"I'm sorry. I don't like you that way."

The moment Castiel Novak said those eight words out loud was the moment Dean Winchester realized the meaning of the word 'crush'. His heart swirled in his chest and created a blackhole when just a minute ago, it thumped strongly like it had never done before, and now Dean thought he might never feel happiness again.

Somehow, when Dean's best friend held out his hand to touched Dean's arm and said, "We can still be friends", it only made the world heavier, but all Dean could do was nodding. "Yeah, sure." He could push the words pass his throat. Not sure if he could recognize his own voice, though. Dean swallowed and retreated. "I need to go home. It's getting late," he said. He left the familiar living room of the Novaks and for the first time since the age of four, he wanted to stay as faraway from the house as possible.

Of course, Dean did not fool himself into thinking that Castiel would feel the same way he did. Still, the humiliation he was feeling right now pushed him into the darkest corner where he just wanted to curl in his blanket and never came out.

God, what was he thinking? Confessing his pathetic crush to a friend of 12 years? How would Castiel feel? That Dean was a creep that took an advantage of their friendship to get close to him? Even though Castiel said it himself that they could still be friends, Dean doubted it would happen.

But it did. Because two days later, Castiel came knocking on the Winchester's front door with a six-year-old boy holding his hand.

"Alfie misses you," Castiel said. "I miss you too."

Dean wanted to say "And so?" because being close to Castiel only cut the wound deeper. On the other hand, seeing Castiel upset was something Dean never wanted to happen. Plus, Alfie was on the verge of tears. By the look of the boy, he has probably been crying for hours. Dean didn't dare looking at Castiel's face for feared that he wouldn't see a trace of sadness there.

Nevertheless, Dean grabbed his jacket hung by the entrance, took the little boy's free hand and said, "Why don't we get some ice-cream?"

It was uncomfortable at first. Being around Castiel, pretending like his touch and his voice had no effect on Dean was hard. Dean did not know whether to cry or to smile or to just confess his stupid crush again when the boy showed up at 7.13 o'clock like he always did, and walked to school with Dean and Sam. Bless Sam, if he knew something, he must have been trying very hard to lift up the thick atmosphere between the two boys.

Castiel must have felt it too because as soon as Sam took off to the middle school department, he turned quiet and grave. So, three days after the confession, Dean decided. He sighed and ruffled Castiel's hair playfully - like old times, then he forced himself the 'Winchester Smile' and said with the liveliest tone he could mutter, "See you at lunch, buddy" before they parted ways in the corridor. He needed to do this. He needed to be Castiel's friend first. It's all right if the guy did not exactly feel the same way. Castiel was his friend and he would not be the reason he had a shitty day. Dean still wanted Castiel in his life and vice versa.

Dean could hold back the tears anyway.

Lunchtimes were also awkward since normally Dean and Castiel would not stop bickering and teasing each other, but during the first week after the incident, they were silent and barely looked at each other. They were more polite and civil to the point that Jo could guess everything that has happened and confronted Dean about it. Dean did not cry on her shoulder. No such chick flick moment for Dean Winchester. But he accepted her comfort and allowed her to hug him for as long as she thought that it could help him, though.

Castiel has never seen Dean's tear and the latter would gladly say that he's over it by the third week. Who's Dean kidding? Just because there was no tear, doesn't mean everything was alright.

Gradually and slowly, they started talking again. They did homework together although they did not have the same classes. Castiel hung out with Dean at lunch and after school. Well, pretty much every minute he spent outside his house. Dean, on the other hand, was trying very hard to find something fun for them to do. He set up a bowling match for the gang (Cas, Jo, Pam, Ash, and Victor). They almost raid a Potato & Barbeque happy hour at Chuck's. He even signed up for scrabble club because the boardgame could seriously give one hell of a headache. He also got in the school's basket ball team because Jo and Pam were good at it and Dean could use a distraction. If there's anything that different from before, it's just that he visited the Novaks less and did not spend time alone with Castiel as much. That's it.

