I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters. I do not intended to make a profit, etc........
Gundam Wing's Cinderella Special
*Purple curtain opens revealing stage. A straight faced Noin walks onto stage. Reaches for microphone and clears her throat.*
Noin: "Ahem. Um. Hello. If you don't know already this is the Gundam Wing Cinderella Special. It's a comic play about a teenage boy, er, girl, that is forced to work endlessly for her evil stepbrothers, er, stepsisters and stepmother. As you will see, her luck is about to change. Before we begin, I will introduce the cast."
*a long pause. Noin looks off stage looking a little confused.*
Noin: "Ahem! I said, now I will introduce the cast!"
*Noin turns to audience and shrugs apologetically*
Noin: "Excuse them, they're a little bit shy. To start off, we have the star of our production. Cinderella, will you please show yourself."
*Orchestra strikes a drum roll and a red faced Quatre wearing a maid's outfit steps on stage. The outfit was cut off shorter than what would be expected and it showed off Quatre's creamy legs. He looks very sexy and alluring with his innocent looks and with the long blonde wig. Several members of the audience begin to drool, even some of the guys because he looks very much like a girl. Quatre walks to Noin, swishing his hips like a model. Waves at the crowd.*
Noin: "Ummm. That's nice."
(All the while staring at his crouch. Hey, Noin's human too, despite what everyone thinks!)
Noin: "Moving on. Next, we have the two evil stepsisters and stepmother."
*A angry, red faced Wufei and a beaming Duo prance onto stage. They are both wearing long dresses with the back sticking out to show off an obviously fake but very large rear. Duo's hair is down and unbraided and Wufei has a big bow in his. (one of the signs of the apocalypse) Behind them, Rashid, wearing a curly haired white wig and a purple dress similar to everyone else's stomps on stage.*
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! I demand to know why I have to be a stepsister!"
Duo: "Cause you look good in a dress and you're not fat enough to be a pumpkin."
*Wufei glowers at Duo and Quatre and Noin and the audience as he mutters about injustice. The pair walks across the stage. Heero blows a kiss to his partner and Duo winks at him.*
Noin: "That's nice. Don't they look pretty ladies and gents?"
*rousing cheer from the audience. Quatre chants Rashid's name over and over again because he was the one to 'convince' him to be the stepmother. Duo curtsies perfectly and everyone wonders how he learned how to do it so well. Wufei glowers with more emphasis*
Noin: "And of course, who can forget the enchanting fairy godmother!"
*The crowd oooohs as Heero tiptoes on stage ballerina style wearing a "magic" tutu. Duo whistles appreciatively and Heero looks stone faced as always.*
Noin: "Isn't that nice. And kind of scary. Moving on...... Lastly we have the handsome prince."
*Quatre, very uncharacteristically yells out, "Go Trowa!" As the spiky haired boy wearing a dashing suit of satin white and leather brown strides on stage. Wufei continues to mutter about injustice and lucky Trowa gets to be the prince.*
Noin: "Finally, a boy not in drag! Err.... Well that's the cast. I of course, will be narrating. So sit back, relax and enjoy the show."
Curtain closes and a long silence follows. Hushed chatter in the audience. Zechs and Treize sit in the far back with stunned looks of horror on their faces.
Curtain opens again and a spotlight shines upon the scene. A large room with a long spiral staircase is being slowly washed by dirty maid Quatre. As the spotlight falls upon him he looks up to the audience and gives them his best, killer smile.*
Quatre: "Oh woe is me! Forced to work all day and night for my evil stepsisters and stepmothers. I wish somewhat would come rescue me. I have only my mice and birds to comfort me."
*As if to prove his point, a mouse runs up to him. Quatre takes one look at it and bursts into song. I'll Be Your Friend! Audience is rooted to their seats in fear and shock. Treize begins to cough painfully. Zechs begins to bang his head against the wall
Song ends and Duo and Wufei begin to walk daintily down the spiral staircase*
Duo: "Oh cabana boy! Err, slave girl! Go clean the chimney!"
*Wufei opens his mouth to say his line but then trips and tumbles down the stairs with several loud thumps. Upon hitting the bottom, his dress flies up showing his pantyhose to the whole audience. Treize stops coughing long enough to cheer and then goes back to hacking loudly.*
Wufei: "God....... Umm. Yes, and after that do the laundry and the cleaning!"
*Glowers at Quatre ferociously as if saying I'll get you for this!
Quatre: "Umm, umm. Rashid! Line!"
*Crowd giggles nervously as Rashid, still dressed up in his dress and high heals runs to the top of the staircase and calls down Quatre's- er, Cinderella's line.*
Quatre: "Oh, right. Oh please, sisters. Can't I take a nap? I have not slept in so very long!"
Rashid: "No you may not, master Quatre! Err, Cinderella. You must work hard to make up for the fact that we let you live with us."
Quatre: "But this is my house!"
*Quatre's lower lip begins to tremble out of character. Wufei rolls his eyes and in a hushed whisper reminds Quatre that it is just a play.*
Quatre: "Oh yeah. I forgot. I will go work now."
*Quatre bends over to pick up sponge and his already short maid's skirt rises, giving the crowd a good look of his hiney. Treize is now on the floor and Zechs has taken off his helmet and beating himself with it. Curtain closes on Quatre walking out and Wufei beginning to yell at the other members of the cast. A few minutes past before the spotlight goes to a pale Noin standing a small platform on the side stage.*
Noin: "Oh god, I mean, hello there! Ummm, next we will go to the Prince who's wasting away without a boyfriend, er Queen by his side."
