Incision
Bella eased into the darkened room, pulling the door to as quietly as possible. Her eyes flew to Jake's sleeping form but he didn't stir. She tiptoed closer, unable to resist a final peek at his peaceful face.
A flush of remorse washed over her as she second-guessed her actions. She knew she'd made the right decision – knew that she and Edward needed this. They needed to leave today, or else she'd never be able to walk away from the ties that bound her to Jake and this place. The responsibility. The duty that weighed so heavily on her slender shoulders.
Jake would be fine. He was young. Strong. Leah would take care of him. She would heal the wound Bella left behind. Nurse him through this pain. Leah had been waiting for this moment for the longest time. Waiting for Bella to step aside so that she could prove herself. Bella fervently hoped that Leah was right – that by the time she returned, the scar she'd cut into Jake would barely be visible.
His chest rose and fell rhythmically. His soot-colored lashes, often indicators of troubled sleep, were still for the moment. Bella was thankful for that mercy. She knew she wouldn't be strong enough to deny him again. To watch his lids flutter as anxiety fought to surface. To hear him whimper in his sleep, haunted by memories of this morning, when she'd kissed him and whispered goodbye. To chance that those lids would tremble and open, revealing the dark brown mirrors to her soul. She'd given him all the reassurances she had to offer and had failed. His worry and fear were tangible; her soothing tone not able to assuage the misery clouding his gentle eyes. Shame had blazed a trail down her spine, hotter even than the single scalding tear she was unable to keep from spilling down her face.
No, she would not be able to walk away from those eyes again. She lived for Edward's smile. His touch. His "I love you." But Jake died for her every breath. He would lay down his life for her. This morning she'd felt that burden stronger than ever, had known that if she made a mistake, if she wasn't careful with him he could be gone forever. That's why she'd been so cautious. She'd spent over three hours with him, ensuring that she had done the best she could by him. For him. She couldn't move on until she'd cleaned up the mess she'd made. He would never be the same as when she'd found him, but Bella knew this was for the best. Even if Jake never would.
She forced herself to turn away from his slumbering figure. She'd packed everything away this morning and knew this last-minute scan of the room had only been an excuse to check on him one last time. Her feet were almost as heavy as her heart as she made her way to the door. Carefully turning the knob, she slid halfway into the hall before risking a last glance.
Even in the dim illumination of the nightlight, his midnight hair gleamed, silky and straight. She'd marveled at its glorious thickness with every idle caress or playful tug. His long limbs were stretched across the bed as he slept on his side. She'd spent so many nights grumbling at his inconsiderate bed manners, only to laugh out loud at his wounded expression when she shoved him away. He was . . . sort of beautiful.
A wistful sigh escaped her lips as she thought of what might have been.
She would never hold his sons and daughters in her arms. Never find his adoration for her paralleled in dark chocolate eyes that were smaller but still the same. Never swell with pride as she watched him teach his young the ways of his world.
The damage had been done. At her own hands. All the looking back in the world could not repair what she had destroyed. She shut the door behind herself with barely a sound.
Bella felt her strength, her confidence in her choice, return as she walked through the clinic. With every step she was fortified by the certainty of what she had done and buoyed by the excitement of her immediate future. She managed to find a smile before she met up with Leah in her assistant's office. Leaning through the doorway, she rapped her knuckles against the jamb.
"I'm all set. Just checked on Jake one last time. You sure you're ready for this?"
Leah rolled her eyes playfully. "Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Jake will be FINE, Bella. I'll check his sutures every hour on the hour. GO! You and Edward haven't had a vacation in two years! Enjoy yourselves! Get some sun! Try to see if you can't get that man some color! Do NOT spend all your time worrying about that overgrown mutt!"
Bella laughed, holding her hands up in a defeated gesture before continuing down the hall. She removed her white coat and hung it on the hall tree. As she opened the door to step outside, the afternoon sunlight glinted off the small nameplate attached to the breast of the coat.
Engraved on its face were the words "Bella Cullen, DVM."
Please, people. Remember to spay and neuter your pets.