A/N While I seem to be one of the few people that actually enjoyed the finale, (I did like it even if it did leave me feeling completely unfulfilled if that makes any sense) it really hurt my little shipper heart to see things go down the way that they did…. So I had to jump on the band wagon and write my own post finale one shot, making it end the way I wish it would have ended….. So here it is…
Cameron watched her fingertips slowly circle the rim of her third rum and diet coke of the night as she repeatedly ran them over the edge of the glass. She had gulped her first drink in several large swallows, nursed the second glass for a good forty minutes, and had been staring at the third for she didn't know how long.
She knew Chase had wanted her to go back to his place after she had handed in her resignation to House, but she had made some excuse or another and he had relented. In reality she was just tired after a long and both physically and emotionally exhausting day and didn't really want to deal with him or anyone tonight.
And so she was sitting at the far end of the counter of a little dive bar at the outskirts of Princeton, one of those places you went when you wanted to go somewhere where everyone doesn't know your name. The old TV in the corner, playing a recording of a football game that was at least twenty years old, was giving her a headache and she could practically feel herself getting cancer from the second hand smoke in the air, regardless of public health codes, but no one was bothering her and that's what she wanted.
At least no one had bothered her until she sensed someone slide onto the bar stool next to her, even though there was at least seven empty stools between her and the only other person sitting at the bar. She didn't have to look up to find out who had felt the need to invade her personal space. In the past three and a half years she had developed a sixth sense when it came to her now ex-boss, she found that she now instinctively knew when he entered a room. That, and she had seen him walk through the door in the mirror above the bar.
It was late when House finally left the hospital, but he found he didn't want to go home to his empty apartment quite yet. There it was too quiet and there wasn't anything to distract him from the fact that in the course of a day his whole life had turned upside down. Of course he knew it was largely of his making and design, but that didn't mean that he wanted to sit and dwell on the changes in his life all by himself. So he decided to go to a bar and dwell on it in the presence of strangers.
He drove quickly to what was probably the seediest bar in Princeton as it was one place where he knew Wilson wouldn't come looking for him. So when he walked through the door and spotted the one and only Allison Cameron sitting at the far end of the bar, he was surprised to say the least. He considered turning around and leaving, adhering to his personal rule of not socializing with his subordinates outside of work, since that never ended well. But then again, he reasoned, she wasn't his subordinate anymore.
When she had resigned just a few hours previously, it had all seemed so final, he half expected to never see her again. And he knew that if it wasn't for this coincidence, this act of chance or perhaps fate, whatever you wanted to call it, it might have been the last time he has seen her. Just as he also know that if he turned around and left, that there was a very good chance that his prediction might still come true. It was with this thought in mind and the realization he didn't like this idea this that he crossed over to where she was sitting and sat on the bar stool next to her.
Cameron, on her part, made no move to acknowledge his presence and he didn't say anything either, except to order a scotch from the bartender.
"So what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" he finally said after taking a long draw of his drink.
"I'm wallowing," she replied simply, taking a small sip of her previously untouched drink.
"Wallowing," he repeated, surprised that he didn't get a sarcastic answer.
"Yes, I'm wallowing," she repeated. "The act of indulging in self-pity. You see, I just quit the job that I have been living for, for the past three and a half years and entered into a relationship with a man I know I don't love. I think I'm allowed one night to wallow before I have to start my new life tomorrow."
"Wallow away then," he said with a permissive wave of his hand.
"Thank you, that's ever so generous of you," she replied sarcastically, taking another sip of her drink.
"So I take it that you and Chase…" he started after a moments pause.
"Yup," she confirmed rolling the heavy glass carefully between her hands. "And it's going to destroy us both."
"How do you figure that?" he asked, now intrigued by both her statement and the resignation that was clear her tone.
"Because I'm using him," she replied simply.
"But why are you all angsty about it now? How is this any different from your sexcapades all over New Jersey?" he countered.
"Because that was different, that was mutual," she started, talking into her glass. "Well, at least it started that way, that was the way I proposed it. We were both just using each other for sexual gratification. That was truly all I wanted, I never wanted a relationship, even though nobody seemed to want to believe me. We had a good thing going for a while too, until he had to ruin it by going and falling in love with me. So then I had to end it, because I really never intended anything like that to happen, I honestly didn't want him to get hurt."
"So he loves you and now you're with him, he must just be one happy little camper," House said a little bitterly as he took a swig of his drink.
"But I don't love him. By all means I know I should, he is practically perfect. He is handsome, treats me like a queen, he is a good man, an excellent doctor, he's great in bed, he loves kids - and lord knows we would make pretty babies - and he loves me," she said almost pained.
House really didn't want to be hearing this as it was something that he had contemplated himself in the hours between night and morning when his leg kept him awake and he had had just enough liquor as to where he could no longer censor his own thoughts. He knew all to well the differences between himself and his ex-intensivist.
"I should be wanting to marry him and getting a golden retriever and having 2.5 children and a house with a white picket fence," she continued practically spiting out her words distastefully, "but I just don't. So instead I'm just using him and he doesn't deserve that. He should be with someone that appreciates him not me. And I know this, but I'm not doing anything to stop it which makes me a bad person, because I know I'm just going to end up hurting him more and yet I'm starting a relationship knowingly and willingly."
"So if you know that all you have is doom and gloom in the horizon, why are you doing it?" he asked honestly wanting to know her reasoning as he watched a myriad of emotions pass across her face.
