Pieces of Then

Dear Readers,

I place myself on the fanfic altar and beg forgiveness for abandoning this story. It has spent many months rolling around in my head. The journey I wanted the character to embark on still calling me but the actual content unimpressive and out of character and just all over the place. There was no way to completely salvage it. I was forced to sit down and rewrite, omitting entire parts and adding on others, until this story became something different and, I hope, better. The tone will, muse-willing, be more consistent now. The characters more true and yet still adult. The entire timeline should be clearer without the shifts in time that became such a sticking point for me before. I thank you for continuing on this journey with me and hope you will enjoy this tale.

As with all my fics-

Readers are powerful. Reviews are love.

Delysia

Chapter One: Reconnection

They ran into each other in a back street record store off the tourist track in NYC. Tommy didn't quite know why he was really there other than soaking up a culture was his thing even if obscure shopping and records weren't, and somehow he could never seem to manage that in areas where it was well lit and smoke free.

She was shifting through records, searching for something. He watched her for a split second, drinking her in. He thought she looked like sin in her black tank and dark denim skirt that flared at the hips and seemed impossibly short. His eyes automatically searched for a color that was no longer there and he didn't know why he felt a pain in his chest at its absence. Her hair was long and different- the color, highlights or something- he wasn't really sure. The only thought coming in clear was that she was so tiny. She couldn't be the same girl who battled putties and monsters, who won two gold medals, the reason he gave up cereal for an entire year. (It felt too odd to walk down the aisle and see her face on that stupid orange box.) It seemed impossible that all could fit into someone so petite. In his mind's eye, she was always a force to be reckoned with, a larger than life piece of his past.

"Kimberly?" Her name rolled off his tongue and she instinctively turned. He watched as her gaze sought his out.

"Tommy," she exhaled his name before her face split into that two-shades-short-of-goofy grin that he remembered from a lifetime ago, as if running into an ex that she hadn't laid eyes on in almost a decade was an everyday occurrence for her. It certainly wasn't for him but he found himself smiling back, as if her happiness was contagious.

"If it isn't my favorite brother..." she drawled.

His eyes darkened at the reference. A sting in that word that Tommy was pretty sure he should be over by then. At twenty-nine, he was no longer that same boy who loved her so deeply at sixteen.

"That was lame. Sorry," Kim chided herself and he mentally shook his head, wondering why she would bring up that now. She fidgeted a moment, pushing back her sunglasses to let them rest on top her head. "I just thought if I brought it up it wouldn't be, like, this big thing. Dumb, I know. Please, just forget I said that. Can we just start again?"

"Hi, Kim," he played along and she smiled in relief.

"Tommy, hey! It's good to see you." He watched as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, a funny feeling brewing deep inside of him at the familiar movement. Despite her attempt to bring in some levity to the situation, she appeared as tense as he felt.

Desperate to put them both at ease he spoke. Inwardly cringing as the words stumbled out of his mouth. "Your hair is different." She quirked an eyebrow at his observation. "I like it," he tacked on lamely.

"Thanks," she replied softly. Her left hand ran through the length of it, as if unsure of his comment. "I like yours too," she volleyed the compliment back at him, "and the glasses- very Clark Kent of you."

"Yeah."

They didn't leave right away; she had 'some vinyl' she wanted to buy. He surprised himself by not minding the wait. She spoke then, telling him how excited she was to get the records, something about Japanese imports he didn't really get. Tommy found it hard to concentrate on what she was saying. He knew it was rude, and wanted to listen, but there was something in the animation of her face, in her voice, that occupied his attention and made the actual content unimportant.

She seemed happy, which he enjoyed. He envied her too, and not just the contentment. Kim lived in a perpetual immediacy bubble, living so much in the moment that when you were with her you almost forget that yesterday ever existed and that tomorrow was inevitable.

Almost.

Seeing her now reminded him that he had never been able to abide with that for long, not when tomorrow held so much promise. His way was about existing for the next day because that was where the control was. The realism of once again being a civilian making it clear to him that tomorrow was now today, and that all of his future plans were dwindling away into Being Lived.

