[ A/N: Thank you to the BTR Plot Adoption Forum for letting me participate in another challenge. This fic is my contribution for the Emotions Challenge. It was a lot of fun to write and was supposed to be a one-shot but I found myself unable to stop writing so instead of a one-shot theres 4 chapters. Thank you for reading :) ]

James' eyes were trained on Kendall. He watched as Kendall's fingers moved from chord to chord, moving naturally along the wooden neck of the acoustic guitar. His fingers held the strings so seamlessly, making James feel relaxed and happy. Kendall started singing lowly, something he only did when he was feeling comfortable and calm. He was playing a song Gustavo had written, but the acoustics of just Kendall's smooth voice and the guitar made the song sound so much more original and heartfelt.

The two boys were sitting on some beanbags in Roque Records. They were in a studio full of instruments and many comfortable sitting surfaces; creating a very chill writing space. Their friends Carlos and Logan were nowhere to be seen. In this moment, James could only focus on how lovely Kendall and his playing sounded. It wasn't often that he could hear only Kendall's vocals and a single guitar playing. Kendall's voice was always a pleasant surprise for James. He never knew his friend could sing so well, and he assumed that was probably because it was James who did all the singing and theatrics. In this moment James couldn't help but feel like the lovesick lyrics were being sung not just to him, but for him. He was momentarily lost in the sweet serenade before the wrong chord was strung which threw Kendall off. Kendall's slender hand ran through his dirty blond hair and an irritated sigh was exhaled.

"I can never get that chord," he said with clear annoyance. James pursed his lips and looked at Kendall's fingers that were still on the note.

"You've got your middle finger in the wrong spot dude," James said as he leaned closer to Kendall. The beans inside the soft bag rustled as James moved closer to the male sitting in front of him.

"I thought you didn't play guitar?" Kendall said when he remembered James' best musical talent, aside from singing, was piano.

"I mean, I know enough to know that's the wrong fingering," he said as he gently pinched the tip of Kendall's middle finger. Touching Kendall's finger sparked an unexpected rush of emotions and feelings that made James' cheeks tint a subtle pink. He looked up and the look he shared with Kendall showed that they both felt that spark. His lingering hold of Kendall's finger felt natural. James found himself not wanting to move. This then made him feel awkward, so he just shuffled back into his beanbag and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Try that."

Kendall looked down with a doubtful face that had replaced that previous bashfulness. He cleared his throat and strummed. The chord sounded perfect, which made Kendall smile wide with excitement.

"Oh! You actually did know what you were talking about-" Kendall said excitedly. "Thanks dude." The way Kendall smiled had James feeling a peculiar kind of intensity in his chest. It was foreign and weird. He had seen Kendall smile and play guitar many times before but had never gotten clammy hands and a racing heart before. Kendall resumed singing and the feelings didn't falter, which irritated James. He was angry at how lovely Kendall could sing. He didn't deserve to be so talented when he didn't even want to have this dream in the first place.

Kendall finished the song then put the guitar down. "I wish Gustavo would let us write our own music…" Kendall's random statement made James roll his eyes.

"If you were talented he'd probably let you."

James' remark had Kendall sit back. He stared at his best friend of many years trying to figure out what sparked such a harsh statement.

"Dude what was that for?"

"What?"

"Why'd you say that?"

"I don't know man. Just stating the truth- back off." James stood up abruptly. Kendall stared up at his friend and sighed. Sometimes James did make random and rude outbursts that would often confuse Kendall. He stared at James and hated how he felt. It was one of those unpleasant feelings that he wished he wouldn't have to deal with. You know that kind of feeling you get where your heart speeds up and it jumps into your throat? The kind of feeling you don't usually get with your same-sex friends. It was confusing to be feeling this instead of hurting, but who could deny it? James looks hot when he's mad.

This thought had Kendall blushing deeply. He finally averted his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck in his go-to bashful tic.

