What originally started out as a mini drabble ended up becoming…this. 4,400 words. My longest once-shot yet. I didn't even mean to write this much! It just kept coming and kept coming! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it. (sorry if there are any mistakes! Just try and overlook them)
I think that it might be my first Bleach fic…
FEELINGS OF THE INAPPROPRIATE SORT
Summary: Renji knew that it was inappropriate, these feelings he held for his captain. He knew, instinctively, that he should never act on them. He even knew that he should never even once mention them. But still… ByakuyaxRenji
Renji knew that it was inappropriate, these feelings he held for his captain. He knew, instinctively, that he should never act on them. He even knew that he should never even once mention them. For one, they were both men. While it wasn't really looked down on in the Soul Society, it wasn't exactly smiled upon either. Many accepted it that over the many years that they lived, it would be natural to experiment at some point. It was just that most didn't continue on with those experiments.
Two, he was best friends with the man's younger sister. It wasn't really that big of a deal, but Renji knew that if the slightest thing went wrong, things could easily go bad not only between him and his captain, but also him and his oldest and dearest friend.
Three, Captain Kuchiki was from a noble clan, and he was just a lowly commoner from the streets. No one would ever accept a commoner like himself as Byakuya's lover.
And four…
…Kuchiki-sama was his captain.
Not only would it practically destroy any chances he could ever have for advancement, but it would also destroy ever last bit of respect he had managed to dredge up over the last 50 years.
Renji bit back his sigh of regret as he knocked on the door to his captain's office. He knew all of this. He'd mentally repeated it to himself every single time he entered this room. But still…
…nothing ever changed.
Renji steadied himself as he opened the door when the soft and firm, "Enter," came from inside. He only took a single step inside before his eyes found his elegant captain sitting behind his desk looking over a random paper that Renji couldn't distinguish from such a distance. He quickly averted his eyes when Kuchiki-sama looked up. He couldn't be caught staring into his eyes. Renji cleared his throat, knowing that his captain was wordlessly giving him the go ahead to speak.
"I have the report of the damage that the Bounts caused to the sixth division, Kuchiki-taichou." Renji mentally patted himself on the back, proud that he had managed to keep his face steady. He was well aware of what the other officers thought of him. A sarcastic, mouthy, overly-excited, spiky-headed, barely-there lieutenant. Even though he knew that most of it was true, Renji had wished that his captain would at least give him a slightly better opinion.
The ever-present stoical expression that graced his face always seemed to tell him that it wasn't so.
As it was, the captain just simply nodded at his lieutenant and turned back to the paper in his hands.
"Just put it on my desk, Abarai-fukutaichou." Renji merely nodded, a slight glare crossing his face at being brushed off so easily. He stepped closer to the desk, fighting back against the urge to smell the air closest to Kuchiki-sama. Without another word, Renji laid the report on his Captain's desk, and then turned back, leaving the room as quickly as was acceptable.
It was always the same way. Kuchiki-sama just continually overlooked him as anything but a hindrance. Oh sure, Kuchiki-sama helped him out on occasion and never really treated him anything but dismissively, but it just wasn't what Renji kept hoping for.
Renji glanced down the hall to the small clock stationed at the end of the hallway. A quarter to six.
"Damn!" Renji cursed out loud, "I'm gonna be late!"
Renji ran quickly over to the designated bar that he and his fellow Shinigami friends had decided to meet up in. He just couldn't be late for this. It was Ichigo's 16th birthday and Rukia had managed to convince him to come to the Soul Society to celebrate. While he hadn't known Ichigo all that long, he and Ichigo had an easy relationship. They were far too alike to not have one. He and Ichigo knew how to pick on the other without going too far, how to listen to each other and give appropriate advice when necessary, and how to simply stand in each other's presence in quiet harmony. He could easily call Ichigo one of his closest friends.
So he just couldn't end up being late to his friend's birthday celebration.
As he neared his destination, Renji slowed his near flash-step to a slow walk; not wanting to let his friends in on how fast he had had to run just to arrive on time. A smile lit up his face regardless of his near-lateness when he spotted his orange-haired friend.
"HEY! ICHIGO!" Renji shouted out catching Ichigo's attention easily. A mischievous smirk crossed the substitute Shinigami's face at catching his friend. Renji slowed to a stop, confused and apprehensive about coming closer. Why was Ichigo smirking like that?
Ichigo's smirk grew at the look of hesitation the Renji showed. He let out a laugh and spoke,
"Cutting it a little close, aren't ya, Renji? What? Did you forget where we were all meeting?" Ichigo taunted his red-haired friend jovially. Renji glowered at Ichigo, both knowing that the other really meant no harm, and gave him a quick shove out of his way as he stepped inside the bar. He could hear Ichigo's laughter echoing behind him.
