Ch. one. set up so in the car is matt, mello, near, Light(by request) L, and watari. coming from a long weekend of much needed vacation from the very, Tombstone,Arizona.
I am sensing it.
Deep rattling sensation
from within my very core.
I await for the feeling to dissapear
and let me watch the game infront of me,
but i cant. not look.
His fire hair falls over yellow goggles
and his hand screams japanese slang.
He looks up to me.
i have too much .
my bodys too big. my hairs too wavy.
my clothes too bright. my skin too pale.
and when he looks away, im less than before.
ever before.
My eyes look to mello,
as he eats. chocolate.
it stains his hands. starking against smooth surface.
it disgusts
(entrances?)
me.
he looks at me with
(longing?)
hatred and stares out the streaky window.
Watari at front driving. his face smiles without twitching his thin lined lips.
he is everything i wanted to be.
passionate without effort.
Emotional without emotion.
Lover without love.
i close my eyes and realize,
my eyes were too big,also.
I want to cave in on myself as i turn to light and ryuzaki.
and maybe i do, after they finish their game with ryuzaki victorious.
Matt smiles approval to the man and i look out the window.
Chess is easy, when thinking.
if it were me, i would have won. but barely,
my thoughts on him mostly.
but there would have been a difference.
i wouldnt have gotten it. the look.
The puzzle infront of me is done,
but i pick up a piece and throw it back swiftly. silently.
i look around the floor,when a hand calmly places it back on my lap.
Ryuzaki.
"attention cant be won, without thinking."
he whisperes words of wisdom wrapped in cold into my earlobe.
I look back at him and suddenly, like a blow dryer, feel the heat.
the heat of my want. it was slick and dry, like plastic wrap,
and made me excited,
(scared)
for the other feelings i was dying to test.