Author's Note: Hi! This story was inspired by the prompts for Fairy Tail Christmas Week on Tumblr. I'm sorry, I had to write a sad story. It's supposed to be a multi-chapter story, centered around a couple of prompts. The first chapter is based on the prompt "mistletoe", for day three. Sorry if any characters are OOC!

Summary: It was the first Christmas without him. Even though months had passed since he… was gone, he stayed on everyone's mind. It wasn't the same, not without him. Lucy realizes that she has to eventually learn to accept this and let other people in, and Gray finds that he isn't the only one suffering. Because, under all those smiles and that laughter, they all hid their pain.

*Will (eventually) have a hint of spoilers for strictly anime watchers and those not caught up with the manga

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail in any way shape or form.

One: Unfortunate Placement of Mistletoe

Lucy found it rather amazing how it's the little things that makes much of the difference. In the end, because of one small slip of paper, what was supposed to be a festive party of sorts adopted an oppressively sombre mood that didn't fade with more alcohol. Perhaps that was because it had never really went away after then, but whatever the case, it had caught all of them by surprise.

They had all been recovering, healing and had just begun to learn how to live again. A slip of paper – or more accurately, a name – had brought them down so quickly. It brought on tears and cries and sobs and wails and immeasurable grief and choking silence, not to mention the crippling emotional pain it wrought on some.

The cause of the problem had stayed the same, just as in all those years past. Except now, the Master's tears were everyone tears. This year, the why had changed and along with it, so had their reactions. It was amazing how much of a difference one person could make, with their personality, attitude, tendencies, habits, flaws and even mistakes.

Natsu Dragneel.

It started like any other night at the guild hall. Everyone – and Lucy really did mean everyone – was crowded at either the bar counter or one of the tables. It was a bit surprising to see so many guild members in at one time, but given the time of the year, she figured it was reasonable. The end of the year never failed to bring people home.

Home.

A rush of warm air greeted her as stepped through the wide open double doors into the guild hall. Freed's jutsushiki must be at work to retain the heat within the building. Lucy's mouth curved up in a fond smile as she took in the scene before her. Just like any other day, except with blinking lights all over the place and discreetly hung mistletoe.

Thoughts of mistletoe brought a fierce blush to her cheeks as recalled quite the embarrassing situation she found herself in merely a day ago. She had been unknowingly sitting under a sprig of the potent plant that had been hung high up on the supporting beams of the roof when Gray had slipped into the seat beside her on her left. Greetings were exchanged, casual questions were asked and a spectacularly jealous yet strangely accepting Juvia was observed. All was well until a high pitched squeal of delight echoed throughout what had been a serene room.

In confusion, Lucy paused midsentence to turn and stare at the Mirajane. The barmaid grinned with glee and pointed to the rafters far above Lucy's head. When she turned to look, she became further bewildered by the sudden outburst when a tiny hint of dark green caught her eye. Her mouth dropped wide open in disbelief and she just sat there as Gray poked her to question her sudden stillness. A red stripe made its way across his face when he realized what she was staring at and before he knew it, he was unbuttoning his shirt in disbelief and studiously avoiding eye contact with anyone or even anything by staring resolutely at his black jeans.

"M-Mira! That can't be right, it's obviously over the other table!" This earned Lucy a horrified and disturbed look from the occupants of the neighbouring table, which included Reedus, Freed, Bixslow and Lisanna. Lucy offered them a lopsided smile in apology.

Mira smirked. "I'm sure it's hanging right over your head. I should know, I hung it up myself."

Not questioning how Mira had placed so well a sprig of mistletoe so high up, Lucy directed her disbelieving gaze back to the crossed beams supporting the ceiling. She had looked at Gray and a wave of uneasiness washed over her with the realization that the hungry gaze Mira set on her was due to her desire for Lucy to fulfill the tradition of kissing the person caught under it with her. Who was sitting right beside her? The one and only Gray Fullbuster, Fairy Tail's resident ice-make mage and chronic stripper and Lucy's close friend in addition to being a very reliable and powerful and admittedly, immensely good looking teammate.

