A.N. Hello all, like the cliff hanger I left you all with in 'The Ties that Bind'? Haven't read it? I suggest you do, it took me six chapters but I finally got the ball rolling! Anyways, this will be either a one shot, or a series of them that probably won't be connected. My first FlashPoint fan fiction but we all knew it was coming, you can't be Canadian and not love FlashPoint. Who's the star of this one shot? Why none other than Greg Parker! Because he doesn't feel the love often enough. Enjoy!

His Burden To Bear

It seemed ironic that the thing that had destroyed his life ten years ago was so readily available in practically every store he entered. You couldn't legally wield a gun without a license, couldn't get a hold of narcotics without knowing someone who could hook you up either. You couldn't even buy cigarettes without knowing what you wanted anymore thanks to a law that put them in a shelf with a door on it. Yet, if you were of legal age you could walk into a bar and buy a bottle of scotch, or walk into supermarket and buy a bottle of red.

Greg Parker stopped his shopping cart in front of the shelf containing enough wine to fill a small pool and eyed the labels. He was vaguely aware of a sales person telling him of their specials and what was best, and which wine would go with what food. He already knew though, he knew more than the annoying sales person as well. He knew because he spent the time he should have devoted to his family to alcohol.

And there wasn't one day he didn't regret it.

Not one day where he could pretend it was okay. That he was absolved from the fact that he had single-handedly ruined the lives of Dean and his wife. That was his skeleton in the closet except it didn't stay in the closet; it followed him to work, to the store, to bed. Haunted his memories and terrorized his dreams. He'd been to church a handful of times in the past ten years and there had always been talk of hope for everyone, no matter what you had done or how crazy your life is or had been. So far Greg had no hope; there was no light at the end of the tunnel for him.

What he wouldn't give to hug his son again. To tell Dean that he loved him and had never stopped even though they lived in different countries. What he wouldn't do to get forgiveness from the only thing that mattered in his life.

His team was his family; Ed, Wordy, Sam, Jules, Spike, they were his family, the people who kept him going from day to day. But no one could replace his son; no one could replace his own flesh and blood. Staring at the bottles of wine he could help but ask himself the one question that was always at the back of his head. What if? What if he'd never turned to the bottle? What if he turned to his wife for help instead of Jack Daniels? What if his family had never left him, what would his life be like now?

As a negotiator, he faced people who were like him except had been pushed so far they risked endangering themselves or other people. He always told them to let the past go, let everything that haunted go because you couldn't change it no matter how hard you tried. And God knew he'd tried, tried everything to make what happened ten years ago right. Now he was resigned to the fact that maybe he didn't deserve a second chance, a sick human being like him didn't deserve to be happy. He'd messed up his chance and now he didn't get another one.

"Greg? Greg buddy you with me?"

The sound of a familiar voice repeating his name over and over again brought him back down to Earth, mercifully away from his thoughts. He turned to see Ed and Sophie watching him, an echoing look of concern on their faces. He could tell Ed was using his training as an SRU officer to assess his friend, looking for any signs that could point towards a relapse, or a chance of one at the very least.

Greg nodded his head once, twice, three times trying to convince Ed and Sophie as well as himself.

"Yeah Eddie, I'm good. Good to see you Sophie, long time no talk," He hoped his voice held as much conviction as he thought it did. He really didn't want to start drinking again, couldn't bear put the people he loved through that again. He watched as Ed slowly relaxed and felt himself relax as well. Ed knew him better than most people; if he could see no warning signs then Greg trusted that there wasn't any.

Sophie nodded to him but seemed wary of him, worried for him. A quick glance at his watch told him that they were probably getting some emergency dinner materials. After a moment of silence Greg rolled his shoulders, "Well Eddie, Sophie, I won't keep you any longer. I should probably be getting home anyways, got… stuff to do." He hope his lie wasn't as transparent as he thought it was, he knew Eddie would be able to tell, but maybe he'd be willing to let it go and go home to his family.

Giving them a half wave he turned and began to walk away with his pathetic cart full of microwave dinners and milk.

"Greg! Greg wait, please just wait."

