Like We Used To
Natsu had lost the love of his life to a guy he hardly knew. Now grappling with depression, the Dragon Slayer was now struggling to understand that things would never be the way they used to be. "I know I shouldn't have left. I know I messed up. I know I should've given you time to explain… but I couldn't and I can't bear to see you with him anymore. I guess now I'm paying the price." (NaLu and Sticy)
Af1-chan: Hey guys! This is my first one shot in a while. Although I am not really a Sticy supporter, I see an opportunity here, and therefore I shall jump on it. This is both a NaLu and Sticy fic, as told from Natsu's perspective, based on the song Like We Used To by A Rocket to the Moon.
Happy: Aye! Af1-chan doesn't own Fairy Tail, nor the song Like We Used To by A Rocket to the Moon. She does own a strong liking for both of those things though.
Af1-chan: In other news, I am really on an updating roll today! Who knows, if I stay up long enough I might update the last of my three stories, and maybe even publish another oneshot! A girl can dream, eh? If you've got time, please check out my profile to take the poll that's up there, or even read my other stories. I'd appreciate it.
Happy: Trust me, Af1-chan, they won't.
Af1-chan: …
Mirajane: Onto~ the story!
*Note: Flashbacks will be italicized (thoughts will too)(And please forgive grammar errors for now, because it's really late and I can barely keep my eyes open :p)
"Lucy…" I sighed aloud, looking up at the vast evening sky from under the biggest tree in South Gate Park.
She was always on my mind, an unrelenting, inescapable thought that chased me every time I closed my eyes, even if just to blink. No matter how many times I try to let it go, the memories always crept back into my brain, turning my happiness into pain, my wildest dreams into nightmares.
-.-.-
20 months ago
It was nearly pitch black in Lucy's bedroom. All was quiet, and nothing within 50 miles dared stir—except for Natsu Dragneel. He was completely awake, holding his beautiful blonde partner to his bare body (clad in his boxers, of course.) She was snoring softly, and he couldn't help but stare at her cute, sleeping face.
On this cold winter's night, Lucy had been glad to invite him to spend the night. After all, his excess amount of body heat would certainly keep her warm. Yet on this night, with Happy nowhere to be seen, an amazing thing happened. Natsu had confessed his love to her, and she had returned his feelings.
Although no serious physical interactions had occurred, Lucy had voluntarily let him sleep under the same covers as her for a change, and that was enough to make him happy. Just holding her tight and keeping her warm. That was the most he'd ever ask for—or at least at that moment.
-.-.-
I stood up and dusted myself off. I couldn't afford to let my memories drag me down. But I still couldn't help but wish to be lying beside her in that bed again instead of him.
"Oh Sting-kun, you're so funny." A voice I instantly recognized giggled.
Quickly, I jumped behind the large tree I had been resting under and watched the two who had managed to break my heart walk right past me.
"Oh really?" he smirked before swooping in to give her a long kiss on the lips.
I looked away in order to avoid beating Sting Eucliffe to a pulp. Of course Lucy herself didn't know I was there, but Sting did. He had the nose of a Dragon Slayer too, after all.
After what seemed like forever, Sting separated his lips from Lucy's and then pulled her into a long embrace. I could tell that Lucy was blushing furiously, even though her back was to me. Sting, however, was facing the tree I was hiding behind. He cast a look of feigned pity in my direction before letting her go.
"Come on, I'll take you somewhere special," he smiled, looking her in the eyes.
Lucy returned his smile, grabbed onto his arm and laid her head on his shoulder. I watched enviously as the two blondes walked down the sidewalk towards the busy Magnolia streets.
Why Lucy… I questioned internally, punching the damn tree I was cowering behind. She looked so happy. If only it were me instead of him…
Shaking away those thoughts, I threw some dirt on myself to mask my scent before following the two as I often ended up doing. They never noticed me, for I was a ninja in training, after all.
I watched from a distance as they went into the new, super fancy restaurant, Le Ai de la Amore, which was some strange, fanciful mixture of French and Japanese cuisine. Or at least I think it is. After all, I would have never just casually taken Lucy there, only for something special- like an anniversary!
Maybe that's my problem, maybe that's why we didn't work out. I thought, but quickly cast those thoughts from my head as a walked past the white walls outside the establishment to peer in the windows.
