Title: The Lambs Are On The Run
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: Hard R to be safe
Characters/Pairing:Law/Sanji
Chapter: 1/1
Word Count: 7409
Summary: At the time, giving himself up to Doflamingo so the rest of the crew could escape had seemed like a brilliant idea. It wasn't, and in the aftermath, the one person who understands what Sanji's gone through might be the key to helping him finally begin to heal. Law/Sanji
Notes: This does deal with some potentially heavy subject matter, and the first section involves physical torture and the threat of unwanted sexual advances. That being said, there is no actual non-con in the fic, but it's heavy on the angst and all I can promise is that the ending is hopeful.
Spoilers: For recent chapters.
The Lambs Are On The Run
"Don't fucking touch me!"
"Fufufufufu…you're not in much of a position to give me orders, now are you?"
Sanji growls but knows that he's right, the bastard. He can't move much more than his mouth at the moment, strung up the way he is, and he knows he's in a bad state regardless. He's lost a lot of blood, his torn suit jacket is soaked and he can feel it running from open gashes on his chest and face. IF that doesn't kill him…well, he's fucked either way.
He doesn't say anything else, unable to even come up with a proper scathing remark given the situation, and Doflamingo leans closer and grins at him.
"I'm not sure what you were planning on accomplishing, giving yourself up. Did you think it would buy them time? Because nothing is going to stop me from slaughtering each and every one of you," he chuckles, his hand gripping Sanji's throat tightly. "I could kill you right here, you know. But that wouldn't be any fun."
He lets go and Sanji coughs weakly, half-closing his eyes in exhaustion and plain defeat.
He should have known the other man would play with him instead of just getting rid of him quickly, and it's not as if he wants to die but, well, at the moment it had seemed the best choice. There's a big part of him that's hoping, when Luffy finds out, he just leaves him be and appreciates his sacrifice for what it is, but he knows better and the thought that he's inadvertently put everybody in danger trying to play the hero…he gasps shakily, holding back a sob of pain and frustration, and Doflamingo notices immediately.
"Fufufufu….you get it now, don't you? That those foolish brats will come for you, and I'll let them, only to let them see your broken body and watch as the last bit of life drains from your eyes. It's a shame, because strength like yours is hard to come by, but you're just going to cause me trouble otherwise," he clicks his tongue like he's actually trying to feign sympathy, but Sanji's had about enough of that.
If he's going to die here, he's going to go fighting the only way he can.
"I hope you fucking rot in hell, you damn feathery bastard," he spits out, his entire body exploding in pain a second later and when he looks down he can see strings impaling him, miraculously avoiding anywhere fatal but the shock of it is enough to paralyze him. He coughs weakly, blood running from his mouth.
"You're making such a mess," Doflamingo clicks his tongue scornfully, running his thumb over Sanji's bottom lip to wipe up some of the blood and licking it clean, the grin on his face more frightening now than Sanji's ever seen it. "But your stamina is quite admirable. I wonder what else your body can take…" he spread his hand over Sanji's stomach and Sanji feels a stab of fear unlike anything he's ever felt.
Physical pain he can deal with, but this….
"I'm not that kind of man," Doflamingo pulls back, shaking some more blood off of his hand. "But it's fun to watch you squirm," he adds, yanking his arm back and ripping the threads out of Sanji's body. The pain from that almost makes him pass out, but he forces himself to stay conscious.
He's not trusting the other man around him if he's passed out, no matter what he says.
"Just sit here and be a good boy," Doflamingo pats his cheek and steps back. "I'll come get you when your…friends arrive. I might even be nice and let them think they can save you before I take all of their hope away," he laughs again, the sound grating, and sweeps from the room.
Sanji lets himself slump back against the wall, every shuddery breath he takes painful, and prays to a higher power he doesn't believe in that for once Luffy acts in a way that's contrary to his very nature and doesn't come to rescue him.
And that, if he does…when he does, he corrects himself, because there's no way Luffy won't…that his own death will happen as quickly as possible so he doesn't have to see the horror and disappointment in his captain's eyes at just how badly he's fucked everything up.
000
It doesn't happen the way he anticipates.
Few things do, he reflects idly, fingers picking at the bandages on his arms as he stares into the darkness of the medical cabin. In true Luffy fashion, everything had worked out not a moment too soon, and he remembered little of the aftermath except for warm hands covering his body and a low, soothing voice in his ear asking…no, telling…him to stay awake and not give in to the darkness that had been insistently calling him to surrender to it.
