So, my friend/housemate/roommate (the same one who wrote "Thoughts of a Pedobird") wrote this on her computer last semester. Unfortunately, before she could send it to me, her computer crashed. She just got it back today, and sent it to me. It's pretty awesome. She's got another one coming too, so stay tuned for more epicness later.
Hetalia: I do not own
Another World Conference. Another boring day. Nothing unusual was happening that day. Alfred was proclaiming that they should order some pizza from the nearest Papa John's to Arthur, who was sitting there looking rather annoyed over a cup of Earl Grey Tea. Feliciano was whining to Ludwig because Lovino had taken to flicking the northern portion's curl of hair, of which he said hurt. Ludwig had his fingers threaded through his hair, trying not to rip out his blonde strands. A few seats over Kiku was talking to Antonio across the table about tomato paste and somewhere down the line Ivan was trying to convince the other countries to become one with Mother Russia.
This went on for several more minutes before Ludwig stood up, slamming his fists on the table. Everyone went silent, looking up at the German, pausing their movements to give him their full attention. "Everybody just be quiet! This is a World Meeting not a zoo! Now I propose that we sta…."
Ludwig was cut off as Feliciano stood up, a pile of papers in his hand, and the same look of mild stupidity on his face. In a spacey, Italian accented voice he said, "Yeah, look at what I got here guys!" He took a piece of paper and passed it on. Ludwig looked at the paper and nearly fell to the floor. The piece of paper was mostly blank, except a few instructions on the top. The instructions read:
Write out your first name vertically. Then describe yourself with a word or words that start with each letter of your first name. Share with your friends.
The paper had been passed around to everyone by the time Ludwig looked up from the text. Was this crazy Italian serious? Apparently so. He was now sitting and filling out the form with that a ridiculous smile on his face. As Ludwig sat down he took a moment to ponder how Feliciano could read and write without even opening his eyes.
It took about thirty minutes but all of the forms were passed to Feliciano, who took them giddily. Well, he was giddy, until Alfred took the papers from him proclaiming that he should read the papers to everyone because he was the only person in the room that spoke true American. Everyone, especially Arthur, rolled their eyes.
Clearing his throat, he began to read the papers in the order they had been collected. "Ok guys, it looks like Feliciano's is first. Let's see….
F ettuccini
E ating Pasta
L udwig's Best Friend
I talian
C alzone
I talian Cream Soda
A ngel Hair Pasta
N aples
O regano "
Everyone stared at Feliciano, who was hopelessly, pathetically, simple minded. "Uh…Feliciano." Alfred started, "You do know that all of these are foods right….except for….Ludwig…." The Italian put on his best derp face and just smiled, nodding enthusiastically. "Isn't this fun guys?" He asked them all. Alfred kept reading. "Oh hey look, here's mine!
A merican!
L oyal
F lordia (My Penis)
R ockin'
E ngland Sucks!
D rawing Skills of a God!"
Arthur cracked up. "You're stick men are so poorly drawn that they hang themselves." Alfred glared at the Englishman and started flailing his arms in the air. "I TOLD YOU THAT'S JUST A GAME! I'M AN AMAZING ARTIST!" Francis chuckled from his seat, shaking his head so that his blonde hair covered his face slightly to hide his amusement. "Please, no actual art comes from America."
The American slammed the papers down on the table and crossed his arms. "You guys are all asses." He said under his breath, snatching another paper from the pile. "Let's see….Kiku!
K ind
I nnovative
K ulture
U kiyo-e"
Alfred blinked several times. "You know culture is spelled with a "C" right?" Kiku merely shrugged and sat there still as could be. That man really needed to get out more. "Oookk…." Started Alfred. "Moving on… Ludwig! You actually filled this out, this is going to be great!
L
U
D THIS IS FUCKING STUPID!
W
I
G
Once again, Alfred, along with everyone at the table, stared at the German blinking several times. If it were possible, one could see a black cloud of pure hatred and pissed off anger floating above Ludwig's head. "We're just…going to move on." Alfred said, tossing Ludwig's paper in the trash. The next paper was that of Lovino. "Lovino! Let's see what you put…hopefully it's better than your brother's.
L adies' Man!
O h Yeah!
V ineyard Lover
I nteresting
N ot an Idiot like Feliciano
O ver the Top!
Sorry Lovino but you're not as big of a ladies' man as me. After all, the ladies love a hero!" Alfred struck a pose, looking more idiotic than anything. However, no one had the heart to tell him that he was just plain stupid, they didn't want to hurt his ego and start a war with him. Americans would start a war or sue anyone. "Ok….Arthur, here's yours!
A nglo-Saxon
R ed Coat
T ea Lover
H umorous
U nder Orders from the Queen
R eally Hates Alfred."
Alfred glared at the Brit who was smiling smugly from his seat next to the American. "Low blow….you're just pissed cause I handed your "arse" to you back in the day old man." Before Arthur could protest, Alfred grabbed another paper and proclaimed loudly, "OK NEXT! Um…..Ivan! Let's see what you wrote down.
I
V odka
A
N.
Um…Ivan." The American said, looking at the paper confused. The Russian looked up at the end of the table and smiled sweetly. "Yes Alfred?" "Um….you only put down Vodka." Stated Alfred confused. "Oh, well it was all I could think of. But if anyone would like they can become one with Mother Russia….da?" Alfred tossed the paper behind him after balling it up and grabbed another. Hopefully this one was more interesting. "Francis….oh this will be fun!
F rench
R avishing
A rtistic
N ice is Nice!
C harming
I slam
S exy
Wait…Islam?" "Yes, it's the second largest religion in France." Francis said as though it was as well known a fact as the Superman symbol. "Wait a minute…didn't they bomb us?" Alfred asked, tearing the paper into shreds. "No you idiot….just shut up and read the next one." Arthur said in an annoyed tone. The American grumbled and grabbed the last paper, sitting down now as he looked it over. "Gilbert. Last but not least I see.
G I AM AWESOME
I AM AWESOME
L I AM AWESOME
B I AM AWESOME
E I AM AWESOME
R I AM AWESOME
T I AM AWESOME."
Alfred looked up at Gilbert and raised a brow. "Only one of these makes sense…the rest are completely and totally wro…." "DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG YOU AMERICAN PIG. I AM PRUSSIAN AND I AM AWESOME." Gilbert spoke out loudly against the American and stood up, slamming his hands against the table as he did so. Then, as though it had never happened, the former Prussian smirked and turned around. "I'm going to go find some vital regions to invade. Good afternoon everyone." Gilbert smiled coyly and walked out of the room with his hands behind his back, walking as cool as can be.
From that day forward, the members of the World Conference decided never to play the Name Game again.
So there you have it. I'm not gonna say anymore on the subject.