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Words: 818
Most Days
"Why?"
She curses herself for forgiving him for such a small word. Need. It's true, he does need her, just not in the way that she needs him. And if he does need her in the same desperate way that she needs him, he's done a damn good job at hiding it. Although, she's the one that put a stop to their blossoming relationship, she can't help but wonder what would've happened if she hadn't. But then again, some part of her does know because like she told Rachel during their conversation last month, he wasn't ready for commitment. And the only thing pushing him to be ready would've done was push him out of her life.
"Because… I need you."
She supposes that they could try now. She's not stupid and she knows that he's not as clueless as everyone makes him out to be. They both know that the spark's still there, burning just as bright as all those years ago. Hell, they have enough chemistry and pent up frustration to last them a lifetime. But they also know that trying to start something now would be so much more dangerous than before. Because they've built so much together, their lives are so intertwined that if they were to start something and it end badly, which given their history was highly likely, then it would become a catastrophic mess. But at the same time, if he asked her to give them a chance, a real chance, she wold say 'yes' before he would be able to utter another word.
"Need?"
And that's another thing she hates, she'll never be able to say no to him. She'll never be able to actually let her feelings for him go. He's like a bad habit she can't quite shake, no matter how hard she tries. And honestly, she's not entirely sure she would even if she could. Because he's alluring, extremely addicting and mesmerizing. But he's also highly reckless, especially when it comes to handling things like her heart. They both know, even if she'll never say it out loud, even if she denies and refuses to admit it to anyone. They both know that she loves him, she loves with a passion that's only mentioned in romance novels and cheesy movies. The question she finds herself asking is if the feeling's reciprocated. Some days, she thinks she knows the answer but as soon as she thinks that she's got him figured out, he does something that makes her question everything else. It frustrates her that he can read her like an open book but yet she can't figure out something as simple as whether or not he loves her back. But then again it wasn't simple, nothing about them ever had been anything remotely close to simple in the first place.
"Need."
Most days, she's able to go without thinking about them, about their broken relationship. Most days, she's able to focus on everything else and let their issues slip past her mind. Most days, she's fine but today wasn't like most days. Today was a day where everything caught up to her and the reality of what was actually happening set in. It was days like today when she realized that it's the little things she missed the most about them and their relationship before this mess started. She misses the feeling of joy she would get when she would find a cup of coffee on her desk. She misses the small giggle that would escape her lips when she found a small note he would write to her and stick it to her computer screen. She misses the time when all they needed to do to convey a message was share a look. But the things she misses the most is the thing that often haunted her dreams. The thing she wishes she could see again was his smile. Not the polite one he uses around the office. No, she misses the one that would light up his face. It wasn't easy to get that smile out of him but when he did, it was magical. It was the most amazing smile she had ever seen. And if she was the one that caused it, she would feel weightless. It seemed stupid and a little vain but the feeling she would get after causing that smile was something she missed most. And it was times like that when she would realize just how screwed she really was.
So yes, most days she was able to deny how he seems to make her world turn. And yes, most days she was able to deny how he wasn't just her world but her universe. But today wasn't most days. And today wasn't a day where she was able to shove her feelings for him into the back of her mind. No, today wasn't like most days at all.
So, I'm just starting to get back into the swing of writing again and after last week's episode, I just couldn't help it. Anyways, thanks for reading and please review.