Leo's Neverland

"I am going like a lamb to the slaughter;

But I am calm as a summer's morning. I have

A conscience void of offense towards God, and

Towards all men. I SHALL DIE INNOCENT

, AND IT SHALL YET BE SAID OF ME-

HE WAS MURDERED IN COLD BLOOD."

Doctrine and Covenants 135: 4

Prologue: Pinky Promises

We love you, Leo, I think, I love you. Good-bye brother. Rest well…

Time: 8 years

Eight years earlier….

"Leo, sing us a lullaby!"

"Yeah, Leo, sing for us!"

"Yeah, Leo!"

My brothers jump on our woven, cotton bed in a hyper way. They ask for the lullaby that I sing every night. It's the one I made up a long time ago. Well, two years seems like a long time for a seven year old.

"Alright," I say, "lay down and I'll sing, okay."

Raphie is the first in bed. He always is. If I sing, he'll be sure to be up front and center for it. Mikey follows Raph's example. Donnie never likes being alone in things, so he crawls in bed, too.

"Okay, okay, here you go."

I take a breath and sing:

Wendy never flew back to that old star

And Neverland never could be the same

I dream and think of brotherly dreams

But never seemed to reach that star

If all of the hopes kept by smart John

And all of Michael's wishes were true

I'd take them all back to Neverland

And trade them all for the Lost Boys

Neverland is so far away

Somehow Pan went away

I think I could find him if I really tried

Then we'll fly away together into the Neverland Sky

I don't know why my brothers like this song. I think it's sad but maybe that's because I think of the meaning of things too deeply…

"Leo," I look over to my little brothers. Mikey and Donnie are asleep, but Raph is sitting up looking at me, "Why are you frowning?"

I smile," I'm not frowning, you silly. See."

Raphie narrows his eyes, then says," Leo, you should pull my tooth out."

My tummy rolls at the thought of taking Raph's lose teeth out. I shake my head, "No, Sensei can do it."

"Hah, scardey cat," Raph says.

"Then why don't you do it yourself." I snap.

Raph stops laughing, but doesn't answer me. As I crawl into bed, Raph turns onto his side and stares at me while stroking his pet turtle, Spike's chin," Leo…we're best friends, right? No matter what we do to each other."

I lay down and look Raph in the eyes," Right. No matter what."

"And we'll all be together forever, right? You'll never leave me, er, us."

I am forcing my smile now. Raph doesn't believe in reality. He believes in whatever his mind conjures up. This is just one of his beliefs. Maybe one day…he'll grow out of it."

"Yeah, Raph, we'll always be together. I'll never leave you. Ever."

Raph reaches his hand out, pinky outstretched. "Pinky promise, Leo."

I almost hate promises as much as I hate lies," I promise, Raphie."

Raph smiles and curls into me. His warm cheek rest in the crook of my neck. His legs twist with mine. "Good. Cause I won't let you leave me anyway."

This scares me. Raph and I are so protective, so that begs the question…which one of us is gonna die first."

I hear out bedroom door open so Raph and I quickly fake that we're asleep. We've gotten really good at that. The last thing I remember thinking is that if it was down to me and Raph, I hope that I would be the first to go…