Kim steered him into a coffee shop next door where they sold coffee in chipped once-white cups off tables with plastic covers. It got quiet then. She didn't ask what he was doing in New York and he returned the favor by not asking what she was doing there – too insulting, too workmanlike small talk. He wanted to assume she had finally settled somewhere, which was probably a bigger leap of faith than hoped.

"So, what's new with you?" And Tommy could swear he could actually see her struggling to sit still, as if she still had too much energy and nothing to channel it into. She practically vibrated in her chair until the coffee arrived from the waitress and she had something to occupy her hands.

Nothing was new with him, which was the point. He was still Tommy and she was still Kimberly and they hadn't seen each other in almost a decade; hadn't been together, just them, in much longer.

"I got my PhD," he announced and he wondered what prompted him to say that. He was not his mother, who felt the need to mention it to everyone she met. It was not like he was trying to impress Kim. They knew each other too well for that. He thought perhaps he just wanted her to know that he had been okay without her. He didn't even try to figure out if that is a lie or not. "I am teaching science at Reefside High."

"I heard."

Of course, she had heard. They still occasionally ran in the same circles, even though the last time he saw her she was in the passenger's seat of Jason's rental, driving away after the tournament and Tommy couldn't even muster the courage to say goodbye or tell her off or ask her why. He shook his head slightly, wanting to clear the air of that gnat of a memory. He didn't like to think on that time- Jason and Kim kidnapped, watching them plummet into the lava below, and once rescued how they practically stayed within arm's reach of each other before eventually both leaving together. It had been such a mess and even now, Tommy wasn't certain on why watching them drive away together felt like a knife to the chest.

"I still don't know if I believe it." Her voice jolted him back to the present. She was grinning in that way that showed she was teasing. Back in the day, he would have sheepishly returned her smile; some good natured ribbing between friends. Now, he just wished she wouldn't. "You actually remembered to go to class?"

"Jason said the same thing. Is it really that hard to believe?"

"Kinda," she admitted. He smiled self-consciously, but looked away, unsurprised but not fine with it.

They sat for a moment and he watched the realization dawn on her face, guilt rising in her eyes. She was not malicious, just careless.

"Tommy... I'm-." She hesitated as the waitress stopped by to refill his cup. He already knew what she was going to say and he didn't want to hear it. He swore that he would just walk away if she started that shit.

"So what about you?" He knew it was incredibly rude not to let her finish but he didn't want to hear it, not anymore. He needed answers back then but not now. He knew she was sorry. She always was so sorry. And he knew a better friend, a better person, would let her get it out and then give her the absolution he could tell she craved.

But he couldn't.

He knew her. As soon as she said she was sorry, she would feel the need to fill in all the blanks, explain why it was for the best. She would list her reasons, her excuses, and in the end he would only hate her more for drudging it all up again because whatever her reasons were it didn't change who they were. That she went from being the love of his life to a girl he had once dated.

He was as over it as he would ever be. She would have to live without the heartfelt confession.

She opened her mouth as if to argue, and he mentally begged her to please, please just let it be. Her eyes warred with his for the briefest second; a spark that he had almost forgotten flaming in her eyes for a moment before it was quelled. She rolled over and let him have his way. "Not much."

It was a hollow victory, the girl he had known back then would have made him listen. It was a painful reminder that this woman was not his Kimberly. A decade between them and part of him still felt part of her was his, apparently he was wrong.

"Says the girl who had her dreams come true…" He felt the need to remind her that she should have been contended and happy. She was letting that mask slip.

"Not all of them." She didn't look at him as she said it, focused instead on stacking plastic coffee creamers. She didn't sound bitter, just like she was trying to be reasonable- he didn't want that. He needed her to be happy so he could walk away, one look that she was as misplaced and lost as he was and he knew, just knew, he would never leave.

"You won two gold medals," he pointed out.

"One of was for the team."

