Kurt wakes up with his mind groggy and depressed. This is the day he hates the most, a day filled with sad memories and longing.
Its nine years to the day Kurt's mother died.
He remembers the first one being the hardest. His father barely looked at him, his blue eyes reminding him too much of the one he lost. Kurt, only nine at the time, spent the day by himself curled up in his bed under the covers, hiding. Hiding from the truth that his mother is really gone, and will be forever. It wasn't until almost bedtime that a teary-eyed Burt came in and took his son into his arms letting him cry onto his shoulder. He may have lost a wife, but Kurt lost him mom, and that's something he can never get back.
Over the years Burt has always made sure to be attentive to Kurt on this day, knowing how much it affects him. Normally Burt will come in with some form of breakfast and be ready to hug him good morning, but one of those bone crushing hugs that always made you feel better. He would either let Kurt have the day off school to sit and watch the Sound Of Music, his mother's favourite movie, or would help him bake his mother's famous cookies.
However as Kurt sits up and rubs his eyes, he senses that things are different. Normally, the days leading up to this one, Burt will talk a little more about Elizabeth, and would share little memories with Kurt, ones he's heard a thousand times but never tire of. His favourite is the day they finally got together, his father always spoke so fondly of that time and Kurt always found it so romantic. But, as he thinks about it, Burt hasn't even uttered her name this week or at all in recent times.
Actually, all Burt seems to be doing is getting agitated at Kurt for being a little more depressed lately. He keeps going on and on about how Kurt must join in on the family more now that there is four of them. He seems to think Kurt isn't making an effort when really all he is doing is grieving for his mother. Maybe, this is his way of grieving now, especially with Carole in the mix, maybe he feels guilty for moving on with another women.
Yeah, that must be it.
All Kurt has to do is give him a little space but be there for him like he was for him as a child. Anyways Kurt has Blaine now as a support.
Blaine.
Just the name brings a smile to his face regardless of the day. He picks up his phone to check his messages and soon enough a text comes through from his boyfriend.
Blaine - Thinking of you today, I love you beautiful xxx
Kurt sends of a small reply before he gets up from his bed to shower and get ready for the day. Maybe a day off school doesn't seem so wise, he could really do with a distraction rather than counting down the hours for Blaine to come. He quickly showers and sets himself down at his vanity to start his hair. He looks to the right of his mirror and sees a picture of him and Blaine from a few weeks back with them kissing on Blaine's bed. He took it as a little memory for him to have and stuck it there so he can smile at it every morning, reminding him of what he does have and how he should cherish it.
He looks to his left side of the mirror and finds an old photograph of him and his mom. It's of Elizabeth holding him when he was about four years old, his eyes are screwed shut and he looks as if he's laughing as his mother kisses his cheek. Kurt smiles at the picture and doesn't realise he's crying until a single tear drops down onto the vanity, marked quickly by another one as it falls down next to it.
Kurt breathes in a deep breath and slowly let's it out, trying to regain control of his emotions. He pushes back the tears and continues to get ready knowing he should be getting downstairs to see his father, wanting one of his hugs now.
With his head bowed and his eyes a little red, Kurt makes his way downstairs and into the kitchen where he finds Carole by the stove and Burt by the breakfast nook, reading the newspapers.
Huh. Strange, normally his dad is making pancakes with his arms open and ready but...I guess things have changed. Kurt's eyes swim with tears a little but doesn't let them fall as Carole is asking him a question.
"Good morning Kurt, would you like some bacon before school?" She asks in such a motherly sweet tone it makes him flinch a little. He quickly shakes his head, not feeling that hungry anymore, and head to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
His dad looks up from his reading and sighs heavily. He folds the newspaper and looks at his son with a disappointed look. "Son, Carole asks you a question and I expect you to answer it respectively." Burt knows there's been something off with his son recently, but it doesn't give him the right to treat others like this just because he's in a bad mood. Maybe it's the distance between him and Blaine, now Kurt is back at McKinley, that's getting to him, he should try and be as sensitive as possible, knowing Kurt could have one of his blowouts if he says the wrong thing.
