One Night, One Kid, One Problem
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.
"I really am sorry," Leliana apologized again as she, Morrigan, Reidin, and Trian made their way through the Diamond Quarter. "I didn't mean it."
Reidin sighed. This little return trip to Orzammar was really turning out to be more difficult than he'd thought it would be and now he had to figure out who he wanted to give the throne. Honestly, didn't the fact that Grey Wardens were supposed to be neutral and he was an exile mean anything to these people? Not that either would have stopped him if he had really cared about the result but he didn't and so was annoyed that he had to get involved. "It doesn't matter."
"You're still upset," Leliana pressed. "I can tell."
"Am I?" Reidin asked rhetorically.
"You just bought Morrigan a golden mirror," Leliana exclaimed as if that settled the matter and crossed her arms.
"Maybe it was just an expression of my appreciation that she didn't feel the need to ramble on about her job prospects as official 'tall shelf reacher,'" Reidin suggested sarcastically.
"I knew you were still mad," Leliana said triumphantly.
"Well, 'twas most insensitive," Morrigan spoke up, sounding as if she were enjoying this immensely. "Reidin is hardly helpless and so it stands to reason that those who raised him to be like would be the same."
"Thank you, Morrigan," Reidin turned and smiled at her. "Have I mentioned how beautiful you are today?"
Morrigan raised an eyebrow. "Just today?"
"Every day," Reidin corrected himself. "But I'm so overcome by your beauty right now that I just had to say something."
As Morrigan smirked, Leliana pouted. "Oh come on!" she protested. "I didn't mean it!"
"Your subconscious clearly did," Reidin sniffed.
"You!" a loud voice from behind them called out as they passed the Harrowmont estate.
Reidin turned around to see an angry blonde casteless woman storming towards him holding a baby. In his experience, that was never a good thing. "Me?" he asked innocently. "I swear I probably didn't do it and if I did I either had a very good reason or else I just thought it was funny."
"You got me pregnant and then left me destitute!" the woman accused.
Reidin winced. He'd been afraid that was what she was going to say. "Did I? Well…I'm sorry. I don't understand how this happened. Normally I use protection."
"You never use protection," Morrigan and Leliana countered at the same time and they glared at each other.
"Well now I don't," Reidin explained. "Being a Grey Warden is using protection as far as I'm concerned. I always used it before, though, so I'm really kind of confused about how I had a child. I assume that this is he?"
"It is," the woman nodded. "And you're a father because I was supposed to get pregnant! That was the whole point."
Reidin frowned. "Really? That's strange. But if you got what you wanted then what's the problem?"
"You…" the woman trailed off as realization set in. "You don't remember me, do you?"
"I don't, sorry," Reidin apologized, looking appropriately sheepish. "But I'm sure that the sex was fantastic."
"My name is Mardy," Mardy introduced. "And I'll admit that it was. You, Teli, and I were up for hours."
"A threesome, huh?" Reidin asked, intrigued. "I approve."
"Well keep in mind that I don't share," Morrigan warned, completely ignoring the fact that the former prince had yet to choose between her and the Orlesian bard-in-denial.
"Neither do I," Leliana quickly echoed the sentiments.
"Oh?" Reidin asked incredulously. "Then what do you call that one time at the Pearl with Isabela and Zevran?"
"I don't share with Morrigan," Leliana amended although her tone implied that she thought the distinction should have been obvious. "And that was a foursome anyway."
"Yes, because threesomes are ever so much wilder than foursomes," Reidin muttered.
"How do you not remember me?" Mardy demanded. "Do you go around sleeping with anything that moves or something?"
"Yes," Reidin answered immediately. Given that he was travelling with his two love interests and was strongly considering taking Zevran up on his offer of a massage, he thought that he might want to rephrase that. "Well…yes." Okay, so maybe it might be completely true. "I mean, I haven't gotten anywhere with Alistair yet but we all know that it's only a matter of time until I talk him into drinking enough…"
"I see," Mardy said uncertainly. "Well, I was one of the noble hunters whose services you engaged the night before your exile. Do you remember me now?"
Reidin thought back. "Not even slightly. Thought to be fair, that was a very trying time for me. I had just been fed to darkspawn by my own father because he didn't want a scandal – although he seems to have changes his mind about that – I just discovered that my little brother has no soul and…something else happened, didn't it? Just give me a minute…" Reidin was quiet for a moment as he thought back. "Oh, right. Trian died. It was very sad."
Trian gave a questioning bark.
"No, not you," Reidin clarified. "Don't worry. I meant my older brother Trian."
"You named your dog after Prince Trian?" Mardy couldn't believe it.
"I did at that," Reidin said, sounding pleased with himself. "I found him shortly after my exile and so it seemed appropriate. Partly, of course, to honor Trian's memory and partly because my brother was a prick who really screwed me over by dying like that and I knew that would piss him off."
"You have an…interesting family, Reidin," Leliana remarked diplomatically.
Reidin snorted. "Oh, you have no idea…"
"That seems like a perfectly reasonable thing to do to me," Morrigan declared.
"It would," Leliana murmured.
"When you got exiled your son became casteless!" Mardy burst out impatiently, annoyed that the conversation was getting sidetracked.
Reidin shrugged. "Sorry about that. But, you know, there was always a chance it would have happened anyway if the kid were a girl. So what's his name?"
