A/N: I am the new queen of parodies. …that's not cocky at all XD

No I'm not but I can dream. You'll see a lot more parodies from me. Ranging from Ichigo and Rukia's clichéd kisses to a spoof of every Karincentric fic I've ever read.

Ah well….there will be more of these from a bunch of different characters! Yay.

And so the insanity begins…

Letters to the…Authors?

Ichigo woke up to loud clicking sounds. He opened his eyes and splayed his hand over his eyes, shielding them from the sunlight coming in through his window. The young shinigami representative pulled down the blinds, allowing him to see again. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand to see the bright red numbers 10:31.

His head pounded and he was exhausted but he was sure he had somewhere to be. So he slowly sat up before remembering that it was Saturday and he could sleep in if he wanted. The poor boy flopped back onto his bed to catch a few more minutes of sleep but the clicking noise persisted.

He cracked one eye back open to see Rukia typing away at his newly acquired laptop. "Ugh," the sixteen year old groaned, "can you not do that here?"

She didn't answer. She was too entranced at what she was looking at on the screen. She had a look of shock on his face that would normally have send him into hysterics but he was just too damn tired.

"What are you looking at?" he got up and rubbed his eyes.

She shook her head. Her jaw unhinging and pointed to the screen.

He read over her shoulder as she began to shake in rage.

"Holy sh-!"

X x X

Dear fans of Tite Kubo's acclaimed manga/anime 'Bleach',

I am here to address the issues pertaining to my tarnished reputation because of my apparent appearances in some of your fanfictions. Because according to all of you I am some slutbag who is into not only pedophilia, but necrophilia, bestiality, treason and...slut..ism?

I am not the Haruno Sakura of bleach okay? I am not. I repeat: NOT. Pairable with every. Single. Freaking. Man. in Sereitei. Honestly, who jumps into bed with some man who they've had a conversation with maybe once? Certainly not me.

According to all of you this is how bleach happens:

I suddenly jump Ichigo after 2-50 or so years of sexual tension then he Renji and I have a totally hot orgie in which I get pregnant with a love child of whom I'm not sure which is the father. Then the plot thickens when Byakuya comes forward and says he would marry me and take responsible for the child and protect my honor. Somehow everyone is heartbroken but wont say a damn fucking word, THEN I lose the baby, Byakuya disowns me and in a fit of abandonment I run into the arms of my captain who has obviously (note the sarcasm) been in love with me since I entered his division, smiled sweetly at him and gave him flowers while wishing him to feel better. Then I have some sort of kinky sex with him in which Sentarou and Kiyone burst in on us in the middle then join us.

Oh, I'm not even CLOSE TO DONE! After that Ichigo magically comes to realize he is in love with me and that the reason it felt ever so right sleeping with me was because he had always been but never known it. So JUST when everything is perfect Kaien comes back from the dead (again) claiming he made a mistake in not leaving his wonderful, beautiful and loving wife for me and that he wants me back.

Oh, I forgot. I also lost my virginity to him the night I got to squad thirteen.

So in my dismay and hatred of all things male. I run off on a mission to get stronger and distract myself from the child I loved and lost in my womb.

I end up training myself for not four…not three…but two days on my own before achieving bankai and running off to Hueco Mundo to kill Aizen because I believe that I'm strong enough to do that now.

Then the plot thickens again and Grimmjow somehow shows up and in the middle of our battle we all of a sudden make out heatedly. It takes that, some tequila and a papercut to make me realize that I love Ichigo not Kaien (I'm not sure what that had to do with anything in the first place though).

So I return to him somehow way more gorgeous and 'endowed' than before and me and Ichigo have make up sex…again.

But of course he's human and I'm a shinigami so our love is not to be so we run off to the human world where I get stung by a special Aizen-hanced hollow which has the power to make me develop and inner hollow forcing Ichigo to take me to the Vaizards to be trained.

Then when soul society is cowering on its knees before mine (and Ichigo's) awesome power, the vaizards fade into the background never heard from again and we're accepted back and both given captains positions.

Then Ichigo gets down on one knee and proposes to me but before I can say yes Orihime walks by in a super sexy bikini (nevermind why shes wearing that or what shes doing in soul society) and Ichigo runs to chase after her screaming "Sorry gotta go, I'm dumping you kthxbi!"

After which I'm so broken and alone that I turn into even more of a slut and sleep with all the men I haven't yet slept with in soul society and then some in Hueco Mundo and the human world.

THEN Ichigo comes back weeping saying he realized I'm the only one for him.

It's never ending.

Do you see what I'm getting at, you friggin p-?!

NO! NO!!! ICHIGO GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!! THEY NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH!!!!!!!! GODDAMIT YOU'RE STILL SIXTEEN AND THEY'RE USING US TO GET THEIR WEIRD FETISHES OUT OF THEIR SYSTEMS! It's a conspiracy! IM TELLING YOOOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!!!!

…Rukia is deeply sorry for bashing your crappy fanfiction. I'm sure she did a shitty job of it and I'll proceed to come after all of you later.

Kthxbi

…ha.

A/N: Just so you know…I don't actually think all these pairings are messed up. Some are actually pretty cool. And not all fanfiction sucks. Just a really high percentage. Sorry.

There's just only so many clichés I can take!

Love you all! Request who you want to go next!

Review please. xoxo