He turned to see that Sophie had taken a step towards him, the concern still evident on her face. Her worry made him upset, did she really not trust him to not go back to alcohol, or was she just being kind? As he watched her worry gave way to a smile, "You're going to an empty house, why don't you come have dinner with us? I'm not taking no for an answer either, so we'll meet you out front in ten."

Greg felt the beginnings of a shocked grin begin to cross his face and he looked to Ed for an answer. Ed put his hands up in front of himself with a grin equal to his own, "Don't look at me Greg, the wife had spoken."

He and Ed shared a laugh as an indignant Sophie lightly slapped her husband's bicep. Parting way Greg finished the rest of his 'grocery' shopping and checked out. Perhaps the only upside to living alone was that his grocery bill was next to nothing and because of his job he really didn't need to shop all that much as he was never home.

Ten minutes later, he stood waiting outside the store, bag in hand waiting for Ed and Sophie. He was glad to see that they were getting along. There had been a rough patch before their daughter Isabelle had been born but things seemed to be okay for the time being. It made Greg wonder if maybe he could have worked things out with his wife all those years ago.

"Hey Greg, ready to go?" Greg turned to see Ed and Sophie walking towards them, between them almost three bags of groceries.

"Yeah, but you mind if I drop these off at my place? Frozens you know..."

He waited a few moments while Ed and Sophie had a private conversation, he couldn't imagine it was about him though. Unless he'd unknowingly set off some kind of argument, but he doubted it, they didn't seem to be aggressive in any way. Another moment passed before the two shared a kiss before Ed put the bags in a cart which Sophie walked away with. Greg raised an eyebrow when Ed walked over to him patting him on the back.

"Mind if I hitch a ride with you?"

"Eddie you can't just leave your wife to go home and make dinner and watch the baby on top of that."

"Come on Greg, Clark's at home they'll be fine. Now let's go before heaven forbid those stupid microwave dinners in your bag melt."

Greg smirked before leading the way to his car. He could tell that Ed wanted to talk to him. More than likely about the fact Ed had found him in front of a wine wrack, but he didn't have anything to worry about. He wasn't going back come hell or high water.

It took five minutes before Ed spoke again.

"Were you tempted?"

Although Greg knew it was coming it was still a shock to hear the words.

"No." He was absolutely sure of his answer. He had to be, and he knew he hadn't been tempted, he'd been given a second chance and he didn't want to risk a third.

"I believe you, but it just looked like you were contemplating…"

"I wasn't Eddie; if anything I was wondering where my life went wrong."

He could feel Ed's eyes on him, looking for any sign he was lying, he wouldn't find one though, because he wasn't lying. Ed seemed to let it go and they go to Greg's house and back without any more particularly intense conversation. Their conversation drifted to Raf and the fact he'd had to take his first lethal the other day. They were understandable worried about him as they hadn't heard from him in the past couple of days.

When they entered Ed's house the smell of chicken and tomatoes greeted them. The smell bad Greg's mouth water, it wasn't often that he went all out when cooking for himself, it wasn't worth it. Even restaurant style food couldn't give the comfort that real home cooked food could bring. Sophie was pulling the food out of the oven and Clark had just finished setting the table. Ed's infant daughter was asleep in her car seat in the living room, Greg smiled sadly remembering when Dean had been that small.

"Hey Mr. Parker." Clark's voice interrupted his thoughts and he smiled. He could still remember when Clark was a young boy, eyes full of childlike innocence and hope. He was a good older brother, maybe a little jealous, but he had been on his own for nearly eighteen years, it was to be expected.

"Hey Clark! How ya been?"

The amiable chit chat continued through the diner, which had been the best thing Greg had eaten in a long time. After the table had been cleared he and Eddie were sat outside while Sophie and Clark battled dirty dishes.

"Thanks Ed, the food was amazing and the company was needed."

He watched Ed nod and rested his elbows on his knees and watched as the street lamps came on, he mused about the neighbourhood, and it was a good one, no recent crime and lots of kids.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. You gotta stop doing this to yourself Greg. You have to forgive yourself, you're not the person you were ten years ago."

There was so much truth behind Ed's words it hurt. They made his chest hurt and he could feel a headache coming on. He couldn't forgive himself though, not yet. He hadn't made it right yet and that was his burden to bear.

"I know Ed, I know."