Captain Falcon has always prided himself on having so many rabid fangirls and his ability to hook any lady he wants.

He's never been serious.

Not ever. Okay, a one-night stand is okay. Take a random fan into bed for a night, forget her the next day. Gorgeous lady? So what- they tackle you the moment you step out of a door. Sexy supermodels, Ms. Galaxy's, etc.? Same old, same old. Prissy princesses can't outrace nor outfight him- a girl's just a girl...

He's never been serious.

Women are just women, they're just there to cheer your name and throw themselves at your feet. Turn on the charm, flash them a smile, they swoon and faint- sure, Captain Falcon can have any girl he wants.

But then he meets Samus Aran... And no amount of flirting's going to get through that armor or hers.

And then, the princesses Zelda and Peach get involved to try to hook the two up. When the rest of the Smashers are aware of Falcon's little problem and the fact that Samus can shoot a man out of a window, bets are placed, and the world turns upside down.

"I don't get why you'd want a girlfriend. I mean, seriously. Fangirls are much better. You can just flash them a smile and they faint."

Link .finished sharpening his sword. Captain Falcon was sitting down nearby, jabbering his head off about all the ladies he'd met.

"Admirers are good. Worshippers are better. Now fangirls, you just need to step out of a door, and somehow they always see you! Of course it gets annoying after little while, but hey, I can't blame them. What girl can resist me-"

"Captain sir, Falcon, would you please SHUT UP?" Link restrained himself from hurling a boomerang, a bomb, and a few rocks at the cocky pilot.

But the racer merely tilted his head. "Jealous? Not my fault you don't have as many fans as I do."

Link restrained himself from grappling Falcon right there and tossing him to Netherland.

"Oo, jealous?"

The swordsman took a deep breath. "Let's put it this way. You're a ladies' man, Falcon, not a people person. And you are ANNOYING me. And I hope that we get paired up tomorrow so I can kick you all the way out of Corneria."

Falcon laughed. "You can't even touch me, let alone throw me."

"Yes, because whenever we step into the arena, the brainless ninnies screeching your name shatters my mind. Empty-heads are contagious, Falcon, you passed it on to them."

"You know, I don't think that there's any girl out there NOT screaming my name." He grinned.

Link said, "..."

"You know, you're right." He looked serious for a moment.

Oh no, the Apocolypse, Falcon's not talking about himself for one sentence-

"No girl is good enough for me, eh?" He struck a pose and laughed. "Only one that can beat me up and beat the Grand Prix with me in it."

"And such a girl..."

"Does not exist."

"Who are you paired with tomorrow? I can't wait to see you beat up by Jigglypuff."

"Like you did?"

Link flushed but said nothing. His silence was an essay enough, or in Falcon's case, an excuse to go on talking about himself.

"Once, I was hunting down a Class-A criminal, and they had me surrounded. You should have seen it- they had their weapons pointed at me. But guess what? Did they kill me? Maim me? Scratch me to try to lower my good looks?"

"I wish," Link shot back.

Falcon laughed. "No, so I says, 'Lower your guns, boys, or I'll take out every last one of you.' And they says, 'Haha, you're cornered, Falcon, quit bluffing.' So you know what happens?"

Link rolled his eyes. Just his luck that he happened to be in a three-mile radius of the cockiest egocentric idiot in the universe.

"I jump over them! And while I'm in the air, I fire, and I hita bunch. Then the rest shot each other. Seriously, they thought they could take me down? The Great Falcon?" He laughed loudly. "And here you are, getting tossed out of the stadium by a Jigglypuff! Don't worry, laddie, you'll be half as good as me someday."

Link was not amused. The Lame, Idiotic Falcon, he thought. "Who are you training against?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

The racer shrugged. "Some guy name Samus Aran. Ever heard of him?"

Link grinned inwardly. Not only had he heard of that personhe got kicked in the air, thrown up, corkscrewed (No you perverts, the Up+B attack), and lasered out of the stadium by Samus. Falcon, the chauvanstic dolt, was in for a nasty surprise. "Er, no, I haven't, why?"

Falcon shrugged. "Because I'm about to whip his ass clear off the stadium-"

"Sssh! No cussing!" Link was suddenly in a good mood. He would ask Fox McCloud what's-his-face to borrow his vee-dee-oh cammie what's-it's-face. This was going to be fun.

My sister and I play Super Smash Brothers (Nintendo 64) together a bunch.

I play Samus.

She plays Captain Falcon. They have a lot in common- obnoxious, egocentric, hot-air headed,loud, and not to mention that they start talking and won't shut up.

We make a good team and kick butt.

I like Captain Falcon and Samus Aran. Most people consider our racer friend a (see above description) and blah blah blah (read almost every other fic in the section), and I can't disagree, but after getting to know his real character in the F-Zero series, I began to like the guy. He's not as much a chanvaunistic idiot as he seems, okay, chauvanistic, but not so idiotic.

I like Captain Falcon, but I love Samus. She is one of those characters that just stick to you and won't let you go, like in TADN (for FFTA), Sandath and Eponine, and Gukko and Raven. Yup.

Oh yeah. I dedicate this story to my little sister, and one of the most insane, sleep-deprived, but most hilarious poems here-

Captain Falcon and his Female Counterpart

by Celena Kanzaki. I read it before I begin typing this story!

Anyways. Two bounty hunters. One silent, the other louder than a bullhorn. This is gonna be fun.