Me: Hehehehehe…Minerva PMSing.....
Minerva: Please just say what you need to say. I would be so traumatized if you actually claimed me...
Me: Okay, all right, calm down! I don't own Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl, or anything along those lines. Happy now?
Minerva: (relief) Thank you.
Me: Hey, I was wondering...if you DO PMS, is this what it would be like?
Minerva: (scoff) I refuse to acknowledge that question.
Me: Heh.
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N°1: (wakes up)
Minerva: Hello, I am Minerva Paradizo, and this man is Mr. Kong. Can you understand me?
N°1: (clueless)
Minerva: (scowl) Why won't you talk to me?
N°1: (clueless)
Minerva: (begins to sob) I knew it! It hates me! Well, I hate it! I hate the world!
N°1: Uhh…
Minerva: Oh! (instantly stops crying) (grins) Do you speak English?
N°1: (perks up) (quoting Lady Heatherton whatever) Yes, I dost.
Minerva: (huffs) Don't talk like that! You make my brain hurt! (whiney) Mr. Kong, my brain hurts…
N°1: Oh, sorry. (goes over brand-new vocabulary) Cappuccino!
Minerva: (sprawls herself onto the floor) Why do you hate me so much? The world hates me! I need a cappuccino. Mr. Kong, fetch me a cappuccino. With coffee and milk and frothy goodness…
Kong: (fear of puberty) (fetches aforementioned cappuccino)
Minerva: (takes a sip) Mmmm, that's wonderful.
N°1: You, uh…have a coffee mustache.
Minerva: (glare) Excusez-moi? I don't have a coffee mustache! I don't get mustaches. How can you tell me I have a mustache? That's so rude! You might as well just ask me how much I eat every day! What are you looking at?! What's your problem?!
N°1: (fear) Er, well, I could be mistaken…
Minerva: Darn right you are. (wipes mouth anyway) So, back to the questioning. There are a lot of you?
N°1: Yes, there are many. We live in a colony on Hybras.
Minerva: Wonderful. Also, you --- owwwww, ow, ow—(clutching stomach)
N°1: Oh, dear, are you all right?
Minerva: Yes, I'm --- oww --- fine… (still holding stomach)
N°1: Are you…sure?
Minerva: Yes….it's this bothersome puberty. It gives me the most horrible cramps. But I shall prevail! ---Ow. I'm in pain here. Oh, you know what sounds good? Chocolate. Yes.... Mr. Kong, please fetch me some chocolate.
N°1: Pain. Discomfort, agony, affliction, torment. What lovely words I know! And chocolate is candy. Candy. Confection, sweetmeat, bonbon, sweet, confectionery.
Minerva: Shut up! Mr. Kong, where is my chocolate?! I need some chocolate. I need it now! Why does the world hate me? (begins to sob again) I hate the world! (mascara running down face)
Mr. Kong: (appears) (offers chocolate bar) Here, Miss Paradizo, here's chocolate. Just please stop crying.
Minerva: (instantly stops crying) (is furious) Chocolate?! What is this?! Is this your idea of humor, Mr. Kong? Are you trying to make a FAT JOKE?! Offering me chocolate…What, do you just automatically assume that I want chocolate? Like, "Oh, Minerva's having a bad day, so she'll want food!" What is your problem?!
Mr. Kong: (fetal position) No, Miss Paradizo, you just asked for some, just now…
Minerva: What is your issue, Mr. Kong?! Does my father pay you to torment me?! Why do you hate me so much?! I hate my life…
N°1: O_e (fear)
Minerva: (slumps onto floor dramatically) Well, guess what, Mr. Kong? I hate my life. I hate the world. And I hate you. So I'm --- owww (clutches stomach) --- darned cramps again ---- I'm going to bed now. Don't you dare disturb me! Leave me alone! I hate the world! (walks out and slams door)
Mr. Kong: (fetal position)
N°1: …I'm still tied up…
Minerva: (over intercom) Oh, shut up!