He had, somehow, in a move of pure stubbornness and a refusal to have it end like this, and when he'd been told he could finally rest he'd fallen asleep in a matter of seconds, half-delirious with pain and fear.
It's been a few days since he'd woken up properly, but for some reason he can't seem to shake what had happened. He's barely been able to stagger to the kitchen and every time he picks up a knife he falters, hand shaking like he's never held it before.
It makes him feel more useless than ever, and he's completely shut everybody out because he's let them all down and some of them could have died because he'd decided to go be a hero without thinking of the rather obvious consequences. He knows the others have noticed, and they'd all tried to cheer him up in their own way - Nami had even offered to kiss him for a rather unreasonably large sum of money, but while normally the mere thought would have left him twitching on the ground, he'd felt nothing and that numbness frightens him more than anything else.
So when he hears the door open he mentally prepares himself to ward off some well-intentioned but completely useless attempt to cheer him up, until he sees who it is and his pulse quickens without him meaning it to.
He's figured out by now that he probably owes his life to Law, seeing as how the other man had been there when they'd found him, but he's also heard through whisperings on the ship that Law's been through about as much as he has (or more, if what Luffy was saying about Law taking bullets out of his own side is any indication), but while that thought should have been comforting it was only serving to remind him how weak he was.
Because Law's still seemingly able to function normally, and Sanji for the life of him can't figure out why he's unable to.
He's weak. That's the only explanation for it.
Law, to his credit, doesn't try to cheer him up. He stands impassively in the doorway for a good two minutes, golden eyes gleaming in the darkened room, before he strides forward with purpose and settles himself beside Sanji on the bed. He's wrapped up in nearly as many bandages as Sanji himself is, hair a ruffled mess and dressed in a simple v-necked t-shirt (with his crew's Jolly Roger adorning the front, of course) and his customary jeans. It serves to make him look a good deal less intimidating, although his normal glower is still in place.
Sanji half-stares at him, not meeting his eyes, but letting himself study the glimpses of Law's tattoos visible beneath his shirt; the bottoms of the hearts on his shoulders peeking out from under the sleeves and the lines from the large one on his chest snaking over his collarbones. Law's somebody that Sanji can see a lot of himself in, albeit a much darker part of himself, but the other man's presence isn't unwelcome and that's surprising all by itself.
They sit there like that for an extended period of time, much too long for Sanji to keep careful track of, and then Law stands up and leaves without a word or a glance back.
Somehow, it's far more comforting than anybody who's actually tried to comfort him, and Sanji finds himself grateful for it.
000
It becomes routine.
Every day, for maybe fifteen minutes, Law will come into the sickbay and just…sit beside him. He doesn't make any move to touch Sanji, and he doesn't speak, but his presence is soothing and Sanji can feel himself energized just by knowing that somebody else understands.
When he leaves, Sanji will sit there for a few minutes before making a hasty dash to the kitchen to grab some food and making sure to eat before the melancholy overtakes him again. The food isn't as good as what he makes, but there's usually sandwiches or leftover soup he can sneak away with.
It's no good dying from starvation after surviving being tortured by a psychopath, after all, and it's not like he wants to die anymore.
He just can't quite figure out how to go on living.
000
He's not quite sure who give in first.
Maybe it happens at the same time, because the second he opens his mouth to speak his first proper sentence since the incident occurred, he feels Law's hand settle on his back. It's enough of a touch to make him flinch, and he feels awful for it because there's nothing threatening about it at all.
Sure, he's never been as touchy as Luffy, maybe, but he's always been okay with casual, friendly contact with other guys and that he can't even handle this makes him feel like scum.
"Don't," he forces out when Law starts to move his hand away, and luckily the other man understands and keeps it there, warm through his thin shirt and the decreasing layers of bandages still wrapping his body.
That's all he says for a long time, but Law isn't leaving today, and eventually he sighs and continues speaking.
"How do you do it?"
His voice sounds weak and raspy from misuse and he clears his throat, fingers digging into the blankets at his sides.
"Do what?" Law asks softly, and Sanji shrugs his thin shoulders.
"How do you…pretend nothing happened? You're not acting any different than normal and I can't…." he cuts off, swallowing, and feels Law curl his fingers in like he's not sure what he can do to offer more comfort.
