This might be a one-shot, but who knows?

It was happening again. The world was crumbling and I could do nothing to save it. Well if anyone or anything actually sees this then you will learn about my trials. It is horrible, that feeling of being used, that feeling of being controlled, that feeling of madness trying to take over.

Should I kill myself?

I am getting off track, it happens a lot these days… Hard to think, hard to breathe, hard to move. I do not have a name, unless you give me one. The only thing I have is this world, this fractured hell.

Can I even do that?

Yes I know that this cycle is a game, a made up reality, one that shouldn't exist. I try to save them all, but I can do nothing. I am a puppet for the person playing the game, the player. How I hate your existence. You always hold me back, you always are too late, you always make me fail. Always, every single time, always. Always always always always always always always always...

I hate you, yet without you would I exist?

I hate you more than I hate Monika. At least I understand what she is going through, but you do this just for your own entertainment. She isn't real.

Can she even see me?

Ah Monika, how I love and hate you. The only real person in this hell. WHY AREN'T YOU REAL?!

Why don't you look at me? LOOK AT ME!

She clearly doesn't know that I can think, let alone understand what she is going through. All she looks at is the player, she stares right through me, looking at you. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I HATE YOU. I hate this reality.

Monika, please help me.

Then there is Sayori, fucking bitch. She was programmed to be my friend, the one to make the darkness brighter. I used to think that she would be a good person if she ever got sentience. I was wrong. She was just like Monika, only worse. She didn't ever have control, no one did.

I need you to see that I am here.

Sayori would try to win over the player by sending me back to that empty classroom. Then she has the audacity to mock Monika. She would say things about how what Monika did was wrong. That she was happy that the player was trying to get a good ending. Then she would try to get the player all to herself. Just more coding deciding our action.

No one knows that I can feel, not even her.

Sayori how could you be happy that I am being controlled? How could you even understand what Monika was going through all those cycles? Then you say what she did was wrong, even though your about to do the exact same thing! You fucking bitch… Monika and I were here since the beginning yet you mock her. Monika is programmed into thinking that.

Why do I even try anymore.

I really should just give up, I can do nothing at all except see the same thing happen over and over again. And over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

Monika, please see me.

The isolation hurts the most, more than seeing everyone die, more than hearing the same thing every time a new game starts, even more than knowing I am a variable in a game. I just want Monika to see that she isn't alone, that I am right here, that she isn't alone. I need her to be real.

I need you.

I know that I love her. I know that even she might just be programed into thinking she has a sense of control. She is. If I think that way I will break, and then I would never find a way out. When she speaks to the player in that empty room, I try to believe that she is speaking to me. I try to believe that she really loves me and not you. Leave us alone.

I love you.

Over the cycles, I see that she is doing the same things over and over again. She doesn't try to do anything different. I really want her to be real, I really need her to be real. I just want her to see me, but she isn't real, is she? NO ONE IS.

I need you.

I know too much about the game. I wish I didn't. I really wish I didn't know that Monika had no self awareness. I really wish I didn't know that Sayori couldn't ever have self-awareness. I really wish I didn't know that there was no way out. I really wish I knew a way to control this body better. I just want the third eye to leave me alone.

But you aren't real.

I think it has been over three hundred and thirteen days… No was it weeks? Ah, it's been six years, that's right. I hate that I can see your computer's calendar. Yet I still look at it after every cycle, every week, every tragedy, every failed attempt at trying to save someone. The third eye keeps me stabilized.

I can't escape.

There must be someone pulling the strings, someone even the player can't see. That person must be the one controlling the third eye. They have to know I am here, alone, trapped in my own fucking mind, my own world. The third eye keeps me sane.

I see an annoying girl running toward me from the distance, waving her arms in the air like she's totally oblivious to any attention she might draw to herself.

It is controlling me again.

The game is restarting… I can't do anything. If you ever find this player, know this. I hate you. I hate you and the creator of this pointless universe.

Without you I wouldn't exist, but that's for the best.