They were a little smashed. Well, to be the truth, they were a lot smashed.
It had started out as a simple dinner. Their weekly one, that progressed to a lot more than that when he brought over the most delicious tasting wine, and they couldn't get enough of it. They both wore civilian cloths, and were seated on the couch, swapping old stories.
"You mean to tell me," Kathryn said through her laughter, "all you had on was a communicator?"
Chakotay loved seeing her like this, even if he had to have wine to do it, he still loved it, the way she could laugh freely, smile always and be open with him. He loved her, everything that had to do with her.
"Ya," he said, smiling into her eyes, "that was a little embarrassing," Kathryn looked up at the ceiling, still laughing at the thought of Chakotay with no clothes on, beaming in to meet the Admiralty, "what's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done Kathryn?"
She looked over at him, with a wicked grin in her eyes, "Chakotay," she said with mock seriousness, "can you imagine me ever doing anything that is in the least bit embarrassing?" her smile said that she had done plenty of things and, most likely, she never got caught.
"Come on Kathryn, you can tell me," he coaxed.
"No, I can't tell you!" she said with a wide smile, avoiding his eyes.
"Please?" he said, leaning over towards her.
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "really, it's nothing," she told him.
"No, I want to know," he told her honestly, "you can't leave me hanging here."
Kathryn smiled, looking away from him. He was so charming in a disarming way. She loved him, he was her best friend, and could be so much more. She just didn't let him in that far.
"Okay, fine," she conceded, looking around her quarters, every where but him, "It was the summer after my first year being a cadet. I was hanging out at my friends house with a bunch of people, her parents were off world somewhere, and someone had brought some alcohol and weed. We all got stoned and were totally smashed the next day," she looked over at him finally, "I didn't do anything regretful that night, I know that at least, but I was really embarrassed by the whole ordeal later, even though I didn't tell anyone about it. You're really the first person I've ever told," she confided in him.
"Well I'm honored, Kathryn, that you would trust me with your deepest secret. I promise not to tell anyone, not even Tom Paris!" he promised.
"You'd better not tell Tom! Or else you'll spend the next seventy years in the brig." she shot back with a warning in her voice.
"Is that a threat?"
"No, it's a promise," she told him with a wicked grin. They fell into a comfortable silence. Somehow, they were sitting close enough on the couch that their sides barely touched; they had started on opposite ends of the couch that night.
"Have you ever let go?" he asked her, breaking the silence.
"What do you mean?" she asked, a little confused.
"You know, just let go and let someone else just take over," he said. She sat and thought for a minute. He was just starting to regret asking when she finally spoke.
"Well, I guess my answer would have to be no, I have never just let go," she told him seriously, looking over at him.
"Would you, if you ever had the chance?" he asked curiously.
"I don't know, I guess it would depend on the person I was with and if I trusted them enough with me," she told him honestly, leaning forward to set her wine glass on the table.
"Do you trust me Kathryn?" he asked her seriously.
She looked at him seriously, wondering where he was going with this line of inquiry.
"Of course I trust you Chakotay, I wouldn't have made you my first officer if I didn't," she stated plainly, getting a little nervous with where he was going with this.
"That's not what I meant. Would you trust me with yourself? Would you let go around me and let me take care of you?" he was leaning in closer, and Kathryn found it hard to breath, hard to concentrate.
"Yes, I trust you Chakotay," she said, standing up and walking away a little, looking out the view port trying to gather herself a little, "I trust you everyday. I trust you to take care of the ship while I'm away, I trust you to question every decision I make, and most of all I trust you that you would never raise a mutiny because everyone knows, you've had a few fair reasons to do so on a few occasions," she said, looking back at him then back away to gather her reserves again.
"Kathryn," he said huskily, coming up behind her, turning her to face him, "would you trust me enough to let me kiss you? Would you let me take you into your bedroom, and lay you back and kiss you, stroke your breasts? Take clothes off, and hoping to god Tuvok doesn't call and interrupt us," he pauses, and it looks like she's going to say something, so he pulls her close and whispers "then over the panties, no bra? Kathryn, do you trust me?" he asked as he brushed his lips against hers.
"Yes," she breathed, "I trust you Chakotay," she was getting weak in the knees and short of breath, being so close to him.
He leaned forward slightly and gently kissed her. Her arms found their way around his neck as he picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. He laid her gently down, not breaking their lips apart as his hand found its way under her blouse, gently stroking her breast through her bra to a taught peek before moving to the other. He swallowed her moans of pleaser and then slowly tasted her jaw line all the way to her ear before his hands started to work on the buttons of her blouse.
Kathryn lay in the arms of the man that she loved, and all she could think about was that he was just doing this because she was the only woman around that he wanted to sleep with and the fact that he was drunk. She didn't like the idea of waking up in the morning with a hang over and broken heart.
"Chakotay," she said quietly, "Chakotay, look at me, please?"
He herd the soft question and stopped the worship of the woman he loved, hoping she wasn't regretting this. He didn't want to wake up with a hangover and a broken heart. Blue eyes met brown ones.
"Yes?" he whispered over her.
"Are you sure you want this?" she asked.