*Curtain opens again upon a royal king sized bed with nice satin sheets and a dresser with a huge mirror. Trowa detaches himself from a very dirty maid Quatre where he had his hands up the other boy's skirt. Trowa rolls him off the bed on the side away from the audience. Quatre hits the ground with a thump and a yelp. Trowa tries desperately to straighten as the audience looks on in horrified shock. Treize begins to strangle himself while Zechs wraps a rope that controls the curtain around his throat in an attempt to hang himself*
Trowa: "Oh, err! Ummm...... hi? Um, here I am, wasting away without a queen. I will host a ball so that all the.... ladies in the land may attend."
(small voice from under the bed) Quatre: "Rashid! Get me an advill!"
*Curtain closes as Rashid runs out with a bottle of medicine and Trowa dives to help Quatre to his feet*
Noin: "Oh my god. That's scarring. Let's just try to get through the rest of the play."
*clears throat*
Noin: "So invitations were sent out to all corners of the land saying all ladies could attend. Now we will open to Mrs. Rashid's."
*Curtain opens to reveal Duo, Wufei, and Rashid in fancy dresses. Quatre cleans the floor off in the background. Doorbell rings*
Duo: "I'll get it! Get out of the way, can't you see I have to get the door!"
*Duo rushes over to the door leaping over anything that gets in his way. Hard to do in a long dress and high heals. Again, everyone wonders how he's so skilled, almost as if he's had practice.......*
Duo: "Hi there! Is that for me?"
*Another one of Quatre's servants is standing there wearing a white wig and holding a letter baring the royal seal of Prince Trowa. Duo snatches the letter as he responds.*
Rashid-wanna-be: "Oh, er, hello. Yes, it's a dispatch from the Prince declaring that all eligible ladies should attend his ball. Sadly, it's only for ladies, not cross dressing guys so- Oh wait, never mind. You are all welcome to visit."
*Wufei rolls his eyes and decides to make a sarcastic remark.*
Wufei: "Oh goody!"
*Servant leaves and Wufei and Duo proceed to fight over the letter. Rashid walks over to them and snatches it away. Quatre stops washing and looks on with interest.*
Rashid: "Girls, girls! Please! We must be dressed up so we can make a good impression on the prince. After all, we want him to get married to one of you someday. It would be illegal in the US but if we go to some small obscure town or maybe Vegas, we can- Oh wait, never mind!"
*Zechs stuffs his hands in his bleeding ears. A gargle comes from the floor where Treize can no longer get up. Quatre walks over and very politely taps Rashid on the shoulder*
Quatre: "It says there that all ladies must be present. That means me too! Can I go, stepmother? Can I please?"
Rashid: "You certainly may not, Master Quatre! You haven't finished all your chores. It's about time you do your own work! All day, all I hear is Rashid this, or Rashid that! I don't know how I put up with it! One of these days, when you least expect it, I'll snap! And then! Rashid will have his revenge! Mwahahahaha!"
*A stunned silence from the crowd. Even Treize and Zechs have stopped their suicidal attempts to stare at the disgruntled servant. Quatre's eyes have grown from their usual 1/4 the size of his head, to 1/3.*
Rashid: "Ahem. Will there be anything else, Master Quatre?"
*Quatre shakes head in obvious disbelief. Rashid smiles sweetly and walks off stage. Duo and Wufei clear their throats.*
Wufei: "Well..... let that be a lesson to you then. I'm going to go get ready now. Right Duo?"
Duo: "Yes...... let's go."
*Duo and Wufei run off stage quickly in the opposite way Rashid took. Quatre dramatically throws back on hand on his head.*
Quatre: "Oh woe is me! I so want to go to the ball. I dream of meeting a handsome Trowa, er, prince that will whisk me away! I wish I had a fairy godfather to come help me!"
*The whole crowd, all in unison, pictures the godfather for a few moments before Quatre realizes his error.*
Quatre: "Oh! Godmother! Oh godmother! Won't you come help me?"
*Stares up at the sky, waiting for Heero to make a dramatic entrance as usual.*
Author: All I can say is about time Heero shows up! Everyone who was waiting expectantly for Heero to make his big appearance, give me a cheer! Yeah, you too, in the back! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Give me a cheer for Heero!
*Heero, wearing his pink tutu with cute little wings with sparkly glitter all over them, jumps from a catwalk above the stage and lands on one knee. He pulls out his magic wand with a little star on the end and points it at Quatre like a pistol*
Heero: "I'll destroy you. Wait-"
*switches to a higher pitched, overdone, feminine voice.*
Heero: "Why hello there! I believe you asked for assistance?"
Quatre: "Oh my! Who are you?"
Heero: "I'm your fairy godmother!"
*Heero curtsies and Duo makes a disapproving noise from off stage.*
Duo: "No no no no! We've practiced this before! You're doing it all wrong!"
*Noin and Wufei slowly turn to look at him. Blink. Blink.*
Duo: "What!?"
*Treize and Zechs have continued their self destructive acts. Treize has gone delirious and is babbling to his parakeets about how it actually wasn't that affective to stomp on elephants while in a Gundam, rather it would be more productive to use them to make a big slice of toast. Zechs is crawling on the floor eating old M&Ms hoping they'll give him food poisoning.*
Quatre: "Oh. You don't look like my fairy godmother."
Heero: "Well I just am, OK? Do you want to go to the ball or not?"
Quatre: "Oh yes, please! But I don't have anything to wear!"
Heero: "See! See this is why it's obvious that you're gay!"
*Quatre's lower lip begins to tremble*
Quatre: "Yeah well, well. At least I'm secure with myself! You and your whole, 'I'll kill everybody! The world is a horrible place!' I mean come on, Heero! You're such a drama queen!"
Heero: "Well maybe you're just too secure! Did you think of that? You and Trowa having wild monkey sex while the rest of us watch wrestling and drink fruit punch while we listen to Duo babble on and on! I mean, really!"