Kurt is on the edge at the minute. His emotions are all over the place and the reprimand from his father is kind of the last straw. His tears fall, tracking down his cheeks silently. His hands cover his eyes, embarrassed he has broken down in front of Carole like this. His dad is quick around the counter and brings Kurt into his chest, wrapping his arms around him securely. It's what he needs and it only makes him cry harder as he buries his face into his father's neck.
Burt looks over his head at Carole who looks equally as confused. "Hey, hey, hey...come on...shhh shhh shhh...tell me what's wrong...did you and Blaine fight or something...? He asks tentatively, unsure if this is safe ground.
Kurt stops cold.
He pushes his father away, horrified. His hand covers his mouth as he backs away shaking his head. No. No this can't be happening. The tears are endless and a sob bubbles out from within him and he knows he needs to get away from here. As he looks at his father, who looks hurt and confounded, he doesn't even recognise him anymore. This isn't the man who would sit and reminisce with him about his mom and would hold him as he had nightmares, screaming out for his mother.
Kurt quickly bolts from the kitchen, barely able to grab his keys and bag, before he runs out of the door, into the driveway and into his car. He sees his father come to the door but he's already got the key in ignition and is driving away.
He drives all the way to school and parks it in one of the spaces. He sits at the wheel and finally let's go of everything. The sobs are loud and heart-breaking.
He forgot.
He forgot the day his wife and mother of his child had died, and he leaves only Kurt grieving for her. It cuts him deeper than he thought it would and for the first time ever, Kurt really doesn't wants to see his dad. He doesn't want to face the man who has just simply forgotten of someone who was so important to him and has moved on with another life, a life that right now, Kurt doesn't want to be a part of. He doesn't want to be connected with a family who doesn't recognise and share that he had a different mother, a mother who cared for him and accepted him for his ways. Why would he be a part of something that doesn't celebrate all that she was, but disregards it as if it doesn't matter?
Kurt tries and reign in all the tears and crying as he takes in his red rimmed and puffy eyes, knowing he won't fool anyone. He opens his car door and grabs his bag, heading into the building that he usually calls hell, but today seems more of a haven compared to back home where his father is.
He knows he won't be up to much learning today so he heads to the choir room knowing it will be safe and quiet for the day until glee starts at three. He finds a corner to sit in, hidden away from the outside, not wanting anyone to find him for a while. He continues to cry silently as the tears seem never ending. The betrayal he feels makes his heart hurt more than anything.
He knows he wants comfort, and normally he would have it in the form of his father, but right now that isn't an option. Kurt fishes out his phone from his bag and sees that he has six missed calls and eight text messages, all from his dad asking him if he was okay and what happened. Kurt ignores him, only feeling a little guilty, and quickly types out a message to Blaine.
Kurt - I really need you today
Blaine - Are you okay? Do you need me to drive over? xx
Kurt looks at the message and contemplates his answer. On the one hand, he could really use him as a shoulder to cry on and someone to hug and sooth him right now but...their relationship is kind of new and he doesn't want to come off as too needy.
Kurt - I can wait till 4:30 but know I'll need your arms open and ready for me to fall into xx
Blaine - Always 3 xxx
Despite their tears raining down his face, Kurt smiles at his boyfriends reply. It makes his heart soar at the thought of someone as beautiful as him being his.
Kurt spends, what feels like minutes, hours just sitting on the floor in the choir room just thinking, sometimes happy memories that make him smile, sometimes the not so happy memories that make him bite his fist to stop any sound from coming out. He gets continuous update requests from Blaine who's feeling a little helpless for being so far away when he's hurting so bad.
It isn't until Kurt hears the bell ring out and Mr Shuester comes in that he stands up from his place on the floor. He grabs his bag but before he makes it into one of the chairs Mr Shuester looks up, a little surprised to see him in here, never mind on the floor, but that quickly changes into deep concern as he takes in the red rimmed eyes and the hunched posture.
"Kurt...is everything okay...?" He takes a small step towards him, unsure whether to continue. However before he can receive a reply, Mercedes comes bursting in, a little breathless.