"He doesn't have a name!" Mardy cried. "If I named him he'd be branded as a casteless."
"But didn't you say that he was already a casteless?" Reidin asked, feeling confused. Maybe he should have paid more attention when Gorim was trying to explain to him about noble hunters?
"Technically, yes," Mardy allowed. "But he wasn't casteless when he was conceived or I never would have slept with you."
"Hey!" Reidin cried, offended.
"Noble-hunter, remember?" Mardy reminded him. "I wasn't sure what to do because my son is an Aeducan but when I tried to explain that no one from your former House recognized me so they wouldn't hear me out." She paused. "Your brother called me a whore."
"Did he?" Reidin asked rhetorically. "Well, remember: he has no soul. I do wonder what he calls Rica then…"
"Who?" Mardy asked blankly.
Reidin shook his head. "Never mind. What do you expect me to do about it?"
"You're planning on crowing the new King, right? Have them accept my son – our son - into their House," Mardy entreated, sounding a little desperate.
"Leliana, can you remind me?" Reidin asked, turning to the red-headed Chantry girl. "I'll probably forget. I'd ask Morrigan but, well…she probably wouldn't care."
"I really don't," Morrigan confirmed.
"Of course, Reidin," Leliana promised warmly.
"Since I may never see you again – or at least not until the Blight is over – can we talk about what you plan on naming him?" Reidin inquired.
"I'll tell you what: you make my son an Aeducan or, I suppose, a Harrowmont and you can name him anything you want," Mardy offered.
"Great," Reidin beamed. "I'm actually tempted to name him Endrin so that there would be mass confusion since Bhelen named his son the same thing and they're around the same age. On the other hand, I haven't quite forgiven my father for being the only man in Orzammar who could have saved me but spectacularly failed to do so. Not to mention I wouldn't want to be seen as being unoriginal…"
"If Alistair were here, he would probably suggest you call him 'Duncan'," Morrigan informed them.
Reidin nodded. "True. Duncan did save my life and I'm grateful, don't get me wrong, but that is a ridiculous name for a dwarf."
"I agree," Morrigan replied, "but 'twas only precautionary to bring it up lest the fool show up to suggest it himself."
"Thank you for that, then," Reidin told her sincerely. "It was very helpful."
"Why won't yet let Alistair into Orzammar again?" Leliana wanted to know.
"They'll eat him alive," Reidin responded promptly. "And they'll insist on dealing with him as he's, shall we say, less familiar with the inner workings of the city than I am. And you might have lost Orzammar privileges for that remark about our inability to get a freaking ladder."
"You said you weren't mad!" Leliana exclaimed.
"It's not that I'm mad," Reidin claimed, "but if someone else heard you, their honor would demand that they cut off your legs."
"If you cannot choose your father's name but are aiming to name your son after someone then why not choose your brother?" Leliana suggested, pointedly ignoring what he said as for all she knew he was right.
Reidin stared at her in disbelief. "Did you somehow miss the part about Bhelen having no soul? I don't want to jinx my only child!"
"I think she means your other brother," Morrigan clarified.
"Trian?" Reidin looked skeptical. "I already named my dog after him. And given the fact that we pretty much hated each other, that's already better than he would have expected."
"Do you have any ideas, then?" Mardy inquired.
Reidin nodded. "Of course. Gorim."
"Gorim?" Leliana asked, puzzled. "That merchant from Denerim?"
"You mean after your second?" Mardy asked, somewhat more informed. "That's a beautiful name."
"Who else?" Reidin asked rhetorically. "He's one of the most awesome people I know, though I still don't get why in the world he got married so quickly. You'd think that would really cut into his plan to sleep his way across Ferelden. Or was that my plan?"
"One would think having a girlfriend would also cut into that," Morrigan hinted.
Reidin studiously pretended not to hear her. "So that's settled, then? I make our son an Aeducan or a Harrowmont and you name him Gorim?"
"That sounds about right," Mardy nodded. "In the meantime, is there any further assistance you can provide since settling the succession may take awhile and I'm still casteless and have an infant to provide for?"
"Child support, huh?" Reidin mused. "I've heard of that. It's supposed to be paid in installments until the child is old enough to support itself but Ancestors know I'll never remember so can I just give it to you all at once?"
"What do you have in mind?" Mardy asked shrewdly.
"A thousand sovereign?" Reidin offered, digging into his pack and pulling out three bulging bags of coins.
Mardy's eyes widened and she took the money. "You are too kind, my Lord. I am glad that you are owning up to your responsibilities, even if you totally forgot about us, and I will not rest until your son has a House."
As she took her leave, Morrigan frowned disapprovingly. "A thousand sovereign, really? We could have used that money."
"We'll get more," Reidin assured her.
"I always knew you were frivolous about money but you only paid three hundred sovereign to that man who crafted your sword," Morrigan continued.
"What, the Starfang? It was worth every sovereign and for him to have accepted any less would have been an insult," Reidin declared.
"You may never see this child again," Morrigan pointed out.
Reidin shrugged, unconcerned. "But now I won't have to worry about her bothering me for money in the future or my kid growing up, not having a soul, and killing me for not remembering to support him and his mother growing up."
"You have a very active imagination," Leliana noted.
Reidin snorted. "You think so? Remind me to never tell you about my mother's side of the family…"
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