I don't test well, a homestuck fanfic

Young John was wondering about the Medium as usual, talking to distraught salamanders about the great 'windy thing' that had just happened. Suddenly, there was a flash of light amidst the darkness. "Wah?" John, in his curious nature, decided to investigate while the salamanders ran away in fear.

As he approached the dark area behind some large boulders (almost like a small shelter or hut) he began to see a face in the darkness become clearer and clearer. "Dave?" he asked confused. He had never actually met or seen Dave. But he saw glowing sunglasses and that was all he needed. Who the Hell else would wear sunglasses while shrouded in darkness? Before he could determine more, he was pulled into the darkness by strong arms. "Gah! What-What the-?" "Shhh!" A hand covered his mouth.

"Dave?" he asked again. "Yes, but keep quiet. We don't need any more attention drawn to ourselves.." he murmured. Johns goggles lit up with a new message from Vriska, illuminating Dave's face. "Hey, so that's what you look like!" Dave grabbed his goggles and threw them to the ground but they didn't break, the screen only seased to glow. "Hey, what the Hell was that for?" John hissed. "Calm down. We can't have any light. They can't see us if there's no light.." he leaned over and picked up the goggles."Here. They're not broken. Sorry but I can't give her the satisfaction of knowing I'm doing what she told me to." "What?" "Nothing. Anyways, you shouldn't even be talking to her. I have a bad feeling about that troll.." John nodded and asked, "Yeah, but what are you doing here Dave? I thought we all had our own missions to complete." "I do. We do. But I'm from the future, remember? I can time travel." "Oh, well it's nice to see you, but unlike you, I don't have all the time in the world! Haha. So what's so important that you had to come find me?" John, so ignorant, innocent, and good natured.

"Look, this is gunna sound weird but..." he sighed. "Maybe I should just show you.." "Show me what?" Dave paused for a moment in thought. John frowned. "Is it something bad?" "Well..sorta..iit depends on how you look at it John.." "Dave? Why do you sound so unsure of-" He was cut off by a pair of soft lips being pressed against his own. "Mmff!" John instinctively pushed Dave away, but he quickly became aware of Dave's warm body pressing him into the wall. He whimpered and tried to pull away but found that he was no match for Dave's strength (despite his recent leveling up).

Finally after what seemed like hours, Dave pulled away slightly and John gasped. "Wh-wh-what the fucking Hell?" "Shutup. Don't get the wrong idea here. I was told to do this." "Uhg," John struggled but to no avail. "By who?" "Terezi." "And why would you listen to her? Isn't she the one that got me killed?" "Yeah, but, she's cool now." "Still man, what the fuck?" "She-look she just told me I was going to do this." "Did you ever think she was lying?" "No man, she promised this time, no games." "Dave, be realistic here. How the fuck does making out with me in a dark cave help either of us on our quests?" "...You know, I thought about that for a while John. And.. to be honest.. I can't remember my reasoning for this.." John sighed and Dave pulled away and loosened his grip."Come on man! I thought you were way smarter than this." "Hey, don't go judging me. I-I-" he sighed again. "Look, man, I've been time traveling for days now, and I'm going on barely any sleep or food. I'm totally delirious at this point and I'll listen to nearly anything Terezi says. She almost got me to kill myself earlier. Then she wanted me to dance for her.." John's expression went from annoyed to shocked. "Well, not like suicide, I mean like, a paradox me that was destined to die anyway. But I couldn't do it. He was still me,

Even in that hideous green suit.." John looked confused again. Dave sighed for a third time. "Ahh..I'm sorry man." he let go of John. "I'm so stupid.." his shades slid down his nose and John briefly glimpsed the tired, weary eyes of his usually stoic friend. "Hey, it's okay bro. Even the best of us get trolled by these trolls. It's only natural to fuck up every now and then. I won't think any less of you for it! Okay?" In the darkness, John thought he saw his friend smile, but he could have been mistaken. "Thanks man..." "Even if you did steal my first kiss.." john mumbled to himself. "Want me to steal your second?" Dave said threateningly. John paused in thought. "You know, now you've actually got me curious." he said. "Wait, John," he felt Johns hands grab his waist. "What do you mea-" this time, Dave was cut off by a pair of soft lips. He began to push John away, but not before a warm tongue cautiously grazed his lips. He was suddenly filled with passion and heat. He kissed back skillfully and before he knew what was going on, found his tongue down John's throat. Only the sound of Johns soft moans broke his train of not-thought.

