- Something Weird -
Disclaimer: All the characters are owned by Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox and Mutant Enemy.
This short story is a parody of "Something Blue". Willow has just been dumped by Oz and does a spell to realize all her wishes, hoping to forget her pain. Only my version is different from the TV show!
Author's note: Someone could think it's a pile of stupid things and, truth be told, it is! XD But it was written only to have fun!
Pair: it's an amusing Xander x Spike, but in fact there is not a definite pair, because all the scoobies are drooling over Spike!
Genres: "What If", parody, comedy, action.
Rating: K (suitable for most ages)
This story was written on earliest days of January 2012, probably as product of an indigestion due to New Year's Eve dinner. So I'm not responsible for it! LOL
Thanks to Puddinhead for her help to fix the story.
Chapter 1 (one shot)
"Buffy, you're definitely a demon magnet!" Willow snapped venomously from her dorm bed. "And if Xander is so eager to take care of Spike instead of spend his time with me, trying to ease his best friend's bad mood, he can very well marry him!"
"Will, you can't blame him. We have nothing to do with Oz's choices."
"It hurts only to hear his name."
"I'm very sorry. I'm sure your pain is going to disappear with time."
"You all say the same thing! And you're too busy with your business to be close to me!"
"I think you're wrong. It's not like that!" Buffy said.
"Oh Buffy, I don't want your pity. Could you just leave me alone with my pain and spare me that sad look on your face?"
The Slayer closed the door of their room behind her and sighed deeply.
-o-
Across town, Spike was watching the telly from the chair in Xander's basement where he was tied with strong ropes.
Xander flinched and lifted his eyes from his favorite comic book.
"I suddenly feel strange," he said.
Spike spoke to him with his usual mocking tone. "Think you've got fever or you're going to have a heart attack. If it's the latter, you'd better untie me, to prevent my inglorious death from lack of blood - alone and forgotten by everyone, in this soddin' basement."
Xander was very annoyed by Spike's presence and continuous speaking. He was also more than a little scared of him. He knew Spike has almost had a fight with Buffy in Giles's bathtub. He was aware of Spike's strength and craftiness and was very afraid to have his neck bitten during sleep.
But Giles trusted him and confided in his discretion. Besides, Giles had reassured him, all Xander had to do was to put that bleached vampire in front of a television and let him enjoy the pig's blood from his favorite mug; Spike would be as good as a child.
Though the vampire was really a pain in the ass, Xander has to admit, but if he learned to take him in the right way, Spike could be very nice and amusing.
And definitely attractive.
Wait. Where did those thoughts come from? How had he gone from resentment and hatred to – this? Why the hell he suddenly find him so lean and athletic? Find his lips so kissable? Feeling so blind to not have thought of it before?
Xander shook his head in order to clean his confused mind.
"Please, Xander, untie me," Spike begged. "These ropes are very tight. They're blocking my circulation."
"But you don't have one," Xander said. Suddenly it felt very natural to ease the vampire's pain and Xander leaned over to untie the ropes.
Spike stood up and rubbed his wrists. "Thank you, Luv. I was aching all over."
The two men looked at each other, stunned.
"What's the matter? Why did you call me that?" Xander asked.
"I dunno." Spike admitted. "You know, when you said you felt strange? Well, I had the same strange feeling. "
"So, how did you felt?"
"Don't ask me, mate! It's too embarrassing to say." Spike flushed a little.
"Tell me, please." Xander begged.
"Well, I looked at you and... felt like I wanted to caress you."
Xander batted his eyelids. "I felt exactly in the same way. What the hell is happening to us? "
"I don't know. I just know that ... I suddenly feel an irresistible attraction to you."
Brown eyes lost themselves in blue eyes, before they tumbled into each other's arms, kissing feverishly.
-o-
The bell of Rupert Giles's house, former librarian of Sunnydale High School, rang insistently.
Giles adjusted his glasses and opened the door. Two men stood in front of him. They were smiling and they were holding hands.
"Mr Giles, it's just happened - such an amazing thing!" said Xander.
-o-
Buffy, Anya and Willow arrived at the Watcher's house as soon as possible, having been altered by a phone call from Giles.. Xander was sitting on Spike's lap and they were holding hands.
"Oh! They are so cute!" Willow exclaimed with sparkling eyes, utterly unaware this was only an effect of her spell. "They finally made up!"
"There is more to it. They are in love." Anya said, unexpectedly calm.
"Of course, there will be soon a wedding and you are all invited," Xander announced, before kissing Spike tenderly.
"I wish I could be blind right now ..." the Watcher commented.
"I find them very sexy, instead! Watching Xander kiss a man has always been a fantasy of mine," Anya confessed.
"Have you heard her, pet? Let's make the girls happy. Let's show them," Spike suggested, wrinkling his lips for a kiss.
