So Cold

A Gravitation Songfic

Disclaimer: Not mine ok?

It was hard.

Just sitting there; watching Shuichi toss his things angrily into his suitcase. So hard to watch him pack up, tears glittering in his eyes. So hard to know those tears were caused by him. He couldn't believe they had fought. Even more incomprehensible to him was knowing that their time together was now done. Everything was gone...

And it was all because he failed to open his heart to his sensitive lover.

Yuki, the famous writer, was lost for words. His heart was breaking- the brat... no... Shuichi... was leaving. He had to do something. There just had to be a way to make him stay, some way to keep the best thing that ever came into his life from slipping away.

There had to be a way to keep Shuichi.

'Looking back at me I see

That I never really got it right,

I never stopped to think of you'

He had always acted like the world revolved around him. All Yuki had ever thought of was how annoying the boy was. Boy? No, Shuichi was just as much of a man as he was; even more, in fact. He, at least, was able to say those three little words the author could type for a story, yet always failed to say out loud.

'I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win,

You are the antidote that gets me by,

Something strong, like a drug that gets me high'

Shuichi had brought many things into the once-dim world the author lived. Even with the many female lovers he had once had... Shuichi was the only one to love him. Shuichi did not care about the things all the others had; he wasn't in for the money... the cars... the fame...

All Shuichi wanted was to love and care for him, to do everything in his power to make Yuki feel loved. Yet what did he do to repay him? He cold-shouldered and pushed the kind-hearted singer away every chance he got.

'What I really meant to say,

Is I'm sorry for the way I am,

I never meant to be so cold to you'

It was a reflex-an acquired defense mechanism against a broken heart; a way to save himself from that pain. But... wasn't he in love with that charismatic singer? Could he last even one night without Shuichi in his arms? Surely life would go on; there were things to do and places to go. But inside... life would stand still. It would never, could never be what it was now if Yuki lost him.

'And I'm sorry about all the lies,

Maybe in a different light, you could see me stand on my own again,

Cause now I can see, you were the antidote that got me by,

Something strong like a drug that got me high,

I never meant to be so cold'

He couldn't, wouldn't, refused to let Shuichi go.

Yuki got up and walked over to his pink haired lover, wrapping his arms around the one he held dear. He pulled Shuichi close and held him tight. He knew that it was time. He would finally say those three little words, the only way to make the one he couldn't live without stay.

"Shuichi... I-I love you..." Yuki whispered, "Please... don't leave me."

'I never really wanted you to see,

The screwed up side of me that i keep, locked inside of me so deep,

It always seems to get to me,

I never really wanted you to go,

So many things you should have known,

I guess for me there's just no hope,

I never meant to be so cold.'

It was so hard.

He had been in love once before, and it turned out all wrong. Yet... the feelings- the warmth, the sorrow, the pain- it was never as deep as this; never as heart stopping. From now on, he would think only of himself and his Shuichi. And the rest of them...

Well, damn them.