A/N: Hey guys! A simple story which took me months to write, surprisingly. It was inspired by my recent virgin encounter with a joint but it evolved into more than a simple, cute story. I hoped I did a decent job of putting down my headcanons of Georgetown-era Will and Alicia. :) Not beta-ed so feel free to correct anything etc... etc... and as always, reviews and comments are lovely to read. Thank you!
23 and she had never smoked a joint. Which she knew acutely, because her roommate never stopped reminding her. To Sherry, it was yet another thing to add to the Alicia-is-so-uptight list. But really, it was not Alicia's fault that Sherry was a bum who somehow never saw the need to wash her dishes. Seriously, just wash up right after you are done- Alicia could not understand why this was so hard to comprehend.
But the fact remained that she was 23 and had never smoked a joint. She was quickly getting tired of it. It often seemed that this one simple fact gave people so much material to tease her with, as if this one fact was all they could fixate on after they knew about it. 'You have never smoked it? At all?' Their faces incredulous and frankly, annoying as hell. It wasn't that she had never had the opportunity to try one. God only knows how many joints she turned down at the frat parties she did go for. Hell, she was not even vehemently against the actual act of smoking it- she knew it probably felt pretty good. But the thing was- it was illegal. 'Barely illegal.' Owen had assured her when she confronted him about the joint she found in his room. But illegal it still was and she never felt comfortable enough with people to do something illegal with them.
That's why, it was probably a testament to how close she and Will had gotten over 1L that she decided to ask him about it. They were once again over at her place, outlining contracts or torts or something. (Funny how it's true what they say- you never remember the things you study but you will always remember the experiences, like asking Will about pot.)
Sherry had ducked out to her friend's for a smoke and Alicia finally, finally felt curious enough to ask someone about this.
'Will. I've got a question for you.'
'Just shoot.' He answered without even looking up.
She sighed. He wasn't paying her any real attention. 'Will. It's serious.' She genuinely felt that any conversation about anything illegal should be regarded as serious.
He paused his writing then, as if he had only just realised she was talking to him. He grinned and looked up. 'Okay little miss serious- what? You found a new boy toy to replace me?'
'No, stop joking.' To Will's credit, he dutifully stopped smiling. 'What does smoking a joint feel like?'
He laughed. 'Wait- what? Wait, you mean to tell me you have NEVER smoked one before?'
Alicia rolled her eyes- great. 'Well yeah, you know this! I told you the first night we met when we played never-have-I-ever.' She was getting annoyed and fast. She expected this shtick from others but not from Will.
'But I figured you were lying. Everyone lies in that game and besides, even my fifteen year old sister has smoked one.'
Alicia pursed her lips and shook her head, already glancing down and getting ready to get back to her books. 'You know what, forget I asked.'
His face dropped and he grabbed her hand. 'Hey Leesh, come on. I didn't mean anything by it. It's just, it's... Unusual that you have not. That's all. But who cares, you are still cooler than almost all the chicks I know. If anything, I think it's pretty neat you have not.'
She couldn't help but smile. He always knew what words to say to make her smile even when she was upset.
'You know, this could give me the privilege of being the one to introduce Little Miss Goody Two Shoes to the sacred powers of a joint. I could get one for us just to try.' He threw a smile over at her. 'No pressure though- it will just be one joint. You know...' He shrugged. 'Just get it over and done with. You can just have a puff if you don't like it.'
She wondered if she was that readable or whether Will just read her well. She had opened this conversation wanting it to end with possibly a promise of trying, but not anything more, just merely trying and Will had hit all the right spots in his suggestion.
'Will we get into trouble though? I mean, it's illegal and we are in law school. I really do not want to get kicked out.'
'Leesh, chill. It's barely illegal and besides, I will be really careful.' He smirked his trademark grin. Somehow, the same words coming from Will's mouth reassured her a lot more than when it came from Owen's.
And that was how she found herself in her living room learning to roll a joint the next Saturday (instead of studying for contracts or torts or maybe criminal).
'Like this?' She held up her first rolled joint triumphantly.
'Well yeah, but you didn't really need to be so neat. You are just gonna smoke it anyway.' By way of proving his point, Will held up his, which Alicia wouldn't really consider a joint. It was basically weed stuffed into a passable looking makeshift paper filter tube.
She giggled and shrugged. 'I guess I'm an overachiever.'
He laughed. 'That you always are. I still can't get over being thoroughly trashed in MOOT. Next time, I want you on my team instead of against me.'
Will held up the lighter and with a gentle well practiced flick of his finger, the fire turned on. Alicia was surprised at how at ease he seemed to be with a lighter and she wondered if he used to smoke. She would not be surprised really, she always knew him to be cool way back in college and smoking always seemed to be one of the things the cool kids do. He told her he used to play baseball, offering nothing more beyond that piece of information. Whispers that followed him from college further informed her that it was actually a baseball scholarship, and he was a star pitcher until a torn rotator cuff took him out his senior year. She wondered when he started smoking- whether it was motivated by fitting in or was it the injury that pushed him over the edge. For all the time they spent together, Alicia suddenly realised that there was still so much they did not know about each other.