*Quatre yells out a Xena battle cry and launches himself at Heero. He latches onto Heero's hair and pulls with all his might. Heero begins to beat him with the wand. Duo and Trowa rush on stage and pull them apart. Duo and Trowa exchange looks as they drag their partners off stage. The curtain closes and the spotlight falls on Noin. She finishes banging her head against the podium and looks up. Gives the audience a nutty smile that makes everyone shudder.*
Noin: "Hello. Sorry about that. It won't happen again. I grantee it."
*grits teeth while squeezing the wood of the stand so hard that it splinters*
Noin: "So basically the godmother does a little magic and turns Quatre into a girl and makes her rags into dress and the mouse into a horse and pumpkin into a carriage. Then they all ride off to the ball with a warning that at midnight her magic would disappear. We open to the ballroom where the prince is unimpressed with his guests."
*Curtain opens revealing crowded ballroom. Most of the extras are Quatre's servants or OZ soldiers dressed up in women's clothing.*
Author: "Sorry, I have to say it. 'EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!' Just picture that for a moment and you'll agree with me. OK, getting back to the story."
*Among the..... people are Quatre's evil stepsisters and mother. Off in the corner, Trowa looks bored. He's wearing a fancy dress outfit with gold trim on the side. He has a large crown with lots of gems on it. Somehow he's managing to slide it on despite his odd hair.*
Rashid: "Oh look, there's the Prince. Isn't he dashing?"
Duo: "Oh yes, I totally agree! Don't you, stepsister?"
*Wufei glares at both of them.*
Duo: "Come on, Wufei! It's your line!"
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! I refuse to say it!"
*Noin hisses at him from side stage. She's got a killer gleam in her eye and her hands are trembling uncontrollably. Not a good sign.*
Noin: "Say it, little Chinese man! Say it or I'll crush your skull like a grape after the play's over."
Wufei: "Fine!"
*rolls his eyes and talks in monotone.*
Wufei: "You are both so very right. He is such a hottie. I think his buns are so unbelievably tight and he has the bod of a athlete."
*Gargle from Zechs' and Treize's general direction.
Relena appears in the audience near where Zechs is eating candy off the floor. She apologizes to everyone near her and says something about a press conference and a multiple personality experiment.*
Relena: "What did I miss?"
*People around her exchange looks.*
Relena: "What?"*
*Door to ballroom slams on stage and Trowa looks up to see Quatre in a long gown walk in. He's wearing white gloves and has lots of lace. And, yes, you guessed it; glass slippers! He looks very much like a girl.*
Quatre: "Hello? Is this the royal ball?"
Trowa: "Why yes! Yes it is!"
*Trowa runs up to the handsome young lady and bows. He bends over and kisses Quatre's hand causing him to blush. Everyone else gags.*
Trowa: "May I have the honor of knowing such a beautiful lady's name?"
Quatre: "Nobody worthy of your eyes, your highness."
Relena: "Hey woman! Why you callin him that? Get with the times, my sister! All people are equal. You need to stand up for your rights! How about it, my sister?"
Quatre: "OK........ Rashid! Bring me security!"
*Men in white uniforms come and drag Relena away. She's yelling about how she will throw all men into a big pit and only feed them beer once a week when the door to the auditorium closes and the sound is cut off.*
Trowa: "That's nice. So. Would you like to dance?"
Quatre: "It would be my honor."
*Quatre and Trowa begin to dance gracefully. A small circle forms around them."
Rashid: "Who is she? I seem to recognize her but I can't remember who she is."
Duo: "Of course you know them! That's Trowa and Quatre! Don't you remember? Oh yeah! I don't know stepmother. Whoever could they be?"
Wufei: "Whoever they are, they dance weak! Weak people should not dance!"
Duo: "Man, what are you talking about?"
*Curtain closes. Noin steps out. It appears as if she's regained much of her composure.*
Noin: "The pair danced and danced. Time flew by and so Cinderella did not notice when the bell tolled twelve and the ghost of Christmas Past appeared. Wait! Errrrrrr!"
*Noin squeezes the microphone so tight it shatters. The curtain opens as a repair crew sneaks up to fix the equipment. Relena slips back in under the cloak of darkness. Darkness takes a seat and Relena whispers a thank you for letting her borrow his cloak. Treize and Zechs lie in the middle of the aisle, unconscious. Relena frowns at them before realizing that they've probably been at the beer. Those stupid men!
A clock begins to toll and Quatre looks up.*
Quatre: "Oh no! I must be going! It's far too late! Great party, I had a wonderful time!"
Trowa: "Must you leave? I don't even know your name! Please wait!"
Quatre: "No, no! I have to leave! Goodbye, my prince!"
Trowa: "Wait! When will I see you again?"
*Duo and Wufei mutter off stage.*
Wufei: "Probably in the dress room after the play's over, knowing them!"
Duo: "Just because Treize doesn't love you as much as Heero loves me, doesn't mean you have to take it out on everyone else!"
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! Treize loves me much more than Heero loves you!"
Rashid: "Now, now! I won't have my children arguing!"
Duo and Wufei: "SHUT UP!"
*Quatre rushes off stage, leaving behind a single glass slipper. Trowa walks over and picks it up*
Trowa: "I'll find her. With God as my witness I'll- ..... find him- her!"
*Curtain closes. Light falls on Noin who is still trying to get the microphone to work.*
Noin: "God damn.... Piece of- Oh, hello! So....... Rashid! Line please!"
Rashid: "Excuse me! I only take shit from Master Quatre. And believe me, that's going to end soon enough!"
Relena: "You tell him, girlfriend!"
*Everyone looks at Relena for a moment. Blink. Blink. Attention shifts back to Noin."
Noin: "All righty then. So Quatre ran all the way home. By the time he got there, the magic had faded. All that remained were the glass slippers, one in his hand and one in the Prince's. The very next day, the Prince began his search throughout the kingdom. Finally, after much searching he arrived at the Winner household."