However, there was this one night Mrs. Novak personally called Mrs. Winchester and asked if the boys could come for a dinner and play with Alfie because the boy kept telling her how he missed Sammy and Deanie. Sam and Dean showed up at the Novaks that evening, completed with Mary's homemade cherry pie in Dean's hand.

Smiling at front, confused at back. That's how you would describe Dean. He did not know whether to be happy for the invitation or to runaway because everything reminded him of Castiel's refusal on that day. Worse, after Sam has fallen asleep on the couch, Mr. Novak suggested that they should have a sleepover since it's Friday and it wouldn't be the first time Dean spent the night there. Dean even had his own set of clothes kept somewhere in Castiel's closet.

Dean looked pass Mr. Novak shoulder to Castiel who averted his eyes from Dean's, and he politely declined the offer, only asking for a lift home. When they said goodbye, Castiel muttered "Sorry". Dean put on his brave face. "That's okay." He pinched Castiel's cheek. The same way he always did to Sam.

A semester almost passed when Dean noticed that a girl in his class had a crush on Castiel. Jackie, despite being called a nerd girl, could easily make it to the top 5 of the most beautiful girl in their year, and she had her shy eyes on Castiel.

She would be make a good girlfriend for Cas. Perhaps, she would make Cas happy, Dean thought as he paired up with Jackie's friend in History instead of with Castiel, allowing the girl to get closer with Cas. From afar, they made a very cute couple. They were also highly intelligent. The girl blushed to her ears when Castiel spoke to her directly. Castiel smiled and complimented her previous work. Later, Castiel sent Dean a text saying that he had to finish the project with Jackie. Dean replied naughtily, but his heart ached.

It was half past eleven and a schoolday so Dean was about to call it a day and say hi to his warm bed when Castiel texted him again, "At your front door."

Dean wondered what had happened with Jackie. Oh god, Castiel must have had his first kiss or scored a date with her and wanted to tell Dean all about it. Dean was not sure he could handle that situation, but he found himself at the front porch with Castiel fidgeting nervously anyway.

"She asked me out." The black haired boy confessed.

Again, Dean's heart was swallow by some invisible hole, but he withstood it because he's Castiel's friend. "Oh... That's great."

"Really?"

"Jackie is..." What's the word? "...great."

"I turned her down." Castiel spit the words out.

Why would you do that? Dean asked himself as soon as his brain processed what Castiel was saying. In fact, it's a logical question so the next thing Dean knew, he was asking "Why?"

"I told her that she's nice but I'm not interested in her that way." The words coming out of Castiel's mouth were rushed, unlike his usual careful sentences. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. But I think you should know."

Then Castiel ran away, leaving Dean on his own front porch and a very very sleepless night.

That summer, Dean had a part-time job at Bobby's junkyard and been sent away to Sioux Falls. He thought of Castiel everyday. The boys talked and chatted through the internet. Even though the hollow feeling hasn't gone away, Dean thought that it's better and he might get a chance to get over Castiel for real.

Except that he couldn't.

Two months of being apart did not lessen Dean's feeling for Castiel who, on Dean's first day of coming back, showed up at Dean's front door again and welcomed his return with the Lord of the Rings Extended Director's Cut version DVD box set. Of course, they had a movie marathon that night. Castiel, somehow, fell asleep on Dean's shoulder. Dean knew himself hopelessly in love with the boy because Castiel was the first and the only one that Dean found even amazing even while he's drooling on Dean's shirt.

Okay. So, Dean would not fight it anymore. He loved Castiel and would be content for whatever his best friend could give him.

Dean decided that he would be happy watching Cas happy.

A year and a half until college, and Dean earned 3.83 GPA for the first time. He only missed the mark in Religion Studies but other than that? Straight A next semester would not be a dream. Dean did great in the basket ball team, he was made a co-captain after singlehandedly scoring 24 point and earning the team a victory in an important match. The scrabble thing also worked out well. At least Dean did not have a headache anymore and the 'nerdy' gang accepted him too.

