Finally had a chance to break this into chapters too. Hope it helps you enjoy it.
It had been a few weeks since Rachel last saw Santana while she was being driven away in Brittany's dad's car after their trip to Cleveland with the Glee club. She had wanted to talk to the girl, to get a bit of clarity about what she had said right before leaving. Rachel had said she had understood but really she had just said that so Santana wouldn't feel bad.
Rachel was a little confused. Maybe confused wasn't the right word but she definitely wasn't sure. She had questions. She wasn't sure if they were questions for herself or questions for Santana. She wasn't even sure if the questions had answers but all she knew is she had a lot of questions and a lot still left to figure out.
She had decided to give Santana some time, some space, something she isn't really good at doing when there is an issue that needs attention but she thought it might be best in this case. Okay so that's a lie. Her dads found out about the alcohol and the party they all threw in the hotel room and actually grounded Rachel for two weeks. Can you believe that? They grounded their sweet little angel. It was something that had never happened before but Rachel took the punishment like a responsible young lady and obeyed every restriction that was set in place for her.
She didn't tell anyone about it. She was sure that most of the club wouldn't care she got in trouble, they would probably think she was the one that told on everyone thus earning her punishment. In reality it had been the fact that Puck's bag had clanked around when they were leaving. While her dads had been helping him get Artie's chair into his truck they had seen the empty bottle in one of the side pouches.
Rachel wouldn't tell Puck because he wouldn't care. So she just took the punishment for herself and used the time to sort as much out as she could. That wasn't a lot, to be honest. There were some things that weren't for her to figure out and as much as she hated not having that control, she had to accept it. That didn't mean she couldn't help move the other person along in figuring things out, right?
The night Rachel got her cellphone returned to her, she immediately checked her messages to see if anyone had tried to call or text. Okay, so she only cared if Santana had. As she scrolled through the texts, her disappointment grew.
Finn- Hey I'm back from camp what are you doing?
Delete.
Finn- Rachel did you get my last text? Want to hang out?
Delete.
Finn- Are you ignoring me?
Delete.
Finn- Rach did I do something to piss you off? If I did I'm sorry. Call me.
Delete. Now she knew what it must have been like for Finn or Jesse when she was pretty much obsessed with them.
She only had a few voicemails. One was from Finn, pleading her to call him. The other was from the community center wondering if she was interested in trying out for a role in their summer production of Taming of the Shrew.Saved. Just in case. The third one was from her grandmother asking her how her summer had been going and if she should plan a trip out to see her in any plays. Well now she had to try out, at least to tell her grandmother she had tried.
She sighed as she set down her phone. She didn't know why she had gotten her hopes up, but she had. It was Santana, after all. She was probably busy making out with Brittany and shopping and getting manicures and being happy.
Lying back on her bed, Rachel stared at the top of the canvas that covered her bed posts. It was dead silent but she could hear the clock near her bed ticking, the sound of her heart beating, and a little creak in the floor signaling that her dads were moving around in their bedroom and bathroom getting ready for bed that night. Another heavy sigh escaped her lips and she turned to her side. She stared at the clock, watching the second hand tick by. Of course it was all in her head. Santana had just said it had meant something so Rachel didn't feel bad about herself. She should have known. Besides, it didn't work because here she was, weeks later, feeling like crap and wondering what she did wrong and why she even let herself get into this position.
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"Oh look it looks like the dwarf found herself a new look" Santana hissed at Rachel as she walked past her in the hallway wearing a new outfit she had gotten for school. It wasn't much of a change, just a new type of skirt and a blouse with buttons all up the front. Rachel had thought it looked nice at least. Brittany snickered like the good little side kick she was before Santana added "Hey man hands, should I tell everyone how you totally tried to rape me this summer? You big old lesbian whore."
The people in the hallway all stopped to stare at Rachel. At first they whispered, looking between a victorious looking Santana and an increasingly shrinking Rachel who was trying to get out of there as fast as she could but her feet seemed glued to the floor.
Suddenly the crowd got louder, chanting at her "Lesbian whore. Lesbian whore. Lesbian whore."