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! Why is it the Winner household?"
Noin: "Shut up, Wufei! We will now go to the scene. Isn't this exciting?"
*Stage opens to Quatre once again in a maid outfit while Wufei, Duo, and Rashid are dressed in their finest. The doorbell rings.*
Duo: "I'llgetitI'llgetitI'llgetit- hi!"
*Duo flings open door to see Heero dressed in a little brown suit standing there holding an envilope and a glass slipper.*
Duo: "Heero? What are you doing here? I thought you were the fairy godmother!"
Heero: "The real king'sman got sick. Now I have to be a lacky. It destroys me."
Duo: "Well glad to have you back!"
Noin: "Ahem!"
Duo: "Oh hello there, kind sir. Is that the glass slipper we must try on?"
Heero: "I will read the proclomation soon enough. Who is the baroness of this house?"
Rashid: "I am she."
Heero: "Ah. Good. Now will you be kind enough to let me in?"
*Duo moves out of the way and Heero comes in and sits down on a chair. Quatre has stopped working and Rashid snaps at him to get back to work. Heero unscolls a long parchment and clears his throat.*
Heero: "Duo: 'Oh hello there, kind sir. Is that the glass slipper we must try-' Ooops, wrong side! That's the script."
*Somewhere of stage a primal growl is heard coming out of Noin. Zechs and Treize begin to stir.*
Heero: "Ah. 'By order of the prince: in search for his belovid who dissappeared the previous night without a trace, all eligable ladies in the land must try on this glass slipper. If it fits them, then they are the lady for whom he seeks.'"
Wufei: "Like Trowa wrote that! The guy barily speaks three words at once much less-"
*Another primal growl from off stage. Closer this time. Wufei stops and looks around before sitting down quietly.*
Duo: "OK. I get to go first!"
Wufei: "INJUSTICE!"
Duo: "Bite me!"
Rashid: "Girls, girls! Please we mustent-"
Duo and Wufei: "SHUT UP!"
*Duo and Wufei lunge at each other and get in a slap fight.*
Duo: "You're ugly!"
*slap*
Wufei: "Ow! You're stupid!"
*slap*
Duo: "Ow! You do know Treize is cheating on you with Zechs?"
*slap*
Wufei: "Ow! INJUSTICE! That's not true! You little bi-"
*Meanwhile, Rashid had tried on the slipper and it didn't fit his oversized Arabian feet.
Wufei grabs Duo and throws him into the orcestra pit. There is a huge boom and Duo lands on a gigantic drum. Wufei yells a cry of triumph before Duo reaches up and yanks him into the pit as well. Treize and Zechs get to their feet.*
Treize: "It appears as though a brawl is taking place.*
Zechs: "I agree. Shall we join them?"
Treize: "Oh yes, please!"
*Treize and Zechs launch into a fistfight. Near them, Relena cheers them on, hoping they'll kill each other. Meanwhile, on stage......*
Quatre: "Rashid! Make them stop!"
*Rashid turns slowly to look at "Master Quatre." He has a dangerous glint in his eye.*
Quatre: "Rashid...... um, Rashid, you're starting to scare me."
*Rashid slowly takes a step towards Quatre. Then another.*
Quatre: "It's OK Rashid. Never mind. Forget I said anything. Just don't look at me like that!"
Rashid: "You know something, Master Quatre? I really hate you. I despise you. The only reason I saved your life all those times is to get to your sisters. Yes Quatre, that's right! I've slept with your sisters, all twenty-nine of them!"
Quatre: "You bastard!"
Rashid: "Test-tube baby!"
*Quatre unleashes a primal howl and rushes at Rashid. Rashid grabs for his throat and the pair tumbles into the orchestra pit where Duo and Wufei are already bashing it out.*
Trowa: "Oh. My. God. Kill me now! First the I'll be your friend song, now this! When will it all end? Haven't I suffered enough?"
*Suddenly, without warning, Noin charges at Trowa. Her eyes are bloodshot and froth hangs out of her mouth.*
Noin: "My play is ruined! You shall pay!"
*Noin collides with Trowa and they fly into the audience which decides now is a good time to run. The audience flocks towards the exits in pandemonium."
*Heero slowly makes towards the nearest exit. A bewildered Cathy who is just entering bumps into him.*
Cathy: "Heero! What happened? Where's my brother?"
Heero: "The play..... went to hell. Your brother's currently dueling Noin."
Cathy: "Who's in charge?"
Heero: "Well, Trowa is holding his own fairly well......"
Cathy: "I mean who's the thespian of the play?"
Heero: "Noin actually."
Duo: "What! Noin's a lesbian?"
Wufei: "I knew it! Heero, Trowa, pay up!"
*Trowa, who is currently trying to impale Noin with his hair, grunts.*
Trowa: "A little busy here. Besides. I don't believe it! You're not a lesbian, are you Noin?"
Noin: "Of course not! And as soon as I'm done with you I'm going to get Duo and Wufei back for saying that!"
Heero: "I'm sorry Cathy even brought it up."
Cathy: "But I-"
Heero: "Can it. It doesn't matter anyway."
*Heero begins to walk backstage but as he reaches the doorway, Relena finally catches up to him. She politely taps him on the shoulder. Heero turns and she punches him in the face.*
Relena: "This is for trying to kill me all those times. And for doing it in the same damned spot. And most of all for being a sexist pig!"
