4.02

A one shot - what was going through Patsy's mind at the end of the episode

I need her, I need her to hug me and tell me it's okay. I need to be with her, close to her, she's the only person I allow to see me cry and I need that right now...

I need Delia

That was without a doubt the worst thing I've ever experienced since I qualified. Even when it happened in training at least I had someone else with me, more experienced than me, able to take control. I never thought I'd been the once trying to hold it together and act like I knew what I was doing. I have never been so relieved to see Nurse Crane and Sister Evangelina.

I leave the Bissette's flat and swiftly walk to my bicycle. Not really thinking of the implications of where I'm going, like how am I going to get in, what if the doors not open, what if she's not there.

My entire thoughts are on seeing the woman I love after my worst day as a qualified midwife. I cycle round the corner towards the nurses home and roll my bicycle into the rack next to the main entrance.

I pause at the entrance asking myself if I should be here, I decide I have to so I pull off my hat and open the door, careful to ensure the squeak that happens if it's opened to wide doesn't give me away.

My heart is pounding at the though of seeing Deels. I can feel tears forming ready to burst their banks once I reach her. I tiptoe up the stairs to the third floor, six doors along on the right, the corridor is dark and quiet but I know the route like I know my own hands. I know exactly where to stop along the corridor, as if Delia's scent is permeating the walls.

I fail to hold it together, and as I push the door open the tears begin to fall.

"Delia" I whisper through the tears stepping closer to the bed where she lays sleeping so peacefully. I tiny part of me doesn't want to disturb her but I know if I don't I'll burst with pain.

"Delia" I whisper louder this time, crouching down next to her I gently touch her arm to wake her. She rolls towards me.

"Pats?"

Her beautiful Welsh accent is exactly what I needed to hear. My tears continue to fall as I try to explain why I'm here. I realise I'm not making an awful lot of sense but I don't know how to say it. Delia hand is on my cheek, her thumb wiping away the tears, her palm burning my skin. I'm overwhelmed with crying, I can't speak. Delia pulls my into her, stroking my hair, calling me sweetheart and kissing my head.

We stay like this until my crying subsides enough to speak. She never lets go, holding me tighter as I recount the details of Mrs Bissette's delivery. Kissing the top of my head intermittently, letting me get it all out in my own time.

When I'm finished she lays me down and pulls me close in front of her. Her arm tight around my waist as if not to let me escape. Not that I want to escape, I never want to escape a room with Delia in, but I know I can't get caught.

"I should go, what if someone comes in" I make movements to stand up but Deels pulls me back.

"Please stay, I want to know you're alright" she kisses my along shoulder and up my neck. "Just a little longer Pats?"

My body is weary, my eyes heavy, what harm could a couple of hours curled up in her arms do. I let myself and allow her to absorb me, pulling to tight towards her, while keeping the bedclothes between us... Just incase. I quickly drift off to sleep, surprisingly, despite the evening I've had, the best sleep I've had in long time. This is why I need Delia in my life.

—

The sun is streaming through the drapes when I wake. I startle and sit up glancing at the clock as I do. Good it's still early. I button up my dress as Delia wakes too.

"What time is it?" She asks, still with sleep in her voice.

"Early enough,no one will see me leave" I sigh as I reach for my cardigan "no one will see anything at all" I reluctantly pull it on, not wanting to tear myself away from the comfort of the bed, of Delia but I know I must.

I stand up and turn to lean over taking in every inch of Delia in this state, still dusted with sleep, remaining stunningly beautiful as ever. I bend down and place a soft kiss on her lips.

"Thank you darling" I stand up and head to the door. Turning back to smile before sneaking out just as I had snuck in several hours ago.