"Because I've been dealing with this since I was a child," he murmurs, and Sanji feels the first real emotion he's experienced in two weeks rush through him. It's not a nice one, particularly, because the words make his skin crawl, but… "Doflamingo and Vergo were never the…kindest people, and I don't take orders very well," he half-smirked. "Their methods of discipline were not what one would call gentle, and I suppose after so many years instead of making me fear them, it's simply made me angry," he reasons.
"But this time…you…"
"Well, I didn't expect him to shoot me. At least, not with actual bullets," Law replies wryly, his free hand pressing against his right side at the words, "but everything else wasn't a surprise. For somebody that doesn't know him and hasn't experienced his methods before, though…" he doesn't sound like he's pitying Sanji or belittling him in any way, and there's genuine concern in his touch.
"Did he ever…" Sanji swallows, because the feeling of that man's hands on his bare skin and the fear that he was going to be…raped…is still all too real, and maybe that's what's tripping him up the most. "Sexually. Did he ever touch you…"
"No," Law says quickly, and Sanji breathes a sigh of relief, because the thought of anybody having felt what he did…
Law's hand tightens on his shoulder suddenly, his grip firm enough that Sanji squeaks at it, and when he turns his head Law looks murderous.
"Fuck…did he…"
Sanji shakes his head, staring down at his knees. "He…he kind of implied it, but then he said he wouldn't, but…"
"Yes, he's not exactly a man that tells the truth," Law's grip slackens a bit and Sanji shivers, because Law's aura is still so dark that it's stifling. "But he broke you."
"Maybe," Sanji whispers, because he feels broken, and when Law sighs heavily and wraps his arm around Sanji's shoulders he does break.
It's like all the emotion he's held in for the past two weeks comes out at once, a flood that he can't hold back, and he's sobbing and shaking and clinging to law's shirt like a frightened child, unable to even force himself to maintain a single shred of composure.
Law doesn't say anything, but his arms around Sanji's shoulders are tight. By the time Sanji's cried himself out he feels more exhausted than he has since everything happened, and when he looks up he can swear there's a wetness to Law's eyes that hadn't been there before. Not that he thinks the man's even capable of crying, really, but it's something that makes him markedly more human.
He expects Law to leave then, the way he always does, but the older man simply guides Sanji to lie down on the bed properly, not letting go of him, and Sanji rests his head on Law's shoulder and is silently grateful for it.
He never in a million years had thought Law would be the one to get through to him, but he's surprisingly at peace with the knowledge that he is.
000
Things change after that.
It's not major, but everybody notices that he's up and about more, and he does a little bit of baking although the thought of making full meals again is still overwhelming.
Still, he can tell that the mood on the ship has lightened considerably and while It's a boost to his ego that they really do care and don't seem to blame him for putting them in danger, inside he feels as damn hollow as ever and he's not sure why.
Yes, he's angry, and Law has made it seem like his own anger had completely banished any fear or failure he'd felt, but for Sanji it's not working in quite the same way.
He's spent a lot of time perfecting the art of hiding his feelings and acting a lot tougher than he actually is, especially toward men, but there's none of that left now and he knows that everybody's noticed.
"That smells amazing, Sanji-kun!" Nami exclaims and he startles, flinching away from her on instinct. She looks surprised and guilty, and he hesitates before laying his hand on her arm. There's just…nothing. She's beautiful, more beautiful than ever when she's not showing anything but pure concern, but he doesn't feel any desire to make a fool of himself in front of her this time.
"It's not much," he shrugs. "Just some muffins. We had some leftover peaches so I wanted to use them," he looks down in surprise when she takes his hand in both of hers, leaning against him.
"I know you know this, but we're all here for you. None of us are going to judge you, but we all want you to get better," she says, squeezing his hand, and he nods, his throat tight. "Good. Bring me one of those when they're done, okay?" she asks, leaning up to kiss his cheek, and when she leaves he can't help but smile.
He owes it to all of them to snap out of this and start acting normal again.
But he's still not sure if he can do it.
000
That's when the nightmares start
In retrospect, he'd preferred feeling nothing to waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, and after a few go-rounds he's had enough and decides to get out of bed and head for the kitchen.
He makes himself some tea, not really expecting it to help but needing to do something other than sit and think,
It's warm, at least, and he doesn't even hear the door to the galley open but the creak of the floorboards tells him he's not alone.
"Nightmares?" Law asks in a low voice, pulling a chair over and sitting beside Sanji.
"Yeah," Sanji admits, setting the teacup down. "Fuck, I hate this."
"If I may, I think what you're experiencing is a type of mental block."
Sanji looks up, frowning, and Law shrugs.
