Sharp Edges
"Why am I crying so much?"

~Jewel~

You know, when I'm really thinking about it. I never knew how on earth I get into this situation with this blue bird sitting beside me. And while to be honest, being chained with him was the last thing you would ever wish in your life – literally speaking. Especially with his constant blabber about his paranoia about anything, and with his inability to fly (I mean, come on! Birds need to fly!)… Just how irked I was.

I mean like this, when you wanted your freedom the most but instead being chained together with a flightless bird and his non-stop complaints about this and that… gah, how I really wanted to rip his tails off. But for the sake of gaining my freedom and destroyed the stupid chain, I played along quite nicely for him… just for a while, I told myself.

There was something else, however, that conjured inside of me. Every time I came to know him better, something inside me tickled and snapped my soul out of the reality; there was something that I didn't know but felt when I began to see the kind of bird he was, even with his occasional comments of intelligent facts (which I found it quite annoying).

And so, when he decided to take the leap of faith in that cliff (despite the obviousness that he wasn't content or sure on how to do it) I started to relate with him. Even within his nerdy attitude, I saw a little courage that he possessed, and that made me a little softer with him- just a little.

I never had any dates before – with the fact that I was the last Spix macaw on the planet until they found him and hoped we would spawn more of us – and so the feeling of being close with someone else (especially males) had never been fully registered into my brain – thanks to those humans – it left me clueless, only to realize just how unfamiliar this feelings and emotions to me, even the paradigm of what people called love is so beyond my range of comprehension.

Our odyssey to break the chain – with the mayhems that dawned upon us – somewhat bring me closer one step to him each time. How I started to tolerate more of his blabbering and paranoia, and that dance was enough to boost the feeling until it tried to burst open from my chest, fuzzy and warm.

I had to admit that I knew he felt something for me (the trolley ride was very obvious, albeit I should have said how awkward the whole trip was) and so did I, but I didn't fathom what was that feeling. I didn't trust this newfound sensation… but I couldn't contain it either; I would have just exploded if I restrained it any longer.

And so, what should have I done? What is this feeling? Is it what they called as love? I don't know… but I hope whatever it is, it will stay, even after the chained is finally broken. Because I grew some attachments to him, and I need more time to be sure if I did love him.

But life never been so lenient isn't it?

"Don't worry! He is a professional!" Rafael exclaimed proudly, trying to convince us that Luiz would do the work nice and clean; even thought I must admit that I didn't trust that thing in front of me.

The roaring noise from the powered up machine was just increasing my dread over the outcome of this, and those spinning blade really made my feathers rising up.

"Now try to move; I can't really see in this thing either." Luiz exclaimed from the mask he wore, and his words didn't exactly bring a slightest reassurance at all.

I really wanted to scream and just flew away when he started to push us into the possible-bird-killing-machine contraption (on whatever the name was I didn't really know or care), but with this was probably the only thing that could help me away from the chain and be back into the sky… I just had to endure a little bit… and somehow I didn't manage to persuade my head that I would still be in one piece when this thing was finally over.

Blu was also shared the doubting look that donned my face as we inched closer to the spinning blade. I really wanted to close my eyes and let the events happened in a matter of seconds, but the roaring noise from the rotating machine faltered any courage to make me believe that nothing would ever got wrong.

My eyes were reduced into pinpoints the moment Luiz pushed us rather abruptly into the machine, the reflex to just spread my wings and launched myself into the sky to save myself from the tragic ending of my life… until I forgot that I was chained with Blu.

I dared myself to open my eyes and saw Blu's pale face as he submited into the tragic fate he would likely to have… I straightened my views and grabbed the hanging lamp in front of me, hoping my act would save Blu (and me) from the violent device under us.

I never really knew what happened next, I just knew that the moment I felt my body touched the dirty floor of the garage, the sensation from the cold and shackled chain was gone completely from my ankle.

I was so ecstatic and hastily unfurled my wings to soar into the sky, tasting the liberation from being bounded with the earth for too long. Nico and Pedro soon joined me in the sky, being so happy about the Carnival and whatnot – even I care less about that human's celebration.

My glistening eyes finally got a glimpse of Blu walking down the streets with broken soul. There was something else on his face, the look of a gloomy sky akin to Rio's fierce squall. I dove on the ground to ask the kind of thing that managed to put some distress into his soul.

"Hey, where are you going?" I asked him.

He ignored me and continued to stroll down the street until I added, "Blu? Blu, what's wrong?"

I didn't know the kind of reason he was acting like that. I mean, we got the chain broken and so he must be as ecstatic as I was. He rotated his head and donned me with a nervous-forced-happy-smile which rapidly ceased as he mouthed his words.

"Nothing, everything's perfect! You will go to the rainforest, and I will get back to Linda just like we planned."