*Relina kicks Heero in the groin. Heero grunts but without warning tackles her to the ground. Everyone else goes back to their individual fights, Noin's possible Lesbianism forgotten. Cathy looks over them a final time before turning to leave. Before she does, she tugs on the cord and curtain closes. Darkness applauds loudly before standing up and leaving the brawlers to their wars.*
Gundam Wing's Cinderella Special
*Purple curtain opens revealing stage. A straight faced Noin walks onto stage. Reaches for microphone and clears her throat.*
Noin: "Ahem. Um. Hello. If you don't know already this is the Gundam Wing Cinderella Special. It's a comic play about a teenage boy, er, girl, that is forced to work endlessly for her evil stepbrothers, er, stepsisters and stepmother. As you will see, her luck is about to change. Before we begin, I will introduce the cast."
*a long pause. Noin looks off stage looking a little confused.*
Noin: "Ahem! I said, now I will introduce the cast!"
*Noin turns to audience and shrugs apologetically*
Noin: "Excuse them, they're a little bit shy. To start off, we have the star of our production. Cinderella, will you please show yourself."
*Orchestra strikes a drum roll and a red faced Quatre wearing a maid's outfit steps on stage. The outfit was cut off shorter than what would be expected and it showed off Quatre's creamy legs. He looks very sexy and alluring with his innocent looks and with the long blonde wig. Several members of the audience begin to drool, even some of the guys because he looks very much like a girl. Quatre walks to Noin, swishing his hips like a model. Waves at the crowd.*
Noin: "Ummm. That's nice."
(All the while staring at his crouch. Hey, Noin's human too, despite what everyone thinks!)
Noin: "Moving on. Next, we have the two evil stepsisters and stepmother."
*A angry, red faced Wufei and a beaming Duo prance onto stage. They are both wearing long dresses with the back sticking out to show off an obviously fake but very large rear. Duo's hair is down and unbraided and Wufei has a big bow in his. (one of the signs of the apocalypse) Behind them, Rashid, wearing a curly haired white wig and a purple dress similar to everyone else's stomps on stage.*
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! I demand to know why I have to be a stepsister!"
Duo: "Cause you look good in a dress and you're not fat enough to be a pumpkin."
*Wufei glowers at Duo and Quatre and Noin and the audience as he mutters about injustice. The pair walks across the stage. Heero blows a kiss to his partner and Duo winks at him.*
Noin: "That's nice. Don't they look pretty ladies and gents?"
*rousing cheer from the audience. Quatre chants Rashid's name over and over again because he was the one to 'convince' him to be the stepmother. Duo curtsies perfectly and everyone wonders how he learned how to do it so well. Wufei glowers with more emphasis*
Noin: "And of course, who can forget the enchanting fairy godmother!"
*The crowd oooohs as Heero tiptoes on stage ballerina style wearing a "magic" tutu. Duo whistles appreciatively and Heero looks stone faced as always.*
Noin: "Isn't that nice. And kind of scary. Moving on...... Lastly we have the handsome prince."
*Quatre, very uncharacteristically yells out, "Go Trowa!" As the spiky haired boy wearing a dashing suit of satin white and leather brown strides on stage. Wufei continues to mutter about injustice and lucky Trowa gets to be the prince.*
Noin: "Finally, a boy not in drag! Err.... Well that's the cast. I of course, will be narrating. So sit back, relax and enjoy the show."
Curtain closes and a long silence follows. Hushed chatter in the audience. Zechs and Treize sit in the far back with stunned looks of horror on their faces.
Curtain opens again and a spotlight shines upon the scene. A large room with a long spiral staircase is being slowly washed by dirty maid Quatre. As the spotlight falls upon him he looks up to the audience and gives them his best, killer smile.*
Quatre: "Oh woe is me! Forced to work all day and night for my evil stepsisters and stepmothers. I wish somewhat would come rescue me. I have only my mice and birds to comfort me."
*As if to prove his point, a mouse runs up to him. Quatre takes one look at it and bursts into song. I'll Be Your Friend! Audience is rooted to their seats in fear and shock. Treize begins to cough painfully. Zechs begins to bang his head against the wall
Song ends and Duo and Wufei begin to walk daintily down the spiral staircase*
Duo: "Oh cabana boy! Err, slave girl! Go clean the chimney!"
*Wufei opens his mouth to say his line but then trips and tumbles down the stairs with several loud thumps. Upon hitting the bottom, his dress flies up showing his pantyhose to the whole audience. Treize stops coughing long enough to cheer and then goes back to hacking loudly.*
Wufei: "God....... Umm. Yes, and after that do the laundry and the cleaning!"
*Glowers at Quatre ferociously as if saying I'll get you for this!
Quatre: "Umm, umm. Rashid! Line!"
*Crowd giggles nervously as Rashid, still dressed up in his dress and high heals runs to the top of the staircase and calls down Quatre's- er, Cinderella's line.*
Quatre: "Oh, right. Oh please, sisters. Can't I take a nap? I have not slept in so very long!"
Rashid: "No you may not, master Quatre! Err, Cinderella. You must work hard to make up for the fact that we let you live with us."
Quatre: "But this is my house!"
*Quatre's lower lip begins to tremble out of character. Wufei rolls his eyes and in a hushed whisper reminds Quatre that it is just a play.*
Quatre: "Oh yeah. I forgot. I will go work now."
*Quatre bends over to pick up sponge and his already short maid's skirt rises, giving the crowd a good look of his hiney. Treize is now on the floor and Zechs has taken off his helmet and beating himself with it. Curtain closes on Quatre walking out and Wufei beginning to yell at the other members of the cast. A few minutes past before the spotlight goes to a pale Noin standing a small platform on the side stage.*
Noin: "Oh god, I mean, hello there! Ummm, next we will go to the Prince who's wasting away without a boyfriend, er Queen by his side."
