Spoilers for "Audition" (2x01) I was misssing some Quinn baby angst... even though it's only the first episode. Oh well. Enjoy!
Regrets
"Oh please, she already has a family! She's a mother!"
Just when she thought she had her life back on track, it's gone again.
They can all still see it, as much as she tries to avoid it. They want to know how she's feeling, is she doing alright (damn Jacob wanted to know where her breast milk went. As if). Worst of all: how was your summer?
That's an idiotic question. How do they think her summer went? Not that she'll ever tell anyone, but she's bitter and jaded, and spent the past nine weeks exercising her baby fat away.
She wants her old life back. Then, everything might be okay. She can forget the past year like it never happened. A small blip on the Quinn Fabray radar.
So she tells Coach Sylvester about Santana's boob job. She happily accepts the new uniform, smirking as her body easily slides into the fabric once again. She doesn't care when Santana hits her. She doesn't deserve to be captain (and Quinn doesn't deserve much of anything, especially since she gave her own daughter away).
So they grab each others hair, collapsing into lockers, and Quinn doesn't care anymore. She doesn't care if Santana beats the life out of her or calls her a slut (because hello, who is she calling a slut? She's slept with far more people than Quinn). She is the alpha female, the top dog, the head cheerleader.
This is her place. The easiest place to hide her feelings. A Cheerios smug smile is the ultimate mask. No one asks what's wrong when you are the queen.
This way, her regret will safely stay bottled up inside.
Mr. Schuester pulls them apart. Then it hits her.
Oh please, she already has a family! She's a mother!
It's worse than any physical blow. She wants to kill her. She wants to cry. She wants to go home and cry and not come out for days, because this is real. Maybe it was the best thing, but it still hurts. She's three months old now, and she'll never know how she looked at three months or three years or three decades because she is gone and she-
So she kicks and screams and fights, because feeling anger is acceptable. Feeling angry is better than feeling sad.
"Walk away, and tighten up your pony before you get to class!"
Perhaps she'll regret ruining Santana's life, but not by much. She's older than all of them in a way that's hard to describe, a way that can only be described by giving up the one thing you love because you love it so much. It doesn't seem right, and her fellow classmates will never understand that. Not now, anyway.
No, she's already busy regretting far bigger things in her life.
I hope Quinn actually doesn't regret giving up Beth this much, but I think if she doesn't deal with it (and it seems like she hasn't... I don't know, I just got that vibe) it could really screw with her emotions (feeling regretful, shameful, ect)
Anyway, hope you liked it. I can't wait for next Tuesday... :)