"Where are you going?" Kendall asked. This irritated James because he was hoping that Kendall would at least fight him back or insult him or- or something. James huffed and shrugged. He was aggravated.

"Gonna get Carlos and Logan. We should probably start looking for Gustavo. They spend too much time messing around and not practicing." James seemed exasperatedly hasty, which was weird to Kendall since they had been really chill not too long ago.

"Oh- okay then…" Kendall looked down at his hands. James felt that weird pain in his chest and balled his hands into fists. No time for being confused and emotional when you should be finding your other bandmates and recording some new songs. James huffed and turned away from Kendall. A flash of how Kendall's eyes looked when James was mad made James' chest ache. The look in Kendall's eyes made James want to turn around and show him some more chords as an excuse for touching his hands. Weird thoughts like these could wait though, as there's no time to focus on stupidly confusing thoughts. He can figure it out later. He walked out of the room and could hear Kendall sigh and resume playing some chords on the guitar. He wanted to go back and just sit in that lovely moment of Kendall singing to him for a little longer, but he knew he should probably just find his other friends, so they can hurry up and head home for the day.

Later that night there was a weird tension between Kendall and James at the dinner table. The kind of tension that could be felt by everyone who was sitting and trying to enjoy their spaghetti bolognaise. Kendall was trying to figure out what had caused James to have such a weird outburst when they were simply relaxing and playing music. James looked up, making their eyes connect. There was a weird non-physical spark this time which angered James.

James slammed his fork and spoon down onto the table. "I'm trying to eat! Stop staring!"

"You're the one who's staring at me!" Kendall yelled in response. James stood up and picked up his bowl and fork.

"I'm eating in my room," James' demand had Jennifer hold her hand up and close her eyes.

"No, you're not. Sit back down and finish like the rest of us." James stared at Kendall's mother before grunting and following her order. He sat down and shoved the last mouthfuls of pasta into his mouth before he stood up again. He was irritably moody, and even James wished he knew why. He stormed into the kitchen and dumped his bowl into the sink before walking out of the apartment. Jennifer turned her attention to her son with a furrowed neatly tweezed brow.

"What's going on?" Her voice was stern and full of concern. Kendall always wondered how she was able to pull off such conflicting emotions. Maybe James picked his behaviour up from her.

"Honestly I don't even know." Kendall said with a sigh. He twirled his fork in the pasta and stared down.

"Well go sort it out when you're finished eating." Jennifer was using that same gentle yet stern tone that only a mother could use. It made Kendall mad. He took his time finishing off the food before he headed to the kitchen with his bowl. He put it on top of James' mostly-empty one and then pulled a beanie over his head.

"I'll be back soon."

"With James." His mother added.

"Yeah, yeah with James or whatever." Kendall waved off the statement before rolling his eyes. His mother sighed at the immature gestures.

James wasn't in the hallway when Kendall opened the door. This irritated him because now he must go looking around for James instead of just seeing him sulking against the nearest wall. Kendall tried sending a couple of text messages to James' phone, but he was essentially blown off. A couple were left on read before there was no response. He tried calling but it was evident James' phone had been turned off with how the phone went straight to voicemail. Kendall grunted and begun walking throughout the PalmWoods. He had a rough idea of where James might be judging by the places he frequents most.

After roughly half an hour the door to the PalmWoods gym opened. James looked up from the black and red dumbbell to meet Kendall's bored, unamused gaze. Even with something so quick and stupid, James still felt that winding blow to his chest; that weird non-physical spark that made him wish he could figure out why Kendall made him feel this way. He rolled his hazel eyes and resumed his set. The gym was empty aside from the gorgeous moping teenager sitting near a mirror. Kendall shoved his phone into his pocket and walked over to James. He sat on the ground and crossed his arms.

"What's your beef man?" Kendall asked as he cocked a dark bushy brow.

"None of your business." James huffed and tried to ignore Kendall by continuing his set. He was distracted by Kendall's presence though and had lost count a couple of reps ago.

