Dreams and Nightmares
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: Hank's dream helps him come to a realization.
A/N: Hey guys! This is my first Californication fic, which I have binge watching on Netflix. I'm one of those women who thinks Hank Moody is an asshole, but I really enjoy (and feel kind of bad) for his character. The idea came from one of his many dreams inspired by a song.
"Do you ever feel like we reached our peak?" Hank asked taking a drag of his cigarette.
"Peak of what?"
"Of us? Our whole… relationship?"
"I don't know. Do you?"
Hank took another drag and stared at Karen who lay beside him. He knew she wasn't real. Another figment of his alcohol and drug induced imagination. She looked beautiful, as always- almost angelic. Plus, for yet another reason she hated his fucking guts and refused to speak to him.
"I can't help but wonder if you've squeezed every ounce of good out of me. That nothing but darkness and fucked up shit exist in me now."
"You're a good father, Hank." He felt her drawing imaginary lines on the palm of his hand.
"No, I'm a present father. Doesn't mean that I'm good at it."
"Becca loves you," she said smiling.
"Because she's accepted that I'm a fuck up, not that I'm a good father," he said sighing.
"It's more than some girls can say about their fathers… I mean all the women you've fucked probably didn't admire their fathers very much," she said plucking his cigarette from his fingers and bringing it to her lips.
"Well, you admired yours, but I still seemed to be able to munch on your goodies."
His imaginary Karen blushed and giggled. He loved her giggle. It reminded him of when they first met. He automatically turned on his Hank charm. He just didn't expect if to feel different than any other woman he seduced.
"Hank, do you think that you hang on to what used to be… more than our present reality."
He closed his eyes, feeling his hand on her swollen belly as she laughed.
"I just want you, Karen. And Becca."
"There you go. Avoiding the truth as always."
"Hank," she said softly, "the more you keep trying to recreate the past. The more you hurt us. You need to let me go and move on. Becca and I aren't going anywhere. We'll always be in your life."
"Not if you get yourself a Prince Charming, and a Daddy Warbucks for Becca… I don't think I'm strong enough, Karen."
"Then maybe you can pump out one last book for Becca's inheritance before you go then," she said jokingly.
He stared at her. She was imaginary. His subconscious disguised as the only voice and person he would listen to.
He closed his eyes. When he opened them he knew she wouldn't be there. He would be alone… or lying next to another woman who managed to help him distract his pain. It wouldn't be Karen; the love of his life; his soulmate; the Madre of his bambino. Just another night, with another woman who meant nothing, with another dream telling him he needed to let go.
A/N: Hope you anyone out there enjoyed. Feel free to review!