It wasn't that Lucy minded having to kiss Gray, not at all. Except, you know, for the fact that even though she knew, as a girl with good taste in men, that Gray was exceptionally handsome, she didn't like him any more than platonically. He was like an ideal, slightly protective older brother, which was exactly why the prospect of being forced to kiss Gray through a very demanding stare was so terrifying.

Okay, so she was lying a little bit. Gray was attractive, and Lucy wasn't immune; far from it actually, because Gray was in fact one of the most handsome males she knew. And that was saying quite a lot. But hell, they were in the guild hall, which was half filled with people! That she knew! She couldn't! Besides, Juvia – that's right, Juvia would flip.

She opened her mouth to announce her triumph to Mira. "Juvia will –"

Mira smiled sweetly. "Juvia has left the building, honey. Now, kiss already, uphold the tradition, and move on! It's just one kiss!"

Lucy sputtered as she confirmed this with a quick glance all around. "B-b-but – no, I can't – I just –"

"Lucy…" An uncharacteristically timid voice sounded from beside her. She turned to find Gray's dark blue eyes boring into her chocolate brown ones. "If you're not going to kiss me, I'll kiss you. Just to get it over with. It's awkward enough having been being caught under it, not to mention everyone in here staring not so discreetly," he finished in a dry tone, glaring pointedly at those present.

Mira beamed. People stared. Gray waited. Lucy shook her head.

"Sorry Gray, it's n-not like I mind kissing you – well, I do, but – no! Not like that! I mean – anyway, it's not like I mind too much, I just want to make sure it's hanging over my head." Gray nodded in understanding, his eyes darting all over the place in embarrassment.

In response, the distinct clank of metal sounded behind Lucy and Erza patted her on the head. "Do not worry, I shall make sure that you have not been wrongly accused." Wrongly accused?

She held out a gauntlet covered hand and pulled a winged hilt sword from her Heaven's Wheel armour. She whipped it upward and with astounding accuracy combined with frightening strength, the sharp blade sank into the wooden rafters and severed the mistletoe from where it hang.

Lucy watched as it plummeted down with apprehension weighing her mind. Silently, she chanted in her head that it would land on the other table, but in mere seconds, it became increasingly clear the exact location of its landing point. Gray's head. A little bit to the right, to be precise. Lo and behold, the sprig of that damned poisonous plant hit Gray's head, seemed to bounce off his thick, lightly long raven locks as if Mira had somehow managed to imbue some of her excitement into it, glanced past Lucy's left shoulder before flopping to a stop in front of her. All Lucy could think to say was –

"It was hanging above Gray's head."

Then she focused her attention on Gray's discarded shirt lying in a rumpled heap in between the two of them, hands braced against her legs. Gray turned his head away from Lucy and stared resolutely at the entrance to the guild halls with his arms crossed across his chest, his very naked and well defined chest, Lucy noticed as she sneaked a glace upwards.

Mira rolled her bright blue eyes, swiped a lock of silky white hair back and gestured wildly to Erza, who was still standing behind the blushing duo, not at all concerned about that one sword buried deeply into the overhead beams. Erza, having received the signal, planted a firm hand on both Lucy and Gray's head. They turned their gazes upward immediately, slight fear evident. Erza ignored that and took the opportunity to force their surprised faces together.

Lucy's eyes widened in surprise as her face went on its course to be smashed into Gray's. His eyes reflected the same sentiment. Before either of them could react, their noses were brushing up against the other's and their mouths were pressed very firmly together.

For a moment, there was silence as the other guild members present stared. Lucy could feel heat spreading throughout her body, and if the warmth of what she guessed would be Gray's normally cold cheeks were anything to go by, he felt the same. Well, that was awkward, especially since Erza didn't bother to remove her hands and nor did she lessen the strength the put behind the simple action of resting her hands on their poor heads. It soon became far worse, however, when Gray tried to speak. Lucy had to commend him for that; she as far too shocked and frozen in uncertainty to do anything other than curl her fingers.

"Umhser, plshhh efff phoo."