He waited a beat. Just hearing her discount it made anger seep from his skin. He, of all people, knew what those medals had cost. "And one you won on your own."

"Not on my own. I had a lot of help," she corrected before the corners of her lips turned up in a wistful smile. "That was pretty great. I wish you could have seen it."

He had but he didn't correct her on that point.

He had seen the Pan Global Games too, sitting in Rocky's basement sandwiched between Kat and Adam, and they cheered her on as she placed 6th. It had been awkward and yet not- it was back when they all still thought of each other as friends instead people they used to know.

By the time the Olympics rolled around, they were no longer rangers, no longer as close, (though Rocky did call to say he thought he spotted Jason with her as she walked in). It wasn't as if they were gathered as a group to support her. For the most part, he had watched the games in his dorm room on his crappy 20 inch Panasonic, while Haley tried to get him to concentrate on studying for his summer finals. He had been so proud of her when the team took first and then even more so when she scored an individual gold on beam. It was like a fulfilled promise, like confirmation he had done the right thing all those years ago- telling her to chase her dreams. Proof that he didn't give her up for nothing.

The night she won gold had been the last night he had been in touch with almost everyone at the same time. Aisha had left a screaming voicemail on his phone in which she announced, "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" as if Tommy hadn't always known that Kimberly was destined for greatness. They had more of less all talked that night. Rocky and Aisha taking turns to speak over each other, playing phone tag and 3-way calling with Adam, Kat, Zack, and Trini to go over every detail again and again as if Kimberly's victory was their own. She was the only one missing from the joyous calls (besides Billy but living on a new planet seemed a valid excuse). She was too swamped with press to actually be able to get to a phone. Jason was relaying messages to her and Tommy settled for passing his congratulations on through him, trying to ignore that stab of jealousy that he was actually by her side instead of watching it on a fuzzy screen.

It all felt so long ago now.

"Jase was about to kill me when I switched to a full twisting double-back dismount." She had an inner glow as she spoke, as if she could dissolve back into the memory and be that girl, Tommy envied that. "I hadn't landed it clean once in practice. Instead of saying congratulations he actually yelled at me. Told me I was lucky I didn't break my neck. Can you believe that?"

"Umm..." He didn't know what to say to that. There were churning feelings inside him, as if his viscera were itchy and restless. Hadn't even known what it was at first, but that seed of doubt planted years ago, during the whole mess with Divatox, sprouted a bit- a ghost of a question he would never dare put into words.

"He was lucky I didn't kill him. And he wondered why I didn't want to take him with me on the expo tour. I should have told him to go back to Houston."

"Houston?" Tommy sifted though bits and pieces of her story, trying to puzzle it all together.

"Olympic team training with Bella." She didn't seem to notice the question in his eyes. "I don't think I ever worked so hard in my life, not even as ranger and that's saying something."

Of course, Jason went to support her after the fiasco with the gold powers. There was nothing to be said. Jason and Kimberly has been friends long before he came to Angel Grove but part of Tommy felt it was disloyal to him the way they had been seemingly fine without him. "So have you heard, I mean, is Jason here?" He hated himself for asking.

"In New York?" Kim's tone was incredulous. "No. I think he is in California. Last time I saw him was in Atlanta but that was like eight months ago. I haven't really talked to him since."

Relief seemed to wash over Tommy. He had been hunched forward as she spoke, one hand on his knee and the other gripping his coffee cup, giving him something to cling to if she had confirmed his fears. But now he leaned back, one leg stretched out with his back slumped in an insouciant sprawl. The tip of his scruffy little boy Adidas touched her calf. "Yeah, he crashed on my couch for a week a few months back; said something about heading up to San Francisco to see Trini. I figured he might be back on the east coast by now though."

"Nope." Her tone was clipped.

"He doesn't seem to ever stay in one place for very long..."