"Well when you're being rude to me, so that kiiiind of makes it my business."

"Just drop it and piss off dude." James put his dumbbell down and ran a hand through his perfect brunet hair. Kendall pursed his lips and tried to study James' features. He felt that weird feeling again while he was staring at his friend. His heart started racing and he moved his crossed arms upwards a little, he was then able to press his arms firmly to his chest. He had an irrational fear that James would be able to hear how hard his heart was pounding. It was beating so hard it felt like it was going to bust out of his ribcage.

The heart in James' chest was also thumping fast. He rubbed an open hand over his damp forehead and grunted. "What are you doing? For real?" James' voice was irritated and confused. Kendall stared.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know man. I'm really confused. Why am I always so pissy with you? What are you doing to me?"

"Doing to you? You're doing it to me!" Kendall didn't mean to yell. He didn't mean to sound so snappy.

Silence fell between the two teens. It was the type of silence that was uncomfortably awkward… the kind you don't have with your best friend. Neither of them said a word. They kept waiting for the other to start speaking, but the silence was never interrupted.

That was until James exhaled roughly. "Why did you come here?" His voice was small, almost pathetic.

"I don't know… mum told me to come and get you… to sort things out…" Kendall answered. The tension between James and Kendall had lasted for what was probably weeks up until this point, they were able to avoid it until now though. James could feel a gross stiffness building up inside of him when he thought about how irritated he had been with Kendall lately. Kendall had never done anything directly wrong to James, he just hated the confusing ways Kendall was making him feel.

"Pick up a dumbbell and work out with me if you're not going to spot me then," James said as he leaned down to pick the weight back up. He figured working out together would be a good way to not have to think about the stupid tension and connections they were both feeling. He held it in his right hand and resumed the activity Kendall had interrupted earlier. Kendall watched James' muscles flex and relax as he moved the weight. Perspiration dripped down his skin and it made a lump grow in Kendall's throat, and another lump in his pants threatened to produce.

Kendall shook his head hard.

That was a weird thought.

Why would his best friend make him hard?

Maybe its just a build up of testosterone or something.

Kendall walked over to the rack that the other dumbbells rested on. He chose the weight below what James was using and sat on a chair next to him. He held one dumbbell in his hand and rested his elbow on his knee; mirroring the way James was sitting. Kendall had never really been one for working out or doing any kind of muscle training. The most exercise he got was during hockey practice, or whenever he got the chance to play in between studio work. James though, he was always working his muscles out. I guess pretty guys like him must keep in shape like that.

Kendall shook his head again, loosing count of his reps. Then he stared down at his feet and held onto the weight; he bit his lower lip. It's not a lie. James is really pretty. He's a pretty guy. Nothing weird about thinking that. Kendall couldn't stop trying to figure out why thinking about James being pretty felt different in this context as opposed to the many other times he's spoken about James being pretty. He wondered about what felt different. Why were things different.

James looked over at Kendall who had stopped moving the weight. He noticed that the blond was deep in thought. He wondered about what Kendall was thinking about. The silence between them now was a very thoughtful one. Kendall was trying to figure out why James is making him feel weird and James was trying to figure out why Kendall keeps pissing him off.

"Maybe its your face." James didn't mean to speak his thoughts aloud. Kendall snapped out of his thoughtful daze and looked over at his friend.

"My face?"

James blinked, only just realizing he had started to speak with words instead of thoughts. "Yeah. Your face. I don't like it." The words felt wrong, and James wanted to know what made him say it. Kendall's emerald eyes widened as he took offence to his friend's words.

"Dude what the fuck?" Kendall didn't swear often, but how could he hold back a curse when he was just insulted? James just stared at him with a blank expression.

"Yeah. Your face. Your eyes, your eyebrows. That nose. I'm sick of seeing it." James seemed to be satisfied with this conclusion. He was feeling weird and tense around Kendall because he was sick of seeing Kendall's ugly mug.