His lips were moving against hers. His lips were moving against hers.

HIS LIPS.

Behind them at the bar, Lucy could hear Mira's soft giggle at Erza's over the top antics. "I think they're alright now, Erza. Thanks for the help!"

Apparently, Erza had taken Mira's earlier request too seriously, which was evident in her stern stare as she finally removed her hands. Lucy leaned back immediately, wincing as her hair was pulled away with Erza's hand, having been caught in her gauntlet. Her eyes immediately found a spot on her skirt, and having deemed that particular shadow worthy of her attention for an indefinite period of time, she proceeded to ignore everything and just stare. It was a very interesting shadow; the shape and depth was simply fascinating.

A tiny cough to her left reminded her that the person she was very literally forced to kiss was still sitting next to her, and was just as nervous about it. She refused to listen neither to said person's discreet signals nor to the unrestrained chatter circulating the guild hall.

A louder cough sounded, and what she recognized to be Gray's arm brushed up against her own. She picked up her gaze from her lap to Gray's insistent one. Lucy would have taken him seriously and was going to listen to what he had to say… but he was in the process of ditching his pants, so…

"Lucy, Gray, you haven't properly kissed yet! ~" Mira sang from the bar counter.

Gray growled as his fumbling fingers couldn't undo the button on his jeans, not even realizing that it was all for taking them off. "What the hell?" Then, turning his eyes to Mira, he glared, face still red and lips smeared with lip gloss. "We kissed, Mira, happy?"

"Nope! That wasn't a real kiss!"

"It so was! Fu – oww," he exclaimed as Erza dropped a fist on his head before the expletive could leave his mouth in full, "that so was!"

Lucy didn't hear much of the argument, but she didn't spend the short period doing nothing. No, she, without realizing it, stared at Gray's upped body. Admiring it, it she was being really honest about it.

Suddenly, she saw Gray's long fingers reach up, the action being accompanied by a low growl of annoyance and… was that relief? Was that even possible?

Hastily ripping her eyes away from the mighty fine body he so wonderfully rocked, she looked up just in time to see Gray's hands coming up to cup her face and his mouth descending on hers. Not again, she thought as her hands fisted her skirt.

In an instant, his mouth was pressed firmly against hers, his lips not at all cold like she so idly imagined, but reasonably warm. They weren't as warm as… as… someone else's lips, but it was still nice. His strong, calloused fingertips were cool as they rested lightly along her jawbone, contrasting the heat of embarrassment that she positively radiated. Just like… he always did… like how his hands were…

No, now was not the time to dwell on the past. Right now, there was just Gray, his lips moving against hers, and how fantastically he kissed. Perhaps he had gotten around a bit like Loke had? Whatever the case was, she didn't stop kissing back and falling into the hum of love – or maybe it was lust, or even immense longing – until he pulled away.

She watched with wide eyes as he licked his lips, tongue flicking out to catch smears of strawberry lip gloss. His eyes smiled at her. Like… like… No! Not like him! Gray's eyes were dark blue. His had been grass green. Lucy forced a small smile back, even as she tried to banish all thoughts pertaining to the other boy. Gray was right in front of her, and he deserved her attention.

In the background, she could hear shouts and catcalls from some of the males, as well as shouts of "MAN!" echoing through the building. She could hear Mira's giggles and gasps and general noises of pleasure as the pretty barmaid processed the incredibly hot kiss Gray had delivered, being shirtless and having unbuttoned pants as well. She heard Erza's hum of approval. She heard Gray's even breaths.

"Gray," she whispered, quiet to the point of silence.

"Lucy," he replied, looking into her eyes, confusion filling his thoughts. She had looked so happy and cheerful not long before! What had caused the sudden change? Surely she was not so opposed to kissing him to have had her rare sunny disposition ruined, was she? She usually only became like that when… Oh. Oh. Oh.

She was thinking about him.

Natsu.

"Lucy, I'm –"

"It's okay, Gray," she said, even as tears welled up in her sad brown eyes. She stood abruptly, pressing a hand to her eyes before running out, leaving behind her jacket and purse.

