Chapter One

"I can't explain what happened & I can't erase these things that I've done."

I remembered the Tween Choice Awards after-party clearer than anything.

------------------------

"I can't believe we won!" Tawni squealed, waving the award around as everyone made their way backstage. We had to speak loud because of the music blaring through the speakers. "Suck on that, Chad Dylan Cooper!" Grady was ecstatic as he stuck his tongue out at Chad.

"You got lucky that time." Chad replied in a monotone voice, he then turned to me, and his voice shifted and transformed to a voice filled with meaning, "Congratulations, baby." We both wrapped our arms around each other. "Get a room, you two." Tawni scoffed.

"Jealous?" I smirked at her. I noticed the look on her face – she wasn't saying anything to me, but her eyes that glared through me like daggers said everything.

Chad and I were dancing in a corner when I said, "Excuse me, I'm getting a drink" to Chad. "Sure." He replied, kissing my cheek as he released me from the amazing warmth of his arms. I headed to the food and drink table. I was exploring what was available when I felt a cold hand touch my shoulder. I span around. There was a guy, from his height I could estimate he was about seventeen or eighteen, with dark hair and brown eyes, standing right in front of me. All thoughts and memories of Chad fled my brain.

"You're Sonny Munroe, right? Why are you here alone? You're way too gorgeous." I felt somewhat intimidated by him, "Thanks." I muttered, "Wanna come and dance with me?" He asked. I gave the room a quick scan.

"Uh, sure." I replied, not seeing Chad anywhere. A slow song started as he took me into the crowd and put one hand on my shoulder, and the other around my waist. We danced for a while, talked, and danced some more. I rested my head on his shoulder as he pulled me closer to him. He then pulled away from me a while later."You're beautiful, you should know that." His hands were planted on my shoulder, and he smiled at me - I returned the favour. For what seemed like hours later, but was only fifteen minutes or so, he broke the silence.

"Let's go for a drive. We'll come straight back here." He promised. "Sure." I replied.

When we got to his car, he pushed me down onto the back seat. I felt my head hit the inner car door. He quickly entered the back seat, with his jeans unbuttoned, and his shirt off. "What are you – what, what are you doing?" I whispered, my voice filled with fear as he touched the front of my dress, running his fingers down it. He forced me down, and laid down on top of me.

"Quiet down, beautiful. This will all be over soon." He whispered in my ear, his fingers were now at the back of my dress, unzipping it and tearing it off, throwing it on the floor of the car - I was now only in my bra and underwear.

"St-stop it." I stuttered, my voice growing louder."NO!" I screamed loudly. I punched between his shoulder blades.

"Shut the fuck up!" He yelled, clamping his hand over my mouth and removing my hand violently from his back. I closed my eyes. I could feel him... feel it inside me. I attempted to push him off me, but failed. I just let him do it; he'd said it would be over soon. He'd stopped, I opened my eyes. He was standing outside the car door, his shirt was now back on, and his jeans zipped up, my dress in his hand. He threw the dress at me. "Goodbye, Miss Munroe." He announced, his footsteps faded in the distance.

I could hear myself breathing heavily. I was scared. I began to cry harder than I'd ever cried before. I lifted myself up from the car seat, and put my dress back on.
I'd returned to the party, but quietly snuck into the bathroom quickly, before anyone could notice the torn mess that was me; Sonny Munroe. I stared at my reflection in the mirror; and remembered earlier how I'd stared into my mirror at home, smiling, I was the complete opposite of that now.

At home, I'd had the green eye shadow and red lipstick on, and my hair was perfect. Now, my hair was messed up, my eye shadow was gone, and the lipstick was smeared all over my mouth. I slid down the bathroom wall, sobbing, burying my head in my arms as I cried for the sudden loss I felt.

------------------------

That night was the end of my happy, perky, 'exploding-ball-of-sunshine' days.