When we were together, I did everything for her. I was still me, Natsu, but I was also so different. I found myself watching cheesy shows and weird girl movies on the couch with her every Friday night, and listening to her talk twenty-four seven. I found myself attempting to serenade her (much to her embarrassment and my amusement), and listening to her favorite songs. If she was sad, I'd hold her until the pain went way; if she wanted to dance, I would try my best not to step on her feet. For partners, I had chosen her over Happy, for peat sake! I never pressured Lucy to do anything that she was uncomfortable with (sexually, anyways.) I wasn't constantly trying to get in her pants! She was both my girlfriend and my best friend!
But did Sting do any of that shit; I wanted to ask her as I peered into the restaurant window. I could see them enjoying some kind of dish that consisted of noodles, bread and frogs. If he knew anything, he would know Lucy hated frogs! Lucy was probably uncomfortable in there, no matter what her smile and beautiful, bright cinnamon eyes said.
So what if Sting had more class than me? So what if he had enough sense to put an umbrella over her head while it was raining, or not to laugh before checking to see if she was okay if a bottle hit her in the head at the guild? Maybe he had more sense than I did, but he could never be me.
After watching them laughed and talk for a good hour, I was relieved to find that they were finally leaving the restaurant. I quickly hid behind the marble walls in front of the restaurant in order to avoid being spotted. I hadn't talked to Lucy even once since that day, and for good reason. I certainly didn't want our first conversation to be about me stal- I mean ninja-ing around her date.
"Natsu?" I heard her say from behind me.
I looked up warily to find her peering at me from the other side of the wall. Shit, how I wished I could get Virgo to dig me a hole to hide in right now.
"Y-Yo Lucy." I stammered, trying to hide my embarrassment.
"How long has it been…?" She replied, a hint of sadness in her voice.
I looked away; I couldn't bear to see her eyes. "You know we both know how we felt about that night…" I mumbled, avoiding her question.
Before she could reply, I heard the bell above the door ring and knew instantly that it was Sting.
"Luce, what are you staring at?" He asked her.
This angered me greatly. I was the only one who could call her Luce! My body temperature began to rise involuntarily.
"Nothing." She replied, casting a small, sad smile down at me. She must've seen my anger.
"Alright then. Hows about we go to your place for an after dinner party?" He said flirtatiously. If I could see him, he probably would've added a stupid wink or an eyebrow waggle to it too, the shiny bright bastard.
Lucy said nothing as she retreated from the wall. Soon, they were walking down the street, back to her apartment. The place I could never return to.
The last time I had been there could be deemed the worst day of my entire life.
14 months and 7 days ago…
Natsu headed up the steps to Lucy's apartment, as happy as he could ever be. In his left hand, he held a black box made of velvet and roses in his right. Maybe they had only been together for six months, but symbolically, they had been together for years! That had to count for something, right?
He rapped lightly on the door, but was surprised to find that it had opened its own. Steeling his nerves, he walked into her apartment, recalling all of Happy and Wendy's advice. It was eerily quiet in her apartment, causing him mild concern. Stealthily, he made his way to the outside of her room. Inside, he could hear her sobbing as an unknown figure talked to her in a low voice.
He lit the hand that wasn't carrying the box ablaze, completely forgetting about the bouquet of roses he had bought, preparing to beat whoever was in there to a pulp. Until he listened in, that is…
"Oh Sting… I just don't know what to do anymore. He hadn't been home from his mission in a month, and when he got back earlier this week, he completely blew me off. Every day I've tried to talk to him… and everytime…." Her voice broke into sobs again.
Natsu unlit his fist and silently inched even closer to her bedroom. He hadn't meant to make her feel bad! He just didn't know how to face her again with that ring in his pocket.
"It's alright, Lucy." Natsu heard Sting say soothingly. "I know you're feeling bad right now, but you have to accept that he's probably trying to figure out how to tell you that it's over…" He put his hand on her shoulder, as if pitying her.
Lucy began to sob even harder, causing Natsu to crush the special box in his hand out of sheer rage. Realizing what he had done, he panicked briefly before deciding that he could just get another ring. Right now, what was important was making Lucy feel better.