Dean was everyone's friend. They loved Dean. They liked what he did and who he was. Although Dean was dragged from one activity to another all the time, he didn't feel tired. If anyting, Dean was proud of himself but still kept humbled about it. He liked who he has become.

One day, Lisa approached Dean's table at lunch. Yes, Lisa. The headcheerleader. She asked Dean if he's free on Saturday night. Dean didn't even have to think twice to answer that he and Castiel already made a plan to take Alfie and Sam to a picnic.

Castiel said that they could always put it off. Having a picnic another day. Dean shrugged. For the first time in 9 months, he wanted to say to Castiel that he loved him very much and the thought of dating other people has never come across his mind.

Dean said nothing. Castiel shared his bacon that lunch so that Dean could have extra food.

Castiel has never dated anyone - boys or girls. But when he spent more and more time with a new kid, Dean thought that this might be it. This might be the moment when another person swooped down and took Castiel's heart.

Dean did the only thing he could. He put more effort on his scrabble team, and won the city's championship.

To be honest, Dean had never ever expected himself to be good at scrabble and while the city was not large, he's still puzzled on how the hell did he get it? After the award ceremony, Dean found Castiel waiting with the new kid. As a friend, he thought, putting on the mask, and hugged Castiel who seemed to be no less happier than Dean. The new kid congratulated Dean. Dean shook his hand and said with a smile "Hey, you take a good care of Castiel. Would ya?"

So, Dean was now an honored student, a co-captain of a sport team, and a scrabble champion. He should be happy, shouldn't he?

Dean left the venue excusing himself from the party because the migraine was coming back.

On Monday or the day after or the week after, Castiel did not hang out with the new kid anymore. Not that Dean's sad about it. Heck. It's totally on the opposite. Dean told himself that it's out of curiosity alone that he had to ask "Where's the guy?"

Castiel tilted his head and said "With his friends, of course." Then he explained that they had a group reseach last month therefore he had been missing from their circle and he apologized for it.

Dean smacked the back of his head lightly. With no effort, he smiled and said that Castiel was a dumbass that should not apologize for this little shit.

Castiel returned the smiled and suddenly blurted out "I love you."

Everyone in the table froze. The bell rang, signaling the next period.

"I have to go." Dean said. He never knew how he got to that maths class.

He had a basketball practice and everyone has gone home by the time he's finished. Dean took a shower at the school but he didn't go home straight away. He went to the Novaks.

It was almost ten and something was poking in the back of his mind not to use the front door. Instead, Dean climbed his way into Castiel's room.

Only that the window was locked, the room was dark, and Castiel was nowhere to be found.

Dean climbed down and walked in circle on the Novaks' yard. He must have looked really creepy there but he didn't care. All in his mind was Castiel and Castiel alone.

It was past midnight and Castiel hasn't shown up. Apparently the guy left his phone in the bedroom too.

Despite being worried like crazy, Dean had to go home.

He was kicking dirt and marble along the way when he looked up and saw a familiar figure of a young boy mirroring the same thing as him.

"Cas?" Dean choked out. The other boy looked up immediately. Oh yes, he's definitely Cas.

Castiel was nailed to the spot but Dean was walking to him. Step by step, he strode forward. Dean did not know when he started to run, but he ran and when he reached Castiel, he took the boy in his arms pulling him to the tightest hug Dean could ever give to anyone. Dean wanted to kiss Castiel, sure. But that thing could wait. Right now he just wanted to feel all of Castiel. His warmth. His scent. His touch.

Dean did not want to let go. Not now. Not ever.

"Does this mean... you still like me?" Castiel asked tentatively. His nose was trapped between Dean's collarbone and his breath strangely filled the hole in Dean's chest.

Sometimes, action speaks louder than words but Dean answered anyway.

He answered with a six-word-sentence.

You silly, I love you too.