Kurofsky walked by with his usual smirk of evil, mumbling as he went "Hey homo. No wonder you liked Finn, he had boobs just the way you like it." A high five with Azimio followed.
Kurt walked by with a roll of his eyes, whispering not so quietly to Mercedes "I always knew she was a muff diver. You could tell by her horrible fashion sense and those disgusting sandals she wore last year."
"I knew I smelled tuna" Quinn snarled as she took her turn jabbing Rachel with her words.
"No! Please, stop." Rachel sobbed out, turning now to run only to find herself running right into Santana. She looked up at her, tears pouring down her face. "Santana why are you doing this to me? I never told anyone, I kept your secret!"
"What secret? That you've always had a perverted crush on me?" Santana's eyes were colder than usual as she spat the words at her.
"Santana, please. Stop this." Rachel sobbed now, her body shaking as she yelled "Stop! Please, stop it! Stop this!"
"Stop!" Rachel yelled loudly, the sound jerking her from her sleep. She sat up in her bed, drenched with sweat, tears pouring down her face. She had drifted off. It had all been a dream. Her heart was aching and her throat was sore from crying and yelling. She sniffled, using her blanket to wipe at her tears.
There was no way Santana would do that to her. It was just a dream. But it had felt so real and now more than ever Rachel knew she had to talk to Santana, if for no other reason than to assure herself that Santana would never put Rachel through what she knew Santana feared the most; public humiliation and scorn if they all found out the truth about her.
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"Hey Santana can I come over later? My dads took pictures of our performances and I wanted to show them to you." Rachel pressed send with a sigh. That was her cover story because truthfully she felt a little awkward just asking to see her.
"Sure sounds cool. Come over after dinner around 7."
It had taken fifteen minutes to get the reply but it made Rachel smile nonetheless.
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Seven o'clock rolled around and Rachel was as prompt as ever. Actually, she had been about ten minutes early and spent the time pacing in front of Santana's house going over what she wanted to say and how she wouldn't let Santana get away without giving her any answers. She had to prepare for anything, right? And if dealing with Santana now as going to be anything like dealing with her before she knew she was going to have to have a firm hand.
Finally she approached the front door and gave a knock, stepping back and folding her arms over the envelope of pictures; she waited for Santana to answer the door.
"Hi Rachel!" The door was whipped open and it was Brittany, not Santana, greeting her.
"Oh, hi. I didn't know you were here too Brittany" Rachel offered a smile. She had always liked Brittany, the girl had never really been directly mean to her except the one time she had stolen her fashion sense and her money and turned everyone against her. But that was all in the past, right?
"San told me you were bringing over pictures so since I was already here I thought I could look too!"
"Of course!" Rachel said with a little nod, stepping inside once Brittany moved out of the way for her to do so.
"Come on, San is putting away the dishes. She said we should just wait in her room." Brittany linked her arm with Rachel and started to skip down the hallway, pulling the shorter girl along with her until they were in the familiar dark bedroom of Santana. Good to see she hadn't added any color to the cave, Rachel thought, as she moved to sit on the bed.
"So you were already over here?" Rachel asked as nonchalantly as she could as she started to pull pictures from the envelope.
Brittany nodded, picking up some clothes from the floor to toss into Santana's closet. "Yeah I spent the night. Then her mom got mad at her saying she was hiding away all summer in her room and that it was filthy. She said if she didn't start doing more chores she would be grounded. So I decided to help her out because I know how much San hates cleaning."
"How nice of you" Rachel said with a smile, pulling out a picture from the pile and holding it out to Brittany "Here's one of you and Kurt."
Brittany tossed the last bit of clothes into the closet then plopped on the bed next to Rachel to look. "He looks so happy!" Brittany said with a giggle as she took the picture from the girl to look at it closer.
"Who looks happy?" Santana asked as she entered the room, kicking the door closed behind her. The shirt she wore was drenched in the front from doing the dishes and the look on her face told just how much she had hated the task.
"Kurt" Brittany said, turning the picture around. Santana leaned in and looked, then nodded.
"Hi Santana" Rachel more softly than she had intended to.
