Mary turned her head abruptly as Carson opened the door to usher a visitor into the room, "There you are, Mr Crawley. Lord Grantham should be with you shortly." Mary felt her pulse quicken as she made immediate eye contact with Matthew. She rose from the armchair where she had been lounging and reading a novel in order to approach him by the closed door. As soon as he looked her she noticed the faint gleam in his eye and the twitch of his lips.
"Cousin Matthew! What a surprise. We weren't expecting you until-" she was abruptly cut off when he quickly strode towards her, grabbed her hips and pulled her in for a searing kiss. Mary's eyebrows rose in pleasant surprise but continued to deepen the kiss by grabbing onto the lapels of his jacket. The kiss was utterly desperate and frantic, bordering on sloppy. Their mouths crashed together, teeth nipping at lips and hands roaming as much as they could given their full state of dress.
His hands made their way from a harsh grip on her shoulders to clutch at her face and neck, pulling back for a quick gasp of breath before continuing the journey of his hands down her back to her hips again, where he intentionally pulled her sharply against him so that she could feel his burning desire, before travelling down to cup and smooth his hands over her bottom. Beginning to feel lightheaded, Mary wrenched her mouth away from his, turning her head to the side and gasping for air. "What took you so long? I haven't seen you in over a week." She groaned and panted as his lips continued licking and sucking at her neck. Matthew pulled away just enough to face her, "I couldn't get away from the house darling, it's been a frantic week, you know that. I did try to explain-" he sighed contentedly as Mary chastely kissed him on the cheek in reassurance.
"I know that… I do know, darling. I apologise. I've just missed you, that's all." She cheekily grinned up at him as she cupped his face and stroked along his jaw. "I'm surprised Lavinia let you go… I know I wouldn't if I knew what you were really up to." She smirked. He retreated even further away from her, dropped his hands from her waist, and sighed. "Don't jest about it Mary… you know I feel bad enough already. Anyway, I've already told you I'm working on what I'm going to say to her… It's just a very delicate matter." He exhaled sharply and squeezed his eyes shut in frustration."Feel bad all you like darling, but it's up to you and you alone to change the situation. I have no problem at all with the way things are currently, but I understand your guilt, truly I do."
Matthew sighed again in resignation. "Yes… Yes… I know. I'll do it soon, I promise. It's so difficult when she's so unsuspecting and cheerful all of the time." His frown deepened. Footsteps began to approach the thick wooden door to the old library and the couple leapt apart when Lord Grantham entered the room. "Matthew, my dear chap! How are you doing? Now… What's this urgent proposition regarding the cottages you have for me?" Robert smiled warmly at his heir and met his daughter's eyes with a soft look before he gently reproached her, "Mary the dressing gong went ten minutes ago, go upstairs to change. You'll have plenty of time for chit chat at dinner." As he mildly dismissed her.
Mary waltzed past her father and Matthew to leave the room in order to prepare for dinner but not before turning back when she got to the door to make teasingly suggestive eye contact with Matthew once more. She chuckled on her way out as she saw him blush and cough indiscreetly, breaking eye contact with her just before she left the room.
On her way upstairs to get changed Mary pondered over Matthew's dilemma. She really was trying to understand him, but because they were polar opposites most of the time she struggled to comprehend just what was going through his mind. She knew he loved her, that much was clear, but what she didn't know was why he insisted putting off the inevitable when it would probably hurt his fiancé even more in the long run.
The thing that hurt Mary the most was her own guilt – her guilt about not feeling guilty or regretting her and Matthew's actions in the slightest. The past month had been the most exciting of her life; the suggestive glances, stolen kisses at every rare opportunity and the not-so-accidental brush of fingers at the dinner table. Ever since their dance and kiss some great passion stirred between them, a passion which both of them found it incredibly hard to resist.
Mary smiled as she thought back to the first time they saw each other again after their interrupted intimacy. It was about a week later when Lavinia and her mother had nearly completely recovered from their bout of Spanish flu. Mary had been on a walk around the grounds and was sitting on a bench near the house with a novel in her grasp when she saw Matthew approaching on the gravel path. She waved him over after he pretended not to notice her. After noting the brief hesitation that graced his face, he slowly made his way over to sit beside her on the bench.
"Ah Matthew! How are you today? I take it Lavinia is in much better health?" Mary enquired softly. In all honest truth she was happy that the scare of the deadly influenza had appeared to have done its round and left her household.
