Greetings. First, because I got such great feedback from my other stories, I decided to post this one. I started this story (in my head) months ago, but actually began writing it in February. It has been a joy to write, and I hope that you all like it too.
A couple of warnings though. 1. There is sadness, a lot of it, 2. It does have a happy ending , although within a few short chapters you won't believe me. I promise it does. This story takes place after Pandora/Linchpin. No secrets have been revealed. Given the genre, some reality must be suspended for this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following movies or books, but they did inspire this:
The Divine Comedy, The Shack, The Lovely Bones, What Dreams May Come.
I also do not own Castle. Never did. Never will.
Finally, A Thousand Years is by Christina Perri, not me. ok, enjoy!
Their second kiss happened after their disastrous case with the CIA. Between Castle's feelings of betrayal, and the seeds of doubt and jealousy brought about by Sophia, both were a bit raw with emotions. There was also the gleaming fact that they had both nearly lost their own lives, and each other, yet again. Call it fear and relief that, once again, one of them narrowly escaped death (he would die in the explosion and she would die without him). Regardless, the outcome was the same: two people, very much in love, giving into a moment of weakness and need.
Following a fantastic dinner prepared by Martha and Alexis, the four settled on the couch for a glass of wine and conversation. As Alexis sipped her diet coke she smiled softly at the detective, once again conveying her gratitude for having her dad safely returned to her. This girl has had a really rough year, Beckett thought to herself. Between the hostage situation, her breakup, Stanford and now experiencing the darkness in the world through an internship, Kate was amazed and impressed that she seemed to be doing so well. In many ways Alexis reminded her of herself, before her mother and minus the rebellious streak of course.
Soon Kate stood and made her way to return her glass to the kitchen. Alexis followed. "Detective Beckett?"Alexis softly and timidly spoke.
Beckett turned and smiled, "Please, call me Kate." The red-head smiled as well and relaxed a bit.
"I just wanted to say thank you again, for everything. I'm sorry that I've been a little cold over the past few months, and I never properly thanked you for all the times that my dad came home safe because of you."
"Alexis, you don't need to explain or apologize. You've been under an incredible amount of stress and besides, I didn't think you weren't rude at all. "
"Thanks Kate", she smiled "but I do need to apologize. After you were shot it freaked me out a bit. I was scared. I was scared for you, but I was also scared for my dad. The bank was not your fault and I still took my anger out on you. But working with you all now, seeing you two together, well….now I know that you're as devoted to him as he is to you…I'm thankful for that."
Blushing furiously, Beckett cleared her throat. She was at a complete loss for words at the girl's statement. Picking up on the discomfort, Alexis quickly moved in and hugged the detective. "Thanks again", she squeezed quickly before letting go. With another quick smile she was gone.
"Dad, I'm going to bed now. I've got an early day tomorrow because I want to get some reading in before I have to get to the lab." Rick smiled lovingly at his daughter "goodnight pumpkin" he kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand. He was relieved that she'd taken to the internship so well, even if it did mean that she had an all access pass to the drama between him and Beckett. I'm need to have a long talk with Lanie, he thought to himself.
"Well, I'm going to make my exit as well", Martha stated. "Kate darling, it was lovely to see you again. Please don't be such a stranger, we all love having you around."
"Thank you Martha", Beckett replied. "Have a good evening."
With a wink and a nod she was up the stairs, casually calling behind her "you two don't do anything I wouldn't do."
Laughing to himself, Rick shook his head…"That doesn't mean much does it?" Beckett simply smiled and joined him on the couch once again. There they sat in comfortable silence, both lost in their thoughts as they processed the last few days. Beckett, noticing a painting on the wall for the first time, broke the silence. "That painting is beautiful Castle. Is it new?"
"No", he replied. "It is quite old actually, but it was recently relocated from my room and placed out here. I'm glad you like it though."
Beckett stood and walked to the wall, she then took the details of the artwork in. On the canvas was a small white cottage with brown shutters and a brown roof. A warm glow emitted from the windows and smoke from the chimney. It reminded her of a Charles Kinkaid work, but at the same time not quite. In front of the cottage was a pathway, surrounded on both sides by a multitude of flowers with hues of bright reds and yellows, soft purples and blues, several shades of pink and pops of white throughout. To the side of the house was an archway, covered with greenery and interwoven with soft pink flowers. She was mesmerized. A stone path wound to the front door, which was a deep red color. The red door- she thought to herself, the red door is what makes this painting distinct from other paintings.
"Who is the artist?" she asked.
"I don't know. Nobody signed it and my mother had it while I was growing up. I'm not sure how she came by it, but it always brought me comfort and warmth." He smiled to himself as if remembering something long-since forgotten as he again contemplated the painting himself.
Beckett understood. She couldn't explain it, but she wanted to be there. She wanted to experience the warmth and comfort of that cabin, nestled in a meadow with countless hues of green. Something about the painting made her feel home.
"Alexis calls it Green Gables", Castle startled her out of her thoughts. She turned to him and smiled, recalling some of her own favorite childhood books.
"I can understand that. There is something very warm and welcoming about the painting", Beckett replied.
