Author´s note: I do live in a fantasy world most of the time...In order to cope with it my therapist told me to just write down whats going on in my head... and this is what I did. So I came up with a lot of scenes that kept replaying themselves in my head and I decided to post my favourite one...

If you like it I will post other scenes or even the rest of the story so if you enjoy my writing please leave a review. You can also tell me if you think this is shit ;) I´m aware it probably is.

I do realise that this scene is ripped from its content and that some things might not make any sense to you at his point of the story... but I promise everything will be resolved when I post the whole story.

I´m not native english by the way – but I did my best.

She´s lying on the couch next to me, asleep, peacefully. I resist the urge to gently touch her face, only inches from my own, watching her delicate form, breathing evenly.

Sometimes I wish I could just be somebody else. Somebody „normal". Somebody not coursed... That damn curse... Somebody able to just lean in and gently kiss their lovers lips … with her reaction the only consequence to think about...

I feel this all consuming sadness rise from deep inside me once again. A feeling I´m experiencing a lot recently.

Godric and Helga tell me to give a shit about the course... and maybe I just should... Sometimes I think about doing just that... Just play the ignorant dumbass that Godric is. But who am I kidding...

I could never do anything that might endanger her. That might hurt her. That might even kill her.

I am hurting her enough the way it already is. I can see it in her eyes sometimes. I don´t even have to read her mind to know that I hurt her. Everytime we re close. Every moment we spend staring at the endless nightsky or drinking from each others thoughts. I know she wants me to do something, to initiate something but I just can´t and she understands ...and it pains me.

She deserves more than that. More than me. She deserves to love and be loved in return.

And it´s so unfair... so wrong that she must fall in love with me of all people... and I am right here... all the time right in front of her...and I can´t... I can´t be with her although she means everything to me...

A small moaning sound from her tears me from my thoughts and for a moment I feel caught, guilty – for her to wake up realising me half lying so close to her, captured in my own thoughts. But she´s still fast alseep.

I study her face. Her facial expression is relaxed, giving nothing away. I can´t help but wonder whats behind these marble features... what´s going on in her brilliant mind right now...creating parallel universes one could only think of in their wildest dreams...

...what made her emit that muted sound just seconds ago...

Slowly, as if acting on its own accord, my arm extends itself to gently touch her hand... to just shortly glimpse at her minds creation...

And before I realise what happens, before I have time to think about what I was going to do I enter her mind... her dreams... realising that she... no we, are trapped in a nightmare.

I don´t know why we were there of all places or why it even scared her, but although the gigantic cave lit up by lava and fire seemed empty besides ourselves and the elements, I felt instantly upon arriving that she was scared to death. Standing on a small round rock pedestal, seperated from the surrounding ground by bubbling lava she was a prisoner on her pedestal island unable to reach shore.

It was highly surrealistic. A gifted which like her could easily apparate to any other place within seconds. Still she stood there. Shivering. Panic stricen. She didn´t move. Although I couldn´t see her face I felt her fear and panic filling every inch of the „room".

I know I shouldn´t... but it would be so easy... so easy to just save her... so easy to be her hero in this world. When I can´t be anything to her in reality.

Within a blink I am there on the pedestal right behind her, my arms closing around her trembling form.

I am there trapped again. Why do I always have to be there? „This is not real – this is only a nightmare" my subcontious tries to reason with me but is it? It seems so real... so real...

The sharp rock cuts the skin right below my left ankle when I stuble – desparately trying to leave this place – tearing blood and I am infinitely sure that this is NOT a dream - when still I can´t escape the feeling that i have been here before.

It is hot in here and I can bearly breathe, panic rising in my chest as I try to see past the smoke and vapors hangin in the air.. there must be a way out somewhere... I try to reasure myself when suddenly the floor cracks and with a deafening rumble the rock starts to tear open, deadly hot and bubbling lava emerging from underneath.

I start to panic -loosing my mind completely - barely knowing what I´m doing - I try to escape the deathly traps forming under my very feet until finally I can´t go any further – a lake of lava forming right in front of me. I turn around, desperate to run into the other direction just to realise that there too a broad stream of lava has evolved – impossible for me to overcome.

And I am trapped there.