"Much better… Thank you, Mary. Look- I… I have been meaning to talk to you actually. A most pressing matter which I really can't ignore." He looked at her pleadingly and she nodded her assent for him to continue. "I just feel like we need to clear the air." He offered meekly. Mary almost smirked. "However do you mean, Cousin Matthew?" she asked innocently, "If you're talking about what happened last week then-"
"You know fine well what I'm talking about Mary. Don't play games with me now." Matthew abruptly snapped, causing an alarmed look to appear on Mary's face which she quickly composed. "What do you have to say about it then, Cousin?" Mary threw at him and he cringed at the sharp tone of her voice, it sounded so defensive, so very different from when they had last spoken…
"Well, um…" he stammered, "just that… it was wrong, Mary. You must see that. Nothing can come of it. I'm engaged to be married for goodness sake!" Mary noticed his shamed frown, and a massive pang of rejection filled her. She could feel the tears begin to sting behind her eyes. No. No she must not appear weak in front of him. She had her pride at stake but she didn't care, she wanted to know the truth. "Do you… regret it?" she whispered softly, almost dejectedly. Matthew felt his whole chest fill with guilt and empathy as he tried to find a way to avoid the question for fear it would complicate their situation even further. He was determined to move on, leave their feelings for each other behind. They only hurt each other every time.
He flinched when he felt Mary's hand upon his knee and he glanced back nervously towards the house, painfully aware that the big oak tree behind them was blocking them from view. "Do you regret it Matthew, honestly? Because it's okay if you do, truthfully. I can stay away from you if you'd like. It never has to happen again, if that's what you really want. Is that what you want, Matthew?" Matthew sucked in a deep breath and was growing more conscious of the fact that she was leaning closer and closer towards him, her fingers shyly stroking his leg, just begging for the answer she so desperately wanted. He could smell her subtle perfume now, tantalizing and tormenting, he lost his mind when he was this close to her.
"Don't… be like that, Mary. I know you and I have a history but it simply must be this way. Do you think I can just throw her over now?" Matthew sighed in exasperation. No meant no. This was black and white, there was no room for leeway here, he would never forgive himself if he couldn't deliver the clean break to his and Mary's relationship that they so badly needed to move on and find happiness where they could. Mary's eyes flickered back to his, her hand resting lightly on his thigh, barely daring to move it now. "That's exactly what you said to me before you kissed me." She scowled coldly at the memory to cover up the immense pain that suddenly overwhelmed her at his reasoning. He remained silent and looked down at his lap. She supposed she should be happy that he was justifying his actions by sticking to his moral duty. She almost admired him, and she knew if it were any other situation then she'd admire him greatly.
"Very well, Cousin. If that's to be your decision," Mary took her hand away from his leg and held her head up high in an indignant attempt to appear unfazed. Matthew's heartbreak was evident in his eyes and Mary wished she had missed that look, for she knew that she couldn't leave it like this, if this were to be the end. "I suppose one final kiss to take with me is fair enough", not giving him time to respond she leaned in and planted a sweet but short kiss to his lips, "I wish you all the happiness in the world" her voice trembling as she pulled back from him, the tears threatening to fall.
"Oh Mary." Matthew sobbed, pulling her to him for another kiss. However, this kiss was different. This was not the same hesitant sensual kiss they shared on the night they danced, nor was it the swift and painful goodbye kiss she just bestowed upon him. This was passionate in its desperation. Matthew roughly cupped her face as he crushed his lips to hers and Mary responded eagerly, much more so than he had been expecting. He gasped into the kiss as he felt her teeth graze and then briefly suck on his lip, allowing her to gently touch her tongue with his. They had never kissed like this before and Matthew couldn't get enough. He audibly groaned at the feel of her tongue battling for domination against his and it was this hunger that influenced his growing boldness. Slowly his hand came down from her face to slowly graze the skin of her neck, where it then fell to the side of her breast, just at her ribcage. Feeling his desire overwhelm him completely he daringly brushed his thumb over her breast, feeling her nipple harden under his touch. She was so taken aback by the strength of her desire and the pleasure he made her feel that when she moaned loudly she had to pull away in shock and embarrassment at her wanton behaviour.
Matthew clearly mistook this for having done something wrong, which he knew undoubtedly that he had. "Oh God, Mary. I'm so sorry I did not mean for that to happen, I was so forward and… There's no excuse. I lose myself around you. Please forgive –" Mary cut him off with another quick peck to his lips, "Matthew, please don't get the wrong impression. I wanted it. I do want it. Just not here, outside where anyone could see us."
"I want you Mary," Matthew whispered solemnly "so much so that now we're in quite the predicament, wouldn't you agree?" drawing nervous laughter from them both.
"Let's just… take it slowly." Mary smiled encouragingly, not wanting to disturb this new fluttering hope that she felt in her stomach and her heart. She would take him in whatever form she could, but she knew that she simply could not be without him.
So there you go. My first piece of work. I haven't written anything before so I'm curious to see what you guys think of it. I'm aware that the situation of an affair is rather crude and not everyone may approve or think that it suits the nature of their characters but I just love MM and I've been thinking about this kind of scenario for a while! I'm unsure about whether to keep it as a one-shot or develop it further - I'm more than willing if people are interested. Please do share what direction you would like to see this go in. There's bound to be a fair amount of angst as Matthew deals with his conflicted emotions. Much love everyone.