Kendall felt embarrassed after thinking about how pretty James was, only to be called out on his insecurities. Before his emotions took over, he tried to think rationally.

"Were you rejected or something and now you're taking it out on me?" Kendall asked, deciding he had figured everything out. James shook his head.

"No, you're just ugly and I don't want to see your face anymore." James' words were like icy bullets that blew through Kendall's heart. Kendall had no response. He put the dumbbell down and nodded before he turned and walked out of the gym.

There was a stiff heaviness that entered the room when Kendall left. James could feel his heart sinking very low. There was a depression that wrapped around him. He knew he was being harsh, but as far as he was concerned he was being truthful. It felt wrong, but he wanted it to be right. James started pulling the weight up and down, deciding to repeat his sets so that he could focus on something that wasn't Kendall's goddamn face.

Kendall and James stopped talking after they saw each other in the gym that night. They would sing stiffly together during rehearsals and ignore each other on the way home. Kendall didn't want to talk to James after everything he had said, and James wasn't interested in talking to someone who continued to affect him in weird ways.

James was laying alone in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He was finding it difficult to fall asleep. He initially blamed this difficulty on how busy today was with choreography lessons, and he figured he was still pumped. Sometimes that huge burst of adrenaline would keep the guys up for hours later than when they usually got tired. However, flashing images of Kendall's face were burnt into his memory continued appearing every time he closed his eyes. Constantly seeing Kendall's face whenever James would relax and think he was finished thinking about Kendall was starting to get annoying. James just wanted his brain to stop showing him Kendall's face. It was ugly, and he was sick of seeing it.

James had always been mesmerised by Kendall's eyes ever since they were kids. They were a gorgeous green that have these specks of gold in them. The first time he saw those eyes was at their mutual friend Danny's birthday party when they were kids. James stopped being friends with Danny that day; deciding Kendall was a cooler friend and he much preferred his company. Even Kendall ditched Danny to pursue this lifelong friendship. He grew up staring into those eyes, looking at that larger-than-average nose. He lived a very large portion of his life listening to Kendall sing, seeing him in clothes that suited him and clothes that looked horrific.

The uncalled-for trip down memory avenue had James smiling. He didn't even realise he was smiling until his cheeks begun to hurt. He rubbed his face and pressed the balls of his hands into his eyes. He grunted and wished he could just stop thinking about Kendall. He already figured it out, didn't he? He was annoyed by how ugly Kendall right?

James thought he had finally fallen into a peaceful sleep; but, a steamy dream involving him, a naked and very eager Kendall and lots of lube had him tossing and turning throughout the night. His dream was filled with hot passionate sex that he didn't realise he needed until he woke up with sticky wet underwear and an embarrassingly stiff boner.

He looked to his side and saw Carlos was still fast asleep. For the first time since moving to L.A, James was glad he could hear Carlos' obnoxious snoring. The four boys were split into two bedrooms to share. Kendall and Logan took one, while James and Carlos took the other. Jennifer and Katie took their own bedroom. He got out of bed and punched his bedsheets up, making sure to be extremely quiet so Carlos wouldn't wake up and tease him for having a wet dream. He bunched the sheets up and threw them into the washing basket before waddling to the bathroom.

James hated pissing with a boner. It was uncomfortable and sometimes it fucking hurt. He attempted waiting for his erection to naturally go down in the bathroom, but he knew that he'd be in there for hours if he waited. So, he did what most 18-year-old dudes do; he had a wank.

The shower head hissed as James turned the taps on. He waited and turned the knobs a couple of times to get the temperature just right. Once it was warm enough James stripped out of his now-dirty pyjamas and stepped into the shower. James sighed as the hot water kissed his skin. The temperature of the water only increased his morning arousal. He leaned against the shower wall and wrapped his hand around his cock. It didn't take long for James to be closing his eyes and trying his best to hold back any kind of moan or sexual sound that would give away the fact he was masturbating in the shower this morning.