"Hey" Santana replied, not looking at her as she dug through her closet for a dry shirt. Finding one, she pulled off her other one without hesitation. She was wearing a bikini top underneath so it wasn't like she was showing off anything.
Rachel found herself immediately staring. Not that she had meant to but her eyes had followed Santana into the room and since she had been talking to her, she was looking at her because it was polite. Then she took off her shirt and Rachel felt her cheeks warm with a blush yet she couldn't look away. She stared at every definition of every muscle in Santana's back. She could probably name the bones that poked out in her lower back. Rachel could probably tell you what angle Santana's hips made as she bent to grab her dry shirt and slip it on. Though it had been such a brief moment, it had almost felt like time had stopped and Rachel had burned that image into memory.
"So you got some pictures?" Santana asked as she turned around now, the shirt falling over her stomach as she straightened it out over her body then folded a leg up so she could slip into the bed near Brittany.
"Oh…um yeah" Rachel mumbled, shaking her head at herself as her gaze was broken and she realized she had been staring. "Um here" Rachel handed Santana a pile of pictures to look at "There are some really good ones of you during your solo."
"San you look so pretty!" Brittany said with a smile, pointing at one of the pictures in her hand.
"Thanks, B" Santana said with what looked like an almost shy smile on her face.
The two of them huddled together and looked over each picture one by one. They giggled and pointed together. They set aside their favorites together. Their heads were together, Brittany holding one side of the picture, Santana holding the other. It was almost as if they were one unit. They were very much together in every sense of the word so it seemed.
"I just remembered I have to go. My dad scheduled a fitting for me. I am trying out for the community center play this summer." Rachel blurted out suddenly, standing from the bed quickly. The look on her face was almost one of horror. She looked sick.
"Are you alright?" Santana asked, a thin eyebrow lifting as she looked at the girl across from her.
"Fine! I just can't be late. You think I'm a diva when people aren't on schedule you should see my daddy." Rachel tried to laugh but it fell flat so she just turned around quickly and headed for the door. She was out of the bedroom and down the hall faster than she thought her feet could carry her.
"Hey!" Santana came racing after her, sliding to a stop at the front door and putting her hand on it before Rachel was able to open it and escape.
"Santana, I'm late so if you could please move ou-"
"What was that all about? I thought you were going to hang out?" Santana folded her arms now over her chest, but leaned against the door using her weight to make sure Rachel couldn't pull it open.
"I told you." Rachel said softly, but her eyes stayed on the floor and it was obvious she wasn't being truthful.
"Don't give me that. You love doing plays and all that you would have never double scheduled yourself, even if it was for a stupid fitting."
Sometimes it was scary how much Santana knew Rachel.
"Fine" Rachel said with a shrug, her eyes lifting to look at Santana. There was a hint of tears that were starting to form. She hated that she felt like crying right now but she honestly just couldn't help it.
"What the Hell? Why are you crying?" Santana's tone was a bit sharper than she had meant it to be. She was just surprised to see Rachel in tears.
"It's nothing" Rachel said with a quick shake of her head.
"Bull. You're crying. That's not nothing." Santana dropped a hand from her chest and reached out to place it gently against Rachel's arm "What's up?"
"Nothing. I just-" Rachel sighed and shook her head. She closed her eyes and turned away, willing with all her might that the tears would leave now.
"You just what?" Santana asked now more softly than before.
"I just thought that it was going to be you and I. I didn't know Brittany was here." Rachel shrugged. She knew how stupid it sounded.
"Britt is almost always here" Santana said with a shrug as if that was obvious.
"Yeah, I should have known." Rachel mumbled.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Santana folded her arms, her defenses started to go up.
"Just what I said. I should have known, Santana. It was my own fault having expected or hoped that maybe it could have just been you and I." Rachel snapped back quickly.
"She's my best friend. Why is that such a problem?"
"It's not." Rachel said, turning now away from Santana's touch. If she could have stormed out, she would have but Santana was still guarding the door so Rachel folded her arms and walked away into the living room.