"Of course I do," he told her seriously, stroking the side of her face lovingly, searching her eyes for the answer to the same question from her, "do you?"
"Oh, of course I do, I just want to make sure this isn't the result of the wine, and in the morning I'm going to wake up to an empty bed and an even emptier heart," she spoke her fears aloud, hoping that they didn't scare him away.
"Kathryn, I'm here. If you don't want me to leave, I'll stay. For how ever long you want me to, I'll stay," he looked deep into her eyes and slowly leaned down to kiss her, his hand found it's way to her blouse again, and in no time, it was unbuttoned and he was kissing the tender flesh that was revealed to him.
"Stay," she told him, "I want you to stay and never leave," she could feel him smile against her skin as he continued to worship the smooth creamy skin.
The smile on his face was so wide, that it stretched onto her lips, and she couldn't help but smile herself.
"I love you," the words slipped out of his mouth as he continued lower on the plain of her stomach, and slowly undid her pants.
"I love you too," her words slipped out between moans as he started stroking her through her panties, just as promised.
He came up and kissed her gently as he stroked her into a high oblivion.
Kathryn noticed that he had stopped stroking her and was backing away from her and she opened her eyes that she hadn't known that she had closed. He was studying her with love filled velvet eyes, and had no doubt that the same look was in her eyes as she gazed up at him.
"Not getting cold feet are you?" she asked teasingly, though slightly nervous in case he really was second guessing his actions.
"Never, just admiring the view," he said, swooping down to capture her slightly parted lips.
Kathryn sat up and slowly shrugged off her unbuttoned blouse, then reached behind her to unclasp her bra and slide it down her arms. She reached over and lifted Chakotay's plain black sweater from the lower hem and discarded it in the growing pile of clothes. He leaned her back down and kissed her again, both pairs of hands gently exploring the unknown territory of each others bodies. His hands found her pants again, and without needing any prompting, Kathryn lifted her hips and let him slide off both pants and under wear in one stroke. Her hands found his pants too, and she preformed the same service for him.
She felt him hard against her as he kissed her, and she took him in her hand to guide him in. She was tight, and he waited a moment, letting her adjust, before slowly moving over her. She lifted her hips to meet his thrust, and they settled into a rhythm right away, as though they'd been doing this together for the hundredth time, not the first.
They slowly built up the speed as pent up energy was put into this. She moaned and gasped, and whispered how good he was, seeing that he liked it, and finally couldn't hold on any longer as she fell over the cliff into blissful oblivion. He followed her, as though tied to her by the waist. He had enough sense in his spiral down to move over to lie on his side. He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her short, tousled hair. She pulled at the covers that had been shoved to the bottom of the bed and covered them up as they drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
Kathryn woke in the morning to an empty bed and nearly cried herself back to sleep. He hadn't stayed. It really had been just a one night stand. He was a damned good actor though, making her believe everything he had said. How was she ever going to face him on the bridge again without thinking of last night?
She felt absolutely drained. But she dragged herself out of bed and into the shower to wash up. She was almost a zombie getting ready and while walking to the bridge.
Upon entering, Harry snaps at attention, "Captain on the bridge."
"Report," she says, trying to stay in command of her emotions while she sat down next to the man who swore he would stay with her, just like he swore he would lighten her burdens. Maybe he really didn't mean it and was just trying to get laid, she thought to herself as everyone reported that all was well, but then again, he could have pretty much any woman on this ship, why would he wait for me? I've been pretty damn stubborn about not becoming lovers.
After a moment of silence, she couldn't do it anymore, and went into her ready room, very aware that she was running away, but never admitting it to herself. He hadn't even looked at her the whole time she had been on the bridge. She sat in relative peace for a moment, thinking about how big of a fool she was, before the door chime sounded.
"Come," she called, and waited for who ever it was to come through the doors.
It was Chakotay.
"Kathryn," was all he got out before she interrupted him.
"It's okay Chakotay," she said, coming out from behind her desk and leaning on the front edge of it, "if you view last night as a mistake, we can put this behind us," she told him, trying to stay calm. She could pretend that the last night had never happened if that's what he wanted.
He immediately came up to her and pulled her up flush against him, taking her mouth hungrily. She melted against him, as an immediate reaction, then stiffened and tried to pull away. He looked down at her with warm brown eyes.
"I don't want to let you go Kathryn," he told her, "I was nervous when I woke up this morning and thought that you didn't want this. That's why I left," a smile filled his eyes, "that and I needed to get ready for today. I don't think your uniform would have fit me," he told her teasingly.
She smiled, "Chakotay, stay with me?" she asked quietly.
"Always," he told her, taking her hands in his and kissing the tops, "always," he reassured.
Her smile was a bit wobbly as tears slid from her eyes. He leaned forward and gently kissed them away.
Six and a half years ago, they thought each other as total enemies. One, the uptight star fleet captain who was sent to bring in the other, an angry and dangerous Maquis captain, home in the brig. Five years ago, they thought of each other as human beings, people who shouldn't be judged and put into stereo types just because of some of their past actions. Today, they thought of each other as best friends, lovers, soul mates. And when they got back to the Alpha Quadrant, they would bring their people home together, both standing on the bridge, side by side, as equals.