"Oh my god, Kurt! I've been looking for you everywhere!" She rushes over and takes him into her arms. Mercedes is the only one a part from Blaine who knows about this day, Kurt doesn't even think Finn knows.
His face is buried a little in her neck but his tears don't come, knowing she isn't the one who can truly comfort him. Mr Shuester looks even more confused but Mercedes looks over at him and mouths 'mom', knowing that's all the explanation he needs. Everyone knows about Kurt's family situation and so Mr Shue nods his head and turns back to his sheet music to sort it out for today's lesson.
Mercedes guides him to the back row of chairs and sits down next him. She lets him put his head on her shoulder, knowing he needs this right now to get him through glee before he can go home and see Blaine.
Other members of the club file into the room and they all look concerned at his appearance as they can see how distressed he is. But one withering glare from Mercedes makes them all refrain from asking what's wrong.
Glee club passes by in a blue for Kurt, he's aware Rachel sings some annoying ballad which in turn pisses Santana off, leading to yet another fight within the group. By 4pm the bell echoes around the halls and Kurt has never been so thankful for a sound before. He picks up his bag and is all but ready to run from the room but stops himself from doing so as he considers his situation.
If he goes back now he'll be stuck at home for half an hour with all three of them, and his father will probably rage at him for his actions this morning, and Kurt doesn't think he can take that at the minute.
So he walks slowly out the room, down the hallway, to his locker, to the bathroom, and then to the parking lot. He takes his time and extra care as he opens the door, climbs in and buckles up. Right now he's at 4:17pm, cursing that he didn't take longer. He carefully backs out the parking space and starts his journey back home, hoping Blaine will be there by the time he gets back.
He turns the corner onto his street and his heart sinks at the sight of everyone's cars but Blaine's, so he parks outside and sits for a second checking his phone.
Blaine - Going to be 10 minutes late babe, sorry. Lots of traffic, be there soon xxx
Kurt sighs. He knows he can't help it but it still doesn't stop him from feeling a little annoyed. With the feeling of dread and despair, he makes it out his car and up to the front door. He thinks he can maybe make it up the stairs unnoticed, but as soon as he closes the door behind him and walks two steps in the house, his father calls loudly from the living room.
"Kurt. Get in here."
Kurt knows he can't go against his father when he's using that tone, so he peers into the room and sees him, Carole and Finn all watching TV together. The picture perfect family. It makes him feel sick.
"What took you so long kid? Now come on and spend time with your family." Burt doesn't notice the look of total betrayal and sadness on his sons face.
Kurt swallows down any hurtful response, not really wanting to fight with him. He has no fight left in him today, he feels emotionally drained, and all he really wants is Blaine to hold him until he falls asleep in the safety of him arms. So Kurt sits down on the couch, not really looking at anyone with his head bowed and his legs hugged close to his chest.
"So sweetie how was your day?" Carole asks him in that same mother like tone. He wants to just run away but he knows his father will yell at him for being rude so he responds quickly,
"Fine."
"Kurt." His father stares at him as if he's warning him, silently communicating that he expects better than that. However before Kurt can apologise, the doorbell rings loudly around the house.
Kurt's is there like a shot, ripping open the door and Blaine has all of two seconds before his arms are filled with Kurt. His arms wrapped around his neck with his face buried there, Blaine feels the tears, hot and wet on his skin and he can feel Kurt shaking all around him.
"Hey shh shh shh baby...I'm here okay? I'm here." Blaine tries to sooth him as much as possible, his hands running up and down his back trying to get him to calm down slightly.
Burt comes through to the hallway and sees his son falling a part in his boyfriend's arms. So maybe it's not relationship issues. "Kurt, can you just tell me what's wrong?"
Kurt tenses immediately, his cries a little louder and it's then that Blaine realises why he's so upset. His father had forgotten what today meant. Blaine's heart breaks a little for his boyfriend and feels kind of horrified that he would forgot a day like this.
Blaine kisses his cheek softly and whispers in his ear, only loud enough for him to hear, "You okay?"
Kurt steps back a little and looks into his eyes, and all he sees is genuine concern and love. He shakes his head and whispers just as quietly, but more brokenly, "No."