Jason was always on the move, living in a place for a year or so, sometimes less, sometimes more, before going on to somewhere else. Tommy could barely keep up with it all and always had the vague impression that Kimberly was with him. He had no proof, no real reason to assume anything. Jason would always come unattached and alone and crash at his place for a week or more with seemingly nothing to get back to. Still there were the stories, the ones Jason would tell as they grilled out with a few beers. Kim was never in any of them, not once, but occasionally Jase would let slip a 'she' where previously his traveling companion in the tale had been a 'he'.

Tommy knew it was a weak case at best, and part of him thought that he had just wanted her to be roaming like Jason, because the alternative, that she had somehow settled down and carved out her own life without him was gut wrenching.

She drained the last of her coffee and he was very aware that her leg was leaning in against the tip of his shoe. "I never really was good at that whole settling down thing myself. I have been only in New York for three months. I thought it was time to try that whole starving musician thing."

He found himself smiling without really knowing why. "I'd give it six months until you have a platinum album."

"Doubt it. I am stuck living on a steady Ramen diet and lucky that I have a former teammate that doesn't mind me staying at her place." For a split second Tommy wracked his brain about who could be in New York before he realized she meant gymnastics. That was her team now. Time had its way on all of them. "Still it's good. I have some steady gigs and it's just nice to perform. I missed that."

"I'd love to see you." And there it was, crossing his lips in a needy rush, ripping the band aid off quickly and exposing himself. He was supposed to just leave, that was the plan- a quick cup of coffee and walk away from her like she had from him.

"Seriously?" The light dancing in her eyes that reminded Tommy of something akin to hope; his pulse quickening at her response.

"Yeah. I've never seen you really perform much. I have a paleontology conference this week but my nights are free." He didn't know why he offered that much information, too much really but the idea of waiting another ten years for fate to throw her back in his path did not appeal.

"You're on, Dr. Oliver." Her hand snaked out and for a moment he thought she meant to shake his, as if confirming a dare. He fumbled forward, hand half extended when he realized she had not reached for him but his cell phone. Rapidly, she punched in her contact info before sliding it back to him.

Kimberly Hart the display read. As if there would ever be another Kim in his world.

"If you are free on Tuesday night, I am playing at the Blue Devil on West 66th. No biggie, just covers but you might enjoy it. I know it's not exactly Nine Inch Nails but I always did say you needed to broaden your musical horizons."

His chest thumped as she spoke, the impact of her words settling upon him slowly, like a rising sun. She remembered. She remembered his stupid teen music choices that always drove her just a little bit nuts. In his mind, he had always justified that what teen infatuation he felt for her was not returned in equal measure. That was the heart of the letter; that was the root of it all, explanations be damned. The fact that he was not as forgotten as he first thought was warming. "Says the girl that loved Spice Girls."

"It was the 90's. Everyone loved Spice Girls. Girl power, baby."

They chatted for a few more moments about awful music which segued into awful movies before the waitress finally wised up about the fact that neither of them was going to ever order anything besides coffee and set the check in front of them.

Tommy placed the cash on the table signaling time was up. To be honest, he hadn't planned on staying on as late as they had. It was almost four. The day had practically vanished and Kimberly had to get ready to work, apparently waitressing at the same club she would be playing at later in the week. It wasn't fitting of her talents in his opinion, Tommy mused, before he clamped down on that thought. He wasn't really in a place to make such statements but the feeling lingered.

They stood, making their way out of the cool café into the dying heat of summer. For a moment they awkwardly waited, the sidewalk hot beneath the thinning soles of his shoes before she leaned into him. Whispering how good it was to see him, her breath warm in his ear, before she hugged him. His arms inelegantly mimicked her actions, wrapping around her petite frame, his throat going tight, a lump of nostalgia forming that he could not swallow.

Kimberly.

He had missed this. Missed her.

Well, not really missed. He had relegated her to such a tiny box in the back corner of his mind that he couldn't claim to have longed for this, or for her, or for any dreams of a future with her, in so long. He had refused such thoughts refugee in his head years ago, instead focusing any feelings of wistfulness on Kat.