"Physically you're almost healed, and you've said yourself that the injuries don't affect you. Doflamingo is a master of emotional manipulation, but you're intelligent enough to see through that as well, so logically it's something else that's preventing you from putting this behind you," he says quietly, and Sanji knows he's right, but for as helpful as Law's been, this isn't something he feels comfortable admitting. "What are the nightmares about? Dying?"
"No,'" Sanji shakes his head and frowns. "I'm not afraid of death, especially if me dying means the rest of my crew can live, but they're about…" he swallows and takes another sip of tea, unsure how to get out of this one.
"Whatever it is, I feel it's my responsibility to try and assist you through it, since it's only by my urging that we went up against Doflamingo at all," Law does sound sincere, and Sanji barks a mirthless laugh at that because Law has no idea what he's just offered.
"Unless you wanna fuck me, I don't think there's much you can do." The words slip out before he's even aware of them, and they're scathing and harsh, but Law sucks in a breath, eyes widening.
"Shit. I should have guessed this…"
Sanji looks up in surprise but Law looks vaguely disappointed…in himself, Sanji realizes, and he's trying to figure that one out.
"The way you flinch away from anybody trying to touch you," Law explains slowly. "It could be attributed to being tortured at all but given Doflamingo's ability…"
And yes, Sanji admits that it makes sense. Doflamingo doesn't have to physically touch somebody to cause damage with his strings, so if that's all it had been Sanji wouldn't be affected by contact. He shivers and curls his hands around the teacup, fingers tightening.
"I've never had sex."
He flinches as soon as he says the words, because dammit, he hadn't mean to admit that but Law has a weird way of making him feel comfortable enough to tell the truth. He's never gotten the impression the older man is judging him or trying to pressure him into revealing anything, which is probably why he blurts out things around him.
"Fuck," Law says the word slowly, like he's trying to come up with a more eloquent response, and Sanji wants the floor to open up and drop him into the sea about now. When Law's hand lands on his back this time he tires really, really hard not to react, but he's still trembling. "Nobody deserves to have what should be a beautiful experience sullied by terror and hatred," he murmurs, and Sanji can't disagree with him but still…
"Um, was yours…"
"Hardly," Law doesn't look bitter, but he's not exactly smiling either. "But it was my choice, and at the time I'm sure I thought it was perfect. Looking back, of course, it never seems quite as rose-coloured, but all that matters is what you feel in the moment," his fingers skim up into Sanji's hair, stroking through the golden strands.
"I'm so fucking weak…"
"Don't," Law says firmly, and Sanji closes his mouth. "You consistently go up against opponents far more experienced than you just to ensure the safety of those you care about. You're extremely intelligent, capable of being a remarkably competent leader when the chance arises, and your cooking skills are damn near unparalleled. Nothing that happened with Doflamingo negates any of that, and while he may have broken a part of your spirit, most people would be dead after what he'd done to you. He breaks people down by exposing their vulnerabilities, and while this may have been inadvertent, he found yours and exploited it enough to make you feel like it's all that defines you. I've known him for years, and I know how he works," he sounds angry now but his fingers are still gentle, combing through Sanji's hair with surprising reverence. "None of that makes you weak. It simply makes you human," he finally drops his hand and Sanji nearly whimpers at the loss of contact, because Law's presence is grounding him in a way few things can these days.
"It's hard for me to believe that right now," he says instead, and Law nods.
"I know. But nobody on your crew thinks any different, and I'm quite sure they'll all tell you if you want," he starts but Sanji shakes his head firmly.
"No. I mean…I know they do, but until I believe it myself it's not gonna help hearing it over and over. If anything that'll make me feel worse," he laughs bitterly and drains the rest of his tea, putting the cup down and slumping over the table.
"For what it's worth…" Law starts, pausing and sounding unusually unsure. "My offer before to help you in any way I can still stands."
Sanji's head snaps up so fast he nearly topples his chair backwards, because this is so far out of the realm of anything he's considered that he doesn't know how to react. "You…you'd…"
"I'm not a woman and I'm sure you're not interested at all, but I thought I would offer," he stands up and Sanji blinks at him for a few seconds, unable to even formulate a response.
"Um," he finally gets out, wanting to kick himself because Law's being about as vulnerable as he's ever seen him and all he can say is um?
There's a part of him that's screaming that he's not gay, and that he has no interest in men, but he knows that's a lie. He loves women to the point of worship, but the thought of touching a lady so intimately is something he's never considered outside of bizarrely unrealistic fantasies.