*Curtain opens again upon a royal king sized bed with nice satin sheets and a dresser with a huge mirror. Trowa detaches himself from a very dirty maid Quatre where he had his hands up the other boy's skirt. Trowa rolls him off the bed on the side away from the audience. Quatre hits the ground with a thump and a yelp. Trowa tries desperately to straighten as the audience looks on in horrified shock. Treize begins to strangle himself while Zechs wraps a rope that controls the curtain around his throat in an attempt to hang himself*
Trowa: "Oh, err! Ummm...... hi? Um, here I am, wasting away without a queen. I will host a ball so that all the.... ladies in the land may attend."
(small voice from under the bed) Quatre: "Rashid! Get me an advill!"
*Curtain closes as Rashid runs out with a bottle of medicine and Trowa dives to help Quatre to his feet*
Noin: "Oh my god. That's scarring. Let's just try to get through the rest of the play."
*clears throat*
Noin: "So invitations were sent out to all corners of the land saying all ladies could attend. Now we will open to Mrs. Rashid's."
*Curtain opens to reveal Duo, Wufei, and Rashid in fancy dresses. Quatre cleans the floor off in the background. Doorbell rings*
Duo: "I'll get it! Get out of the way, can't you see I have to get the door!"
*Duo rushes over to the door leaping over anything that gets in his way. Hard to do in a long dress and high heals. Again, everyone wonders how he's so skilled, almost as if he's had practice.......*
Duo: "Hi there! Is that for me?"
*Another one of Quatre's servants is standing there wearing a white wig and holding a letter baring the royal seal of Prince Trowa. Duo snatches the letter as he responds.*
Rashid-wanna-be: "Oh, er, hello. Yes, it's a dispatch from the Prince declaring that all eligible ladies should attend his ball. Sadly, it's only for ladies, not cross dressing guys so- Oh wait, never mind. You are all welcome to visit."
*Wufei rolls his eyes and decides to make a sarcastic remark.*
Wufei: "Oh goody!"
*Servant leaves and Wufei and Duo proceed to fight over the letter. Rashid walks over to them and snatches it away. Quatre stops washing and looks on with interest.*
Rashid: "Girls, girls! Please! We must be dressed up so we can make a good impression on the prince. After all, we want him to get married to one of you someday. It would be illegal in the US but if we go to some small obscure town or maybe Vegas, we can- Oh wait, never mind!"
*Zechs stuffs his hands in his bleeding ears. A gargle comes from the floor where Treize can no longer get up. Quatre walks over and very politely taps Rashid on the shoulder*
Quatre: "It says there that all ladies must be present. That means me too! Can I go, stepmother? Can I please?"
Rashid: "You certainly may not, Master Quatre! You haven't finished all your chores. It's about time you do your own work! All day, all I hear is Rashid this, or Rashid that! I don't know how I put up with it! One of these days, when you least expect it, I'll snap! And then! Rashid will have his revenge! Mwahahahaha!"
*A stunned silence from the crowd. Even Treize and Zechs have stopped their suicidal attempts to stare at the disgruntled servant. Quatre's eyes have grown from their usual 1/4 the size of his head, to 1/3.*
Rashid: "Ahem. Will there be anything else, Master Quatre?"
*Quatre shakes head in obvious disbelief. Rashid smiles sweetly and walks off stage. Duo and Wufei clear their throats.*
Wufei: "Well..... let that be a lesson to you then. I'm going to go get ready now. Right Duo?"
Duo: "Yes...... let's go."
*Duo and Wufei run off stage quickly in the opposite way Rashid took. Quatre dramatically throws back on hand on his head.*
Quatre: "Oh woe is me! I so want to go to the ball. I dream of meeting a handsome Trowa, er, prince that will whisk me away! I wish I had a fairy godfather to come help me!"
*The whole crowd, all in unison, pictures the godfather for a few moments before Quatre realizes his error.*
Quatre: "Oh! Godmother! Oh godmother! Won't you come help me?"
*Stares up at the sky, waiting for Heero to make a dramatic entrance as usual.*
Author: All I can say is about time Heero shows up! Everyone who was waiting expectantly for Heero to make his big appearance, give me a cheer! Yeah, you too, in the back! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Give me a cheer for Heero!
*Heero, wearing his pink tutu with cute little wings with sparkly glitter all over them, jumps from a catwalk above the stage and lands on one knee. He pulls out his magic wand with a little star on the end and points it at Quatre like a pistol*
Heero: "I'll destroy you. Wait-"
*switches to a higher pitched, overdone, feminine voice.*
Heero: "Why hello there! I believe you asked for assistance?"
Quatre: "Oh my! Who are you?"
Heero: "I'm your fairy godmother!"
*Heero curtsies and Duo makes a disapproving noise from off stage.*
Duo: "No no no no! We've practiced this before! You're doing it all wrong!"
*Noin and Wufei slowly turn to look at him. Blink. Blink.*
Duo: "What!?"
*Treize and Zechs have continued their self destructive acts. Treize has gone delirious and is babbling to his parakeets about how it actually wasn't that affective to stomp on elephants while in a Gundam, rather it would be more productive to use them to make a big slice of toast. Zechs is crawling on the floor eating old M&Ms hoping they'll give him food poisoning.*
Quatre: "Oh. You don't look like my fairy godmother."
Heero: "Well I just am, OK? Do you want to go to the ball or not?"
Quatre: "Oh yes, please! But I don't have anything to wear!"
Heero: "See! See this is why it's obvious that you're gay!"
*Quatre's lower lip begins to tremble*
Quatre: "Yeah well, well. At least I'm secure with myself! You and your whole, 'I'll kill everybody! The world is a horrible place!' I mean come on, Heero! You're such a drama queen!"
Heero: "Well maybe you're just too secure! Did you think of that? You and Trowa having wild monkey sex while the rest of us watch wrestling and drink fruit punch while we listen to Duo babble on and on! I mean, really!"