Gray paused a moment, not registering the slightly alarmed tone the many conversations around the guild had taken, and cursed himself. "Shit, Gray, you're a moron. Man, I really fucked up this time, didn't I?"

Without a second though, he grabbed his discarded shirt and jacket, Lucy's jacket and her purse and was on his way out in seconds, buttoning his pants back up along the way. It wouldn't do for his mission to comfort his friend to be foiled by being arrested for public indecency.

Shit, he had really messed up. Why didn't he think, dammit?! He knew that Lucy and Natsu had this thing going on, this love thing. The idiot must have shown it in some way before… that happened. Gray could think up a lot of ways he might remind Lucy of Natsu, even though they were rivals. In honestly, they were probably more similar to each other than either realized or cared to admit. The flame-brain and he shared quite a few traits.

Gray didn't know what exactly it was that triggered the slight breakdown, but he did know that the kiss had played a big part. Tugging on his coat as he went (running around in biting cold wind was most definitely not fun), following fresh footprints in the snow, he sighed. Even now, that stupid ash for brains was still the source of his problems. Not that Lucy was a problem, per se… but he did feel terrible at stirring up all those memories of him.

Gray didn't have to walk far – or as was his case, run too far – to locate and catch up to the blonde. She was walking at a fast pace, her black boots kicking up snow with force. "Lucy!"

She turned, hair flying across her face in the cold winter wind, tears sliding down her face. Her hands were clenched Lip gloss smeared and makeup running, she looked like a mess. It was Gray's fault. Gray, mirroring her actions, bit his lip. What to do? What should he say? He hadn't thought this far…

"What do you want, Gray?" Lucy asked in a soft, broken voice. It tore at Gray's heart, just a little. After all, it was his fault and he also missed his best friend.

"I… I'm sorry, Lucy. I should have known. I should have taken into consideration how forcing a kiss might affect you. I'm sorry."

Lucy unclenched a fist to brush her eyes. She let out a bitter laugh, saying, "Don't worry Gray, it wasn't your fault. I'm too sensitive." Then she fell quiet, allowing the whistle of wind to fill the silence.

After moments, Gray spoke, hesitantly. "I remind you of him, don't I?"

Lucy laughed a short, uncharacteristically harsh laugh that conveyed just barely bearable pain. "What do you mean, Gray? I-" The harshness became choked laughter. She didn't say any more. Soon, choked laughter became coughs, which fell to hiccupping sobs. Tears sprang forth once again, alarming the boy who was so carefully scrutinizing her.

Gray draped her coat over her shaking shoulders and secured her purse to his own wrist. He then wrapped his arms around her in an enveloping hug. She pressed her face into his chest, shirt quickly becoming wet with salty tears. Her shaking hands came up to wrap around his upper arms, the ice cold of her fingers penetrating even through the fabric of his coat.

It was good that Lucy had run away from the town. Her cries were not quite lost to the wind, but this way, in the otherwise undisturbed place, there would be no interruptions, no one wondering why Gray was hugging Lucy and why Lucy was crying. There was just them, and it allowed Lucy to cry, to think, to remember with someone there to comfort her.

He didn't speak, just held her as she cried. It was the most he could do. In the end, it was Lucy who spoke when her tears stopped and her cries faded. Her voice was hoarse. "Not your fault, Gray. Not your fault."

Gray stared down at her with wide eyes. She didn't blame him?

"It's okay, Gray. I just overreacted. I miss him, you know. A lot. It's just not the same."

"Lucy…"

She continued with only a slight pause. "He was my best friend, the first I ever had outside of the maids my father hired. The first true friend since my mother. I guess that it's not fair to you, Gray, because when he wasn't … I suppose I just projected his image onto you. I'm sorry.

"You're both so similar, you know? I needed o deal somehow. He was gone, and so the person that I found to be the most like him was you. You're so alike, it was hard for me to even look at you at first. I couldn't hear your voice without thinking about him, and couldn't see you without remembering. I didn't know how to be around you again.