James wasn't usually a very visual masturbator. He just jacked off and then he was good to go. However, this time the image of Kendall staring up at him continued to pop into his head. Every time he thought about Kendall he figured his erection would go down and he could just go on about his day as if nothing had happened, as if he didn't have a hot dream about pounding into Kendall's arse.

His dick wasn't having it though.

Every time he thought about Kendall, the way his hand moved felt a little better than whenever he tried to ignore it. Eventually James gave in and just started to masturbate without putting too much thought into what he was thinking about.

Seeing Kendall's smile when he came though… that was weird to him. He had never seen that flash before his eyes as he shot his load into the shower drain.

James felt dirty.

He had never masturbated to Kendall's ugly face before. He washed off his body then stepped out of the shower. He towelled his hair before wrapping the towel around his waist. He begun combing and styling his hair. He stared at himself in the foggy mirror.

What a filthy boy… masturbating to the thought of your best friend…

His mind wasn't being kind. He felt guilty. He sighed and brushed his teeth before walking out of the bathroom. He opened the door and saw Kendall standing in the kitchen with a mug in his hand.

Kendall's eyes seemed to automatically gaze down James' body. James was usually a confident dude but with Kendall's unwavering gaze he couldn't help but feel self-conscious. He kept rather quiet while he masturbated just now, yet he couldn't help but worry about if Kendall knew what he was thinking about a few moments ago.

"Morning," Kendall's voice was gruff. He looked tired, as if he had also been up all night.

"Hey…" It was the first time they had spoken since James insulted Kendall in the PalmWoods gym. Kendall was quiet for a moment before he put his cup of hot chocolate down. He was about to speak but James cut him off.

"Sorry for calling you names."

Kendall stared at his mostly naked friend. He couldn't take his eyes off James' torso. His eyes were trained on how the water droplets slowly dripped down that perfect, evenly tanned skin. He licked his lips and stared up at James.

"It's okay-"

"-No its not. I shouldn't have been so rude to you man…" The guilt in James' head went deeper than just insulting Kendall's appearance after what he had done this morning. Even the dream he had wasn't making James feel all that innocent.

Kendall was usually a confident dude. He didn't care about his appearance or materialistic things. He was all about personality and friendship. Having his looks insulted didn't usually get to him, but he wanted to know if what James said was true. He needed to know if his friend meant those words.

"Is it true though? Am I really that ugly you couldn't stand to look at me?" It was the first time James had heard Kendall speak so small. He hated himself for making Kendall feel that way.

"I don't know."

James hated himself for giving that answer. He should have lied and talked about how attractive Kendall actually is. He should have rambled about how beautiful Kendall's features actually are. He should have spoken about how much he wished he was as confident as Kendall, about how he wanted to be more like Kendall but didn't know how. There were heaps of attractive things about Kendall that aren't his face. And that's not even getting started on how handsome Kendall actually is.

Kendall looked broken from James' answer. James wish he could find the right words to fix it. He was stuck.

"Why are you telling me this now?" Kendall asked after silence had slipped between them for a couple of minutes.

"I- I don't know."

"Say more than that dude." Kendall sounded desperate. James looked up and noticed Kendall was still staring at his torso. He wrapped his arms around his waist to cover himself up.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" James asked in a snappy tone.

"Cause you're hot."

James blinked.

"Thanks?"

This was weird. It was confusing. Why was Kendall acting so weird? Why is he suddenly saying things like this? James' head hurt. He had to clean his bedsheets. That's what he should be doing instead of standing here in the kitchen half naked having confusing conversations with his best friend.

"Dude, you should go back in the bathroom." Kendall said with a chuckle. James snapped his head in Kendall's direction.

"What do you mean? I'm finished in there?"

"Uh… no you're not." Kendall sounded amused.

"What's so funny?"

"Why are you hard?"

"What-?"

