing. I had pulled you into my dreams, and it was my designs that had failed you. It was me that kept disappointing you. I soon realized that my designs had many flaws, and that running away was almost impossible. I was only causing you to feel more and more despair with this childish dream. The harsh reality made me realize this. That's why I decided to join the police." he said, not able to meet Kawasemi's eyes. Was he ashamed? Was he guilty? Kawasemi couldn't tell.
"But what's childish about me is that I haven't given up." Kawasemi looked at Kuina, his eyes widening. It was only now that he noticed the pair of flight goggles clipped at Kuina's side. The pair that was the same as Kawasemi's. "Even though I became an officer, I still held onto that dream. I knew it was stupid and that it would need a lot of work and effort, but I just couldn't let it go. Finding warmth and love out of these prisons, looking down at the garbage-like city from the top of our birdcage, I remembered it all."
"Kuina," said Kawasemi, calling out his best friend's name for the first time in years. Kuina looked up at the mention of his name. Red and blue eyes met and stared at each other for the first time during this meeting. "I believe you."
"What, you don't hate me? For all those things I've done?" asked Kuina. Kawasemi smiled.
"If I have to choose between like or hate, then I guess I like you. We're friends, Kuina." he said.
"Kawasemi..." said Kuina, surprised. But his mouth soon widened into a sincere smile.
"Let's run away again someday, together."
These are all headcanons. A lot of it is probably my overthinking, but I don't care I just want them to be happy T-T I couldn't just write angst for them because I just couldn't. (sighs) If you haven't seen Datsugoku by Neru then I suggest you search it up (so we can all cry together...) I hope that made your life better, I guess, and if it did, make sure to leave a review to tell me that it did! See you soon!
~Chinnie Ai