Will leaned over, gently nudged her hand holding the joint up. 'Leesh,' he mumbled with his joint hanging loosely out of the corner of his mouth. 'Like this.' He slipped the joint out of her hand and held it to her lips, all the while never breaking eye contact with her. In that instance, Alicia felt the space of the room shrink three sizes. She suddenly felt acutely and painfully aware of the way he hovered over her. He was not even touching her, his one hand held her joint and the other, the lighter but she still felt her breath catch and her heart beat faster.
If her roommate (her annoying, pretentious roommate) was here, Sherry would have snorted at the sight and proclaimed it yet another chapter in the 'Will and Alicia dance'. ('Seriously, you guys play this game. How close can we get without actually touching or fucking?') But Sherry was wrong and Alicia was (mostly) sure of it. Despite all the late nights, the teasing and most of all, the hovering, Will had a girlfriend back home. For all of the blurry lines college drew, Alicia Cavanaugh was not going to be that girl.
'Okay, breath it in gently. Use your mouth not your nose- you will choke otherwise.' Alicia nodded and Will held up his lighter. The end of the joint shone bright and Alicia gently took a huff. She immediately felt the sharp, tingly tones swirling in her mouth. She further inhaled and felt it slide down her throat. It left a prickly sensation, almost like she was swallowing cotton wool dry. By then, she had had enough.
Alicia opened her mouth and out came a series of violent coughs. She thought Will would have been concerned, even alarmed but he just sat opposite her trying to hide his smile. 'Hey... A... Little... Concern would be... good.' She glared at him through watery eyes. She knew she was being whiny but she was just insecure. Rebelling had never been a good look on her and the rare times she tried it, like now, Alicia always felt like someone else inhibiting a different role. She was sure she looked awful and pretentious.
Alicia shook her head, trying to shake off the effects of the joint. 'Is it meant to be this prickly? I don't like it, I really cannot fathom why anyone would like it.'
'Hey, don't say that- I quite enjoy it.' With that, Will took a long swig of his own joint, purposefully letting it sit in his mouth and glide down his throat before blowing it out in a huge breath. (Not in Alicia's face though, he knew she would hate that.) Again, Alicia marveled at how at ease Will seemed to be at all this, this bad boy role. She thought of all the ways he used to be back in school where the lines were more clearly drawn and differences shone brighter.
'You know, I don't think we would have been friends back in college.' Will carefully inhaled another puff and shot her a questioning look.
'Really? What makes you say that?'
Alicia shrugged and meticulously started to extinguish her joint on the ashtray. Tap, tap, tap. The ashes fell out and the glow slowly dimmed. She continued to tap gently, even purposefully, even as the glow had all but given out. Will took a last puff of his joint and with 3 quick taps, laid down his joint.
Alicia glanced up at Will and she could see that the joint was starting to have some effects on him. Not much, but it was still there. His shoulders sloped back slightly more than usual and his permanent half-furrowed brow had completely gone from his face. He leaned back into the couch and winked at her.
'It just that... You are cool. I am not.' Just as quickly as the words escaped her mouth, Alicia began to regret them. She wanted to blame the joint but she knew that wasn't it. She was pretty sure the one and only puff she took was not enough to even get a baby high. Alicia knew that part of her charm when it came to boys was a quiet confidence she managed to fake so well. No, she was not quiet because she was shy- she was just measured. No, she was not uncool, she just did not think your idea of cool was actually cool. It was a fine balancing act of maintaining a cool distance, a veneer of shine that prevented people from guessing too much about it. Alicia was never one to let her emotions show much, much less her insecurities so why in the world was she showing so much of herself to Will.
Will who knew how to smoke a joint. Will who had a girlfriend, a blonde, big boobed, loud and vivacious (or so the murmurings go) girlfriend back home. Will of sorority girls she knew he sometimes flirted a bit too much with. Will whose shoulders stiffened when you talked about fathers. Will with whom she shared late nights, take outs, coffee and now... Even insecurities she guessed.
His head tipped to a side and she could see his brain furiously working on overdrive. Whether it was torts, contracts or even finding the right words, Will always had the same working face.
'You are right- You are not cool.' Alicia's heart skipped a beat. Fuck. She did not know what she was expecting when she started this conversation but that was not it. he glanced away to the clock over her dining room table- please let it be a reasonable time to politely push him out of the door.
Will continued but this time, in a smaller voice. 'You drink too much coffee. You refuse to let me do anything fun, like skinny dipping at Matt's the other day. You stay up way too late, keep your books too much in order and fuss over nothing all the time. You barely drink, have to be begged to even consider going out and hell, you have not even smoked a joint.' She glanced back at him but it was now his turn to look downwards at the baseball that had magically appeared again. He always carried around one for good luck and it always appeared whenever he was having a difficult time articulating something. She saw it a lot in public law.
'But you are so kind, so loving, so principled. Leesh, you kind of... I guess you show me who I want to be, if I had the bravery to do so. The bravery to stop being so cool all the time.' It was now his turn to shrug. For two people who seemed quite intent on categorizing the world into black and white, Alicia and Will shrugged a lot around each other.
Will looked up and met her eyes. 'There are so many things better than being cool.'
His words lingered in the sticky air filled with the sour stench of weed. Alicia visualised the words floating in the space between them, dancing in slow mo as they slowly sank down with the weight of their respective insecurities.
'Will?' She held out her hand for his baseball, like she so often did. 'I am so glad Georgetown brought us together.'