There was something in his words that managed to slice a little paper cut inside my heart. I never been experiencing something like this with anyone else, no one had managed to make my heart hurt as he did to me, on somehow his words sinking deep like a dagger being stabbed into my delicate heart. I tried to repress the aching sensation and stayed calm, because with all of the odds, I wanted him to stay, just to make sure if I did love him, and want him to stay inside my life. "I thought we are maybe…"

He didn't even let me finished my sentences and just kept replying with another words that inflicted more paper cuts on the surface of my heart, "That you'll come to Minnesota?" He issued a snort before adding, "Guess, I'll make you a scarf."

His barrage of words started to brew the kind of cocktail of mixed emotion within my soul, with the ingredients of irritation started to dominate the ratio the mixture and quenched my soul. "No, that's not what I meant…" I tried to stay calm, I tried to solve the problem, but his next sentence was the last straw and snapped my anger loosely.

"Look, Jewel. I can't spend my life walking around following you wherever you're going."

Oh how his words managed to crumble the barrier I created to suppress my easily irritated mood, while at the same time, he pour a decent amount of acidic liquid into my paper-cut-heart were something beyond anything I could register inside my brain and heart. His words echoing within my head, as an accusation over his state of being inability to fly, and before I knew it; I already stated something I quickly regret. "Hey, it's not my fault you can't fly."

He halted his pace and rotated his head towards me, but before he could vibrate his vocal cord, Rafael step up in the middle of us. "Okay, okay… you know what? This is good! Just clear the air; just be completely honest with each other."

Blu hastily replied. "You want honest? Fine! I can be honest! I don't belong here! In fact I never wanted to be here in the first place." He then directed his gaze at me. "You are charming, Jewel. For a second I thought I found an angel, but no… you are the same with those Canadian geese; you're just happy seeing me suffer, right?"

My eyes were widened in shock the moment he stated it to me, I gritted my beak before replied. "Oh bo, Blu. You blame me of your disability, even I'm just started to like you!" I yelled loudly. "You play with me! You're just the same with others!"

"Okay, perhaps not that kind of honesty." Rafael interrupted. "You two, just admit to each other what are you feeling, is it that hard?"

Blu shook his head. "Admit what, Rafael? That I'm madly in love with her? That I can't live without her? The stuff of drama and something like that?"

Rafael hopped closer to Blu and put a stern glare to his face. "That's not how a male should act to a girl, Blu." He stated hostilely.

"So what? I need to sniff her talon? Be her doormat? No thanks, Rafael. If that what is love, I'll rather be with myself for the rest of my life." Blu stated and resuming his walk.

Hot steamy tears finally welled up from my cheek as my heart being butchered from Blu's words alone. I never been felt rejection, for the rest of my life, it was the first time someone managed to make me cry.

A tidal wave of anger and fury raging down within my soul; a tsunami that managed to swallowed me with one single blow and let me blinded with the wave of emotion. I curled my claw and unfurled my wings, launching myself towards Blu and pinned his throat with my talon, suffocating him.

"I… hate… you! I hate you so much! You make me believe that love is exist; you make me believe that you are the one I need in my life… and when I'm just started to believe that I love you…YOU BROKE MY HEART!"

Blu was desperate from some fresh oxygen as his eyes started to roll in his socket, a sign that he would pass out soon if I kept pinned his throat.

"WHY BLU? WHY YOU DID THIS TO ME? IT'S SO HURT, IT'S TOO HURT!." I screeched as he desperately waving his wings towards my body futilely.

Nico, Pedro and Rafael hastily separated me from him. "Jewel! Jewel! Let him go, you can kill him!"

I snapped out of my infuriation and let go of his throat. Blu's breaths became rapid as he stare at me with his pale chocolate eyes. "Je... " He coughed.

No! What have I done? What happened to me?

I unfurled my wings and hastily retreated into the sky, my soul was filled with shame and anger both for him and myself.

"Jewel! Where are you going?" Nico's voice resonated weakly to my ears as I beat my wings faster.

He is just the same, just want to play with my heart. I hate him, I hate him so much, and he deserved what I did to him.

I continued to cry all of the salty tears my eyes managed to excrete. The entire journey, the time we spent together was nothing for him… and it stung my heart so deep, so fierce until the pain was more than unbearable.

Blu, I really want to be with you… just when I think I found someone for me, you crumbled that hope to dust… why? Why you inflicted me with wounds? And why I'm crying so much?

A/N: Hello folks! Miss me? Of course not! XD

Anyway, I have been so busy lately with my work and my Spanish class until I can't really write that much, but I'll keep writing anyways.

As you can see, my routine already rendered my writing skills rather horrid...

Thanks for the Alexriolover95 for the consent of lending me the concept story, and Jesus Loves All for helping me Beta read the story before I posted it to you... and it still horrid XD.

So, hope you enjoy! The next chapter of Next to You is coming soon - albeit not soon enough.

Fuzzy Wuzzy Crazy Foxy Loxy Lunar Froxy, review!