He wasn't expecting the body that ran into him or the arm thrown across his shoulder so when the attack came, both Renji and his attacker tumbled to the ground. Renji felt his breath leave his body in a harsh burst of air from the fall. He heard a pained groan from above him and refocused his eyes to the body lying on top of him.
When he saw the bright orange hair he let out a laugh. Ichigo glanced down at Renji for a second, glaring at him for even daring to laugh, before bursting out in equal harshness of his own laughter.
Suddenly, Renji blinked as Ichigo was pulled from him. He followed the arm that held Ichigo up to the bald head of their friend, Ikkaku Madarame. Standing beside him was Yumichika. Renji yet again wondered about the two of them. It was well known that those two rarely went anywhere without the other. Renji smiled a wide grin up at his friends and stood up, ignoring the offered hand of Shuuhei, whom he had just noticed.
"I knew that Ichigo was new to drinking, but I really thought you could hold yours better than that Renji." Ikkaku teased. Renji frowned and slapped him halfheartedly in the arm, knowing that it would do any good, but it still made him feel better.
"We haven't had anything yet, you idiot." Renji growled back ending his insult with a half smile. Ikkaku threw his head back and let out another laugh.
"Well, you coulda fooled me!" He near-shouted out, causing the others to laugh out too, Ichigo and Renji included.
They spent the rest of the evening drinking and laughing and congratulating Ichigo. Bright bursts of their laughter could be heard echoing throughout the district as they celebrated. No one said anything to the five friends though, easily recognizing the two lieutenants and their friends. By the time they had begun to quiet down, it was nearly three in the morning.
Renji said a quick goodbye to Shuuhei as he headed off towards the ninth division, having the longest distance to travel, and then turned back to Ikkaku and Yumichika. He subtly took note that, even in his drunken haze, Yumichika didn't seem all that intoxicated. He never did. Sometimes Renji believed that Yumi only joined them out drinking to keep an eye on Ikkaku. It wouldn't have surprised him.
Ichigo was laughing with the two as they said their goodbyes to each other. Renji grinned drunkenly before stepping up beside Ichigo and throwing his arm around Ichigo's shoulder, nearly throwing themselves off balance yet again. His grin never faded even as he said goodbye to Yumi and Ikkaku.
Renji knew this had been Ichigo's first time really drinking, and so, wasn't that surprised to see Ichigo wobbling just a bit under his arm.
"Hey, Ichigo, why don't you stay at my place tonight? I don't want you going off and killing yourself because you were too drunk to walk straight." Renji offered, knowing there was no way his friend could make it back home in his condition. Ichigo gave a grin and nodded.
They staggered back to the sixth division as quietly as they could, trying not to wake the others. When they finally arrived back at Renji's quarters, Renji let Ichigo go, and laughed as he fell straight to the floor. Ichigo glared up at Renji, as if accusing him of shoving him down.
"HEY! Why'd you do that for you big knucklehead?" Ichigo shouted out, his words slurring together. Renji smiled and held his hand back out. After all his years of going out drinking with his buddies, Renji had a fairly decent tolerance for alcohol and as such, was easily the soberer of the two. Ichigo glared at the hand for a moment before warily reaching up and grasping it. Renji let out a small snicker as he pulled Ichigo back up to his feet.
"You can have the bed. You look like you really need it." Renji said through his snickering as he pulled a quickly tiring out Ichigo behind him. By the time they reached the bed, Renji had to bite his lips to keep from busting out in laughter. Ichigo was walking with his eyes already closed. When he reached the edge of the bed, he fell forward, landing on the soft cushions of the bed, already out.
Renji smiled gently at his friend. He sometimes forgot that Ichigo was still just a kid, but looking at him right now, Renji could easily see it. Ichigo was out like a light and the constant glare was gone, a soft relaxed look taking its place. He looked young. Renji turned and left the room after grabbing an extra blanket. He headed over to the couch and laid back on it, covering himself with the blanket, before falling asleep with a smile.
A sharp knocking pulled Renji out of his Byakuya-filled slumber. What was that sound? Renji wiped at his eyes as he looked around the room, trying to decide what that noise could be. His eyes shot over to the door when the knocking sounded again.
Oh no. What time was it?
Renji's eyes widened in alarm. He had forgotten to set his clock last night when he got back! Renji threw off the blanket and hastily scrambled up and over to the door. He threw it back without another thought. He gulped in shock as he came face to face with his captain, Byakuya Kuchiki.