Law, however, isn't an option he'd ever thought existed, but now that it's laid out in front of him…he's honestly shocked at how seriously he's considering it.
He doesn't know if it will help, but he knows he can trust Law, and right now finding somebody he feels comfortable with is probably what will give him the most chance of getting better about all of this.
"Forgive me, I shouldn't have presumed…"
"No, fuck, shut up for a second," Sanji growls, rubbing his temples. "I'm…I need to think about it, but I…" he stops and nods once, jerkily, and Law's eyes widen slightly in surprise. "I know you won't hurt me. And I know you know what I've been through, or close enough to it, and that's…what I need more than anything, I think."
Law moves closer and this time Sanji doesn't even flinch when he reaches out, hand sliding under Sanji's jaw and tilting his head up. "Just say the word," Law leaned in, touching his lips lightly to Sanji's, and Sanji closes his eyes and breathes out slowly through his nose, feeling tears prick his eyes because he's so overwhelmed right now that he doesn't know what to think, but this doesn't feel wrong and something in his chest un-knots at the knowledge that he's not frightened at all.
"Hey," he murmurs when Law pulls back, reaching to grasp the older man's hand and keeping him in place. "Do you think you could…I'm worried if I go back to sleep that I'll have bad dreams again…" he's still unwilling to ask directly, but Law pulls him to his feet and leads him to the sickbay, lying on the bed and raising his arm in an obvious invitation.
Sanji takes it, head nestled on Law's shoulder and one arm loosely wrapped around the other man's body, and for the first time he feels like he might be able to beat this.
000
By the time Chopper gives him the all-clear and the last of his bandages are removed, he knows he's got to stop being a coward and do it already. He's not afraid, exactly, because he does trust Law, but there's an inherent vulnerability that comes with being intimate with anybody and he's not sure he wants to let his remaining walls down voluntarily when he's spent last few weeks building them back up after they were literally ripped away.
Law's slept with him every night since the night he'd found him in the galley, but he hasn't kissed him again or initiated any contact and Sanji's mostly sure that it's because he wants Sanji to feel comfortable but it's, well, a little insulting to his ego nonetheless.
Still, he needs to do this before he loses his nerve completely, so he stalks out of the sickbay with purpose, finding Law in his customary spot against the mast and sitting beside him.
"Hey."
"So you're healed?" Law raises an eyebrow but doesn't open his eyes, and that's the only indication Sanji has that he's not, in fact, just talking in his sleep.
"Not yet," Sanji says, and Law opens his golden eyes then, looking sideways at him. "Tonight, I want to…"
"Okay," Law doesn't let him finish, which is a good thing because he's not sure if he could even get the words out, and Sanji leans forward and squeezes his eyes shut because there's no going back now. He feels Law's hand on his back, solid and grounding, and he nods and stands up. "You don't have to do this."
"Fuck that. I do," Sanji lights up a cigarette as much to cover his nerves as anything else, and Law smirks but doesn't say anything else.
It's going to be a long day.
000
He cooks a basic dinner that night, much to the surprise of everybody, but it's something that will keep his mind off of what's to come and, for as out of practice he is, he has to say he does a damn good job of it.
He's never going to deny that he's a prideful man when it comes to his food and getting praise for his cooking elevates his spirit in a way few other things do, but he can't help but feel the response to what's a rather simple salmon dish is over-the-top.
It's understandable in the scheme of things, but he doesn't want to be coddled and he's hopeful that once things settle into a routine again making one meal won't damn near inspire a round of applause from Luffy and Usopp and copious tears from Franky.
He's finding it hard to eat himself, however, because his stomach is fluttery with nerves over what's going to happen later in the evening, but he forces some rice down his throat and waits for the galley to clear, rushing through his clean-up routine in record time and smoking far more than normal even for him until everybody else has gone to bed.
It's time.
000
"I'm not going to fuck you."
"What?" Sanji's a little offended, honestly, because Law had promised and to keep him nervous all day only to spring this on him now…
"Listen," Law sets a hand on his wrist and Sanji blinks at him. "It's not what you need. You've never had any sexual experiences and to rush into penetration first is…well, to deal with analogies you have experience in, it'd be like giving a child the finest chef's knife in the world and expecting him not to cut himself with it. What you need is to feel comfortable with somebody touching you intimately," he sounds patient and not at all condescending, and Sanji's more than a little appreciative of it.
And he's right, of course, which takes a bit of the pressure off, but Sanji still has no idea what he's got planned.
