FRUSTRATION
Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, all characters etc. are hers. No copyright infringement intended. The story below is an original piece of writing: that belongs to me.
A/N: This little one-shot popped into my head after a dream I had one night, so I thought I would share it with you all. I thought it might be nice to have Edward let his hair down for a change! Many thanks to PTB and my beta's Dragonfly336 and DeeDreamer.
Hope you enjoy and I look forward to reading your reviews!
WARNING!
OVER 18s ONLY! OVER 18s ONLY! OVER 18s ONLY! OVER 18s ONLY! OVER 18s ONLY!
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!
Bella
Something between Edward and I changed shortly after I agreed to marry him.
At night, when he would stay with me in my room, he would hold me a little bit closer and a little more tightly. It was almost as if he couldn't believe I was his, which was ridiculous – how could I not want him? I couldn't believe this angel of a man wanted me. He was perfect.
Except for one thing.
"Edward, please!" I begged, as he restrained my hands from undoing his belt. We had been kissing, and as usual, I'd gotten too carried away. Well, carried away in his eyes, not in mine.
I couldn't help myself; I just wanted to feel closer to him. After all, we couldn't even cuddle in bed without being separated by a thick winter blanket.
"Bella, love," Edward sighed. "How many times do I have to remind you? I absolutely will not risk your life for something that can wait until after we are married," he said firmly. His icy cold grip loosened on my wrists, and my hands fell to my sides. I rolled away from him, feeling intensely frustrated and embarrassed.
I was only human – a human teenager at that. It wasn't my fault if I found it hard to control my urges.
Edward placed his cool fingertips on my burning cheeks to soothe my blush. He turned me back to face him, and placed a kiss on my forehead. His touch had the exact opposite effect of what he was trying to do for me – as always, it just made me want him more.
I knew Edward was not a complete saint – a few times I had managed to brush the front of his khakis and feel the hint of his erection – he wanted it just as much as I did.
I wasn't saying we should break his rules or anything, but surely a little experimentation couldn't hurt?
I didn't understand how he exercised so much self control; all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off. He, on the other hand, hadn't even so much as moved his hand higher or lower than my waist. Even when he moved my long hair and pushed it back over my shoulders, he didn't skim his fingers too close to my breasts, instead he did it carefully and cautiously. It was kind of sweet, but also really annoying.
I pressed myself as close to him as I could through the stupid blanket, and wound my fingers through his hair. The tips of our noses were touching, and I was staring straight into his eyes.
"Edward, we aren't breaking any rules if you let me please you," I whispered softly to him.
He stared back at me, questioningly. "Please me?"
"Yeah," I said, starting to feel embarrassed again. "You know, pleasure you. Just let me touch you. We can stay fully clothed if it will make you feel more comfortable about it. You won't even have to do anything in return."
His eyes searched mine as if he couldn't believe what he had just heard me say. I could tell by the way he went completely still that he knew I was serious.
"At least think about it?" I pleaded.
"Love, we can't. We just can't," he said wearily. "I've got to leave now, anyway."
"Oh," I said, gulping back the thickness that was forming in my throat. I knew I was being silly. I had known tonight was only a brief visit before he left to go hunting with Emmett for a couple of days.
Edward kissed me tenderly on my lips and rested his forehead against mine. "I love you, my Bella. Once we are married, nothing will ever keep us apart, I promise."
I nodded dolefully, and managed to mumble, "I love you too."
He left, and I flopped back on the bed, kicking off the thick blanket.
I was so worked up and frustrated, I found it hard to fall asleep. When I did eventually fall asleep, I dreamed of nothing but Edward.
Edward shirtless.
Edward in his boxers.
Edward over me.
Edward under me.
Edward behind me.
Edward inside me.
I woke up the following morning, even more tired and frustrated, than when I had gone to sleep. It was Saturday, so at least I could mope around the house and wallow in my hormonal state. I tried to distract myself by reading, but my mind just kept drifting back to the gutter.
I hadn't known I could have such dirty thoughts until I'd met Edward. My urges and desires were being strongly reined in and I just couldn't take it any more.
I decided to do something about it that evening.
###
I ran myself a hot bath, scented with rose, ylang-ylang and jasmine oils. As I lay in the bath, with candles flickering and the room steamy, I imagined Edward joining me.
I imagined him sitting behind me, my back pressed against his chest, as he caressed my body with a soft sponge. I ran the sponge down my chest, imagining Edward's elegant fingers were doing the work.
Slowly, I squeezed the water over my breasts, letting the water run over my nipples, causing them to stiffen. Gently, but hesitantly, I began to stroke them, envisioning Edward taking them delicately into his mouth and sucking. My nipples were so stiff, and my chest was flushed, as my heart rate picked up and desire poured through me.