The lava slowly closing in on me. My brain seems to have shut down completely. Something I never thought could happen as I always counted on my wisdom and power of though to just be there even when everything else would fail... I had always defined myself through that brilliant mind of mine...

But now I feel empty. Nothing left but terror and despair – like an animal cought in the headlights – and I know it´s over... I´m going to die here... There is no way I could save myself... when suddenly I feel strong arms protectively embrace me from behind... a hard chest pressed against my back.. and a calm familiar voice whisper in my ear: „Don´t worry, I´ll get you out of here."

...Salazar.

There´s the suffocating feeling of his „changing places" and suddenly we are outside in one of our favorite locations, the one with the bench under the willow tree. I desparately try to catch my breath while turning arround and burrowing my face into the chest of his thick fur lined travelling cloak.

I don´t know how long we stand like this. I have my eyes closed, his familiar scent and regular heartbeat calming me down while his arms are still around me – his fingers drawing soothing patterns on my back and his head resting gently on top of my own.

I am trapped in the moment when suddely it occurs to me that I have never been this physically intimate with Salazar... We´ve been intimate of course... on a complete different level... literary sharing each others minds... but never like this. I wish this moment never to pass. To just stay like this forever... close to him... I feel completely save... nothing bad could ever happen to me as long as I stayed close to him...

am completely at peace for once...

But eventually this moment passes, as he gently pushes me away from him at my shoulders – not letting go of them – holding me in place just a few inches from his body – I long to close the distance forming between us again...

He looks down on me. Studying my face until he focuses on my eyes and as always I can´t escape his stare... drawning in his mesmerizing dark grey eyes.

„You saved me there..." It is all I can muster...

„I´ll always be there to save you Rowena." It feels like a promise.

I don´t know what else to say. I realise my hands still resting on his chest, I can still feel his heart beat steadily.

The cave seems already far away, my despair gone with it... a long time ago.

Remaining only two people... two people desperately in love with each other... without any chance of ever being together.

I am studying her face, thinking, thinking fast - frantically - about what might happen... what might be the consequences of what I was going to do... but I find it hard to focus... my thoughts gradually drawn back to her and her small lips, waiting there for me to be kissed for the very first time.

But this is not real. This moment... it only exists in our minds... Could something that never happened trigger the course that dwells right there inside of me in the vault that I call my heart? My soul?

I come to the conclusion that it doesn´t matter. That it is not to matter... and that nothing matters anymore anyway as I lean down to tentatively brush my lips against hers.

It feels like beeing freed again after being locked in a tiny dark cell for a very long time when Salazar finally leans in. My eyes close involuntarily as I feel his lips touch mine just for the fraction of a second, an excruciating light touch – just like the brush of a butterflys wing...

… and then he is gone.

I abruptly pull out of our minds creation as I - shocked - realise what I am doing.

My breathing is laboured and my heart is beating violently. What have I been thinking?!

She trusts me. She trusts me to keep her save. It is my responsibility to keep her save... entering her dreams, meddling with her mind like this... is just... it is unacceptable...

I shake my head to clear my mind.

I look at her face, checking that she´s still asleep. A small frown creasing her features... What has happened to our parallel universe when I choose to simply leave it...

Am I still there in her head... Am I still holding her... Are we still kissing...?

Or is she left inside alone, just as clueless as I am.

I long to go back there … back into our dream and just feel the touch of her lips again...

With this being the last thought on my mind, I fall asleep right there on the couch next to her. Only a few inches seperating my hand from hers, only a few feet seperating our expressionless faces.

When I wake up it is still dark outside. The room is lit only by the 3 big white candles Helga had conjured out of nowhere, burning in the far away corner and the fading light of the full moon.

I must have fallen asleep on the couch. Salazar is lying close to me... fast asleep... The storm outside makes the trees paint vivid shadows against the full moons reflected light on his pale skin...

He looks so handsome... I wonder why he´s lying next to me... have we been sharing thoughts again?

I strangely can´t remember...

I feel the urge to just reach out and touch his hand... but that would be a foolish thing to do. He would wake up eventually and think... what?

I feel we don´t need any more awkwardness...

So instead I settle to just watch the evenly breathing form and the beautifully relaxed features of the man I love.

The man I love so badly that it hurts...