So... This first chapter is my pathetic attempt at humour, but just ends up being sort of sick and horrific xD Not to mention totally random. And the writing is also rather rushed. Ah well.

This one is just plain silly, but expect some good ol' fluff in future updates hehe. And probably more randomness xD It IS the chaos of the minds of characters from Ace Attorney of all things after all.

Feel free to give me prompts/requests :D Maybe it'll prevent me from doing more weird stuff like this first chapter.. Or maybe you'll prompt me to write something even weirder O.o

Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own Ace Attorney.

This chapter is rated T.

I stare in awe at her lovely doll-like face. I ignore how strikingly similar this raven-haired angel's face is to that of a certain fiery demon whom I once called my true love. That was an eternity ago. That was a past that is now behind us. This is the present, and in this present, I hold this angel's face in my hands, and stare into her beautiful eyes. I lean down slowly, tilting her head slightly upwards. I am close, so close, to her soft lips.

So close...

Suddenly, she smiles in that impossibly sweet way of hers, and whispers, almost sinisterly, "Feenie..." I blink, startled for a moment. Something seems off about her. The tips of our noses are nearly touching—that's how close we are. Her smile widens, and I notice that her teeth are unnaturally sharp, like fangs of a bloodthirsty demon...

And suddenly, her raven hair becomes a familiar bright red colour, and then her hair is no long hair, but flickering flames that lick my cheeks and burn my eyes. I yelp in surprise, but I find I am unable to let go of her face, nor am I even able to put any distance between us.

Agh...! I scream in my head. Not her! Anyone but...

"Feenie," she coos again. Except the voice isn't hers. The velvety smooth voice is only all too familiar, and to my horror I realize that it is no longer Dahlia whose face I am holding almost against my own, but a certain cravat-wearing prosecutor. A strangled scream escapes my lips as I become aware of my body pressed against his silky magenta suit, and his citrusy breath floating lazily into my face. I try to wrench myself away from him, but it is like we are glued together...

This... This can't get much worse...!

I find myself yearning for the redheaded demon once again. Anyone but Edgeworth.

My prayers are answered... in part. Twisted around me is no longer my rival's body, but the body of... an alien? Is that a space suit? Then, I shriek a high-pitched shriek more impressive than even Ron DeLite's, but anybody would react this way if they found themselves nose to nose with and nearly kissing the terror that is Wendy Oldbag.

"Edgey-poo won't return my calls, so I suppose I'll settle for you, whippersnapper," she purrs, sending me a sudden blast of her prune-scented breath.

"G... Gerroff me!" I yell as I desperately try to shove myself away from her. But just like earlier, it is as though her body is stuck to mine.

I watch with a somewhat detached sense of terror as Oldbag morphs from her frightening wrinkly self into Larry Butz ("I've dated all the women I know, Nick! So now all I've got left is you!"), to Damon Gant ("I promised we'd go swimming one day, Wrighto!"), to the Blue Badger.

When will this ever stop? I moan inwardly as the lovechild of the Chief Detective's twisted design ideas and Gumshoe's crude manufacturing skills wriggles around me in that horribly familiar awkward way. Th-This has to be the last of it, right?

Next thing I know, I'm holding the small body of Pearl Fey in my arms. "P-Pearls!" I gasp. I'm so relieved, so thankful that it's finally all over...

She gazes up at me with her large dark eyes, so unnaturally wise and solemn for a girl of her age. "Mr. Nick..." she begins. "Even though you love Mystic Maya, I must profess my true love for you!"

"Wha...?"

"Is this what you call a 'love triangle'? I... I love you, Mr. Nick!"

She leans in to press her small lips against my own.

I wake up screaming at the top of my lungs. I look around, and am comforted by the realization that I am back inside my small bedroom, tangled only with the sheets of my bed.

It... It was all just a dream, I think, my immense relief saturating even the tone of my internal voice.

That's when I hear it. "Y'all gonna leave a poor girl waiting, city boy?"

I look beside me in bed to find a familiar red afro.

I scream.

And my nightmare begins all over again...

Jeez, Phoenix, what have you been eating? xD Anyways, reviews are always appreciated! Even for odd stuff like this :D

~GrapePudding