I closed my eyes, thinking of Edward's hands instead of my own caressing gently down to my waist, cool fingertips brushing over my stomach, down… down…down …
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
Charlie pounded on the door so damn loud I nearly fell out of the bath.
"What, dad?" I snapped crossly, feeling hot and embarrassed.
"How long you gonna be, Bells?" he called, sounding edgy and desperate. "It's just, I really need to use the toilet, I think I ate something past its 'use by' date in the fridge, and now –"
"Dad! Ew!" I yelled back. "I don't want details!"
I wrapped a pale blue, fluffy towel around myself and flung the door open.
"Eurgh, it's all yours."
Joy of all joys, sharing a bathroom with my dad, I thought to myself as I stomped to my room.
Now I felt more frustrated than ever. Never having done anything like that before, I felt disappointed; my moment was totally spoiled.
I lay on the bed, in just my towel, when I heard my dad shout that he was going to Billy's for the night, and that he wouldn't be back until late.
Slowly, I stood up and began drying myself. I caught a glimpse of myself in my full-length mirror. I had never really looked at myself naked before, but I had to admit, I liked what I saw.
Gosh, when was the last time I really saw myself?
Gone was my boyish figure, and in its place were soft feminine curves and full, rounded breasts. My nipples were pink and perky, hardening once more as I gazed at myself. I suddenly felt a familiar wetness between my legs, only this time, something felt different. I looked down to see that my moistness was starting to spill out of me and onto my inner thighs.
I felt myself throbbing and couldn't resist sliding a finger down there to see what it felt like. It felt extremely wet and warm, and oh wow it felt good!
I slid my finger back and forth a few more times, until it was coated with my wetness and my legs were starting to tremble. I gasped a little, and closed my eyes as I fell backwards onto the bed.
I raised my knees, so my feet were planted squarely on the bed, trying to stop my legs from shaking.
Quickly, I began rubbing my fingers over my sensitive spot; the friction was making me gasp and moan.
Heat flashed through me as I rubbed myself frantically, my hips jerking, my body seeking release.
I felt an intense need and longing, to be filled deep inside, so I pushed a finger into myself for the first time, my breath coming in erratic short gasps.
Oh! How I desperately wished that these fingers were Edward's, or even better, him entering me and making sweet love to me.
Suddenly, I began to feel very hot as the overwhelmingly deep heat continued to soar through me. It felt as if there was a tightly coiled spring inside me, being wound tighter and tighter, until the pressure was too great. I pushed my finger back and forth inside myself frantically, imagining my legs were wrapped around Edward, his icy skin cooling my intense heat. I exploded with intense pleasure, moaning loudly as my entire body shuddered with the force of my release. I was panting and shaking, and a few tears slid down my face. I felt a little emotional; I was not expecting anything like that to happen.
Without thinking, I raised my finger and put it in my mouth, tasting myself for the first time.
I opened my eyes and met a pair of topaz coloured ones staring right back at me.
###
Edward
I felt badly for leaving Bella in the middle of a conversation about something that was obviously important to her. As usual, when things got uncomfortable, I ran away.
I hunted with Emmett that night and for most of the following day, but my mind was elsewhere. When I say elsewhere, I mean it was on Bella.
I loved her so much; I couldn't wait to be one with her, but we had to control ourselves. I just couldn't seem to be able to make her understand how important it was to be restrained, not only because it was the right thing to do, but also because I was terrified of losing control and accidentally killing her.
I wasn't due to return home until Sunday evening, but I had been thinking about what she had asked me and decided to return early to have one last attempt at explaining why we couldn't. The idea appealed to me greatly, but it was so selfish. How could I let her pleasure me, but not give anything in return? I just couldn't do it. I had no idea what might happen if I let her do it; neither of us were experienced with that kind of thing. It was bad enough that I couldn't manage to control my erection when we kissed, although I tried my best to hide it. It was almost painful, when Bella would accidentally brush past it; my vampire skin made me even more sensitive.
I scaled Bella's wall outside her bedroom as usual, and prepared to climb in through the window. I caught a glimpse of her standing naked in front of her mirror. I had never seen her naked before and although I quickly turned away, what I saw was enough to make me grow rock hard.
I couldn't resist having another look, telling myself that perhaps she was clothed now. I nearly fell off the window ledge when I saw what she was doing to herself.
I was fixated; I could not take my eyes off the beautiful sight before me. My beautiful, Bella was pleasuring herself. She was usually so self-conscious about everything, but looking at her, I could not see any evidence of this at all. Bella looked confident; she knew what her body wanted and she was responding. As I watched, I witnessed the true depth of her sexuality.