"You're both so hot-headed, even though he was far less rational. You're equally strong in comparison to him. You both had that burning fire in your hearts, the strong feelings for your nakama and the similarities in thought. I knew it wasn't fair, to see you in that way, but it was hard not to, after I could bear being around you again.

"You're taller than he was, by a bit. You have inky black hair. He had brilliant green eyes, while yours are deep blue. You wield the beauty of your ice cold creation magic with deadly precision and force, he held his destructive fire with astounding strength and was a walking disaster waiting to happen. You are calm and collected most of the time with other people, and he was the grinning idiot who had a brilliant, contagious grin. Your emotions are well kept, and while he didn't cry often, his anger was always made known. He would bare his sharp canines in snarls and growls and roars, ready to burn any enemy to a crisp, while you would only look on with cold eyes. You both have the same lean, muscular build though, from all that cutthroat training. Both of your competitive streaks stretched for miles on end. You pushed each other to become better, stronger, and always fought toe to toe, back to back.

"You're both so different yet alike. It would be fascinating if it didn't hurt so much to think about. You're ice and he was fire. Fire and ice. Then again, maybe it's no wonder. You were best friends, right? Teammates, and I suppose even brothers. You cared for each other. You were around each other so much that you had picked some of his habits and he exhibited a few of yours.

"I'm sorry, Gray, I really am. I shouldn't have. I couldn't help myself. I loved that idiot. I loved him! But then he was gone, and all I had left was nothing but memories of his hair, his smile, his laugh, voice, and tendencies. You are like him enough that even though he was gone, and I loved him, I began to love you too. I know it's not fair, because thoughts of him still plague me every single moment, because I still love him, that flaming moron."

Lucy laughed again, a short pained sound. "I still love him."

Gray's heart lurched. He never knew how much he reminded her of him. Of course, no one could blame her. He told her just that. "I can't blame you for that, Lucy. It's not your fault at all. If anything, it's my fault for forcing you to relive the pain right when you were just beginning to heal, to accept things. I'm sorry, I truly am. I didn't know what effect that kiss would have on you. In hindsight, it wouldn't have been a good idea regardless of the situation."

Lucy was silent for a moment, arms wrapped around herself, bringing her coat closer to her body. Sometime during her heartfelt speech of sorts, she had stepped away. Gray stuffed his hands into his pockets, waiting on a reply with baited breath.

"I couldn't help but think how differently you kiss. Natsu kissed me, before… before. He was all heat and explosive energy. But you, your kisses are slightly cooler. That kiss wasn't as frantic, as rough, as hurried. It was slow. But they were both filled with so much passion. And I guess that set me off. Maybe it was just time I thought about him. I can't hide from memories forever, no matter how painful they are. I have to learn to deal with it, with him being gone. I have to move on sometime, right? Gray?"

Gray nodded numbly, mind racing with instinctive thoughts of displeasure at being compared to the pink haired fire dragon slayer. However, thoughts of annoyance fled in a second as he remembered that his rival wasn't around any longer. That guilt quickly became pain. With a jolt, he realized something so glaringly obvious he resisted the urge to punch himself in the head for his self-centered thoughts.

He was not the only one who had missed a certain flaming idiot with all their being. Lucy had suffered, Erza had cried, and Wendy had endured after grievance. The entire guild took a hard blow, and now, truly thinking on it, they never really did recover, just as he had never really healed since then. Hell, all of Fiore had mourned greatly the loss of the vibrant, larger than life, powerful but human dragon slayer who had a mighty reputation as the Salamander, not to mention the other guilds. It wasn't the same. It had already been months, and still, full recovery seemed so far off if not impossible. Emotional damage always did take longer to heal than a physical wound.

In the space of a single moment, Gray realized his stupidity. Without realizing, he flinched as he heard Natsu's voice shouting in his head. "What the hell Gray! You selfish bastard! The world doesn't revolve around you, popsicle! Lucy's in pain too! Get off your ass, open those droopy eyes and look around you, dammit!" He had been much too occupied with his inner turmoil, so much that it had blinded him to the burdens and pains everyone else carried on their shoulders as well. Lucy hurt just as much as he did, if not more. She had loved that flame brain, after all.

