Dreams of Fractured Heaven

By

Embrathiel

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling.

Author's Note: If we consider the glory and fragmented terror that is death personified in literature and the peaceful fear it is in life, then it is reasonable to step forward in to the understanding that Harry might have upon his return from such a near journey. I will admit that this merely wrote itself within the last 15 minutes while I was in the middle of a cognitive tangent, and so I let myself type as was needed. Organic growth and unexpected words, two things I can hardly fault myself for. I thought I should share regardless of this falling in to no clear place within any of my stories at present.

Elise

**DOFH**

Where are you my sweetheart, where are you my darling?

The buzzing flies scatter over me as I call upon your name. For it saves me.

For it saves me.

The prayer in your name, it saves me, from the wretched death I have wrought. From the presence of death i have borne aloft. From the essence of misery I have carried upon my brow.

Your name it saves me.

My dreams they are of death, a glowing life so far away. You breathe light in to my dreams. With your name I am granted light. With your name the vultures flee. With your name, with your name.

My death i relive, as upon a battlefield wrought anew. With flies and birds of prey and weeping bearers of corpses I lie. Amongst them I awake, screaming your name to the black heavens.

And again, ever again, truly again, perpetually again, blessedly again, it saves me.

A thousand times, a hundred times, the prayer in your name sears my heart with the only joy that is left me. In this world of blackened pain and sundered tears, in this world I reside in my dreams, your name is life. Your trust is glory. Your voice is echoing song. Your smile is repentance.

For all I have brought and all I have made, all that draws me deep in to this world each night, for all that is, you forgive me. For all i have created you understand me.

I awake amongst screams of those dying, amongst agony of others dead as I, amongst weeping of those doomed to live, and your life saves me.

Where are you my sweetheart, where are you my love?

Where can I reach you, for your heart for me holds no love.

You have crafted me a home, a place where I may breathe, a place where I may know no agony. A place where I am free.

This hold you have placed over me, that once granted me strength, that now grants me fervor, that will always give me sacred life, is mangled with your restraint.

I have birthed anew each night, a thousand times again, ever again, ever again. I have birthed anew to your safety, in my mind and in my dreams. This that you have given me, is left only for my prayers. For while in life you smile, it is another you embrace.

I know not why it must be this way, i know not why i must weep. I had at once thought my eyes were bereft, but it is my soul that now suffers where you sleep.

Words are fickle to me now, for death has embraced me in truth. With this dream I nightly bear, to scream your name anew, I know that I am bound. I am bound to you, i am bound to thee. I am bound to my sweetheart, I am bound to my love.

A past I never saw my having, a constant I never truly understood. You left me cold in the future, for my own failing i know. Had I grown and seen and felt and loved, perhaps I would have understood. Would that I had seen you and seen what you give, perhaps I would have known. Perhaps the light in my dreams would be beside me, instead of across the field. Perhaps your voice would speak my name, instead of ringing down form the scattered stars. Perhaps the fire of your touch would grace me, rather than the scraping of hungry claws.

But that is beyond me now, a mistake i have made through death.

The death I grasped it has given me, perspective I would have never known. I am now in simple words, older in spirit than my body. For the veil has brushed my face as do the feathers of crows and winged doom.

I wake to your name in the shadows of death, ever haunted by what I forsook for life. That brush I think it has scarred me, to deeply, too deeply for me to hide.

So I have watched you during the day, while you wander off in love. Your crimes are my crimes, and you see others as true. So we fail together it seems, in this, mess, we have wrought together. My failings you now write and time flows away from me. Every day i relive, as if age will pass me by. Every dawn i am renewed like the love I hold for you. Every day you grow further from my touch, a freedom I would not begrudge you in the least.

I am clean now from the taint which I so bore, without the knowing of those I love, and yet I can not help but feel guilty for, for the sorrow I bore upon my brow.

They know it in my dreams, with each call of your name, they take it from me. Upon that battlefield away they carry, a piece of my mind so twisted and frail, they bear it away, with a rending tear. In the moment of glory in the moment of your name, the soul of the dead one is ripped from my brain. In agony is met your name, in agony i scream to you louder. In agony I weep, for the love you hold is not near. Oh knew you my heart, I know it would be but a heartbeat away. But there is right and wrong and I gave your love away, with every push away, with every ignorant thing I would say. With every foolish thing I would think, that kept you a friend rather than the one i should kiss. Death it seems is a pitiful professor, one that shows me truth and all my pain. This field upon which I lay, upon which I sleep, upon which I scream, upon which i love you, upon which I am renewed; this field upon which I die and am reborn, it is the truth I have in losing you.

Where are you my sweetheart, where are you my Hermione; but in my heart and in my dying dreams, ever safe you are with me.