Santana followed right behind her now, catching her and grabbing her arm. She tugged, pulling Rachel around to face her. "What is your deal! You don't even talk to me for like weeks and now you show up and have some sort of agenda? What the Hell, I thought we talked about this-"
"We did, Santana." Rachel nearly shouted, but kept it down not wanting to draw Brittany out of Santana's room. "For your information I haven't talked to you because I was grounded. My dads found out about the party."
"Wait. They found out?" It was Santana's turn to look ill.
"Not about that" Rachel said with a roll of her eyes "And even if they had, they wouldn't have grounded me. But that's not the point." She huffed, folding her arms in front of her. "Don't you think I wanted to talk to you? Honestly Santana I have been going on and on in my head with scenario after scenario, conversations we should have, questions I should ask. I told you I understood but I don't. Well at least I didn't. I do now." She glanced now toward the area of the bedroom silently letting on to what had finally clued her in.
Santana looked behind her toward the bedroom, following Rachel's eyes. She shook her head a little and looked back to Rachel. "That's not what it looks like. That's just the way Brittany and I are. You know this."
"No, I don't" Rachel said with a shrug of her shoulders "That, in there, looked a lot different than anything I have ever seen the two of you do together."
"Rachel, we're not in school right now. We are super close but even at school we tone it down a bit. You know I don't want people talking behind my back." Santana half shrugged at that knowing how it sounded.
Rachel just nodded her head a little bit. She stared down toward the bedroom for a long moment before her eyes shifted to her feet then finally up to Santana "So you and her aren't like….together?"
A quick shake of Santana's head was seen before the girl looked down at her feet with a sigh.
"Oh." Rachel said softly "I'm sorry. It just looked like you two were happy and in love."
"I am in love." Santana mumbled softly, looking up at Rachel "But she doesn't feel the same. So I'm kind of in a place where I don't want to lose her so I have to just accept what it is for now and all we are are friends."
Rachel nodded really slowly now. She totally got it. She had been there more times than she could probably count by now. "I'm sorry."
Santana shrugged "It's been like this for a while. I'm used to it."
Rachel sighed, stepping closer to the other girl now and sliding her arm around her shoulders in a little bit of a hug. She pulled back and gave her a soft smile "If you ever need to talk about it I'm all ears."
"Thanks. I just thought that might be weird considering what happened" Santana said with a glance at Rachel.
For a moment Rachel went hot. It probably would be weird. Not that Rachel was pining over Santana and hearing about another woman would make her completely jealous. Well, maybe it would. She wasn't sure. She just couldn't be sure about anything and that was kind of why she had wanted to talk to Santana. But in that moment she realized she wasn't the only one going through something. She didn't want to complicate it more, not when Santana so obviously had so much more going on. So for now she could put it aside and focus on just being her friend.
"Of course not" Rachel said with a smile "To be honest I don't even remember it that well."
"Ouch" Santana said with a laugh.
"Not like that!" Rachel giggled, shaking her head a bit "I just meant the alcohol made it all a bit fuzzy, even the memories." That was a lie. Rachel remembered everything perfectly. Every touch, every kiss, every bead of sweat or twitch of her muscles from that night. She had to bite her lip to hide the shiver that wanted to pass through her at that moment.
"Yeah" Santana said with a nod. Good, maybe not remembering would keep Rachel at bay so she could figure out what was going to happen with Brittany. Although to be honest, Santana had lost the nerve to talk to Brittany after she had confessed her love for her and been shot down. So she hid behind a smile and pretended to be alright with just being best friends. But nobody had to know that.
"So you'll stay and hang out a while?" Santana asked with a nod toward the bedroom and an eyebrow arched in question.
"Sure" Rachel said with a nod and a smile. It was genuine this time. She could hang out and have fun, it wouldn't kill her and maybe it would help make her more comfortable around Santana so maybe one day when and if they ever talked it would be easier for her.
"Cool" Santana reached out and put her hand on Rachel's back. "Let's get back in there. I told Britt I was going to see you out then lock the door. She is probably wondering where I went."
Rachel laughed a little as they started toward the room "She probably thinks you went outside to smoke a cigar."
