Author's Note: Tecnhu Muyo! does not belong to me and neither does Chester A. Bum, which belongs to Douglas Walker (aka That Guy with the Glasses) respectfully. No profit is being made out of this work.
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And now it's time for Bum Reviews with Chester A. Bum.
Tonight's review:
Tenchi Muyo!: The Daughter of Darkness
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"OH MY GOD! THIS IS THE GREATEST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! There's this guy, called Tenchi, and he lives in a house with these six girls."
"One's a space pirate that can travel through walls, one's a princess who's kind of bitchy and fights a lot with the space pirate, one's another princess who has really long pigtails and is SO adorable, one has a secret laboratory like the one in 'Dexter's Laboratory', one's a cop but all she does is vacuum the floor, and the other one's a cop as well, and she reminds me a lot of that clumsy French guy in the Pink Panther movies."
"Then there's this weird little furry pet thing that sounds a lot like a cat but looks more like a rabbit, or is it the other way round? It might be a Pokémon or a Digimon, but I can't tell which. Just remember though, never expose it to bright light, never get it wet and DON'T EVER feed it after midnight!"
"Oh wait, wrong movie."
"So then there's this demon, called Yuzuha, who has some grudge against Tenchi's grandpa, and she lives inside a GIGANTIC tree. I once lived inside a tree too, with all my furry little companions: Alvin and the Chipmunks, Chip and Dale, Screwy Squirrel, Conker the Squirrel, the Angry Beavers, Bugs Bunny, Roger Rabbit and Pikachu!"
"But the friends she has are PRETTY disturbing. They can shoot blades out of their stomachs and they certainly got a twisted sense of having fun."
"Look out! It's Teddy Ruxpin and he's got a blade sticking out of his belly!"
"Oh no, he's just going to sing us another song."
"AAAAHHHH!!!!"
"So one day, Tenchi is walking down some steps, and he bumps into this teenage girl, called Mayuka, who claims to be his biological daughter. She's all like-"
"DADA!"
"And Tenchi's like-"
"HUH?!"
"And the girls are like-"
"WHAAAA?!"
"Then Mayuka's like-"
"DADA!"
"And Tenchi's like-"
"HUH?!"
"And the girls are like-"
"WHAAAA?!"
"Ryoko, the space pirate, thinks she has an ugly face and doesn't like her summer dress, so she whips out her lightsaber from out of nowhere. I didn't know space pirates could wield lightsabers! I didn't even know lightsabers could form out of thin air!"
"Does George Lucas know anything about this?"
"Then it turns out that Mayuka can wield a lightsaber too!"
"Okay, he definitely does NOT know."
"So then Mayuka gets mind controlled by Yuzuha and then orders her to bring Tenchi over to her tree house. But then Ryoko intervenes and takes her HIGH, HIGH, HIGH up into the sky…"
"…and drops her."
"But Mayuka surprisingly survives and goes back to the house to fight with Ryoko. Tenchi gets in the way and SLAPS Ryoko in the face! And everyone is like-"
"WHAAAA?!"
"And Tenchi's like-"
"HUH?!"
"And Mayuka's like-"
"DADA!"
"And Ryoko's like-"
"Ow, that hurt."
"Later that night, Mayuka tries to steal away Tenchi AGAIN, but instead kidnaps the little princess with the really long pigtails! So Tenchi and Ryoko go to the tree house to rescue their friend. They encounter Mayuka and she turns into Bigfoot, growing lots and lots of hair…with claws just like Sabretooth from X-men. And she starts shredding the living crap out of them!"
"She even rips off Tenchi's shirt and draws tic-tac-toe grids all over his body."
"Then the pigtailed princess tells Mayuka to stop this violence because everybody loves her so much and they should spend Christmas together! She then breaks free from Yuzuha's control and swipes her in the face!"
"HEEEEYA!"
"But then Yuzuha kills her and Mayuka dies, turning into…A FRUIT GUSHER!"
"So after Tenchi slays the evil demon, our friends return home. Mayuka is handed over to the weird scientist girl with the secret laboratory and she says-"
"I can bring her back to life, but only if you guys want me to."
"And Ryoko says-"
"Sure, why not?"
"And everyone's like-"
"WHAAAA?!"
"And Tenchi's like-"
"HUH?!"
"And Mayuka's like-"
"DADA!"
"And so they had a VERY Merry Christmas that year! I wish I was there for all the fun, because then I would have to eat Mayuka."
"I can't help it, I LOVE Fruit Gushers! I would do absolutely ANYTHING to get my hands on one! In fact, my bed is MADE out of Fruit Gushers boxes…and I end up eating them too."
"This is Chester A. Bum saying...CHANGE! YOU GOT CHANGE?! AW, COME ON! HELP A GUY OUT, WILL YA?! COME ON, CHANGE!"
Seriously though, 'Tenchi Muyo!: The Daughter of Darkness' was really good!
"Can you teach how to summon my own lightsaber? I hear those things taste like peppermint candy."