Flickre was one of the wisest and eldest members of the whole team, everyone knew that. She and her sister, Fruit Loop, were what you would call, "Immortal". -Overpowered much- +1

She was half-phoenix, on her Mom's side which she shared with Fruit Loop. Her father, however, was a certain three-headed dog of the underworld. -Whoa whoa whoa, you just started and your already like, "Yep, she's half OP dog half OP bird." Plus, how in the world can a phoenix and the Cerberus exist in the same world?-+1

Out from the hallway, came bouncing a group of tiny Pokemon. -Where did Pokemon come into the mix? I thought it was about a phoenix and her OP Cerbernix sister?-+1

"You said you would tell us a great story!" Kane exclaimed, wrapping his serpentine body around her two necks and waking her up. -But, she recognized them... how could she, if she was asleep...?-+1

They both died in battle a long time ago, but Skitty lived on in her many kits, Lily, Jay, Fire, Star, Thunder, River, and Cloud. -Wait a minute...? Lily-paw? Jay-feather? Fire-heart? -Star? Thunder-clan? River-clan? Cloud-tail? Man, we got a real Warriors fan here, don't we? Oh wait? She wrote a Warriors story using those as prefixes? Wow, product placement much?-+2

"I will, later," Flickre rasped, shaking her head and getting the last of the dust off of her. "How about I tell you something simpler?" -But, how can she have dust on her if she's part phoenix? And was only asleep? Was she encased in stone or something until this charmander woke her up?-+1

Flickre chuckled. "Well, have I told you the story of Strike, the legendary dragon?" She asked. -WHAT DOES A DRAGON HAVE TO DO WITH POKEMON? YOUR BRINGING IN ANOTHER MYTHICAL CREATURE?- +1

She shrunk back, shivering from cold and fear. -Why is she cold? Didn't it just say she was a water dragon?- In the midst of this rain was Wave, the water dragon... -Also, "raining while something bad is happening" cliché.-+2

She blinked, tears streaming down her royal blue scales and she tried to drag herself back to the cave, back to shelter, back to safety. -How can you tell it's tears? Maybe their just raindrops going down her face?-+1

One day, my babies. We'll fly together in the sky. She thought with a hint of a smile, before falling into an uncomfortable slumber. -Why are you dreaming about flying? Why not swimming? You are water, right? I'm beginning to doubt that.-+1

Rain was starting to fall. -"Raining while something bad is happening" cliché.-+1

Suddenly, in a flash more bright than the setting sun, lightning hit just dragon steps away from her, sending her flying back and her egg crashing to the ground. -What is the likelihood of lightning nearly striking this dragon? Are they that big?-+1

As she thought this, he stirred, lightning still sparking from his golden scales. He looked up and blinked at Wave, his eyes two sapphires in the golden light he gave off. -Yay! Anticlimactic lightning saves the life of a dragon baby! Wait, wasn't this story about the lightning dragon, not the water dragon?-+2

River waddled up to him and nuzzled him. "I'm River!" -Wait a minute, weren't you back at their home? Wasn't there someone there watching over these baby dragons, who are only days old? Gosh Wave, you are a horrible parent.-+1

"He was brought back by a lightning strike, so his name shall be Strike." -Cue credits! =)-+1

Strike leaned against a pink dragon, much bigger than him. -Wait, who's this dragon?-+1

Strike sighed, staring at the star. "I... always wanted a family," he admitted. -Foreshadowing!-+1

He looked up at her, pure excitement flaring in his eyes realizing he was going to be a father. "Me? A father!? -Wait... who are you again, Mrs. Pink Dragon?-+1

He pushed his muzzle into her flank. "I love you so much, Petal." -Oooh! That's her name! Wait... didn't the weird Cerbernix in the beginning say 'Legendary Dragon'? If you ask me, there is nothing legendary about a lightning dragon. Why didn't she just say, 'lightning dragon'?-+1

First Chapter: Count: 22

Overall: 22

Story Credit to: Phoenixflame of Thunderclan! Thank you for donating your story! Hope this helped!