Santana glanced at Rachel then the two of them laughed. See, this friendship thing could totally work.
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The next couple weeks of summer seemed to fly by. When Rachel wasn't at rehearsal for her part in the summer play (of course she landed a part), she was hanging out with Santana and Brittany both. She had surrendered to the fact that the two of them just came together. They were attached at the hip and if Rachel wanted to be friends with one, she had to be friends with both. She didn't mind. Brittany was a sweetheart and she loved seeing how soft Santana was whenever Brittany was around.
It was a nice change. It was as if she was meeting Santana for the first time. She had only ever known the bitchy, sassy, angry cheerleader and even after quitting cheerleading she had retained most of that personality but over the summer she was really blooming into something Rachel never expected. She was a decent human being with a heart. She laughed a lot more, she joked around a lot more, and she was a lot less cruel and judgmental not only toward Rachel but to everyone. It was nice, to say the least, to feel like Rachel really had friends.
Although Rachel's dads didn't let her sleep over at Santana's as much as Brittany did, they still had a little bit of a trust issue with Santana, she did get to every so often, like tonight. Her dads liked to take a lot of trips out of town while Rachel was out of school so that they could have their dad time together and not have to worry about getting Rachel to school or missing out on projects or performances.
They had taken a weekend trip to Florida for a convention. Instead of leaving Rachel home alone they had set it up so she could stay with the Lopez's. As long as Santana's parents were home to supervise Rachel's dads felt more comfortable leaving her there. Her father still had nightmares about walking in and seeing Santana's hand wrapped around Rachel's arm.
"Alright girls, tonight I have brought "West Side Story" and in a bit of irony "10 Things I Hate About You" so you can understand what the play is about when you come see it. It's a modern day spin on the story of the Taming of the Shrew."
"Wait what's a shrew?" Brittany asked with her usual confused look "I thought that was like a squirrel's cousin."
"Actually" Rachel looked at the blonde with an arched eyebrow. Even hanging out with her more this summer it still surprised her some of the things she said. "It's a term used to describe an angry, ill-tempered, aggressive woman."
"It's a mouse too" Santana piped in. She had been lying back on her bed, her eyes focused on her phone, bored with the conversation they were having.
Rachel's jaw dropped and Brittany smiled, looking at Santana where she lay "So it is a cousin to a squirrel!"
"Yeah I guess. I googled it when Rachel told us we had to go to the play." Santana put her phone to the side and sat up, looking at the two girls "So my parents are going out tonight you know what that means?"
"Santana no" Rachel said quickly out of habit.
"Can it, Berry. It's my house." She slipped off the bed and went over to her closet. She started digging around and pulled out her bikini. Brittany clapped and slipped off the bed, going to her bag to find hers as well.
"Oh" Rachel said, glad that it wasn't a house party with under aged drinking and sex that Santana had in mind. "Well I didn't bring my bathing suit."
"Here" Santana tossed her one from her closet "I used to wear that before I got the twins done. It should fit." She looked Rachel over with a smirk. It wasn't a mean smirk. It was kind of an I know what you look like nakedsmirk.
Rachel blushed "Thanks. Let me just go get dress-"
Before she could finish her sentence both Brittany and Santana were stripping down and changing right in front of her. Her blush grew and she just stared a little bit. She was still fairly modest, even if she wasn't a virgin anymore. She knew what a woman looked like naked, obviously, but that didn't mean she could just look at it and not blush. Or strip down right along with them and let them see her fully naked either.
"Um, anyway. I am going to go change in the bathroom." Rachel cleared her throat. Santana glanced up and shrugged, looking very nonchalant. "Hurry up. We will be by the pool or in the hot tub."
Rachel nodded and hurried out of the room before she turned so red that she would stay that way forever.
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It had been a good ten minutes since Rachel had gone to change. She had spent most of her time trying to stop blushing. Then she would think about the fact that Santana had seen her naked and start blushing again. She only hoped that Santana hadn't told Brittany and that the Latina didn't remember it all too well. She couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Santana had wanted to go swimming just to get Rachel in a bikini and the two girls could snicker about how not hot Rachel was compared to them.
