A/N: This is my first fanfic, so I'm a little nervous! As a little preface... I read a story recently that had a type Bella I didn't like (very new for me!), soon in the story Edward started a relationship with someone else. I was surprised at how I found myself rooting for the other relationship. Then because of recent events in real life I started thinking of a story and thought it might make me feel better to get it out. This will not be everyone's cup of tea but this is on my heart. Be gentle with me, it's my first time =) (PS because I'm so new and don't feel worthy of a beta I'm trying to make sure this is all grammatically correct on my own!)

EPOV

"I said I was sorry Edward! I said I loved you, to everyone!" she screamed for the hundredth bazillionth time.

I was starting to not hear her. My stomach was sick. Tapping my leg and scratching an imaginary spot on my knee wasn't helping. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding. "I know." She looked at me like she needed more words, more emotion, anything. But I had nothing more to give or say. I needed to get out of here, to be able to think alone. But there was no way I would be able to get around the wall of paparazzi that was camped out in front of our driveway. Maybe I shouldn't care.

"Please," she left the word hanging in the air.

Please what? Forget this happened? Forgive you? Yell at you for sneaking around with your director and then come home to me that night? I was numb. I wasn't ready to have this conversation and I hated even more that I couldn't go out like a normal person and just drive around to let off steam. No, I had to worry about getting photographed looking sullen. I had to worry about our movie premier coming up in just 4 short months. I had to even think about the possibility of her filming the 2nd installment of her series with this creep next year. Why couldn't I have a normal life where I just had to worry about the next day.

"I need a cigarette." I rose from the couch and crossed the living room in 5 quick strides to slip out the sliding door to the backyard. I hoped she wouldn't follow me. I got lucky. Once outside I remembered I had quit smoking. Damn. My brain was so foggy things weren't making sense. I sat down on the vintage lawn chair I picked up at a flea market on a happier day. I needed to make a plan and it needed to involve getting away from here.

I finished stuffing a few more things into my ratty used army duffel. Clothes, hat, phone, wallet, tooth brush, tooth paste (even though there was only one tube, she could figure out how she would brush her teeth without it). I would have someone come get the rest of my things later if I needed. I took the stairs two at a time trying to look unfazed.

"Where are you going?" she gaped at me.

"Out."

"What about all the paparazzi?" Her eyebrows were at her hairline.

"I guess I don't care about that right now. If they take pictures of me, it won't be of something that I need to hide from the world!" I seethed. "They will see me sooner or later. But I can't stay in here with you." I knew my words stung by the way her face immediately fell as she turned to the wall. I started to feel that little tug at my heart that wanted to forgive her. That wanted to run over to her and hold her and pretend none of this had happened. To remember that she wanted me, she does want me, still. Right? I wasn't sure. Could she be sure? Did she ever want me?

I shook my head in disgust. This is why I needed to get out of the house. I was falling apart, and considering forgetting this whole ordeal. I needed to be strong and get out. I reached for the door knob.

"Please don't go," she whispered. "I know I always wanted to hide our relationship, but everyone knows about us now! I told the world that I love you and respect you more than anyone else! We can be together now all the time, we don't have to hide!" She looked up at me, almost hopeful.

How dare she use public displays of affection as a carrot to dangle at me. She knew I was never afraid of letting anyone see my love for her, and only wanted her to love me back publicly. Some sort of affirmation, this is real, I accept you. I was so sick of hiding, or trying to kiss her only to have her put her hand to my face to "playfully" push me away. Sure I'd smile and laugh along, but each time it ripped a piece of my heart up. She knew I wanted this, and I started to feel that strange tug again to go to her. NO! I have to get out of here.

"Bella, it's too little, too late." I walked out the side door to my green Porsche, ignoring that Bella was starting to sob. I needed to get out of here, and that's what I did.

A/N and so it begins! Let me know what you think, but seriously please be gentle with me, I'm scared! I love to read fanfiction but have always considered myself unworthy of attempting to write any!