"Okay. So what's going on?"
"How much do you trust me?"
Sanji glances at Law, knowing in his heart that he answer is 'a fucking lot' especially after the last few weeks, and Law seems to understand without him saying it out loud.
"Good," Law moves closer, something uncharacteristically unsure in his eyes before he speaks again. "I want to blindfold you."
Sanji's initial reaction is to refuse and walk out of the room, but he forces himself to think it through before he makes any hasty judgments. It's daunting, yes, but if he can't see he'll be solely focused on the physical aspect of what's going to happen and since that's what this is about, it's maybe not so strange a request.
"You'll be in complete control," Law continues, his tone even and soothing. "If you tell me to stop, I will, and that will be the end of it."
"Okay," he agrees slowly, even though he can't say he's completely at ease with the idea. "Can we just…" he pauses and frowns, frustrated because he's so far out of his element that he can't even muster up any of his usual bravado, but this feels so…clinical, and he doesn't want his first time to be like that, either. "You said that somebody's first time should be enjoyable, and you're acting like this is some…obligation or some shit, so I…"
He cuts off when Law kisses him, and it's not the rather friendly peck from the other night but a full-on assault. Sanji wraps his arms around Law's back on instinct, his stomach swooping because holy fuck Law knows what he's doing, and when he breaks the kiss Sanji feels breathless and a little stunned.
"I don't pity you," Law says, his fingers moving to the buttons on Sanji's shirt and making quick work of them. "At least, not in the way you're implying. And I'm not somebody that craves sex that often but you're extremely attractive and I wouldn't be offering if I wasn't at least a little attracted to you," he shoves the shirt off of Sanji's shoulders, holding his arms and forcing Sanji to meet his eyes.
And Sanji believes him, if only because Law's definitely not the type of man to go out of his way to be kind to anybody. Yes, he's a brilliant doctor by all accounts, but from what Sanji's experienced he's more of the 'I'll do what I need to in order to save your life and then you're on your own' type as opposed to somebody who will wait on patients hand and foot and go over and above to make sure their every need is catered to.
And Law's been treating him like the second one, which is proof enough that he's telling the truth.
"You're wearing too much. If I have to be naked, at least return the favor," he says, grinning and trying to at least pretend he's confident, and Law smirks at him before pulling his t-shirt off. Now that Sanji's actually allowing himself to look at guys that way, at least with the knowledge that he's not overstepping some line by doing so, he can't deny that Law's fucking gorgeous and he reaches out before he can help himself, hands sliding over Law's remarkably toned chest and abs.
It's different, if only because he's got no experience whatsoever, but he doesn't feel uncomfortable and he's half-hard in his pants, surprised that he's so receptive to all of this already.
Law kisses him again and he pulls the other man on top of him, bare chests pressing together, and he almost whines when Law pulls back.
"As…pleasant as this is, perhaps we can continue after we've achieved our purpose here?" he raises an eyebrow and Sanji nods, feeling a spike of apprehension again that he quickly tamps down.
"Yeah. How should I…"
"Take your pants off and sit on the edge of the bed. Let me handle the rest," Law's still touching him gently, fleeting touches over his chest and arms to, he assumes, get him used to what the other man's hands feel like, and he reminds himself that Law's a doctor and has probably seen tons of naked guys so he shouldn't be self-conscious about this of all things.
He shoves his pants down, kicking them off, and does as he's directed, feet barely brushing the floor.
"Close your eyes," Law murmurs and he does after a moment, feeling soft fabric covering his eyes and opening them after Law secures the blindfold, unable to see anything through the cloth. "Okay?"
"Yeah," he says quickly, sighing when Law gently takes his chin and presses a comforting kiss to his lips.
He tenses a little when Law moves away, trying to gauge where he is by listening, but he still startles when an arm wraps around his stomach, Law's chin coming to rest on his shoulder.
"Remember, let me know if I do anything you don't like," he murmurs, and Sanji nods quickly, starting when he hears what sounds like a bottle being opened. "It's just oil," Law kisses the side of his neck, sucking gently, and Sanji leans back against Law's chest and swallows, resting his hand on Law's leg to ground himself.
He feels Law's fingers gently slide down his chest, oil slick against his skin, and his hand comes to rest on Sanji's stomach, almost like a warning.
"Do it," Sanji tries to sound convincing but his voice wavers, even though he's strangely calm at the moment. He'd been afraid that with his sense of sight cut off he'd be unable to separate reality from his nightmares, but he's surprisingly present.