He had loved Kat, in his own way he had. It just didn't work. She didn't drive him to distraction. She didn't cause him to think about kissing her and strangling her in the same second, didn't make him want to pull his hair out. There wasn't that fire. They lacked that push and pull that Tommy always found so alluring. They had tried, tried for far too long. The truth was they just didn't work.

Tommy still talked with her and over the years the tender reminiscence he had always associated with Kat grew into a more real friendship and one with her husband as well. Tommy had recently been an ear to one half of the couple or the other as they struggled with fertility treatments, happily settled in London but desperate to have their own family. Those conversations had always left Tommy mindful of his own lack of spouse or even a steady girlfriend, in which to build a family with and spent time fantasizing about really settling down. Still, even in those daydreams where he was settled and raising children, Kim never appeared.

Kimberly was firmly pushed aside in his mind and then like a bolt out of the blue there she was. And somehow she was back in his arms, so tiny that he marveled at her, such a strong powerful woman in such a small body.

He had forgotten this- forgotten that impossible feeling of being both completely at peace and yet enflamed that was always a byproduct of holding Kimberly. He breathed her in, reluctant to let go. Pulling back, only to feel her reach up, stretching herself as tall as she could to quickly brush her lips against his cheek as if she were second guessing herself as she did it. Tommy closed his eyes at the sensation, committing the moment to a long neglected part of his memory that had just been newly awaken, before breaking apart.

There was a moment of embarrassment as she pulled away that harked back to first dates and sweat palms before he moved to hail a cab and she turned to head for the subway.

"Call me," she demanded, walking backwards to face him as he opened the cab door.

"Like you would give me a choice," he shouted after her.

"I'm holding you to that, Oliver. See you on Tuesday?" she asked.

"It's a date." And the last thing he saw as the cab pulled away was her smile.

That image played in his mind's eye as he collapsed into the back seat of the yellow cab, giving the driver the address of his hotel. Tommy felt completely drained and yet oddly alive, zoning out on the traffic passing by.

Kimberly Hart. In New York. A city of eight million people and somehow fate had deemed it fit to throw the one girl who he never mended fully from back into his world.

And here he making plans to call her, no- see her later. What insanity was he courting?

Clearly, he had lost his sense. She had bewitched him. That had to be it. He made a date with Kimberly Hart, a date. It was one thing to run into an ex, to indulge in a quick cup of coffee and catch up in the brightness of a summer day. It was another to make plans to meet up later when seeing her brought up a swell of long dormant emotions. And so help him, seeing Kimberly brought every memory to the forefront; a sick slide-show of the best and worst moments of his youth. It was all so intertwined, his feelings about her, about the letter, how she represented the best moments of his life, his own personal fairytale, and how she broke him to the harsh realities of the world. Love and hate were too close to distinguish from the other.

He played over the events of the day, still slightly dazed from the encounter.

She looked good. Who was he kidding? She was gorgeous. But attraction had never been the issue. Chemistry was probably their best subject. He wondered if she felt it too. That snap, crackle, and pop when they were together; that heat that had lead him to many a cold shower in high school. Not completely squashed after all, still simmering somewhere beneath the years and distance.

Chemistry they had but it didn't mend the damage done.

Their problem came from that poorly written letter, splotched and messy and mean. And maybe that wasn't the real problem. The real issue, whatever it had been at the time, had since mutated into a sense of betrayal on his side and left him, not quiet jaded, but stripped of innocent belief in love and its ability to endure all things.

Still… there was something about the destiny-esque quality of their meeting that Tommy could not quiet quash.

The cab stopped and he paid his fare, plus a generous tip. He made his way through the hotel, and up the elevator, his mind distracted by thoughts of a certain brunette. Once in his room, he threw himself down on the single queen bed with a groan. What was he doing?

Like a hundred times before, he found himself reaching out to the one person who had always been there for him. Someone could hopefully sort some sense into a day that felt too surreal to be true.

"Hi, Tom. Enjoying New York?"