Renji's shock didn't fade, even as Byakuya glanced down at his attire in clear distaste. Shit! He must really be late for Kuchiki-sama to show up here himself! Renji opened his mouth to try and explain, when he heard a sound behind him. He watched as Kuchiki-sama's eyes widened at whatever he saw behind Renji. Renji didn't hesitate as he turned back to see what was behind him. He let out a light sigh of relief at seeing only Ichigo behind him.
"Hey, Renji, I thought I heard a noise, is everything ok?" Ichigo muttered out, rubbing at his eyes. It was clear he had just woken up. Renji nodded, and then realizing that Ichigo was unable to see him, spoke.
"Yeah, everything's fine. You can go back and lay down if you want." Ichigo gave a quick nod before turning back to the room he came from.
Renji turned back to his captain, prepared to apologize for his tardiness when he noticed the pink staining Kuchiki-sama's cheeks. It took Renji a few seconds before the reason for it hit him. Kuchiki-sama didn't think that he and Ichigo…? He couldn't have thought that, could he? Ichigo was just a kid! Renji opened his mouth before this could get any worse.
"This isn't what it looks like!" He shouted waving his arms back and forth to emphasize his point. Byakuya's eyes shot to Renji in a condescending way.
"I have no interest in the things that you do on your free time, Abarai, but make sure that they don't interfere with your duties as my lieutenant." Kuchiki-sama bit out harshly. Renji was taken aback by the harshness of the tone that he had used. Renji wasn't sure that he had ever heard that tone to anyone but an enemy.
"But, Kuchiki-sama, this really isn't-" Renji started, but was cut off by Kuchiki's glare.
"Kuchiki-taichou, Abarai." Renji bowed his head in hurt anger and embarrassment. He knew better than to call Kuchiki-sama anything but Kuchiki-taichou to his face!
"Sorry, Kuchiki-taichou, but please, you are really misinterpreting this." Renji tried yet again.
This time, it seemed to finally click in Byakuya's mind the Renji might be telling the truth. He stood straighter and looked down on Renji as if trying to decide whether or not he was telling the truth or lying.
Renji held his breath. He didn't want Kuchiki-sama to think that he and Ichigo were together. He didn't want Kuchiki-sama to believe that Renji was with anyone!
Finally, it seemed that Byakuya had decided on what he thought the truth really was. He nodded his head and then turned to walk off. Renji waited for some sort of sign that Kuchiki-sama believed him. He nearly let out his panic when his captain simply turned and began to walk off.
"Well then, if that's the case, then he should have no problem with you leaving now. Do hurry, Abarai-fukutaichou, you're already late enough as it is." Byakuya spoke as he continued to his office. Renji gave a relieved smile and turned to leave a note for Ichigo when he woke up, and then followed out the door after his captain.
When Ichigo woke again, it was to a quiet, empty house that he could only tell was Renji's by the few photo's he had on the dresser. Renji and Rukia. Renji and himself. Renji, Rukia, and himself. Renji, Shuuhei, Kira, and Momo. Renji and Ikkaku.
Either this was Renji's house, or someone had a very uncomfortable obsession with his friend.
Ichigo decided on the first as he got up and walked through the house and found a small note left on the kitchen table.
'Sorry! Had to go. Was running late! Stay as long as you want! –Renji'
Ichigo vaguely remembered getting up earlier and seeing Renji and Byakuya at the door. Renji must have been really late. Ichigo let out a light laugh at his friend before looking into the fridge to find some food. With a glance at the clock, Ichigo saw that it was already nearly five in the afternoon. He was starving.
He rummaged through the contents of the fridge and the cabinets for a moment before grabbing out a package of ramen and putting it on to boil. While the ramen was cooking, Ichigo continued his exploration of the small home. From what he could tell, it seemed to suit Renji. The cool greens, whites, and lavenders seemed to blend in nicely with each other. Then there was the shelves lined with broken sun-glasses and headbands on one end and catalogues for expensive glasses on the other end that just screamed Renji.
Ichigo headed back to the kitchen and finished cooking his noodles and was just finishing eating them as he heard the door open. Ichigo leaned as far back as he could in his chair to see who had come in. He wasn't surprised to see Renji standing in the doorway with a big grin on his face.
"Hey Renji." Ichigo called out casually and raised his eyebrows when Renji jumped.