"Just relax for me," Law's voice drops a little, pure seduction, and Sanji gasps when Law's hand curls lightly around his cock for the first time. He's half hard already, just from how gently Law's touching him and his own banked anticipation, but it doesn't take much to get him fully erect. Law's remarkably sure and skilled with his hands, a combination of just enough pressure but moving so slowly that Sanji can damn near feel his toes curling in anticipation.
He's never been one for taking his time, but then, there wasn't really anything resembling 'privacy' on the ship so rushed jerk-off sessions whenever he could grab a few moments in the bathroom were about all he could do.
This is new, and strangely enjoyable despite his body screaming at him to hurry things along.
It's not up to him, though, and he bucks his hips unconsciously, hearing Law's throaty chuckle in his ear.
"You're handling this well," he bites down gently on Sanji's shoulder and the blond groans softly.
He just nods, not trusting his voice, and Law keeps moving his hand at that infuriatingly slow pace, flicking his wrist at the top of each upstroke in a way that's driving Sanji crazy. Law's free hand slides up his chest then, fingers so light that Sanji wonders if he's imagining it.
He knows it's real, though, when Law's fingers trail purposefully over one of his nipples. He yelps a little, immediately embarrassed, but his nerves are on fire and that's an erogenous zone he hadn't even considered before. Law keeps stroking his thumb over the hardening bud, each brush sending what feels like miniature shockwaves to his cock, and he knows he's probably a mess right now.
"You're so wet," Law murmurs in his ear, letting go of Sanji's cock, and Sanji wants to growl at him for it.
"Fuck, don't tease me, you…"
"I want you to taste yourself," Law's fingers touch his lips, smearing wetness there, and Sanji thinks in that moment he'd probably do anything Law asked him to. He opens his mouth, sucking Law's fingers in obligingly, twining his tongue around them. Law lets out a shaky little laugh and shifts on the bed, and Sanji feels a small thrill of pride knowing that he's making the other man hard as well. The taste on his palate is salty and slightly bitter, and he wonders absently if there's any dietary changes he can make to improve the flavor.
Not that he needs to, of course, because it's unlikely anybody would go down on him, but…he pushes that thought away because he can feel his cock twitch at the thought and it's better to not get his hopes up.
"Good boy," Law scrapes his teeth along Sanji's throat, fingers slipping from his mouth with a wet 'pop.' The words are an echo of something Doflamingo had said, but instead of being mocking and degrading it's only serving to arouse him more and Law might not be aware of this particular memory, but he's doing a damn good job wiping it away nonetheless. "I'm going to make you cum now," his voice is so full of sex that Sanji wonders if it would be possible for him to get off just listening to him talk, and he has a strange urge to try it sometime.
"Fuck, yes," Sanji rasps, turning his head and moving his hand from Law's leg to slide up his chest and into his hair, hoping he gets the hint from that. His other hand is still clenched in the bedding, grounding him. He tugs on Law's hair, hearing the older man laugh softly before he kisses him, and his hand is back on Sanji's cock in the same instant.
It's not slow or careful this time. Law's strokes are no less purposeful but they're short and quick, a constant pressure that Sanji immediately knows will make him fall apart in a remarkably short amount of time. He can already feel his body tensing with anticipation, teetering on the edge but unable to completely fall over yet.
"Fuck, Law, I need to…please, I…" he mumbles against the other man's lips, unsure what he's even asking for but he needs more, somehow, and he instinctively trusts that Law can give it to him. Law breaks away from his mouth, tongue licking at the join between Sanji's neck and shoulder, and Sanji's almost reminded of the antiseptic swab a doctor would give right before an injection…
"Fuck!"
Law bites down on his shoulder, hard, thumb flicking over the head of Sanji's cock, and he comes instantly, legs shaking and back arching even as Law holds him in place, arm now clamped around his chest like a vise. He slumps back against the other man's body, unable to even sit upright, and Law strokes him slowly through his orgasm until he whines because he's too sensitive to handle it any longer.
"Fuck," he whispers again, quieter, trying not to think about how the whole damn ship will have heard his earlier exclamation, and Law kisses his shoulder almost apologetically before shoving the blindfold off. Sanji grabs his face and hauls him in for a kiss, already reaching for Law's jeans before the other man grabs his wrist.
"No. This wasn't about me, and I…don't want you to feel like you have to reciprocate."
"I don't feel like I have to, I just…" Sanji breaks free from his grasp, but even though Law's undeniably aroused, his golden eyes nearly black with desire, he also looks serious.
