ring
ring
ring
Ed grumbled as he reached the phone next to his bed. He was in the middle of napping, when suddenly this happened.
He put the receiver up to his face, not bothering to brush his messy blonde hair out of the way. "Hello?" It came out as almost a grumble.
"Hey Fullmetal, your kids are still alive, right?" Ed jolted awake at the sound of that voice, and a wailing baby coming through the receiver.
"What the hell kind of question is that, Mustang?" He snapped back. Holding the phone further away from his head to quiet the screaming coming out of it.
"This baby won't stop screaming, Edward. What do I do to stop it?" The General sounded desperate.
"Ask Hawkeye. It's you guys' baby," Ed replied, still a bit mad about Mustang's earlier comment. From what he saw, Hawkeye was fantastic with her baby. She and Winry had talked to each other while the older woman was pregnant, and Winry had come back home just gushing about how great of a mother the now - Colonel Hawkeye would be.
"Hawkeye isn't home right now and I don't know what to do! Maes won't stop crying and I've tried everything! You already have two kids at this point so you know how to deal with this!" Mustang was practically panicking at this point, which made Edward chuckle. He'd only seen the General this crazed a few times before.
"What the hell are you laughing at, Fullmetal? I have a screaming baby right next to me that I need help with!" Mustang was yelling at this point, which caused Ed to hear barking through the phone; on top of the screaming and yelling. Ed couldn't help but burst out laughing.
"You idiot!" Ed laughed, "You're so hopeless and you're begging for my help! How could this not be funny!"
"Fuck you. Just come over and help, Fullmetal!" Ed took a moment to catch his breath, and then managed to reply with only some minor giggling.
"Maybe. That depends on how much I feel like taking a break from looking after my perfect angels to come help you with your crazy child," Ed took full advantage of the situation the General was in, it was just too great. Taunting the General was just about Ed's favorite pastime, and it felt good to be doing it again.
"Just come to my apartment, and soon, Elric." Mustang snapped into the phone, and Ed heard a slam as it hung up.
Edward crawled out of bed and took a look at himself in the mirror. His long hair was unbrushed and parts of it stuck to the scruff on his chin. He was wearing shorts and a tank top under his bath robe- not clothes to go out in. Although, it was just the General and his baby. Ed didn't feel the need or the energy to put any normal clothes on.
He grabbed the family's pair of keys, and was about to walk in the door before his wife came up behind him. "I thought you were sleeping."
"I have to go help General Bastard with his screaming baby, Win. I'll probably be back soon," Winry ran her hands through Ed's hair, making it look somewhat nicer.
"Really? I thought Hawkeye had everything under control at her house. She seemed so calm with Maes when they visited us the other day," Winry replied, backing off slightly from her husband.
"Mustang's alone with him tonight, and he won't stop crying. So of course he called me," Ed rolled his eyes, taking Winry's hands in his own and lowering them, "I have to get there pretty quickly because all the screaming set their dogs off too."
"Hey, Ed, I still have work to do so I can't watch Nina and Sam right now, maybe they can go with you and play with Hayate," Winry suggested, batting her eyelashes at Ed, as the two kids appeared upon hearing their names.
Ed looked down at the small figures, and sighed, "Come on, kids. Time for a trip," Ed picked 1-year-old Nina up into his arm, and reached down with his other to hold Sam's hand. Then to Winry, "I'll be back soon, Win. Love you."
"Love you too, Ed. Have fun," Winry smiled, and waved the rest of her family out the door with the wrench she somehow managed to produce within three seconds. She'd been carrying a wrench since practically her birth, and old habits die hard.
Roy was pacing around the bedroom, holding Maes and trying to rock the screaming baby in his arms. He honestly didn't know whether or not Edward would show up, based on their failure of a phone conversation fifteen minutes ago.
Roy had locked all three dogs in the bathroom, and they had given up barking to fall asleep. Dogs were easy to deal with. Babies... not so much.
"Maes, what do you need? You've eaten dinner already and should be asleep," Roy looked into the child's charcoal eyes, which were much like his own.
Despite being so young, Maes had already begun to look like his parents. His narrow Xingese eyes and round face looked almost exactly as Roy's did when he was a child. But Maes had Riza's wispy blonde hair and small mouth. When the baby had first been born, Roy hoped the mouth was an indicator that Maes would inherit Riza's calm, quiet demeanor. To some extent, he did- around Riza. But once Roy was in charge of the baby, that small mouth of his seemed to produce the loudest, most obnoxious noise known to mankind.
"Please, Maes. At least act like you like me," Roy said to the child, his eyes pleading.
Maes continued screaming, and squirmed when Roy tried to stroke the wispy hairs on his head.
"Please be calm, little pinto," Maes' nickname, the name of a smaller horse, had been something that Maes Hughes had come up with long ago. Back when Hughes had been alive, he joked about how Mustang and his child would be "a big and a little horse, like a pinto." Despite Hughes not being able to have ever seen little Maes in person, the nickname had been very fitting.
As Roy talked to the uncontrollable baby, he heard the doorbell ring. The noise set the dogs off barking again, but Roy didn't even care due to the joy the sound caused him. He cracked open the door, still holding the baby, and a small yellow blur darted into the apartment.
"What the hell," Roy fully opened the door the rest of the way, to see a tired - looking Edward Elric holding his daughter, Nina. The man wasn't even wearing real clothes- rather opting for pajamas and a bathrobe, complete with a full view of his automail leg. Ed almost never wore shorts in public because of that.