He peered further into her bedroom, but he still remained out of sight, not wanting to be seen before then. Lucy's sobs began to subside as he drew closer.
"There, there, Sting knows what can make it all better."
"W-What?" She asked through her sobs.
"This."
And that's when Natsu saw something he never in his life thought he'd see.
Lucy. Kissed. Sting.
Or rather, Sting kissed Lucy. Either way, Natsu's heart was being torn to shreds right before his eyes.
At first Lucy was wide eyed and frozen in shock. Natsu was expecting her to push him off of her, to tell that blond bastard that she had a boyfriend who loved her. But she didn't. Her shock melted off as she proceeded to deepen the kiss and wrap her arms around his neck. Sting picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Sting backed her up against her room's window, as the two continued sucking at each other's faces.
Time moved slowly for Natsu. His right eye was twitching uncontrollably, and the poor, crushed black box in his hand? It became even more crushed, if that was possible.
Right before Natsu could see Sting disrobe himself, he decided to make his presence known.
"Ahem." He coughed, dropping the squished box to the ground.
Lucy pushed Sting away from her abruptly and said boy stumbled backwards to the ground. Unfazed by her actions, he gave Natsu a cheesy grin.
"N-Natsu…" Lucy stuttered, looking at the ground.
"Lucy, how could you do this to me…?" Natsu asked, expression unreadable. "I leave for a month… just a month… and this happens?" His breath was ragged out of anger. Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off. "When did you start talking to Sting, eh? He's not even in our fucking guild!"
"Na-"
"No!" He snapped. "N-No… Don't say anything. I can't believe you did this, Lucy. Has he saved your ass tons of times? Will he watch cheesy movies with you, will he put up with your shit Lucy? Will he ever truly be more right for you than me…?" His voice trailed off at the end as he looked at the shriveled up remnants of the black box on the ground.
"Natsu, please-" she began, but her words fell short as Natsu ran out of the apartment.
Fuck proposing. He thought, running down the street. As if the sky felt his sadness, the rain began pouring down hard on his head, hiding the tears streaming down his face. He saw his blue feline friend waiting for him at the end of the street with Carla and Wendy, but he didn't bother stopping. He ran all the way to his house in the forest, and he refused to leave for an entire week.
The sky seemed to want to aid in my depression, because before I knew it, it was pouring. I decided to take refuge under the biggest tree in South Gate Park again.
Wrong move, of course. The rain began laying into me harder and harder, and I couldn't help but remember the day right before I went out on that damned month long mission. We had kissed in the downpour, right under this tree. It was the sweetest kiss we had ever shared. Little did I know, it would be our last.
Suddenly, I felt heated liquid rushing down my face, and it took me a moment to register that I was crying. I slid my back down the tree and sunk into the ground in a depressed heap.
Lucy's laughing face appeared in front of me, as if mocking my absolute misery. I tried to shake it out of my mind, but it just wouldn't leave.
"Depressed, Natsu?" Her face asked me in curiosity. "That's not like you!"
"I know, Love," I replied, not caring that it wasn't really her. "I'm a sucker for this feeling… it happens all the time, Love, and I always end of feeling cheated…"
"But you're the one who left for so long, not me. Besides, I'm much happier without you!" It smirked, doing a dance around my head.
Realizing this was getting out of hand, I laid my head to rest on the rough bark of the tree. My imagination's harsh words had stuck, however, further worsening my gloom.
"You're on my mind, Love. Oh Darling, I know that I'm not needed. This happens all the time now, Love."
I stopped talking to myself to sit in the comfort of the rain. It was actually quite soothing to be honest. Just me and the liquids. I wonder where Happy is right now, I thought, beginning to doze off.
"Natsu?" Her voice asked, full of concern.
Just another hallucination. I assured myself, refusing to open my eyes.
"Natsu~?" Her voice repeated.
Dammit. If this keeps up, I may need serious psychological help.
"Natsu?!"
"What~? Can't you see I'm depressed, you evil hallucination? Just let me forget for one second, you wannabe Lucy bastard." I groaned, hoping that it would go away if I actually replied.
"I didn't know I could be a knock-off of myself…" The voice said in amusement.
Oh shit. I thought, opening my eyes to come face to face with the real Lucy. Just to be sure, I reached out and groped her boobs.