No, that was stupid. These girls were her friends now. They simply wanted to have a nice evening dip in the pool and relax in the hot tub. It was a pretty normal thing to do in the summer time.
Now Rachel was worrying about if she could keep her mind on swimming and not on the fact that Santana would be half naked in front of her. She hadn't seen the Latina naked before and now her mind was racing. Was she going to be able to focus on the task at hand or be too distracted?
No, she could do this. It's just a swimming suit after all.
Realizing she had been in the bathroom far too long, she took a deep breath, grabbed her clothes and exited the room.
She made her way through the house to the back sliding glass door that lead to the pool. She glanced through and didn't see the other two right away. Figuring they were swimming, she stepped outside and set her clothes on the table before stepping toward the pool. "Santana? Brittany?"
No answer from either girl caused Rachel to fold her arms with a huff. They must have ditched her. Waited until she was out of the room and climbed out Santana's window.
No, they couldn't have.
Taking a few steps around the pool Rachel noticed a little side pool closet and thought maybe they were in there getting some towels and floatation devices. Moving around the pool now she stepped up to the shed and pulled it open. It was empty, except for all of the pool accessories.
"Great" Rachel sighed, shaking her head as she stormed around the pool and back into the house. "They left me. How great." She mumbled. She was going to find her shoes, call a cab, and go track them down. How rude of them. She just couldn't believe that after all this time they would do this to her.
Rachel burst through Santana's bedroom door with a mission only to stop dead in her tracks. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened to the size of softballs so it seemed.
Brittany was sprawled out on the bed, her back arched up, and moans escaping with each breath she let out. Her blonde hair was tussled all around the pillow. Her bikini top was in place, barely, looking as if it had been a struggle to put it in its proper place.
Santana's hair was spread out across Brittany's stomach, Brittany's hand entangled in the dark long strands of hair. Santana's face was obviously buried between her thighs and from the looks of it was doing quite a number on Brittany at the moment.
Stunned and wanting to move, or say something, Rachel just stared. She was trying to speak, but nothing was coming out. She opened her mouth to speak more times than she could count but simply ended up looking like a fish gasping for air out of water.
Her entire body felt hot. It was a good hot. Then a bad hot. She shouldn't be watching this. But she couldn't look away. She felt sick to her stomach but her legs were weak all at once. There was definitely a heat forming between her own legs and yet she wasn't sure she liked the tingle that came with it.
Lifting her head for air, Santana looked up Brittany's body with a smile. She licked her lips slowly, about to ask if it felt good when she caught something out of the corner of her eyes.
"Shit! Rachel!" She screamed, jumping out of the position she had been in and hurrying to cover Brittany as she stood and wiped her mouth quickly. There was an honest to goodness bright red color covering Santana's skin. It was something Rachel didn't think was possible with her dark skin tone, but there it was.
"I…I'm sorry! I was done changing and I came to look for you guys but you weren't outside so I thought maybe…" She looked at Brittany who had pulled the blanket over her entire body and was hiding from her now "I am so sorry. I…" She turned quickly and ran out of the room not really knowing what else to do.
"Shit" Santana face palmed and shook her head. She adjusted her own bikini top, having only gotten it halfway on before she got distracted by Brittany. "Britts I am so sorry I thought I locked the door."
"San now she knows what we do!" The blonde screeched, still hiding under the blanket.
"I'm sorry, B! Let me just…go talk to her" Santana hurried to catch Rachel, but stubbed her toe on the bed and ended up falling over in pain. "FUCK!"
"San?" Brittany sat up, her face was a pale white as she looked around in horror.
"I'm fine. God…fu…Me aplastó el dedo de mierda" Santana mumbled under her breath.
"Santana I am so embarrassed. I don't want to sleep over any more." Brittany said with a frown.
"B" Santana said softly, still gritting her teeth through the pain as her toe throbbed in her hand. "Let me go talk to her alright?"
Brittany looked unsure, but like always she trusted Santana and simply nodded in agreement.