*Quatre yells out a Xena battle cry and launches himself at Heero. He latches onto Heero's hair and pulls with all his might. Heero begins to beat him with the wand. Duo and Trowa rush on stage and pull them apart. Duo and Trowa exchange looks as they drag their partners off stage. The curtain closes and the spotlight falls on Noin. She finishes banging her head against the podium and looks up. Gives the audience a nutty smile that makes everyone shudder.*
Noin: "Hello. Sorry about that. It won't happen again. I grantee it."
*grits teeth while squeezing the wood of the stand so hard that it splinters*
Noin: "So basically the godmother does a little magic and turns Quatre into a girl and makes her rags into dress and the mouse into a horse and pumpkin into a carriage. Then they all ride off to the ball with a warning that at midnight her magic would disappear. We open to the ballroom where the prince is unimpressed with his guests."
*Curtain opens revealing crowded ballroom. Most of the extras are Quatre's servants or OZ soldiers dressed up in women's clothing.*
Author: "Sorry, I have to say it. 'EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!' Just picture that for a moment and you'll agree with me. OK, getting back to the story."
*Among the..... people are Quatre's evil stepsisters and mother. Off in the corner, Trowa looks bored. He's wearing a fancy dress outfit with gold trim on the side. He has a large crown with lots of gems on it. Somehow he's managing to slide it on despite his odd hair.*
Rashid: "Oh look, there's the Prince. Isn't he dashing?"
Duo: "Oh yes, I totally agree! Don't you, stepsister?"
*Wufei glares at both of them.*
Duo: "Come on, Wufei! It's your line!"
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! I refuse to say it!"
*Noin hisses at him from side stage. She's got a killer gleam in her eye and her hands are trembling uncontrollably. Not a good sign.*
Noin: "Say it, little Chinese man! Say it or I'll crush your skull like a grape after the play's over."
Wufei: "Fine!"
*rolls his eyes and talks in monotone.*
Wufei: "You are both so very right. He is such a hottie. I think his buns are so unbelievably tight and he has the bod of a athlete."
*Gargle from Zechs' and Treize's general direction.
Relena appears in the audience near where Zechs is eating candy off the floor. She apologizes to everyone near her and says something about a press conference and a multiple personality experiment.*
Relena: "What did I miss?"
*People around her exchange looks.*
Relena: "What?"*
*Door to ballroom slams on stage and Trowa looks up to see Quatre in a long gown walk in. He's wearing white gloves and has lots of lace. And, yes, you guessed it; glass slippers! He looks very much like a girl.*
Quatre: "Hello? Is this the royal ball?"
Trowa: "Why yes! Yes it is!"
*Trowa runs up to the handsome young lady and bows. He bends over and kisses Quatre's hand causing him to blush. Everyone else gags.*
Trowa: "May I have the honor of knowing such a beautiful lady's name?"
Quatre: "Nobody worthy of your eyes, your highness."
Relena: "Hey woman! Why you callin him that? Get with the times, my sister! All people are equal. You need to stand up for your rights! How about it, my sister?"
Quatre: "OK........ Rashid! Bring me security!"
*Men in white uniforms come and drag Relena away. She's yelling about how she will throw all men into a big pit and only feed them beer once a week when the door to the auditorium closes and the sound is cut off.*
Trowa: "That's nice. So. Would you like to dance?"
Quatre: "It would be my honor."
*Quatre and Trowa begin to dance gracefully. A small circle forms around them."
Rashid: "Who is she? I seem to recognize her but I can't remember who she is."
Duo: "Of course you know them! That's Trowa and Quatre! Don't you remember? Oh yeah! I don't know stepmother. Whoever could they be?"
Wufei: "Whoever they are, they dance weak! Weak people should not dance!"
Duo: "Man, what are you talking about?"
*Curtain closes. Noin steps out. It appears as if she's regained much of her composure.*
Noin: "The pair danced and danced. Time flew by and so Cinderella did not notice when the bell tolled twelve and the ghost of Christmas Past appeared. Wait! Errrrrrr!"
*Noin squeezes the microphone so tight it shatters. The curtain opens as a repair crew sneaks up to fix the equipment. Relena slips back in under the cloak of darkness. Darkness takes a seat and Relena whispers a thank you for letting her borrow his cloak. Treize and Zechs lie in the middle of the aisle, unconscious. Relena frowns at them before realizing that they've probably been at the beer. Those stupid men!
A clock begins to toll and Quatre looks up.*
Quatre: "Oh no! I must be going! It's far too late! Great party, I had a wonderful time!"
Trowa: "Must you leave? I don't even know your name! Please wait!"
Quatre: "No, no! I have to leave! Goodbye, my prince!"
Trowa: "Wait! When will I see you again?"
*Duo and Wufei mutter off stage.*
Wufei: "Probably in the dress room after the play's over, knowing them!"
Duo: "Just because Treize doesn't love you as much as Heero loves me, doesn't mean you have to take it out on everyone else!"
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! Treize loves me much more than Heero loves you!"
Rashid: "Now, now! I won't have my children arguing!"
Duo and Wufei: "SHUT UP!"
*Quatre rushes off stage, leaving behind a single glass slipper. Trowa walks over and picks it up*
Trowa: "I'll find her. With God as my witness I'll- ..... find him- her!"
*Curtain closes. Light falls on Noin who is still trying to get the microphone to work.*
Noin: "God damn.... Piece of- Oh, hello! So....... Rashid! Line please!"
Rashid: "Excuse me! I only take shit from Master Quatre. And believe me, that's going to end soon enough!"
Relena: "You tell him, girlfriend!"
*Everyone looks at Relena for a moment. Blink. Blink. Attention shifts back to Noin."
Noin: "All righty then. So Quatre ran all the way home. By the time he got there, the magic had faded. All that remained were the glass slippers, one in his hand and one in the Prince's. The very next day, the Prince began his search throughout the kingdom. Finally, after much searching he arrived at the Winner household."