"I'm sorry, Lucy. I was too selfish." Gray paused as an image of a grinning idiot flashed through his mind. "You're right. We have to learn to move on sometime. I've come to realize that I haven't yet, and I know you haven't either. If the two of us are in such a state, then I doubt Wendy or Erza is doing any better. We can help each other, right? I'll help you get through this, Lucy. I'll help you live on. Okay?"

Lucy gave him a teary smile. It was a sad one, but genuine. "Yeah, Gray. I'll help you too."

Gray smiled the same smile. Full of pain but with a touch of hope. "Right. Let's go back to the guild."

Placing an arm across Lucy's shoulder, he steered them back in the direction of the guild hall. They didn't say much.

"Gray?" Lucy asked as they neared the guild hall. "I really do love you, you know. I just don't know what kind it is yet. I miss him too much."

"I know, Lucy." Gray chuckled drily. "For your sake, I hope it's platonic or familial love. The idiot deserves your love. Besides, heavens know that if anyone could transcend time and death, it would be Natsu. He would come back just to kick my ass and to make sure you never love anyone but him."

Lucy laughed, and the warm sound drew another smile from him. "Right, Gray. He would."

"No really, dragons are really possessive. I'll bet Natsu would have been the same."

"Yeah."

They fell into a comfortable silence. Any passerby wouldn't have known that they weren't lovers, or that they were desperately trying to wrestle their own inner demons. Just by looking at them, they wouldn't have guessed that those two were broken inside, that they were both struggling to move on even months after the fact. They wouldn't have know the pain their soft laughs hid, the tears their beautiful eyes masked, nor the screams that had poured from the same lips that were curved into gentle smiles.

But despite all that had happened, they were going to be okay.

"We're going to be okay, Gray."

"Yeah. We're going to be okay."

They really were trying to move on, to live for his sake. He wouldn't have wanted them to be like this, so they tried to move forward. They were just learning to stand once again, on a shaken foundation. It was hard, and took many tears and howls.

But Natsu had said once that whatever didn't kill them had to make them stronger. Because they weren't dead, they would be stronger for what they had gone through. All those bitter memories and agonizing experiences would help them grow.

It was what they did, after all. They were Fairy Tail. What did Fairy Tail do when there was nothing left? They fought on and prevailed. Much more so now, because they had so much to live for. Including the memory of Natsu Dragneel. In a way, they also owed it to him to live as best as they could, even though he was the one that broke his promises so stay. So move forward they did.

They leaned on each other, and pulled each other up, and cried together. They walked together and mourned together and ran together and fought together. They filled in for each other's weaknesses.

When Erza broke a table in half by flinging a sword into it and yelling, the others were there to help her through it. When Gray screamed at Natsu to come back so he could kick his flaming ass, it was his team who held him as he broke down to the silence answering his demands. When Wendy cried a torrent of tears, it was only Gajeel and Laxus who could calm her. When Lucy cried and screamed and yelled and sobbed for Natsu to return to her, it was Gray who comforted her with his soft, understanding words.

When they were all feeling particularly upset, they shouted and screamed together. They cried together and grieved together. Because whatever it was, they were always there for each other, no matter what time of day or night. They were a team.

They were Fairy Tail. And what did Fairy Tail do in the face of difficulty? They conquered it and moved forward stronger and braver and more compassionate for all the pain they suffered.

In this case, they were struggling up a steep cliff of emotional damage, but still they were making it. They were slowly healing, and with time, they could be normal again, but never forgetting. Because if anything, perhaps more than recovering, they had to honour one man, the one who was braver and stronger than them all, who had a larger heart than Magnolia and a will stronger than steel. Because of him, the one who never wavered and stood strong before anything. The one who saved them and them more, the one who never turned back, the one who protected what he loved to the end. The one they all looked up to, and missed, and loved with all their heart. The one whose name they worked to carve on their minds and hearts that they may never forget.

Natsu Dragneel.