Renji had had an easy day today. Mostly training and running a few minor errands for Kuchiki-sama. He was in a good mood thanks to that. He was in an even better mood today because, unlike usual, Kuchiki-sama actually told him to have a good evening as he was leaving. When he entered his house, he had freely let the smile cover his face at his captain's passing words. He hadn't, however, expected Ichigo to still be there and so jumped, startled, when he spoke.
Renji looked over at his friend and gave a surprised look before smiling again.
"Hey, Ichigo. You still here?" He asked as he stepped into the kitchen and brought out a microwavable meal from his fridge and put it on to cook. Ichigo sat in his chair watching as he answered.
"Yeah. Just woke up a little while ago. The note said I could stay as long as I wanted so I got comfortable."
Renji pulled out his food and sat down across from Ichigo to eat it.
"It's fine. I just wasn't expecting you to still be here. You already ate?" Renji asked as he began to eat. He watched as Ichigo nodded.
"Yeah, I had some of your ramen. Byakuya wasn't too mad about this morning, was he?" Ichigo watched in surprise when Renji chocked on his food and turned a bright red. What was wrong with him?
Renji had almost forgotten about the awkwardness of that morning until Ichigo brought it up.
"What? Did something happen?" Ichigo asked, slightly concerned about his friend. Renji shook his head and swallowed his mouthful of food before speaking.
"No, nothing like that. It's just that Kuchiki-taichou and I had a bit of a misunderstanding this morning."
"Oh really? What about?" Ichigo questioned. His curiosity grew as Renji's face turned a deeper shade of red.
"Well…about you being here." Renji could feel his face getting hotter, but ignored it as best he could. Ichigo furrowed his eyebrows for a moment before it actually sank in.
Renji could have laughed when it actually hit Ichigo what he had been talking about if it hadn't already been so awkward.
"You mean Byakuya thought that we… that you and I were…!" Renji did let out a small laugh at the look on Ichigo's face before Ichigo continued, "Well, you told him we didn't, right?"
Renji sent Ichigo a stupid look.
"Of course I did, you idiot. I didn't want Kuchiki-sama thinking that I was with you or anyone else." Then Renji went back to his eating.
Ichigo sat back in his chair calming down, his curiosity still growing. After a moment of silence Ichigo spoke again.
"Hey, Renji?"
"Yeah?"
"What did you mean when you said that you didn't want Byakuya thinking that you were with anyone?" Ichigo watched his friend closely as he asked his question and was shocked when Renji froze and his face paled.
Shit! I didn't really say that, did I? Renji thought to himself. He quickly tried to think of any excuse that would fit with his statement.
"I-um…I don't…I mean…." Suddenly, Renji looked away and Ichigo's eyes widened. Did…did Renji like Byakuya?
As the bright red began to cover Renji's face, Ichigo had to conclude that that was it.
"So…you like Byakuya then?" The sudden deepening of the blush just proved it to Ichigo.
Renji turned back to his friend with a glare.
"You can't tell anyone." He said in an authoritative voice he often used on his subordinates. Ichigo simply raised his eyebrows at Renji.
"Sure, but why not?" Renji glared harder for a minute before looking down with a sigh.
"Because. He's my captain, Ichigo. How would that look if anyone found out that I have feelings for my own captain?" Renji mumbled into his empty plate.
Ichigo nodded slightly. He supposed he could understand that, but it still didn't seem very fair to Renji. Looking back, Ichigo figured that it should have been obvious how Renji felt with how often he actually commented on Byakuya. Ichigo turned to look at the clock, knowing that he had to get home soon. He stood and stretched his arms.
"I won't tell anyone, but I think that maybe you should tell Byakuya at least. You never know, he might return the feelings."
Renji glared up at Ichigo again.
"I told you, that wouldn't matter. He's still my Captain. I can't-"
"Then just keep it a secret. The whole world doesn't need to know anyway." Ichigo said and he turned around.
"Well, I've got to get home. Think about telling him, ok? See ya, Renji." Ichigo called as he headed to the door.
"Bye, Ichigo." Renji answered back before the door shut, leaving Renji alone in his house.
Was Ichigo right? Was that really all that would have to be done? Keep it a secret? Well, he could do that. Renji shook his head. What was he thinking? Even if that was all that they would have to do, Renji still couldn't tell Kuchiki-sama. There was no way that he could ever feel the same.
Renji stood up and walked to the door. He needed to get out of his house for a bit. He paused for a minute before turning back and grabbing his robe. The bath house sounded like it was just what he needed.
When he arrived, Renji let out a sigh of relief. The bath house would calm his mind. It always did. He paid his way in and headed to the changing rooms. He laid his robe out and stripped himself, wrapping the offered towel around his waist, and then headed out to the pool.