Rick smiled "I think it is the feeling of family. The warmth of being reminded of the people who love you."
Beckett sighed, "Maybe for some. For others, the warmth of family is a lost concept; it's nothing more than an ideal."
Rick looked at her sadly, aware of where her thoughts were. He stepped closer and linked his pinky finger with hers. To his surprise, she did not pull away. Taking this as encouragement he stepped closer and turned towards her. She hesitantly met his eyes and he gently caressed her face.
"That is true Kate. For some, love and family are lost. Not for you though." He took her chin and her eyes met his. Both caught their breath as the electricity between them became palpable. "You have people who love you Kate, and I think you know that."
He inched closer to her, thumb brushing against her cheek. They were within inches of each other now. Rick slid both hands to cup the back of her head and drew her in. He kissed her forehead. Then, ever so slowly, as to not frighten her, he moved to kiss her cheek, then the other. She watched him breathlessly, but said nothing. She could hear the fierce beating of her own heart as he trailed kisses down to her jaw, and when he reached the sweet spot on her neck, just behind her ear, he felt her shutter.
Kate pulled back abruptly and moved out of his reach in an attempt to flee. "I'd better get going; Lots of paperwork to get through tomorrow." With that Beckett walked to the door and grabbed her jacket, wanting to get away from both him and her treacherous emotions as soon as possible. She turned around to say goodbye and was startled. There he was, close enough that she could feel his warm breath on her face. Kate felt that familiar feeling of panic once again began to set in. Get out Kate! Get out now! Danger! You are not ready for this! No matter how in love she was with this man, she had promised herself to thoroughly work through her issues with Dr. Burke before pushing things forward with Castle.
Richard Castle recognized the expression on her face exactly for what it was. Beckett was on the verge of freaking out. His Kate was in fight or flight mode and this time he wasn't going to give her the option of choosing flight. No, she was going to stay and they were going to discuss this.
"Why are you running Kate? Aren't you tired of running?" She could feel her chest constrict and her voice trap in her throat as he whispered, "Why are you running from us?" He leaned in closer to her, noticing the flush in her cheeks, the increase in her breathing and the desire in her eyes. He whispered, his breath caressing her face and his fingers trailing up and down her neck "Why are you running from this Kate?" He leaned into her, hands holding either side of her face, and kissed her with intense passion, with all the desire he felt for the stubborn woman.
Kate trembled, responding to their kiss with all the longing she'd carried around over the years. Their kiss quickly deepened, as his tongue demanded entrance and her mouth granted it. She let out a moan as his hands made their way through her hair. As they came up for air castle looked into her eyes, searching her for some sort of absolution, a silent understanding that she wanted this as much as he did. That, he soon realized, was his mistake. With time to think came time to panic, with tears in her eyes and a tremble in her voice, "I can't. I'm not ready for this Rick." With that Kate was out the door.
Dammit, he thought to himself, catching his breath and running his fingers through his hair, she choose flight again. Castle went to bed that night with her taste on his lips and an ache in his heart; wondering just how far his actions had set them back this time.
Kate Beckett was tired, irritable and anxious. Why did I let that happen? She thought to herself. She knew that her running would hurt him, but she also knew that she was not emotionally ready to dive into a relationship with Castle; Soon, but not yet. While she'd admitted to herself, and to Dr. Burke, that she did love Richard Castle, that she was deeply in love with him, there was still emotional work to be done. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't hear his footsteps approach and did not notice him until a cup of coffee was set in front of her. Startled, she looked up to him and met his eyes. He smiled softly, and somewhat sadly.
"Kate" he began. "Can we please talk?"
"Over lunch Castle. I've got work to do now", she knew that her response was short and that it did nothing to ease ether one's anxiety. Coward, she thought to herself as she hid behind the job, behind the badge yet again.
Later that morning they were seated in their favorite booth, both lunch orders placed, Kate began to speak. "Look Castle, about last night…I'm not going to say that I regret it or that it was a mistake because it wasn't." He looked at her with joy and amazement. "However," she continued "It can't happen again for awhile." He gave her a questioning look. "I'm not sure I understand Kate."
" Do you remember that day on the swings? I told you that I wouldn't be ready to have the kind of relationship I wanted until this wall inside came down." He nodded to her.
"That wall is still there Castle. If I rushed into things with you physically, before I was ready emotionally, we wouldn't stand a chance. I want us to have a chance. Does that make sense?" He smiled sadly and nodded his head. "I understand Kate." He also understood what she was admitting and appreciated just how big a step this was in the right direction.
"I'm not saying never Rick. I'm just saying I need some more time, ok?"
"So do you want us to forget it happened then?" he asked somewhat apprehensively.
"I think that for now it would be best. I don't want to lose you as my partner. You mean too much to me."
He smiled softly at her, squeezing her hand "Partners then?" He asked. "Yes", she replied "partners." Both left the restaurant that day with an ache in their hearts and a hope for something more, hopefully sooner rather than later.
Kate sighed to herself as she replayed the memory through her mind. His response had done nothing but prove to her more that he was the love of her life. His patience and his willingness to wait for her was astounding. It motivated her to work harder on herself, to bring herself closer to being with him.