Kurt takes his hand and starts to lead him up the stairs hoping for some privacy but before he makes it to the landing Burt bellows from below, "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel! You come down here right now and you talk about this!"
Kurt flinches violently at the use of her name and can't help feel disappointed that it didn't trigger him to remember or something. He feels Blaine squeeze his hand in reassurance trying to convey every ounce of courage. "Dad...can you give me five minutes...?" Kurt sniffles slightly which in turn makes Blaine kiss his cheek wanting to be close to him at that moment. "Please."
It's spoken so quietly and so desperately that Burt can't do anything but concede. "Ehhh okay...but five minutes and I'll be up there okay?"
Kurt nods his assent and as Blaine drags him to his bedroom he stops him. "No, not in there."
Kurt pulls a confused Blaine down the hall to the guest room and opens the door. He softly shuts it behind them and stands before him looking a little nervous. Blaine cups his cheek and kisses him lovingly whilst wiping the new tears away with his thumb. He rests their foreheads together and Kurt breathes out deeply with his eyes securely closed.
"I want to share something with you. I haven't really shared this with anyone before but I would really like to have this time with you and show you a little piece of me." He whispers this against his lips, almost like a secret.
Blaine kisses him softly on the lips and says just as quiet, "I would really love that, but only if you're sure."
Kurt nods his head and kisses him one last time before he walks away to the dresser that sits against the wall. Blaine watches curiously as he opens all the drawers and leaves them that way and comes back to him before he sits on the ground.
Blaine carefully sits alongside him but just as he sits, Kurt lays down next to him and looks to him encouragingly. He takes his hand as he lowers the rest of his body to the ground, lying shoulder to shoulder next to him.
It's silent for a second before Kurt gently explains. "When I miss my mom I come in here and open all the drawers in her old dresser to smell her. The whole room fills with her perfume and it just makes me feel connected to her in some way, makes me feel as if she's still here."
Kurt shrugs his shoulders a little as if it seems silly or it doesn't matter but Blaine can see this isn't the case. He knows this means a whole lot to him and he feels honoured Kurt would want to share this with him.
Soon enough Kurt can smell her flowery scent as it accentuates the room, filling his lungs with the most perfect comfort. He takes deep breaths before his tears come. When Blaine looks over at him he sees how distraught he's becoming, he pulls him into his chest where he settles nicely, half on top of him, with his face nestled into his neck, crying for all he's worth. All the sadness, pain, betrayal, hurt, longing fall in the form of hot, salty tears as he sobs into the safety of his boyfriends arm.
It's around ten minutes later that Burt makes his way upstairs. He checks Kurt's room first and is surprised to find no trace of him being there and it's then that he hears the soft crying from down the hall. He walks warily to the door and opens it to see his son and his boyfriend lying on the floor, with Kurt lying on top of him crying his eyes out.
He's about to say something by is stopped by the sudden smell that evades his sense. Roses. Delicate pink roses. It reminds him every time of Elizabeth.
Elizabeth.
It finally hits him. This is why Kurt has been so down lately, why he's been so cold towards Carole. Why he breaks down in Blaine's arms as he cries and cries.
And he forgot. And Kurt knows he forgot.
He forgot the day his wife died. He wasn't there for his son as he goes through the worst day of his year like he does every time.
Burt is shaking. No. He couldn't forget. No.
He backs himself into the wall and slides down it, still shaking. He feels so guilty, how could he do that to his son, to Elizabeth? It's like disrespecting her existence, her life. A life he shared with her until she died that fateful day nine years ago.
He watches as his son sob into his boyfriends shoulder, obviously feeling so betrayed that he doesn't want to be comforted by his dad anymore. It hurts but it's nothing more than he deserves.
He sits there for what feels like forever as he watches his son quietly calm down as his boyfriend soothes him, his hands tracing mindless patterns down his back and in his hair. He watches as he sees his son relax in his arms and eventually fall asleep. He's so thankful for Blaine at this moment, even if he feels a little envious, because Kurt needs him right now.
Burt just hopes Kurt will let him comfort him like that again one day.
Fin.