Santana sighed as she climbed to her feet, limping a bit as she left the room. She wasn't sure if she was more pissed about her toe or more frustrated about the whole situation that had just happened. All she knew was it was really messed up now. If she thought it was complicated before it was like ten times, no a hundred times more complicated now. The pain in her toe seemed so miniscule now as she limped through the house to find Rachel.
Finally she found the girl tucked away on a lawn chair outside near the pool. She had pulled her clothes back on and had her face buried in her knees that were pulled to her chest.
"Rachel, look-"
"Don't" Rachel said quickly, not looking up. "You don't have to explain. I told you I understood."
"No, Rachel. I didn't mean for that to happen. I mean, she was getting dressed and you had left and I figured we had a little bit of time. It was my fault, I couldn't control myself. It was wrong of me." Santana sighed, pulling a chair over and sitting next to Rachel.
"I'm not mad. I knew you guys did stuff like that. I saw you at my house, remember?" Rachel whispered as she finally looked up, her face still red but now Santana wasn't sure if that was out of embarrassment or if she had been crying or not.
"I know. But it doesn't make it right. I know you must be like, like it must totally suck for you to see us together when what happened between you and I happened."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rachel frowned now, feeling a bit defensive herself.
"I just meant that, you know, you lost your v-card to me. That's special to a girl like you and whether you want to admit it or not I know it was something more than just drunk sex to you."
"It was just sex." Rachel mumbled. That was a lie. But if Santana could lie, so could Rachel. "Besides, I'm the one who said you didn't owe me anything, remember? You were the one that said something happened. Emphasis on something, or do you not remember that?"
"I remember" Santana said with a sigh. She lifted her hand to push it through her messy long dark hair, pulling it off her face and out of her eyes. "This is so messed up."
"Look I don't want to make things harder on you alright? It's obvious who you choose-"
"Who said there was a choice?" The words came out before Santana could stop them.
Rachel looked wounded. She had never really expected to be with Santana on any level but to hear that the girl never even considered it an option kind of hurt for some reason.
"I didn't mean that" Santana said quickly.
"I know what you meant" Rachel said, standing from her chair so fast it tipped over. She sighed, keeping her back to Santana "I am going to make this easy on you. I want you to forget what happened. We're not friends. You can go back to calling me all those cute disgusting names you come up with. Actually, I prefer it that way because at least then I know you are meaning to hurt me." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and started toward the door "I'm going to call my dads and tell them I am going to stay with Mercedes until they get back."
"Rachel, shit" Santana stood too, once more hurrying around the girl to stand in front of the door so she couldn't leave. "Look, this is all really, really messed up right now. I love her, okay?"
"As you keep reminding me. Good for you. I don't really care. Now will you please move?"
"Rachel, listen" Santana snapped. The words held such a force behind them that Rachel instantly stepped back with wide eyes.
Oh great, now she had her attention and she didn't even know what to say. She didn't know how to say what she might want to say and she wasn't even sure anything she would say would make a difference. It seemed like every moment Santana spent with Rachel was growing more complicated but at the same time the thought of not spending any time with her really didn't sit well with Santana.
"Look. I don't really know what to say, alright? I am still trying to decide what to do about Brittany-"
"It looks like you figured out what to do" Rachel mumbled with a roll of her eyes.
"Shut up and let me talk!" It was harsh, but effective. Rachel's shoulders slumped and she seemed to shrink a little, but she was definitely listening.
Licking her lips, suddenly realizing she was parched, Santana took a sigh then continued "There is a part of me that thinks that if I wait for her, if I am around long enough and we go on like we have been, that one day she will realize that she is just as in love with me as I am with her. Like, it will snap for her one day and she will just get it and then we will be together. But something is holding her back and I think that by somehow showing it that it's alright, what we are doing, that one day she will give in."
Rachel just bit her lip and nodded even though she was dying to say something.
Santana saw this and sighed, shaking her head "I know it's probably unhealthy and a little creepy but what else am I supposed to do? I love her. I love her more than anything in this entire world. I would give up anything to just be with her. She makes me so happy when I am with her. She understands me in a way no one ever could. The thought of not having her in my life is worse to me than anything. You could cut off my arms and legs and I wouldn't care as long as I still had Brittany."