Xander answered the invitation and met his tongue savagely.
"Oh! They're so horny," Anya mumbled, delighted.
"You're a disturbed woman," Buffy said. "Although I must admit I'm glad to see them so happy. But, hey, weren't you in love with Xander?"
"Of course. But I can still have him. And maybe have Spike at the same time." Anya blinked.
"I have to correct myself," Buffy said. "You're a very disturbed woman!"
-o-
After half an hour of uninterrupted passionate kisses, Buffy was tired of keeping her hands up to cover her ears. "Get them to stop, please," she begged Giles.
"I'm sorry but I cannot help, Buffy!"
"Geez! I can't stay here any longer! I'm going to patrol the graveyard," the Slayer said.
But as soon as she opened the door, she stopped and flinched, then slammed the door closed and rested her back against it.
"Giles... We have a little problem..."
The Watcher frowned and peeked out the door. A hoarde of snarling demons swarmed up the sidewalk, making directly for his door. He slammed the door closed and stared at Buffy with wide eyes.
"Quick! Take all the weapons out," he ordered.
-o-
The gang stared at the dozens of dangerous creatures that had surrounded the Watcher's house. Behind them, more kept coming. Though the Scoobies were safe on the terrace of the upper floor for now, they needed to do something about the demons.
Xander looked down and shivered, clinging to Spike. "I'm so afraid, my Love!"
"Don't worry, Pet. I'm here to protect you." The vampire hugged him.
"Look, if you want to protect your scared puppy, you should come down with me and help me to beat the crap out of those ugly monsters," Buffy said with a resolute tone.
"It's my pleasure," Spike said with a nod.
"Come back soon!" Xander said with a voice that was full of emotions. He waved a handkerchief at Spike's departing back.
.
"They are really so cute!" Willow repeated for the hundredth time that evening.
-o-
Buffy and Spike were fighting the demons animatedly, side by side. She thought it was the second time an event of that magnitude had happened. The previous time she'd fought on the same side of her nemesis was with Angel, when Spike was looking for the ingredients to make a love spell for Drusilla and they'd met that group of vengeful vampires in the shop.
Unbelievably, fighting with him was proving to be more enjoyable than she'd expected. They knew each other's technique, knew which were lethal blows and where one another's weaknesses were. Due to so many past conflicts, they found very easy to work together.
It was like... they were born for it.
Seeing them so well matched, a foreign observer might have sworn that they had fought together for years to achieve this high level of alchemy and complementary moves.
The couple soon moved away from Giless' house, meeting and endless stream of new demons who seems to come from everywhere They didn't worry a lot about it, because they had't had so much fun in months!
"When did you find out you were gay?" Buffy asked.
"There wasn't an exact moment. I knew it just looking at that wonderful man."
"Oh, so you've always been bisexual. Don't you ... oh! "She put her hand on her mouth.."Don't tell me you've already slept with Angel!"
"Would that bother you?"
Buffy tried to control the fainting. "Not to play the part of a closed-minded girl, but ... I mean, you're so different." She didn't expect the wide grin Spike gave her.
"Love isn't a matter of the brain. It's 'passion. A passion that rips you from the inside and makes you do what it wants. I'm a love's bitch, but at least I'm enough man to admit it."
"Oh, what a romantic guy! Xander is really lucky," she added softly, then she added to herself 'Why the hell can't I be so lucky?'
"I'm lucky to have him," he said in a dreamy way.
"Spike, promise me if you ever decide to leave Xander, you'll take me into consideration," she said in a very serious tone.
"Buffy! What the heck are you saying?"
"It's so weird, but seeing you so sweet and caring made me change my mind about you."
"I'm in love with Xander and I'm not going to leave him. I'm not going to betray him with a blonde parody of a garden gnome!" He snorted.
"What!?" She pouted. "Take it back!"
"I don't think so. You better go and make moony eyes to another vampire!"
Buffy gave in and changed the topic. "It seems that the demons are finally over. Let's go back."
-o-
As soon as they stepped in the house, Xander ran to his companion. "My hero," he said, squeezing him in a breath-taking embrace.
"I can't believe it!" Buffy said "He used to hug and cherish only me like that!"
Xander's hands went down to grab a handful of Spike's ass.
"Okay, not exactly in that way," she quickly added.
She walked to the entrance and went to sit next to Anya.
"Aren't they incredibly sexy?" The former demon said.
"You know, I'm starting to think so," Buffy admitted. "I guess we'll have to get used to this vision."
"That would be great."
"If only I could be kissed like that..."
"Hey, Xander is mine!" Anya yelled.
"What? Why can Spike do it and I can't? Anyway, I wasn't thinking about Xander."
"Oh, then you can dream of it anytime you like."
The two girls sighed in unison.
The end