Becoming lost in the feeling of Dave's tongue exploration of his mouth, John hardly realized he'd thrown his arms around Dave's neck or how he clenched Dave's dirty golden hair between his fingers, or how his moans had become louder with time, though still fairly soft. When Dave pulled away, he did notice however that he'd started sweating ever so slightly. "Woah" he said panting. "Yeah..heh heh.." Dave said between breathes. Their faces blushed deeper and darker red as their breathes became quieter and that was all the wad heard. "So..." John said. "This.." Dave motioned to the two of them, or at least John thought so. "never happened. Got it?" John nodded and laughed lightly. "Seriously dude. I'm not gay. This was just.." Dave was at a loss for words. "A test?" John suggested. "A mistake." Dave said. John frowned. "Alright or a test. Same thing. Point being we will never speak of this again and we are not gay." "Well..." John began but couldn't find words to finish. Dave gave him an astonished look. "Speak for yourself, Dave." "Dude." "What? I can't help it if I got a little excited..You're a good kisser, Dave." he said softly, blushing and not looking at his friend. "Uhm, thanks?" Dave said, still surprised. It was hard to think he could turn someone gay when he wasn't even into guys himself. "You were uh, fun to kiss, I guess." He offered. John smiled and blushed again. "Thanks. Whatever that means." he mumbled. There was an awkward silence when John goggles started flashing again. Dave pulled them out of John's pocket and handed them to him. "You should probably answer that.." "Yeah, probably.." he found himself smiling alot. Not obnoxiously though. "Quit grinning, you perv." Dave said jokingly. They laughed softly and parted ways. John put his goggles back on and climbed out of the small cave-like hole-thing and checked his messages. Dave had already left via-time travel. He had several messages from Vriska:

AracnidSomething: John?

AracnidSomething: Joooooooohn?

AracnidSomething: John, what the hell are you up too?

AracnidSomething: Why arn't you answering me?

AracnidSomething: And why can't I see you anymore?

AracnidSomething: Helllllllloooooooo?

AracnidSomething: Fine then! Ignore me!If you die or something, it's not my fault!

AracnidSomething: ...John, please don't be dead. ::::(

AracnidSomething: John, you're scaring me! Stop it!

EctoBiologist: Jeeeeeeeez, calm down! I'm fine.

AracnidSomething: John that's not funny! You really scared me!

EctoBiologist: Haha well now I know that you actually care about me.

AracnidSomething: UHHHHHHHHG! YOU'RE AN ASS. I WAS WORRIED A8OUT YOU.

AracnidSomething: And you shouldn't have needed proof! You should have just trusted me that I cared a8out you. I am offended John.

EctoBiologist: ::::( Sorry...

Meanwhile, Dave had his own messages waiting for him, ones that he had subconsciously been answering the entire time he was with John.

Terezi'sScreenName: D4VE

Terezi'sScreenName: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG?

TurnTechGodHead: Nothing.

Terezi'sScreenName: WHY 4R3 YOU GO1NG 1NTO TH4T C4V3 TH1NG?

TurnTechGodHead: No reason.

Terezi'sScreenName: 4R3 YOU 4CTU4LLY DO1NG WH4T 1 TOLD YOU TO DO?

TurnTechGodHead: No. Thats stupid why would i do that?

Terezi'sScreenName: CUS 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO GO SMOOCH JOHN 1N TH4T D4RK C4V3 SO 1 WON'T S33.

Terezi'sScreenName: 1 TH1NK TH4T 1S WH3T YOU 4R3 DO1NG.

TurnTechGodHead: Goddamnit Terezi, im not gay. how many times do i have to tell you?

Terezi'sScreenName: 1 KNOW BUT 1TS JUST 1M LOOKING 4H34D 4T YOUR T1M3L1N3 4ND YOU DONT L43V3 TH4T C4V3 FOR L1k3 F1FT33N M1NUT3S.

Terezi'sScreenName: AND I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU COULD BE DOING IN THERE.