"N-Natsu!" She shrieked, backing away from me. "What the hell?!"
Yep. That was the real Lucy alright.
"I just had to make sure it was really you…" I mumbled sadly.
"THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO DO IT!" She yelled in outrage. "I have a-" she paused, probably realizing that I didn't want to hear that. "Anyways, can I join you?"
"Sure, why not?" I said, snorting my nose.
We sat in silence for a good five minutes before I got up the courage to say anything.
"So… The bright blond bastard actually know you're here, seeing me?" I asked.
She shot me a warning glance before answering, "No. As soon as we got to my apartment, he fell out on the couch sleep. It's kind of ridiculous." She laughed, but I didn't give her a laugh in return.
"What do you like about him?" I pressed, looking up at the dull, clouded, rainy sky.
"His smile, his personality, his down-to-earth-ness, the way he looks at me-"
"Your ass." I interrupted harshly. "The way he looks at your ass."
She punched me in the head harder than I thought she could, causing a big red bump to appear where she'd hit me.
"Gosh, you're rude. Then again, so is Sting… B-But I really do like him, though."
"If all that's true, then why are you here?" I continued, looking her dead in the face.
She looked down to the ground. "Honestly, I don't know." She replied. "You haven't been in the guild much. And we haven't even spoken much since then."
I let the silence befall us once more. I wanted to ask her, will he love you like I loved you? Will he tell you every day? Will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say? Instead, I opted to say nothing. She just seemed so happy with Sting.
"Natsu…" Lucy began, looking at me with soft, sorrowful eyes. "I'm sorry about what happened…"
"It's okay." I replied, giving her my best, most cheerful, bounce back grin. "I know I shouldn't have left for that mission. I know what I said was messed up. I should've given you time to explain…" I paused, taking in a deep breath before adding near inaudibly. "But I couldn't bear-and I can't bear—to see you with him for another second. I guess now I'm paying the price."
Fortunately for me, she didn't hear that last part. If anything, the fake grin I had gave her had cheered her up. We both knew that this wasn't right, that this wasn't how it was supposed to be… But we were both too chicken to say anything about it.
"Lucy!" I heard him call her. I stood up quickly, not wanting to get her in trouble.
"C-Coming, Sting-kun." She shouted before turning to walk away.
"Lucy…" I said, grabbing onto her hand. She looked at me all wide eyed and confused.
"Can you promise me if this one's right, you won't throw it all away?" I brought her into an embrace, fighting back my tears. The memories poured in, and I lost track of all sensible things to say. Instead, I just settled for, "Can you do all these things…? Will you do all these things? Like we used to…?"
I let her go. She looked at me in confusion and shock. Maybe she had expected me to say something along the lines of, "take me back," or, "let me love you again," or maybe my words had just simply shocked her. I guess it didn't really matter anymore. Sting called out to her again, and she turned her head to him. I needed to get away. Not wanting to hear her response, I jumped into the tree, and then jumped from that tree to another tree, and then to another tree, and then another until I was at my house.
I turned the knob on my front door and hastily made my way to my room, not bothering to see if Happy was home. I crawled into my bed and stared at my dusty ceiling, wishing for a do-over button that could put things back to the way they used to be. Memories of us flooded my head as always, but they were much harder to shake away than usual. The most prevalent memory was the one we had just made, our goodbye. If all went as planned, I would never see her again. (I was going to A. become a hermit or B. become like Mystogan.)
The most stand out part of the conversation we had just had were the words, "Like we used to."
-.-.-
"Like we used to, huh?" Lucy whispered over the snores of the White Dragon Slayer while staring up at her ceiling. Little did she know Natsu was thinking the same thing.
Af1-chan: Writing this made me sad I hope you enjoyed the story though. I tried to capture Natsu's character, even though he was kind of depressed. This is the most serious/sad/least comical story I've ever written, so it's kind of new for me. Please leave a review of your thoughts, and feel free to check out my other stories! It's like past freaking 2 in the morning, and I have to get up at 6 :( AHHHH! Oh well. This had to be posted tonight. With that, I bid you a good night.
Happy: Aye! Please review! Also, if you've never heard it, check out the song Like We Used To by A Rocket to the Moon, the inspiration behind this fic. It's good~!