"You're hard. Whys that? Is it something I said?" Kendall was weirdly flirty about this. James was confused. Why was Kendall sounding so flirty after he insulted him again?

James looked down.

Kendall wasn't joking.

He didn't even realise he had gotten hard again. Then Kendall's accusation clicked.

"Hang on- no way would someone as ugly as you turn me on. Its just hormones. Its early and I'm cold." James' excused didn't fool Kendall.

Kendall rolled his eyes and smirked. He picked up his mug and took a long sip before smacking his lips and sighing happily.

"I can't wait to tell Carlos that you got hard because I called you hot. He's gonna find that so funny after how rude you've been to me. Ooo I wonder what Logan will say…" Kendall mused. James blushed deeply and put both hands on his crotch.

"Dude its not funny- don't tell anyone." James hissed.

"I won't…"

James sighed with relief.

"But." James tensed up and stared at Kendall. Was he really going to blackmail him? No fair. James glared at Kendall mercilessly. He waited in agony for Kendall to continue. "You have to tell me the real reason why you keep insulting me. I'm not stupid James."

James stared at Kendall with disbelief.

"Can we talk about this later?" James could feel himself getting harder the more he listened to Kendall's voice. It was unfair.

"No. I wanna talk about it right now. Here. In the kitchen. While you're hard and vulnerable. James. Why do you keep being so mean to me?" Kendall was as stubborn as his sister and his mother. James was irritated and could feel that he was just desperate to be left alone. Kendall didn't look like he was going to be giving up on this anytime soon though.

"Uuuufughghghhghhhh" James groaned loudly. "Dude I don't even know why I'm being so mean. You're just pissing me off and this is NOT helping."

Kendall leaned back and rested against the kitchen counter. He sipped his hot chocolate and looked down at James' hands.

"Why are you covering up? I've seen your dick before." Kendall was referring to hockey practice change rooms, growing up together which meant sharing baths and changing their clothes together. He hadn't seen it since they both started to go through puberty, but that didn't change the fact he had actually seen James naked many times. He's seen James' body go through all kinds of changes. But James wasn't thinking that rationally. He assumed Kendall meant something more recent. He thought Kendall meant he had seen James with his fully developed cock in action, not just referring to kids being kids.

"That's sick." James muttered.

"You've seen mine too," Kendall huffed. He finished his hot drink and put the mug in the skin before turning his attention back to James. James suddenly remembered the times he had seen Kendall naked. They were close, of course they had seen each other naked. But right now, James was horny and thinking about someone like Kendall was making him extremely embarrassed. He blushed furiously and gave his erection a squeeze to try and get it to go down. He huffed.

James didn't want Kendall to say anything to the others. He was scared about what Kendall would say. Of course, James could just deny any of the claims, but with something like this he knew he would be blushing and wouldn't make a very convincing argument.

He sighed and turned around, admitting defeat.

He needed to sort out the problem in his genitals as soon as physically possible.

"Fine, tell them whatever. Just leave me alone so I can fix this." James said with a sigh. Kendall stared at James' toned back. He wasn't smiling anymore. He was just hoping he could retrieve answer from James. Literally anything would have been better than 'I don't know'.

Kendall reached forwards and placed his hand on James' shoulder. He stepped closer and sighed. He was planning to apologise but the intense shudder from the simple touch made Kendall pull his hand away and swallow his words.

A furious red attacked James' cheeks. He almost came from Kendall placing a hand of condolence to his back. James stepped forwards and tried to wrack his brain for appropriate words and sentencing.

"I- I'm going to the bathroom." He announced. Kendall just nodded.

"Okay dude…"

The bathroom door shut, and James pressed his back to it. He locked the door and started breathing hard.

He couldn't make sense of what he was feeling. He couldn't figure out why he felt that way. Why did Kendall have that effect on him? James stared down at his full erection. He had just dealt with one of these, and now he was faced with dealing with another one. James sighed irritably.

What was Kendall doing to his head?