He hadn't more than stepped into the room when he saw Byakuya Kuchiki relaxing in the waters. Renji froze in his footsteps. What should he do? Did he turn around and head back? Should he keep going on? Renji shook his head again and then continued walking. He couldn't just stop coming to the Bath House just because Kuchiki-sama was there.
He stepped up to the water's edge and put a hand on his towel and froze again, his nerve suddenly lost. He couldn't remove his towel! Not with Kuchiki-sama sitting right there! He felt his face heat up at Byakuya suddenly turned to face Renji.
"Hello, Renji."
Renji could feel his dick swelling with desire. His captain had just spoken Renji's name instead of 'Abarai-fukutaichou'! Renji stayed frozen for more than a minute before Byakuya spoke again in his calm, near-neutral voice.
"Are you going to join me, or just stand there?" Renji snapped himself out of his panicking and daydreaming at the voice. Damn, now he had to climb in, didn't he? He felt his face getting hotter and hotter as he removed his towel with shaking hands and quickly climbed in the water.
He held his breath yet again as he focused on the water instead of the look on his captain's face. He wasn't sure what it would be, but wasn't entirely ready for it. He felt Zabimaru chastising him in the back of his mind for being such a coward and forced himself to look up.
He was shocked at the look on Byakuya's face.
Byakuya was blushing. Not like the earlier light pink tint he had, but a very bright red that covered his whole face. Renji's inner thoughts were cheering. Maybe there was hope after all. With Ichigo's words from earlier and Zabimaru's pushing, Renji gathered up his courage.
"Um…Kuchiki-sama?" Renji questioned hesitantly. Byakuya suddenly faced Renji full-on, regardless of his blush.
"Yes, Renji?" Renji repressed the shiver that came with hearing his name on his captain's lips.
"Well…I…I have something that I've been wanting to tell you." Renji waited just a moment while Byakuya raised an eyebrow and nodded for Renji to go on.
"Well…Please don't take offense, Kuchiki-taichou, but I…sort of…well…I… what I mean to say is… I have…" Renji trailed off, his face glowing a bright red. He couldn't do this.
Byakuya watched, fascinated as his lieutenant tried to confess his feelings. Byakuya had always assumed that Renji had feelings for him, but never expected him to actually bring it up. He had already examined his own feelings long ago and had come to the conclusion that if his lieutenant ever brought it up, he would be willing to try things with him. Byakuya gave a gentle smile at Renji and brought up a hand to thread through the redhead's long red hair.
Renji froze in his thoughts when he felt his captain's fingers in his hair. He chanced a quick glance at him only to see the beautiful smile etched into his face. Renji's stilled under Byakuya's hands.
"K-kuchiki-taichou…"
Renji watched in amazement as Byakuya's smile grew into a slight smirk.
"You may call me Byakuya, Renji."
Renji gave a bright smile, immediately understanding what that gesture meant.
Maybe I should listen to Ichigo more often…
…..
Renji scowled as he ran through the street on his way to the bar. He was running late again! And his butt was killing him! Who knew Byakuya could be so rough?
He skidded to a stop right before he ran into Ichigo. It had been a couple months since they had last seen each other and Renji was eager to see his friend. He was, so far, the only person who knew about him and Byakuya and Renji was dying to tell him about everything that had happened since he left.
He steadied himself by grabbing onto Ichigo's shoulders and gave out a laugh even as he winced.
"You ok, Renji?" A voice called out from behind Ichigo. Renji glanced around his friend as grinned as he saw Ikkaku, Shuuhei, and Yumichika. It had been Ikkaku that spoke. Renji answered with an even bigger grin.
"Never been better!" He called back. His grin faded however when Yumichika began to smirk and whispered something in Ikkaku's ear that made his face turn a deep red. A sinking feeling began to wash over Renji as he watched the two.
Ikkaku grabbed onto Renji and held him back as the others walked inside.
"Uh…what's up, Ikkaku?" Renji noticed that the blush never faded from Ikkaku's face as he opened his mouth.
"Well…Yumichika noticed your limp and told me that I should give you some advice on how to make it easier to deal with…"
Renji frowned only for a second before it hit him.
Then he grinned even through all the awkward explanations.
He always knew that there was something going on between those two!
Shuuhei owed him 25 bucks.
…
So? What did you all think? It was my first Bleach story and about a couple that I don't even fully like…Renji and Byakuya is fine, but I'm really more a RenjixIchigo type myself. It was so hard to write Renji NOT having a thing for Ichigo! Really.
Read and Review, but as always…
Thanks for reading!
!KIA!