Wufei: "INJUSTICE! Why is it the Winner household?"
Noin: "Shut up, Wufei! We will now go to the scene. Isn't this exciting?"
*Stage opens to Quatre once again in a maid outfit while Wufei, Duo, and Rashid are dressed in their finest. The doorbell rings.*
Duo: "I'llgetitI'llgetitI'llgetit- hi!"
*Duo flings open door to see Heero dressed in a little brown suit standing there holding an envilope and a glass slipper.*
Duo: "Heero? What are you doing here? I thought you were the fairy godmother!"
Heero: "The real king'sman got sick. Now I have to be a lacky. It destroys me."
Duo: "Well glad to have you back!"
Noin: "Ahem!"
Duo: "Oh hello there, kind sir. Is that the glass slipper we must try on?"
Heero: "I will read the proclomation soon enough. Who is the baroness of this house?"
Rashid: "I am she."
Heero: "Ah. Good. Now will you be kind enough to let me in?"
*Duo moves out of the way and Heero comes in and sits down on a chair. Quatre has stopped working and Rashid snaps at him to get back to work. Heero unscolls a long parchment and clears his throat.*
Heero: "Duo: 'Oh hello there, kind sir. Is that the glass slipper we must try-' Ooops, wrong side! That's the script."
*Somewhere of stage a primal growl is heard coming out of Noin. Zechs and Treize begin to stir.*
Heero: "Ah. 'By order of the prince: in search for his belovid who dissappeared the previous night without a trace, all eligable ladies in the land must try on this glass slipper. If it fits them, then they are the lady for whom he seeks.'"
Wufei: "Like Trowa wrote that! The guy barily speaks three words at once much less-"
*Another primal growl from off stage. Closer this time. Wufei stops and looks around before sitting down quietly.*
Duo: "OK. I get to go first!"
Wufei: "INJUSTICE!"
Duo: "Bite me!"
Rashid: "Girls, girls! Please we mustent-"
Duo and Wufei: "SHUT UP!"
*Duo and Wufei lunge at each other and get in a slap fight.*
Duo: "You're ugly!"
*slap*
Wufei: "Ow! You're stupid!"
*slap*
Duo: "Ow! You do know Treize is cheating on you with Zechs?"
*slap*
Wufei: "Ow! INJUSTICE! That's not true! You little bi-"
*Meanwhile, Rashid had tried on the slipper and it didn't fit his oversized Arabian feet.
Wufei grabs Duo and throws him into the orcestra pit. There is a huge boom and Duo lands on a gigantic drum. Wufei yells a cry of triumph before Duo reaches up and yanks him into the pit as well. Treize and Zechs get to their feet.*
Treize: "It appears as though a brawl is taking place.*
Zechs: "I agree. Shall we join them?"
Treize: "Oh yes, please!"
*Treize and Zechs launch into a fistfight. Near them, Relena cheers them on, hoping they'll kill each other. Meanwhile, on stage......*
Quatre: "Rashid! Make them stop!"
*Rashid turns slowly to look at "Master Quatre." He has a dangerous glint in his eye.*
Quatre: "Rashid...... um, Rashid, you're starting to scare me."
*Rashid slowly takes a step towards Quatre. Then another.*
Quatre: "It's OK Rashid. Never mind. Forget I said anything. Just don't look at me like that!"
Rashid: "You know something, Master Quatre? I really hate you. I despise you. The only reason I saved your life all those times is to get to your sisters. Yes Quatre, that's right! I've slept with your sisters, all twenty-nine of them!"
Quatre: "You bastard!"
Rashid: "Test-tube baby!"
*Quatre unleashes a primal howl and rushes at Rashid. Rashid grabs for his throat and the pair tumbles into the orchestra pit where Duo and Wufei are already bashing it out.*
Trowa: "Oh. My. God. Kill me now! First the I'll be your friend song, now this! When will it all end? Haven't I suffered enough?"
*Suddenly, without warning, Noin charges at Trowa. Her eyes are bloodshot and froth hangs out of her mouth.*
Noin: "My play is ruined! You shall pay!"
*Noin collides with Trowa and they fly into the audience which decides now is a good time to run. The audience flocks towards the exits in pandemonium."
*Heero slowly makes towards the nearest exit. A bewildered Cathy who is just entering bumps into him.*
Cathy: "Heero! What happened? Where's my brother?"
Heero: "The play..... went to hell. Your brother's currently dueling Noin."
Cathy: "Who's in charge?"
Heero: "Well, Trowa is holding his own fairly well......"
Cathy: "I mean who's the thespian of the play?"
Heero: "Noin actually."
Duo: "What! Noin's a lesbian?"
Wufei: "I knew it! Heero, Trowa, pay up!"
*Trowa, who is currently trying to impale Noin with his hair, grunts.*
Trowa: "A little busy here. Besides. I don't believe it! You're not a lesbian, are you Noin?"
Noin: "Of course not! And as soon as I'm done with you I'm going to get Duo and Wufei back for saying that!"
Heero: "I'm sorry Cathy even brought it up."
Cathy: "But I-"
Heero: "Can it. It doesn't matter anyway."
*Heero begins to walk backstage but as he reaches the doorway, Relena finally catches up to him. She politely taps him on the shoulder. Heero turns and she punches him in the face.*
Relena: "This is for trying to kill me all those times. And for doing it in the same damned spot. And most of all for being a sexist pig!"
*Relina kicks Heero in the groin. Heero grunts but without warning tackles her to the ground. Everyone else goes back to their individual fights, Noin's possible Lesbianism forgotten. Cathy looks over them a final time before turning to leave. Before she does, she tugs on the cord and curtain closes. Darkness applauds loudly before standing up and leaving the brawlers to their wars.*