"If you feel the same tomorrow, I'll gladly let you," Law promises, and Sanji bites his lip and nods, wrapping his arms around Law's shoulders and embracing him.
He feels…good. Not perfect, of course, because only in stories is sex some sort of magical cure-all, but he feels a strange sense of inner peace that until now he hadn't realized he'd been missing since the…day with Doflamingo. His shoulder aches a little and he tries to look down but it's impossible to see clearly.
"You're not bleeding, but I'm sorry if I went overboard," Law brushes his thumb over the spot and Sanji knows he's going to have one hell of a bruise there come morning.
"It's fine. I mean, obviously it worked," he noted with a laugh, and Law nods. "You were…I mean….you're really good at…" he finishes lamely, because 'you're really good at sex' feels like a horrible compliment but to his surprise Law looks taken aback by that. "What?"
"I've never done anything like that before," Law admits slowly. "I'm hardly an expert when it comes to sexual situations and I can't even say that I like sex that much, but..."
"We'll have to practice, then, because I think you're a natural," Sanji isn't sure where the words come from, because a few hours ago he never would have considered saying them, but Law understands and he makes him feel comfortable and fuck, if he's got no experience and he can still make Sanji come apart like that the blond can only imagine how much better it can be.
"As I said, if you're feeling this charitable tomorrow, I'll gladly accept," he gets off of the bed, heading to the water basin to wet a cloth, and Sanji cleans himself off quickly before pulling his pants on again. He may be okay with being naked in the heat of the moment, but he sure as hell doesn't want to run the risk of somebody wandering into the room and finding him undressed in bed.
He yawns then, flopping back against the pillows, and Law doesn't wait for an invitation before crawling in on the other side of bed and cuddling up to Sanji's back, arm thrown over his hips.
"Thanks," Sanji mumbles then, reaching for Law's hand and twining their fingers together.
"Truly, it was my pleasure," Law assures him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck, and Sanji smiles and snuggles down into the blankets, for once not even afraid of the possibility of having a nightmare because he knows, somehow, that it's not going to happen.
000
"You made breakfast!" Nami looks overjoyed and Sanji turns to look at her, grinning and lifting a spatula in the air as he flips some eggs over in the frying pan. He'd woken up feeling inspired, for the first time in far too long, and Law had grumbled something about hating mornings so Sanji had kissed him and left him be, deciding it was high time he got back to his normal routine.
'Normal', he thinks with a wry smile as he checks on the bacon frying in a separate pan and spins over to the griddle to turn some pancakes over. He has a feeling 'normal' is going to be somewhat different from now on, or at least for as long as Law's traveling with them, because he only feels more sure than he had the night before that he wants this with Law.
It's not love, of course, and it's not something he'd ever considered for his life, but there's a connection between them now that's something he doesn't share with anybody and when it comes right down to it, he likes Law and he's pretty sure Law feels the same about him.
The other man's not big on charity, after all, and he'd been pretty turned on last night so Sanji wants to explore that as soon as he can.
Law slumps into the kitchen then, bleary-eyed and half asleep, and Sanji passes him a cup of coffee. He grunts in thanks, waking up a moment later and looking up with a touch of apprehension in his eyes, but Sanji shrugs and turns back to the stove.
"What I said last night? I still feel the same," he figures that's vague enough and while Nami's looking between them in confusion, Law perks up marginally and smirks before going to sit at the table.
Sanji fetches Nami some freshly-squeezed juice, only quivering a little at the hug she gives him as thanks, and as the morning goes on the mood in the galley gets lighter and lighter until it seems the overhanging tension of the past few weeks is entirely removed.
Sanji knows it's not that easy, of course, but he knows that if he's got his crew…and Law…to help him if he ever slides backward, he'll come out okay in the end.
And that's the best feeling he's had in a long time.
Notes:
1. The first part of this fic came from a prompt for an angst writing meme on tumblr (my OP tumblr is at kikokus dot tumblr dot com) and somehow my mind decided to expand it into a full-fledged fic for an entirely different pairing, but that's how it goes.
2. The title is from the song 'Lost Stars' by Adam Levine, and while the whole song fits the fic I chose that particular line because the lamb is often regarded as a symbol of innocence and this fic is, in a way, about losing a certain type of innocence.
3. This is also far different from what I usually write so if you feel inclined to leave some feedback, please do! I hope, for the subject matter, that it was a satisfying read.