As she writhed and moaned with reckless abandon, I felt my own hand drift to the heavy solidness in the front of my khakis. I brushed my fingers over myself briefly, before shaking my head, knowing it was wrong. And then Bella came.
She moaned my name like never before, the sight of her flushed skin and the dampness pooling between her legs caused feelings inside me I had never experienced before.
Later, I realised it was pure, unbridled, sexual lust.
Without thinking, I entered the room; the smell of Bella all around me only heightened my arousal further. My mouth fell open as she lay there, lazily lifting her finger to her mouth to taste herself. Her eyes flew open and immediately found mine.
"I've changed my mind," I murmured hoarsely. She didn't say anything, she just put her fingers to my lips, and I took them into my mouth eagerly, desperate to taste my Bella.
Her sweet taste made a moan escape from my mouth, and I descended upon her lips hungrily, kissing her with more passion and force than ever before. Her fingers hurriedly worked on the buttons of my shirt.
A small, panicked voice in the back of my mind was shouting at me to stop, but I couldn't find the will to listen to it right then.
Bella pulled me on top of her, my erection pressing into her through my khakis, exactly in the right place. She writhed beneath me; her wetness was causing a patch of moisture to form on the front of my pants. She reached down to try and free me from them when I managed to gain some composure.
"No sex!" I managed to pant. She looked up at me, confused. My brain wasn't functioning enough to explain properly what I wanted to do, so I just pulled my shirt off and began kissing her breasts.
Oh! They were amazing, so smooth and firm. Her nipples tasted so hot and good in my mouth.
My whole body was shaking, and I thought I was about to lose control, when I felt her body pushing up against mine. I allowed her to roll me onto my back, and she sat astride me.
I looked up at her; she was like a beautiful sex-goddess, sent to make me come undone, her hair cascading around her face and spilling onto her breasts. The tightly reined control I had exerted for years was lost at the sight of my stunning fiancée, glorious in all her sexuality.
"I love you," I murmured, my hands on those womanly hips of hers I had never before properly explored. Her skin felt hotter than normal beneath my palms, as I brushed my hands over her hips and gently stroked the curves of her ass.
"I love you too, Edward," she whispered back. "Trust me, like I trust you; I know you won't hurt me. Let me show you what we both need, I know I can find a way to make you happy."
"I am already happy, every moment I am with you," I replied, my voice low and deep with arousal.
"I want to give you something a little more, Edward," she said, smiling. "You give me so much, but you deserve more."
As she moved down my body, I lay back, looking up at the ceiling. I couldn't believe I was letting her do this, but she was determined and I was weak. She undid my khakis and slid them down, taking my underwear with them. Suddenly, I felt really nervous and unsure.
"Bella –" I began.
"Shh," she said soothingly.
She began by gently kissing and stroking her way down my body, and even though I didn't need to breathe, I was gasping for breath. I had never allowed myself to feel pleasure like this before. The closest thing to it was drinking human blood…
Guiltily, I brushed that thought aside and concentrated on what my Bella was doing to me. I couldn't believe my resolve had been broken, but perhaps if I had allowed myself to see her sensuality before, my resolve would have been a lot weaker in the first place.
I watched her as she reached between her legs, soaking her fingers in her wetness and using it as lubrication to begin stroking my solid erection up and down. Her hand felt hot and wet around me, and she began to pump faster, encouraged by my moans. She was making me completely lose myself in the moment; I was only able to retain the smallest amount of self control.
My hips were thrusting up to meet her hand when I groaned, "Oh, Bella!"
She gasped at the sound of me crying out her name and I could smell the fresh arousal between her legs.
She plunged her hot, wet mouth around my erection so quickly it took me by surprise, making me writhe in pleasure. She sucked and licked me, and wow it felt amazing!
She stroked my balls with one hand as she sucked and wanked me off with the other. I raked my fingers through my hair, my back arching off the bed and my eyes tightly closed. If I looked at what she was doing to me any longer, I didn't think I could control myself any more than what I was currently doing (and not very well, I might add). Bella took me out of her mouth and gently squeezed my balls. This sent me toppling over the edge; my orgasm hit me like a wave and stormed through me. I had to curl my hands into the bed sheets in order to resist grabbing her and possibly hurting her. My body was shuddering and shaking as cum spilled from me and spattered all over her face.
When I realised what I had done, I was both horrified and mortified. I couldn't apologise enough, but she just laughed and delicately flicked her tongue over the head of my penis, catching the last drops of semen there.
"There, Edward," she said, smiling smugly, "Don't you feel better now?"