"Hey, there are three kids here, watch your mouth, Mustang," Edward replied, entering the apartment, seemingly unfazed by the crying.
"Why did you bring your kids? I told you to come over to solve my baby problem, so you add more babies to the equation?" Roy snapped at the blonde man in front of him, his eyes searching for the dirt child who had entered.
"Hey, Nina is not a baby. She's eighteen and half months old," Edward replied indignantly, gesturing to the kid in his arms, "Nina is basically a toddler now, and she's getting a lot better at walking around on his own."
"Fine, but is she going to start crying?" Roy sighed, running his free hand through his hair.
"Unlike you, I actually know how to take care of my kids. Winry and I've had twice as many as you," Ed smirked, and set Nina on the ground, "Go find Sam, 'kay. Then we'll go pet the puppies."
Nina smiled, and yelled, "Heytato!" -the name she called Black Hayate. She then waddled off into the other room as Roy watched in terror. There were now two children loose in the house, and they were going to free the three dogs locked in the bathroom.
"Fullmetal, you didn't even bother enough to wear real clothes?" Roy shook his head, and rearranged the position of the baby in his arms.
"I bet all you want to do right now is take a nap, right Mustang? Well that's what I was doing until you called and Winry put me on kid-duty. I'm taking time out of my life to help with your problems, so don't complain about my pajamas," Ed narrowed his eyes, and tousled his hair.
Roy first glared, then realized that Ed was right. He was completely at the young father's mercy. Roy sighed, and then realized that there were still two crazy blonde toddlers running around his apartment. He looked over his shoulder, distracted, before he heard Ed speak.
"It'll be fine, Mustang. Besides, we needed them out of the way anyways," Ed talked now to the General. He gestured at Maes, signaling that Roy should pass the child to the more experienced father.
"Just be careful," Roy pleaded, "Maes has already been fed, but he won't go down for his nap now."
As Ed picked the baby up, five small blurs rushed into the living room. "Heytato! Heytato!" Nina laughed as she, Sam, and the dogs all circled around Edward.
"Out of the way, huh?" Roy threw Ed's old words back at him while his eyes scanned around the living room. Nina was playing with Hayate's ears, Sam was trying to ride Kumo like a horse, and Arashi was running around in circles, trying to decide whether to play with Kumo or Hayate.
"Hey kiddos, you guys can all play in the living room, but General Dumbface and I are going to go into another room. We'll be right back," Ed bent down, holding the still-screaming baby with one hand. Both of his children nodded, and Nina even said, "Hav fun playin wi dumfass!"
Roy led Ed into the master bedroom, where he kept much of the baby's things. Once the door was shut, he asked, "General Dumbface? This level of immaturity could only come from you, Fullmetal," Roy crossed his arms.
"Well I can't say the word 'bastard' in front of Sam and Nina," Ed replied, as if it were a perfectly logical explanation.
"I could technically still court-martial you," Roy snapped back, glaring at Ed. Somehow, ever since the younger man had arrived, Maes's screaming had faded into the background. Fullmetal just had to constantly be the most obnoxious thing in any room he was in.
"If you do that, I can't help you with your crying baby problem," Ed said, and the nervous look in Roy's eyes returned. Ed laughed, "You're hopeless!"
As Roy scowled, Ed rocked the baby in his arms, Roy saw his face turn into a perplexed expression, then morph into an exasperated look. Ed walked over to where a pile of clothes was laying on the corner. He picked one of Roy's shirts up out of the pile, and switched Maes into his right arm.
"You dumbass, you forgot to burp Maes," Ed looked at the General, rolling his eyes. Roy immediately cursed himself, hearing Riza's instructions that he half-payed attention to "Don't forget to burp him. And since you've only done it a handful of times, be careful."
"You're right Elric," Roy started, but Ed had already started expertly burping the baby using Roy's shirt. "What the fuck are you doing with that?!"
"Consider it a rude awakening. You're not gonna neglect your kid after this," Ed smirked, patting Maes' back, causing quiet little burps- almost like hiccups- to come out of Maes' mouth. No more screaming. But along with quiet burps, spittle and some barf came out- right onto Roy's previously clean shirt.
Ed kept smirking as Maes quieted, and Roy's face fluctuated between shock and "I'm going to fucking kill you."
After a little while, Maes became almost completely quiet, no burping. Ed took the dirty shirt away from the baby, and put it right into Roy's hand. "Now that you've seen me do it, you should know how to. I guess Hawkeye was right to be worried about leaving you unsupervised."
"I already knew how to burp a baby, Elric," Roy glared at Edward. Despite the years that had passed, Ed was still the obnoxious little shit he had been when he first joined the military.
"Now that this is done, it's time to go check to see if your dogs have behaved around my perfect little angels," Edward reached for the doorknob, and Roy rolled his eyes as he threw the dirty shirt into a laundry basket. Ed had picked up the habit of bragging uncontrollably about his wife and kids, much like Maes Hughes used to. Despite Ed annoying the shit out of everyone with baby pictures and nicknames like "my perfect angels", Roy smiled on the inside at knowing how profoundly Hughes had impacted the lives of the people around him.
It felt good having another doting father around, even if it was Elric. While Roy wouldn't have initially guessed Edward would turn out like this, it made too much sense. While Ed had been a cocky hothead, he did care deeply for those who were close to him, and was one of the most loyal people he knew. That passion and intensity towards those he loved was still there, albeit having manifested itself in cute baby pictures rather than Ed's fists.
While Ed may have calmed down a little, his old personality was still very apparent. And watching Ed with his kids now made Roy think, "Some things never change."