Rachel's throat went tight. The emotion with which Santana was speaking was so beautiful and so heart wrenching at the same time. She could understand what she was going through, she was almost sure she had felt that a time or two in her life.
Sighing once more, Santana closed her eyes and rubbed her fingers over them. "I don't know what to do, Rachel."
It was silent for a long time. Santana stood there trying not to cry, Rachel stood there crying softly to herself. Rachel cried for Santana. Her heart broke for this girl and what she must be going through.
Finally after a long time Rachel dared break the silence now "I can't pretend to know everything about love. I've chased after the boy I couldn't have, the boy who was my rival, and again after the boy who didn't want me until I didn't want him. I'm just as big a mess when it comes to trying to figure these things out as you are, Santana. But you're not alone alright?"
Santana dropped her hand from her face, shrugging a bit "I feel alone."
"You aren't. Because I am here. I want to help you figure this out. No one should ever go through stuff like this alone." Again Rachel was putting aside everything else in her life, her own feelings or emotions, and offering to help Santana. "So here's the deal" She said with a big breath "We are friends, alright? Friends hook up sometimes when they are drunk" She offered a soft laugh to which Santana actually smiled, even as she rolled her eyes. "You don't have to feel guilty because a part of me thinks you do."
Santana shrugged, then nodded.
"Don't. Because what matters now is your happiness. So I want you to be with Brittany, in front of me. I want you to tell her it's alright, that I know, and I am okay with it. I'm actually really happy for you two. Everyone wants to fall in love with their best friend." Rachel smiled at that. It was pretty much every little girls' dream, right? "So go talk to her. Maybe not right now because that is kind of an awkward time to talk to someone. But soon. Talk to her and tell her again that you love her and now you aren't afraid to try and make it work, at least on a trial basis in front of me. I can act like the public eye, you know?" She laughed a bit at that "It made sense in my head. What I mean is I think that if you practice not hiding it from one person that maybe it will get more comfortable, maybe Brittany will see it is alright and then, like you said, realize she is in love with you and you can live happily ever after!"
"You watch way too many Disney movies, Berry" Santana mumbled, but the smile on her face told her she kind of liked the idea.
"Let's just try it. I think you are holding yourself back as much as Brittany is holding you back. Maybe if you both feel free you can be free soon enough."
"Are you sure you'll be alright with this?" Santana asked softly, her eyes a bit skeptical as they looked over Rachel.
"Santana, I swear, you are more fixated on what happened between you and I than I am."
"Hey! I know how you can be. I just wanted to make sure you weren't putting my picture in your locker and planning our wedding already." Santana smirked.
Rachel gasped, but laughed. It was pretty true and both the girls knew it. "That is so…..shut up" She shoved Santana playfully.
Santana laughed and opened the door now "Stay tonight, please? I promise to talk to Britt in the morning."
Rachel nodded and stepped into the house, waiting for Santana to follow. "It was just sex, you know?"
"Yeah right. You saved your virginity for someone special and now it's gone."
Rachel shook her head a bit "It was someone special."
Santana paused, glancing at Rachel with both brows arched sky high.
"You're a special person, that's all I meant. I promise. Besides, what you and I had were a few too many shots. What you have with Brittany is love. That beats everything else. That is something I think everyone can understand."
Santana nodded, continuing toward the bedroom now.
Rachel walked with her silently until they reached the door. She paused just outside and looked up at Santana with a bit of worry on her face "Are you sure I should go in there? What if she hates me?"
"Please, Britts isn't capable of hate. Things might just be awkward for a minute" Santana said with a shrug.
Rachel nodded, looked at the door, then nodded again more quickly "Alright. But I am sleeping on the floor, I know what you two do in bed."
Santana laughed out loud "Deal" before she pushed open the door to the bedroom. Brittany had re-dressed and was sitting there watching 10 Things I hate about you.
"This is really good! Come watch with me San" Brittany said with a smile, patting the bed.
Santana nudged Rachel as she stepped past her, a smile on her lips.
Rachel smiled. If this is what made Santana happy she would do what she could to help make it possible.