Terezi'sScreenName: SO...

Terezi'sScreenName: D4V3?

Terezi'sScreenName: S33 1 TH1NK 1 4M R1GHT B3C4US3 YOU JUST GR4BB3D JOHN 4ND NOW 1 C4N'T S33 31TH3R OF YOU.

Terezi'sScreenName: D4V3 1 KNOW WH4T YOU 4R3 DO1NG 1N TH3R3 1S N4UGHTY.

Terezi'sScreenName: SO JUST 4DM1T 1T B3FOR3 1 T3LL 3V3RYON3.

TurnTechGodHead: who are you gunna tell? besides im not doing anything. Were just talking.

Terezi'sScreenName: Y43H W1TH YOUR TONGU3S T13D TOG3TH3R.

TurnTechGodHead: no just stop

TurnTechGodHead: nothing like that is gfoing on

Terezi'sScreenName: W3LL WH4T 4R3 YOU "T4LK1NG" 4BOUT D4V3?

Terezi'sScreenName: HUH?

TurnTechGodHead: Nothing you need to know about

Terezi'sScreenName: D444VVV333333333 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 LY31NG TO M3

Terezi'sScreenName: 1 KNOW YOU 4R3 SMOOCH1NG JOHN 1N TH3R3. :]

Terezi'sScreenName: 1 KNOW 1T.

TurnTechGodHead: stop. go away.

five minutes later

Terezi'sScreenName: TH3R3 D4V3 1 SK1PP3D 4H34D F1V3 M1NUT3S OR SO.

Terezi'sScreenName: 4R3 YOU ST1LL SMOOCH1NG JOHN?

TurnTechGodHead: Hngggsnnnnlll mmmmmmmm...

Terezi'sScreenName: UHHMM D4V3.

Terezi'sScreenName: SHOULD YOU B3 TYP1NG TH4T?

TurnTechGodHead: Lmmmm.. nnnmmm oh shit wait

TurnTechGodHead: Gotta stop typing everything I say or think.

TurnTechGodHead: Jeez John tastes like he hasn't eaten anything besides gushers this entire trip.

TurnTechGodHead: Oh fuck I did not mean to say that

TurnTechGodHead: Fuck Fuck Oh Fuck why did I type that?

TurnTechGodHead: Fuck

TurnTechGodHead: FUCK

Terezi'sScreenName: OH HO HO :]

Terezi'sScreenName: 1 WOND3R WHY YOU KNOW WH4T JOHN T4ST3S L1K3?

Terezi'sScreenName: S33 D4V3? 1 DON'T 3V3N H4V3 TO S33 YOU TO KNOW WH4T YOUR3 DO1NG.

TurnTechGodHead: You mean smell and/or lick?

Terezi'sScreenName: S4M3 TH1NG.

TurnTechGodHead: Alright

TurnTechGodHead: Holy Fuck

TurnTechGodHead: That.. that didnt just happen

Terezi'sScreenName: WH4T D1DNT JUST H4PP4N D4V3?

Terezi'sScreenName: D1D YOU JUST R43L1Z3 SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT YOUR S3XU4L1TY? :]

TurnTechGodHead: no but John did

TurnTechGodHead: I mean nothing we didnt already know.

TurnTechGodHead: johns gay, im not, same old same old

Terezi'sScreenName: D4V3,

Terezi'sScreenName: DO YOU H4V3 4NY ID34 WH4T YOU JUST D1D?

TurnTechGodHead: whut/

Terezi'sScreenName: YOU JUST TURN43D 4 BOY G4Y 1N 4 M4TT3R OF M1NUT3S.

TurnTechGodHead: Yep, all in a days work for the Knight of Time.

TurnTechGodHead: it's just what I do.

Terezi'sScreenName: :] T33H33. YOU R34LLY 4R3 COOL D4V3.

TurnTechGodHead: Don't let anyone tell you otherwise babe.

TurnTechGodHead: Hey Wait, you still tricked me.

Terezi'sScreenName: H3H H3H TH4T'S WH4T H4PP4NS WH3N YOU DON'T US3 YOUR BR41N D4V3.

TurnTechGodHead: uhhhgg ur such a bitch

Terezi'sScreenName: T33H33 H33 H33