Hayley's voice coming through his cell phone immediately eased some of the tension that had been building in his gut since he first spotted Kim in that record shop. "Hey, Hayley. Yeah. New York's good. It's been umm... interesting."

"What's wrong?" Hayley cut through the pleasantries, the stress evident in his voice. "Some tyrannodrones attack the conference?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Good. Because as much as I know you miss suiting up, I am pretty sure the kids are enjoying being civilians again and I kind of enjoy not having to save your butt."

Tommy found himself smiling in spite of himself. "No butt saving. I just- I just need some advice."

"So you need me to tell you how to save your own butt?"

"Basically."

"Okay." There was a quick scrap of metal against the floor, and a rustle as Hayley settled herself in for whatever misadventure had befallen Tommy now. "Spill."

Tommy took a deep breath before diving in, describing his shock at seeing Kim in New York of all places, the record store, the conversation in the coffee shop, the hug, finishing with the invitation to go see her sing that he wasn't sure was the smartest thing, but he had already told her that he was coming. Clearly he could not back out and by the way what should he even wear because he had not planned for any of this and- "so what do you think?"

"Run," was Hayley's advice.

"No. Seriously, what should I do?" Tommy asked in earnest.

"Run," she replied. "You know I am the last person to tell you to stand someone up but don't go. Don't do it."

"She gave me her number," he sighed, hating to even suggest cancelling but Hayley had never steered him wrong before. She was his rock, his best friend, the one person he could count on during all the upheavals in his life. "I guess I could call her and explain about being too busy with the conference."

"No!" Tommy could hear the huff of frustration in Hayley's tone. "Don't call her. Don't see her. Just don't. Erase her number."

"But-"

"No but. I was there during the Sydney games. You nearly tanked your summer finals because you were too busy focusing on what she was doing and she had dumped you how long ago?"

Tommy protested, "I wasn't that bad."

"Yes, you were. I am telling you, Tommy, as your friend, that you need to stay away from her. I am not about to be pulled into that mess that is a depressed Tommy Oliver again. I lived through the cereal ban of 2000, when I had to do all of your shopping because her picture would send you into a funk. I am not doing it again," Hayley warned him.

"That was years ago. I am completely over Kim now."

There was a pause and then came a soft reply. "Then why are we having this conversation?"

She had him there. If Kim hadn't mattered, if all this was really just spending a little time with a former teammate, he wouldn't have needed to call. The conflict was because, god he had forgotten how much he missed her until she was right in front of him and he could hear voice and reach out and touch her. But it couldn't lead anywhere. It really couldn't. She was in New York, he was in California for starters, plus a million other reasons that his head was screaming to listen to Hayley.

"You know me," Hayley continued. "I'm not looking into settle old scores or holding a grudge because of a few extra trips to the grocery store. I just don't want you hurt and this Kimberly girl? I don't know her. I am sure she is very nice but she hurt you before. Don't forget that."

Tommy sighed, pinching his eyes shut, his left hand rubbing over his weary face. "I know, Hayley. I know." And he did know, somewhere deep down he knew why he spent years not allowing Kim to even cross his mind except as a fleeting thought. Because every time it did, every time he really thought of her- it ached.

Ten years apart and there was still something there, something intangible without a name. The race of his pulse when Kim was near, the way her smile was so contagious causing his face to break into a grin, the way his stomach felt unbearably tight with nerves.

Part of Tommy rationalized that he owed it to himself to finally get some closure; more than a decade spent with too many questions, too many what ifs. He needed to understand, to really know. Hadn't that made things more bearable with Kat? The fact he knew without a doubt the how's and when's and whys they didn't work. That if he went, all he was going for was closure but Tommy knew that was nothing but a hollow excuse.

The simple truth was he just wanted to see Kim again. Just be near her and feel that rush that had been absent from his life for far too long but Hayley was right. It would be lunacy to put himself back in Kimberly's path.

"You're right," he sighed.

"I don't want to be," she offered apologetically.

"I know."

But Hayley was right, seeing Kimberly again would only end badly.

To Be Continued…