Cameron picked up her glass and swirled her drink around, listening the ice clink together. Putting the glass down with a small thud she looked up at her ex-boss for the first time since he sat down. She didn't know why she was being so candid with him, perhaps it was because she really didn't expect to see him ever again after she walked out of the bar later that night, perhaps she just needed to talk to someone and he was convenient, or perhaps it was just because she no longer had anything to lose.
"I don't know," she told him sincerely, looking him straight in the eye. "Maybe I'm just hoping that if I cant be with the one I love, I can love the one I'm with. Or maybe I just cant find it in myself to care that one day I know he will resent me for not loving him as much as I resent him for loving me. Or maybe I'm just being selfish because I'm tired of being alone, it's a nice feeling to be needed, to be wanted. Maybe I just want to be loved."
She broke their gaze as she dropped her eyes back onto her glass. House thought she was finished speaking so when she started again he was surprised.
"Regardless of my reasons for being with him or quitting my job," she said taking another long draw from her drink, "it is long past time for a change."
They both fell into a mutual silence as they both absorbed what she just said.
"You know," House said breaking the silence as he changed the subject completely, having discussed Cameron's relationship with Chase far more than he ever really wanted to and not wanting to jump into the topic of her resignation. "You really shouldn't drink alone. It's a sign of alcoholism and if people find out, it will ruin your reputation."
"Well then it's a good thing that you showed up to keep me from being alone and rescued me and my reputation from that fate," she retorted.
"Yes, that is a good thing, a beautiful woman should never have to drink alone," he said a little more seriously and with a little less sarcasm than he had initially intended.
"Well what about you and your reputation?" Cameron asked after a small lull in the conversation. "You came in here to drink alone, unless you're meeting Wilson." He shook his head slightly to tell her that he wasn't. "Or unless you knew I was in here."
"Don't flatter yourself," he said, shooting her down quickly. "I came here for the same reason you did. I just lost my whole team today and I'm still not really sure how that happened. I think I deserve a night to wallow as well, as you so eloquently put it. Now I'm going to have to hire three new fellows at once. Do you even know how not fun that is going to be? And like you said, you're here to save my reputation. Although I don't really think that I have the kind of reputation that could be damaged by a little solo drinking."
"I suppose not," she agreed, chuckling lightly. She fell silent for a minute before looking back up at him. "I meant what I said earlier, I know you're going to be fine."
How just met her gaze for a moment and then nodded. "You are right about one thing, it is definitely time for a change. But that doesn't mean that it's not going to suck to have to train three new people at once right when I had you guys broken in, but none of you were all that special when I hired you. You'll be easy to replace. At least at work."
"What do you mean by that?" Cameron asked, her interest piqued.
"I mean that while I recognized that all three of you had potential when I hired you, you weren't the excellent doctors and diagnosticians that you are now. I made you, and I can make three more just like you if I feel like it."
"No, I meant that 'at work' part," she clarified, ignoring both his show of egotism and rare complement of the doctor she had become.
House had known what she had meant, but he had hoped that she would either ignore or miss his slip. But like he had said, she had become an excellent diagnostician and he had taught her to not miss the smallest clue and that almost everything was a symptom of something.
He drained the last of his drink and turned to his ex-employee, he wasn't sure why he was about to do what he was going to do, but he knew that this was going to be his last chance to cross the river before he burned his last bridge.
"You know," he started almost warily as he looked at the empty glass in his hand speculatively, "I could go for another drink, but this scotch just isn't doing it for me. I've got a better bottle at home, but I'm starting to think that perhaps my reputation doesn't need to be damaged or reinforced - whichever way you choose to look at it - any more than it already is."
"Then you should probably find some company to drink with then," she replied, raising a single suggestive eyebrow, allowing him to change the subject of conversation.
"Yes," he agreed, "but you see, the thing is, that I find that I often enjoy a glass or two after a long day of work, and with three newbies to deal with I foresee many long days in my future. And I don't like to drink with a lot of different people, so it seems that I am going to want and need someone who will be available to keep me company for the long term."
"Is that right?" she asked, a small smile forming on her lips.
House nodded, becoming increasingly more confident as he put the empty glass on the bar. "So do you know anyone that might be interested in the position?"
"I might," she replied nonchalantly, finishing of the last of her drink as well and placing the glass next to his.
"What about Chase?" House asked seriously, not really wanting to being it up, but having to know.
"Chase doesn't drink alone," she said simply.
That was good enough for House and he responded by standing and extending a hand.
Cameron looked at his offered hand for a moment. She knew that it was just that, an offering. He wasn't making a promise that whatever was going to happen between them wasn't going to blow up in a blaze like the relationship she might have had with Chase was sure to do. There were no white picket fences, golden retrievers and 2.5 children in their future and they both knew it. All he had to give her was the change that they both so desperately needed, just not the one either of them had expected.
She slipped her small hand into his larger one and intertwined their fingers feeling no hesitation as she followed him out of the bar. Matching wry smiles crossed both of their countenances as they realize, that at least for a while, neither of them would have to drink alone.
And for now, that was enough.
A/N And there we have it… the way things should have been… hehe… at least in my opinion… so what do you all think? And while I currently do have this marked as complete and I did conceive of this as a oneshot, if I am properly motivated I might have an idea of another chapter that might have to make me up the rating…. I'm just putting that out there… lol…
So yeah… new chapter of I Do? I Don't in the next few days and go check out my other fairly new oneshot in the meantime if you haven't had a chance yet… So until we meet again… much love to all…