Disclaimer: Just borrowing the characters…
A/N: Haven't written in a while. Pardon the rust. I am sure this ep will provide fodder for the masses for quite some time. I am just glad I finally care enough about the characters again to give it a whirl. Just a quick post-ep…
Set the day after 5.16.
Hoover Building
Booth's Office
Booth never thought that he would lie to her. In fact since he was a betting man, he would have been willing to wager his life that he never would. As he absently toyed with the poker chip in his pocket, he wondered if intent mattered. When he told her they could continue to work together, he had meant it. The pleading look in her eyes as she anxiously awaited his response was more than he could bear, so he said yes.
But now as he stared blankly at the case file in front of him, he knew he couldn't keep his word. The file was missing a few signatures and he needed Bones to translate some of the squintese before officially closing the case. But the thought of seeing her again and knowing that their partnership was all that would ever be between them was more than he could bear. Before, when the words hadn't been spoken, there was still the possibility…the hope…of something more. Now there was only her rejection of his heart ringing in his ears. He knew with time that the sting would lessen. He also knew that the same gambler that had risked everything last night would be on the lookout for signs that she realized she had made a mistake.
Although if he were honest with himself, he hadn't really thought last night was a gamble. After everything they had been through, he thought one of them just had to brave enough to say it first. But it hadn't been enough. Her fear of abandonment was alive and well. Everything he had done to show her that he wasn't going anywhere wasn't enough. And now to save himself, Booth had no choice but to prove her right.
Jeffersonian
Brennan's Office
The blinking cursor seemed to mock her as she stared at the computer screen willing the words to come. Though she would never admit it, she found writing somewhat cathartic. However, her mind kept repeating Booth's declaration over and over in her head. "I'm that guy. I know." His face when he finally accepted her answer was burned in her memory. Booth had helped her become better at reading people and what she read on his face was not something she had ever wanted to see, let alone be the cause of. He looked broken.
Before she could check the impulse, she asked him if they could continue to work together. His answer sounded resigned, but at the time she was just grateful that it was a yes. Now as she sat at her desk, she realized she may have forced it out of him. She knew he would never intentionally hurt her regardless of what it cost him.
"Brennan, I have the reconstruction you asked for. You are not going to believe…" Angela's voice trailed off as she realized Brennan wasn't listening. She sat down across from the desk and said quietly, "Bren, you ok?"
The interruption startled Brennan and she abruptly stood up. Upon seeing Angela, she sat back down again. "Sorry. Did you need something?"
"The reconstruction you asked for is ready. I thought you might want to see it, but it looks like you have something on your mind." Angela didn't press, knowing her friend would to talk to her when she was ready.
Without any warning, the words poured out of Brennan. "Last night Booth told me that he could love me for fifty years and kissed me. Actually, he kissed me first and then told me that he knew he could love me for fifty years. He said he wanted to give us a chance."
Angela could see the tension in Brennan and knew there was more to the story that that. She simply waited for her to continue.
Brennan had expected a barrage of questions, but her friend seemed content to let her say what she needed to say without any interruptions. "I told him we couldn't…that I couldn't. I'm a scientist. I can't change who I am." After a moment, she continued, "Angela, you should have seen his face. I hurt him." The pain she felt knowing that she had been the cause of his suffering was evident on her face.
Quietly, trying to keep the censure from her voice knowing it was the last thing Brennan needed to hear, Angela asked, "You said no?"
Brennan only nodded in response.
"But why? I don't understand. Booth told you he loves you. Am I missing something?" Angela had always known there was more to their relationship than either of them had been willing to admit, but she had definitely thought it was mutual.
"I can't give him what he wants. I can't predict what I'm going to feel in fifty years. It wouldn't be fair. And they wouldn't let us work…"
Before she could finish, Angela interrupted. "No. Don't chalk this up to rules and regulations. That isn't fair to Booth or to you. What you do here is important, but it doesn't outweigh the lifetime that he was offering you. If you don't want that, that is absolutely your decision. But don't hide behind your work." Her words seemed to strike Brennan with physical force. "Listen, I get that you're scared…" Brennan started to interject, but Angela silenced her with a look. "You can call it not being able to change or predict the future, but at the end of the day, you're scared of Booth leaving you. He's the most important person in your life and you expect him to disappoint you like everyone else has. But what's he done to deserve that?" She waited for an answer, but Brennan didn't look inclined to give her one. Her lips were pursed and she looked like shouldn't couldn't take much more. Angela decided this was probably the only chance she was going to have, so she continued. "Look, if you really don't feel the same way, well, frankly it would shock the hell out of me, but I would totally support you. I just want you to be sure that it's your heart talking and not your fear."
"My heart can't talk, Ang. That's the problem. Booth wants something I can't give him." Just saying the words seemed to take a toll on Brennan.
Leaning across the desk, Angela gently placed a hand on Brennan's arm. "He just wants you. He loves you. And not just today or tomorrow, but for the next fifty years." With a reassuring squeeze, she stood up to leave Brennan with her thoughts. As Angela turned, she saw Booth in the doorway griping a case file as if his life depended on it. He looked a bit worse for wear, but she was glad to see him. Knowing how difficult this must be for him, she gave him an encouraging smile as she left Brennan's office.
"Hey, Bones." The normal exuberance was missing from his usual greeting as he put the file down in front of her. Booth settled himself into Angela's recently vacated seat.
"Booth, I didn't expect to see you this morning." She eyed him with mild trepidation as though she wasn't sure what direction the conversation was going to take.
Seeing her anxiety annoyed him. He realized that it was petty, but he was the one who had taken a chance and been rejected. Brusquely he said, "I just need a few signatures and I'll get out of your way."
"You're not in my way, Booth." She started to open the file, but then decided against it. She stood up and moved from behind her desk. She placed her hand on his shoulder. He could feel her touch reverberating through his entire body. Unconsciously he tensed, but she felt it and quickly withdrew her hand. Standing next to him, she said, "I'm sorry about last night."
His disappointment and frustration seemed to well up within him and gave his words extra bite. "What are you apologizing for? Are you sorry for saying no? Or are you just sorry you let me make an ass of myself?" She flinched at his words and went to the sofa to sit down. Taking a deep breath, he went and joined her. "Look that was uncalled for. I just need some time. I thought I could do this, but…"
"But you can't? You said we could still work together." There was more sadness than accusation in her tone.
Unable to look her in the eyes, he stared the end of his tie. "I meant it when I said it, Bones. I did. I just can't right now."
"But…"
Before she could continue, he interrupted her. "Look I don't want to be that guy. That guy that leaves, but I can't be here right now. I know I said I was going to move on, but until I figure out how to do that, I can't be around you." The anguish on his face couldn't be denied.
Wanting to reassure him that she understood, she said, "Booth, I know you're not the guy that leaves. It's just not who you are." As she said the words, she seemed to realize their inherent truth. Booth was not going to leave her unless she forced him. Her decision to not take a chance on him was the only thing that could make him leave and it wasn't because he didn't care enough; it was because he cared too much. Almost to herself, she repeated the words. "It's just not who you are."
He sensed the shift in her right before he felt her lips on his. After that, they didn't need any more words.
